Poison

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts…

A/N: This is an odd story, I'll be completely honest. I just thought of it in class the other day, and I think I must have been half asleep. Really, it's all about Riku and his darkness, although there is also hints of a Sora and Riku romance, cuz their just too hot together. So if you don't like slashes, why are you reading this? Hm, well, enjoy my obviously disturbed mind, ha, and feel free to leave a comment…

Your tears are my poison as they run down your face.

One after another, endless like the sky, falling from your eyes to this pitiful earth that we must be bound to, this place of desolation where the light is fading fast, each tear a part of the light that is slipping away streaking down your face. I tell you to hold on, I tell you that things will get better, but you keep on shedding the light, keep on sending it away and poisoning me, poisoning my darkness.

Because you know, don't you? You know as well as I that my words are a lie.

Nothing has been right between us for so long, and I'm surprised your not screaming at me, I'm surprised your not hating me for my darkness, I'm surprised that you're even standing here, on the brink of everything, with me at all. I want to hold you, kiss you, but your tears, that soundless poison, holds me back.

Things aren't right; you know that more than I.

While you aren't screaming at me, while you aren't leaving me, your tears are enough. Enough to let me see what I have always been so afraid of, enough to let me sink further into the dark as your tears make streaks down your face.

You don't want me to know, but I know; I see it in your fading light, in your eyes, darkening skies—you hate me now.

And how can I blame you when I hate myself?

I begin to fall back even though I'm just stepping away from you, and you can't see it. You can not physically see me falling into the embrace of darkness, you can not see my tears that will not appear on my own face, my own poison. You only see me retreating, face stoic, eyes blank—what I've always wanted you to see.

So why would you—how could you—see through my façade now?

A step back, a barely visible shudder, more tears falling, poisoning me, this monster who had betrayed you for such a petty thing, a princess's already taken heart…

But what you'll never know is that I never did it for her; how could I do it for her when I have you with me, always?

How could I do it for her when…When it is you who have already taken my heart?

My biggest secret of all; you have taken my heart of darkness. And why would you want it?

That's exactly my point; you wouldn't. So I've hid it for years, my longing for you, until that too, like your tears, poisoned my very heart and it took every dark fiber of me not to just take you as mine. My best friend, my lover, the key to my heart…

But you can't know this, and it has only ever destroyed me; I will never let it destroy you too.

Your eyes are watching me, brimmed with poison and I shudder again, take another step back. To the edge of the cliff, to the precipice of insanity. Light was in front of me, and I could see it in you dying in my tainted darkness; I had to go before it was too late.

One step, two steps, three…

You try to follow me but you are hesitant, eyes widening and then narrowing, puzzled then hurt then dying again. You can only whisper my name in your hurt confusion, and it takes all my willpower not to remember.

"Riku…"

No. No, I can't remember. Not now and with my wish, not ever. The darkness had no name; it was always simply there, lurking under your bed, turned in the shadow of your heart. It was in the beat following your sweet heart, trailing behind you light but never catching up to it.

Never catching up to it… Funny, I had always beaten you before and you had always caught up to me with time. But now I was the one that could not catch up to you.

The irony leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but then again when can darkness taste? When can darkness see tear filled blue eyes staring up at it, read the emotions they held?

Stupid; you were always so good at just expressing your emotions, as transparent as the light.

Just as I, with my inability to express anything, was as emotionless and hidden as the darkness.

Another step back, right at the edge. You take another step forward with me but it is not enough; I can see in your tears, in the light that reflects, that this may be it, that you can not find it in you, he with all the light, to forgive me, to bring me back.

And why would you?

Betrayal is a web that traps us in this moment, pushing me back and you tentatively forward. You never did understand, but I never expected you too; you never saw the sparks of love and pain that had spread like a wildfire through my heart, leaving everything in rubble, the trees turned to ash.

Everything is burning, I say, your light is burning.

But you can never hear me, can you?

"Riku, I…

Yes, try to find the words that aren't there, words that what I have become have erased. Am I how you remember me or as how you remembered me a fake?

I was never sure on anything before, and I had always been drifting, drifting, somewhere in the balance. But you…Without even meaning to you threw my balance off, knocked me off the cliff I had been standing on for so damn long and opened my eyes, always through the blindfold, to what I truly was.

Undeserving of you, aren't I? Undeserving of your light falling for me, undeserving of your light eyes even upon mine.

I can see you through the blindfold, but you're barely there; a figment of my mind now? Have you already left…?

I wish you had.

"Riku, please don't fall back…"

You're lying; you have to be, it's only right. It's the rules, after all. Light and dark are not meant to be standing here together, you and I are not meant to be. I had accepted that as soon as the blaze had started, and saw all my ruined perceptions in the ash that remained.

You're my best friend, you had always said. And now I could whisper back but for how long?

And you can never give me an answer because it has already come, and you are standing in front of me.

Fall back Riku, the darkness is purring inside of me, and I can not ignore it now; not when I am so damn exposed from your poisoned eyes. Fall back and let him go again.

It's not like you could call me back if I did, it's not like you can ever find me if you did.

You are staring now, directly at the blindfold. I stare back through it, the shadow of darkness separating us as I know now it always has. I can see your lips move, a single tear of light fall, but I can not hear you. Maybe it's the darkness smothering me again or maybe it's something else. I can not know anymore.

When you reach out a shaking hand to touch my arm I tense, and the darkness reverts with my shock, a silent earthquake. Your hand is now covered in darkness, you understand; you understand that your risking yourself by touching me.

But you…You do not remove your hand, do you? The warm appendage is a shock in itself, so hot against my cold skin so still. So still that I start to wonder whether or not you meant to touch me.

Your lips are moving again, and I try to understand but know that I cannot. We speak another language now, don't we? Dark and light…

You seem to be saying the name that I have shunned but I can never be sure, your hand distracting me, your warmth startling me as you step closer.

And all I can stare at is your light filled eyes, poisoning me with the look within them. The sparks, the light…

I want to reach up to catch a falling light tear, but I am suddenly so very frozen and realize it to be…fear. The darkness should not fear, I knew, but with your eyes on me I could not look away, could not force the feeling back into the hiding shadows…

I don't know if you could even see it on my face, but your eyes do change. Going from a dark blue to an even lighter blue, stunning me. Could you contain anymore light…?

The darkness hissed at me when I wondered if I could ever possibly find out. I had to reject that idea, I knew. I knew but I couldn't know, not when you were stepping closer, eyes seeming to sear into mine even through the cover of the darkness, the blindfold.

Step closer, I urge, and regret it when you do. You're staring up at me, your warm hand sliding up my arm, my shoulder, a thrill that is torturing me more and more and more as the darkness tries to pull me back and your damnable touch pulls me closer.

And I can almost see myself, for a moment, reflected in the light of your tears.

"Riku…"

Stop saying that, I want to shout; stop saying that name as though it still exists, stop staring at me as though you see me, as though you still know me.

I have to step away from you, I must get away. You're poisoning this darkness, don't you see? You're the one wearing the blindfold, aren't you…?

You're getting closer; I can tell, your eyes getting bigger in my distorted line of sight. I exhale as you inhale, I inhale as you exhale. And it as is though I can taste you, as though suddenly, I am you.

And it scares me, the darkness roars inside of me, a dull hollow sound. I know that something is coming as you start to lean up towards me, the heat of your light tears scalding me without you even knowing. The closer and closer you get the harder it is to step away, look back, remember anything at all…

Especially when in your endless blue eyes—those tears of poison—I can see only my reflection, what remains of me at least, bright and clear as though I am looking in a mirror.

And perhaps…Perhaps I am looking in a mirror after all. You had always known me the best, had always seen me as what you thought had been real—the light Riku, your best friend. I see his silver hair now, his pale skin, the familiar curve of his jaw, his lips but his eyes…

His eyes are missing, closed, wrapped beneath a sheet of darkness that he can not see out of but I can. Riku and I, me and Riku… Which one do you want to see? I can no longer tell the two apart…

But you say his name and it's my body that reacts, something inside of me twitching. I want to loathe you for the feeling, want to shove you away like I always do just to stop the feelings your blue eyes bring upon me but I am still so damn frozen, nearly petrified as you get closer and closer, your warm breath like life on my lips as you whisper, so perfectly, suddenly so loudly and clearly what I suddenly know you've been wanting me to hear in all those silent words, wanted me to see in your large reflecting eyes.

"Riku, come back to me."

You. Him. My best friend, the boy I had so foolishly forsaken for darkness. I inhaled as your lips at long last met mine, and I could not work up the feeling of confusion, could not push you away; not anymore, not when your light tears were splattering on me, your lips tasting of them—so salty, so sweet—against my own.

And I can see again. You press closer and I begin to feel again, your lips so simple and clean against mine that I was cracking, nearly splitting in two from the overload of it all, the splitting of the seas of darkness that had constantly shifted within me.

Your poisonous tears, the droplets of light stung me over and over again, your lips the path that I had so wretchedly sought for so long, that twisting staircase that would lead me back to the name you wanted, the boy you wanted back more than anything. The boy, me…Riku…

A click resounded inside of me as you pulled away only to kiss me deeper, your lips so slick against mine, the softest feeling, the guiding hand that was lifting me up and up and up without even realizing it, my body unhinging itself from what felt like an eternal rest.

And as my arms wrapped around you almost carelessly, as I pressed back into you with all of my darkness, suddenly so unable to resist, you never once shuddered, never once pulled away; it was as though you never even noticed at all.

The final barrier that separated us, two boys on opposite ends of the spectrum, came away as your warm, guiding hand ripped away the cover of my darkness, and the poison that you produced to burn me, to save me, washed over me in waves like the ocean we had both forgotten, times that did not seem to exist at all anymore.

And I could only blink, look at you and see all of you and nearly die, because suddenly you were so damn beautiful, full of so much light that I suddenly realized, no longer blind, that maybe the light you held could be for me too.

Maybe, as you kissed me again with your lips pulled up in an ecstatic smile, you could put your light inside me; fill the hollow recesses of my heart with all that you are, please, please, and never let the darkness reappear to take me again, let me drink from your poison and curse myself as I pull you closer, closer, to a barely beating heart, let you rest against me, let you believe that I am alive when I am still only half.

Only you can give me life, only you; but maybe you knew this all along, and maybe I am just the one who was always the fool. After all, I wore the blindfold, didn't I? And you, with your light eyes…

You saw it all from the beginning, didn't you? I wanted to ask, but I was too busy holding you, clinging to you—my source of salvation, the salvation I knew I didn't deserve. Push me away only to hold me closer, please. Leave me only to come back. This was wrong but then, when had I done anything right? Just hold me and whatever lies behind the clouds in the next day, in the other realms…It all was a little later on.

Just you hold me, Sora, and we'll not be best friends, we won't be long lost lovers but we'll just be the light and the dark combined, the grey area the worlds have forgotten about. And we'll spread this, the poison of your tears; throughout it all until all is eclipsed.

All but you and me and the pieces that are left of us Sora, aligned and connected through poison, through the webs of light and darkness trailing around us both to weave us together, press our lips into one more kiss of life, breath in lacerating details that stung as much as it cured. Keep breathing as I keep bleeding, keep crying your poison to save me as I keep the darkness from eating you up into ashes, like everything else.

Your tears are my poison, and your poison is my salvation. So keep crying love until the day breaks and I myself turn to ash. Until I turn to the shadows, turn from your lips and that silent name is whispered away from under a blindfold retied as I watch you, silently, and titter over the edge, the feel of your poisoned lips still on mine, with only a final breath following me down.

And in the dismal darkness I can no longer, see you, hear you, and if I had any eyes left I would have cried your poisonous tears, and the darkness would at least get out of me somehow. But I was falling farther away from you, into a place I did not even know but had to go into, if not to just stop this, stop this all. Your voice, repeating over and over and over again… The person I could never be again…

"Riku."

And the poison of your tears ate me alive.

So, are you wondering what the hell yet? Yeah, I was too, ha. Let me know what you truly think, though try to be sensitive if its bad—I mean, come on, I was half asleep, ha!