try as he might, he's unable to speak.
"Look, Xiao Che! The stars are quite beautiful, aru. I do love my country, but the sky is so polluted there that the stars haven't been seen in several decades. It brings back such nostalgia."
He couldn't bring himself to reply, couldn't find anything to say to his "older brother's" comments. He had always been quiet, retreating into his little shell at times when he felt uncomfortable, and this was definitely one of those times.
He knew China meant well, by suggesting that they go and stargaze- "like old times, aru." he had said. "like when you were young. We used to sit outside on the steps and watch for shooting stars, and you were so serious even then. You could see the stars in China then, you know, and it was beautiful. Do you remember?"
He remembered it all too well.
But despite his "brother's" good intentions, it wasn't the same. Things were irreparable by now, the damage he had caused was unable to be healed completely. And he didn't regret it, the things he had done. He didn't regret being independent. He didn't regret growing up. He didn't regret becoming the person he was today. He didn't regret betraying his older brother. And he knew if he had to, he would make the same choice, all over again.
This he was sure of, but somehow, still, thinking of the wide, angry scar across Yao's back, he felt ashamed.
The nostalgia was overwhelming, sweeping him away, to where he was drowning in memories. And there had been good times, but now the good times hurt to remember. With one decision, he had poisoned every good thing left between him and his brother. Like a cancer, like a disease, spreading everywhere, spreading death, infecting every good and happy thing it touched.
Did he regret it? No.
But was he lonely-
That he could not answer. He was Japan, and he would not allow the disciplined exterior to fall. Not if he could help it.
"Xiao Che?"
The voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He could barely think, let alone speak.
"Do you remember, aru?"
Yes, he did.

he grabs her by the hair, he strokes her on the cheek.
The heat of the summer was sweltering, almost unbearable. But China had won the game of Monopoly, despite the odds- how ridiculous was that, a communist winning a board game about a capitalistic economy?- and whoever had lost, they had agreed, had to do some chore for the other. And China's flowerbeds needed weeding, so that was that.
The peonies were beautiful, he had to admit- Yao obviously cared for the flowers constantly, judging from how well they were growing. But it was just so hot. A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead, and he wiped it away, irritated. At the sun, at Yao, at himself for losing to the other man. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.
But he was not going to go back on his promise and admit himself beaten.
He heard the door open, faintly, somewhere in the back of his mind- the main thing he was concerned with at the moment being that he was a bit dizzy. The flowers looked like they were swirling, had they been doing that before?
"Xiao Che, are you out here aru? You didn't come in to lunch, I've been looking all over for you and- oh, no, are you alright?"
Noting vaguely the tones of panic in the other's voice, he stumbled toward the sound, tripping and being caught by familiar arms. It was like when he was young, almost- he felt like a child, Yao attempting to lift him over his shoulder and finally succeeding after a few tries.
Everything came into focus after a little while inside the house, and after drinking a good deal of water. He looked up with eyes still slightly bleary, at the young chinese man in front of him, looking upset. "Xiao Kiku, what on earth were you doing aru?"
He shrugged. "You won the bet, correct? So I was weeding your flower garden."
There was silence for a moment. Startled, he looked up to see Yao looking a mix of upset and angry, and a tiny bit amused as well. "What? What's so funny?"
"You.. you idiot, aru! What do you think you were doing? When I said weed the flower garden, I didn't mean right away, on the hottest day of summer! And gave yourself heat stroke- stupid, stupid stupid- do you even know how worried I was for a moment there?"
He didn't reply, just sat there for a minute and then leaned forward, hugging the other around the neck. His fingers twisted with China's long and smooth hair, his other hand brushing Yao's cheek before dropping to his lap as he just sat and leaned against the other in an awkward hug. "Sorry, then." His grip slackened, and China barely caught him before he hit the floor.
He wasn't quite sure if he heard correctly- he was passing out from heat stroke, after all- but as Yao managed to carry him over to a nearby couch and set him down there, he could have sworn he heard someone mutter in chinese, "如果這是你的行為當你有中暑, 也許我應該贏得的賭注跟你更頻繁。"

Yes, he remembers a great deal of things.
Some of them from when he was younger, some from when he was older. Some just snatches of memory-

the bed is unmade, like everything is
He hadn't liked cleaning as a child, and despite Yao's insistence on chores, he'd avoided them as much as possible. Yao didn't like it, certainly, but he didn't do much about it- he tended to be indulgent towards Kiku, and that wasn't a problem in his opinion.
So when he didn't make his bed as usual, and China stormed downstairs, looking upset, to find him doodling on a sheet of paper, it came as a surprise.
"What's wrong, Yao-san?"
The chinaman looked like he wasn't sure whether to yell or cry. "Why didn't you clean your room and make the bed like I asked, aru?"
He wasn't sure why he was being asked that- the answer was fairly obvious as far as he could see. "I don't enjoy cleaning. I don't see why it matters, really."
He certainly didn't expect the man to sink to the floor and put his head in his hands, trying not to cry. "…What's the matter?"
"對不起,

不起, I shouldn't be this upset- it.. it's just, you never follow my instructions anymore, you always disobey what I say.. is it my fault, aru? Am I doing a bad job as a parent? Please, just ignore this, I shouldn't be breaking down in front of you.. I've just had a bad day.."
That was the first sign of discord between them, and everything started to slowly come undone over time.
But Japan always made his bed after that.

dark little heaven at the top of the stairs
When China couldn't find his favorite plush Hello Kitty doll, he had enlisted Kiku to help look for it in the attic, nearly in a panic. It had been a special present long ago, and he felt uneasy without it- and therefore wasn't very good at searching in his upset state, tearing around the attic wildly instead. Japan was more careful, and ignored the state of his friend, looking through each cardboard box one by one.
It didn't take him very long to find the missing object. "Yao-san, is this what you have been searching for?"
China's eyes widened. "Xiao Che, you found it- xiexie, xiexie!" He snatched the doll from his hands and then unexpectedly brushed aside Kiku's bangs and kissed him on the forehead. "I'll owe you for this, thank you so much!" With that, he stood and left the room, humming cheerfully.
Kiku hadn't budged from his seat on an empty box. It took him quite awhile to stand up and follow the other down the stairs.

take me like that, ruin it all
Things didn't always last very long. And eventually, there was fighting between the two of them almost daily.
The most memorable of these being when he and Yao had gotten in a disagreement over ethics, and it had escalated.
"You see, this is what's wrong with you now. You used to be a powerful empire, now you're just weak. If you have power and land, you should use it. You should become stronger. That's the whole point."
"I'll thank you not to talk to me like that. Since when do you decide what I do?" Yao had replied angrily.
Kiku hadn't gotten angry, naturally. He never did. His face was cold and devoid of emotion. "Because you're weak. You don't inspire respect, Yao-san."
"And again, who are you to say? Don't act like you know everything!"
And Kiku had shoved the chinese man up against the wall, realizing with a shock that he had become taller than the other- when had that happened?- and pinned his wrists up above his head.
"Honda! Let me go aru! This is unreasonable-"
"I told you, you're weak. You can't oppose anyone. How ridiculous is that?" And though he'd meant to just shake him up and walk away, he wanted to prove his superiority even more, to humiliate the person who was supposed to know everything. And so he leaned in and roughly kissed the other man, surprising even himself.
To his surprise, Yao didn't struggle. Nor did he react in any way. And when Kiku suddenly felt the guilt settle in and quickly pulled back, the other's face was red with anger and humiliation, eyes shocked and half-full of tears. He had definitely overdone it.
In an unexpected display of sudden strength, Yao twisted his hands free and shoved Kiku away from him, not seeming to realize Japan's face was as guilty as his was upset.
"Sometimes I think I don't even know you anymore."

then build it again by the light in the hall
He remembered everything far too clearly, and it wasn't good for him to be remembering the past like this.

"Xiao Che..? Do you remember"
"Yes. I remember." He paused for a moment. "..Yao?"
"What is it, aru?"
He had been planning to say some cheerful little memory, push away the nostalgia and melancholy, but apparently his mind wasn't going to let him do that. And then he was reaching out without realizing what he was doing, and his fingertips were touching Yao's face.
"K-kiku? What are you-"
He wasn't sure what he was doing either, but- Yao's reaction had surprised him more than anything. "…You just called me Kiku. Since when do you do that?"
"..I- I usually.. I don't know aru, but-"
"You usually call me Xiao Che, or Xiao Riben, maybe Xiao Kiku. Various childish, condescending terms. Honda, if you're upset with me. You either address me as a child, or formally- but since when do you.."
The two faced each other in silence for a moment, and he can't remember exactly how it happened, but then they were kissing.

one more night, that was a good one
one more night, I dreamed it was a good one.

he starts with her back, because that's what he sees
This wasn't what he had expected to happen, no.
In the dim moonlight flooding the room, he could see Kiku had an odd expression on his face- regret, he would say, but why? He glanced over his shoulder to see what the man was looking at, and then realized his half-unbuttoned shirt was sliding off one shoulder, and the end of the long, wide scar across his back could be seen. Ah. "It's not like you, of all people, don't know what happened aru."
"..Yes. I know."
"It's all in the past now, isn't it? Nothing to be done."
Kiku nodded, and then, his face unreadable, bent down to kiss him, fingertips lightly touching the puckered scar on his back.

when she's breaking his heart, she still fucks like a tease
The stars were probably still beautiful, but they weren't going to be looking at them tonight.

release to the sky, look him straight in the eye
Kiku didn't leave right away, but stayed and lay there with his arms wrapped around Yao, and he was grateful for that. They could have a little more time, at least. He wasn't sure how much more time together could be expected, before Japan would leave him.
Again.

and tell him right now that you wish he would die
"Kiku?"
"What is it?"
"You'll be gone when I wake up.. won't you, aru?"
He didn't get a reply, just another soft kiss, breathing in the scent of cherry blossoms- sweet and perfumed, almost too strong.
The kiss tasted like salt, and that was when he realized tears were rolling down his cheeks.

you'll never touch him again, so get what you can
He would probably regret this, come morning, but when, after a little while of lying there, being embraced in silence, he felt Kiku's lips touch the scar on his back again, he didn't resist.

leaving him empty just because he's a man
Japan fell asleep before he did, and Yao struggled to stay awake, fighting blinking, heavy eyelids- because if he fell asleep, when he woke, he didn't know what he would do if the other wasn't there anymore. Because he would be alone, and the thought- he had been alone so much, so many times had people left him.
He had lived for too long, and experienced too much sorrow for more- empires crumbling around him, only his ability to continue on had kept him going. He hadn't lost faith in his ability to cope, so far. But if he woke up and Kiku was gone-
But try as he might, listening to the other's quiet breathing and out, eventually he drifted off to sleep.

so good when it ends, they'll never be friends
Yao woke up to bright sunlight, the faint sound of birds chirping outside the window, and no one else in the room.

one more night, that's all they can spend
The rumpled white shirt smelled like cherry blossoms.
He drew it on hesitantly, not bothering to button the shirt up but simply sat on the floor and clutched the fabric, wrapping his arms around himself. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine..
But it wasn't.
It was too big for him, he noted in the back of his mind. It was almost noon already, and he had a meeting for lunch at 12:30. He really should get up and get going, or he was going to be late. But he couldn't bring himself to do that.
He'll be back, that cruel part of his mind that liked to hope for things whispered. For his shirt. He wouldn't have left it here if he didn't intend to return.
"But if he does.." his voice sounded too loud in the empty room. He swallowed and continued. "If he does, it won't make a difference."
They had both lived for so long, was change even possible?

His figure looked small in the large, empty room. Dark hair spilling untidily onto his shoulders, curled into a tiny ball, wrapped in a too-big shirt.
And there was no flock of magpies to bridge the gap between them now.

—

"xiao che" means little car, because "honda kiku", and honda is a kind of car.. yup. "xiao riben" means little japan.

that part at the end is a reference to the legend of the qixi festival.

oh and yes tenses switch a lot, that's intentional. china is indeed male in this, but the girl in the song refers to him because yeah. if you didn't realize, the first half is japan's pov and the second half is china's.

eep, I rarely write things like this, but my friend and I were talking about japan/china. and I said that this song reminded me of them (it's called one more night, by stars, in case you were curious) and I kind of wanted to write a songfic for them. so I did. I do think the song fits them well, as sad as it is.