Note: Hello, if you are new to me as a writer, let me start off with saying that while my stuff is of good quality, I'll completely disappoint you with infrequent updates. I'm pretty busy irl and writing, especially fanfiction, is something I only do when I'm in the mood to. While I appreciate anyone reading my material, expecting anything more than an update every 1-4 months is pointless (looking at you "update pls" readers).

This is a storyline I've had sitting around since 2013. It will contain no sexual material whatsoever. I've decided to give it an M rating mainly because of the sensitive age difference prevalent throughout parts of this story. While scenes involving a minor are depicted in a romantic light, it will be one-sided and explored through a lens of naivete and someone coping with abandonment. Any real romantic interests expressed are between consenting adults, fyi.

Thanks for reading.

"Summer will always be for you and you alone."

It was the gentle sweep of fingers across his damp cheek, the soft crooning of bittersweet last words into his hair, and the smell of wildflowers and cigarettes wafting through the summer air that marked the night Lovino last saw his dear city of Palencia.

"Hush, hush now Lovi," Antonio whispered, his voice was rough in the hollow of his throat in a way Lovino had never heard before. It was upsetting. "The world is not ending, not today."

"Maybe not for you, but what about for me?" Antonio pulled back, he could see he was running out of empty words of comfort. Lovino was so young, only fourteen at the time. A boy a little awkward with eyes too angry for a child, it didn't suit him, it never had. "Don't you care?"

And those words, they stung like salt in a fresh wound. "Of course I care."

"Then why are you doing this to me?!" Lovino's voice was rising in decibels, his small fists were curled up ready to strike and he pulled violently out of Antonio's grip. "You're just like the rest of them, I don't understand, what is so wrong with me that nobody wants me around?!"

Antonio could no longer sit quietly and pretend he couldn't see what was happening. He had been young once too and he understood, love happened unexpectedly and there were times when it didn't make sense. Young love was especially beautiful and he wouldn't want to take that away from anyone, but being the object of a teenage boy's affections was something he couldn't ignore. The last thing he wanted was for Lovino to be hurt, Antonio loved him too much to break his heart like that. Maybe one day Lovino could forgive him for his abandonment, maybe not. Either way, he wanted to do right by him. "There's nothing wrong with you," Antonio whispered, his hands relinquishing back to his sides. "You'll be better off with your brother, not me."

"I don't want my brother! I want you, I was happy here! It's my choice, I want to stay. Dammit, let me stay!"

"You can't. You have to go."

Lovino opened his mouth to say something but a fleeting realization behind his eyes stopped him and he sucked in whatever words he would have spilt. Those honey flushed eyes rolled to the side, holding onto the tears that had yet to sink down his face and he pulled his bag back up to his thin shoulder. "I'll never come back, not even if you beg me to."

"I know you won't."

"I..." Lovino bit at his pout, and he dared a glance into the soft eyes of the man before him. "I hate you," his shoulders hunched and he took to a steady pace back around the building. His train to Vienna would be leaving soon.

The small unimportant but entirely unavoidable truth of summer was that it always brought this conversation back into his mind. Lovino had become a nocturnal creature in his twentieth year, plagued with thoughts of yesteryear that kept him wide awake long after the moon reached her highest point in the sky. And even though he tried to make them go away, not a night would pass where he wouldn't be woken up by a bitter memory.

It had been six long years since he last saw his city. Sometimes he wondered if any of that had been real. Sometimes it felt like he'd only been there in dreams. Back then, with him. It seemed too good to be anything other than fiction.

Lovino sat up in bed, he didn't know how much longer he could do this. His stomach hurt with these miserable pains, his chest pulled and ached in ways he thought he would have been accustomed to by now, so why wasn't he? Six long years he'd endured this, why was it still so difficult to understand? He pulled a box of matches from his bedside table and took a cigarette out from a small tarnished bowl beside his lamp. The wood floor was cold beneath his bare feet but he paid no attention as he crossed the room towards the open window. With an irritated flourish he lit his cigarette and threw the shaken match out into the courtyard.

Antonio. Antonio. Antonio.

That man seemed to be all Lovino could think of, especially this season. What was it that struck him so hard about this one person? It was true that at one point Lovino had thought very highly of the Spaniard, but since the day Antonio chose to send him away, like nearly every person cursed to enter Lovino's life would, he had become just another dog eared page in a growing book of people who had only managed to disappoint Lovino. So why keep holding onto the past like he was? And more importantly, he pondered as he took a slow drag, how was he ever going to get a full night's rest again?

To his left, in the bed that was closest to the wall, his brother slept with his mouth open and his arm carelessly thrown across his eyes. Feliciano had always been a heavy sleeper, which was the initial spark to an idea that had been sitting in the back of his mind for nearly three years now.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep that pushed him to act in such a way, but no matter, he took his cigarette, still loose between his lips and sat down at the desk across the room. He pulled a piece of paper from between two books and grabbed a pen and as it hovered over the wrinkled paper he realized he had no idea what to write. What do you say to someone who you had last told you hated? His pen drooped and he angrily put his cigarette out on the paper, what a stupid idea this had been.

And it left his main problem completely unsolved. No sleep would be had, ever again it seemed. And it hardly seemed fair. A small growl of frustration left Lovino's lips and he brushed away his cigarette, not minding the burn that had settled into the center of the paper. He fixed the pen over the paper and scrawled out in his worst handwriting,

I can't sleep anymore and it's all your fault. The least you could do is write me and let me know you're still alive. I'm not worried or anything but it would be nice to know you hadn't died in my absence. I still don't like you.

Not that it mattered to him or anything, but it seemed a fitting enough invitation to send to someone after a six year long absence. Or maybe not, he had never done this kind of thing before. But if it meant he'd be able to sleep again then this kind of obvious insight into his feelings would be a sacrifice worth making. And really, he was getting tired of being so tired.

The force of Lovino's yawn made his eyes water, and he tiredly wiped them away. His eyes began to droop and a small breath left his mouth like he was going to be lulled to sleep by the effects of the lazy afternoon drifting over the veranda.

Or so he would have liked to imagine until the splitting sound of a voice permanently set into falsetto called out to him from across the way. "Brother? Please, where are you?" Bleary eyed, Lovino looked up from beneath his lashes with a sharp frown on his face. He could see Feliciano looking back and forth over the courtyard, looking somewhat desperate to find his brother. Without answering, Lovino shrunk back down into his knees in hopes Feliciano would start looking elsewhere. Of course, being a grown man, he was a little more obvious than he thought. "Ah, Lovi! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"What is it?" Lovino grunted back.

"Mr. Edelstein wants us to go into the city today, he's made us a list."

"I don't feel like it." Childishly, Lovino turned away from his brother in his chair, closing his eyes and resting his head against his knees. "Can't you go without me?"

Slightly dispirited, Feliciano slunk back and frowned. "Don't you think it would be good for you to go? You haven't left the house in a while..."

"Because I haven't felt like leaving the stupid house!" He snapped back. Lovino's eyes shot wide open when the door behind him suddenly opened and the house keeper himself stood in the archway.

"Lovino, go with your brother, the exercise will be good for you." Roderich, the tall aristocratic man who owned the estate, crossed his arms as if it weren't a suggestion but rather an outright demand.

"Are you calling me fat?" Lovino asked nastily as he took a stand. "Not to mention, I'm too old to be bossed around like this you know."

Roderich looked unmoved. "Well, that may be true," he said crisply. "But Feliciano is still seventeen, and I know you don't like him going into the city by himself, you said so yourself-"

"Okay, I get it!" Lovino waved off the man's words and turned towards his brother with a sigh. If Feliciano knew Lovino had once mentioned he worried when his younger brother went off on his own he'd never hear the end of it. "Are we walking?"

"Oh, well I was thinking we'd take the bicycles out today," when Lovino didn't look impressed, Feliciano warmed him with a smile. "I even cleaned yours already, since you know, you haven't used it in a while."

"Just shut up," he breathed out. Lovino clambered down the steps and began walking towards the shop room on the other side of the house, "are you coming or what?" He didn't even have to turn around to know Feliciano was already running to keep up with him. This was going to be a tiresome day, he could already tell.

Vienna was a nice city, Lovino had always thought so. It was no Palencia, by far, but still it was comfortable enough to call home. The Edelstein estate was seated right on the edge of the city so technically they weren't within Vienna but the ride over only lasted about seven minutes, so it really didn't make much of a difference. It was all the same. The summer weather was warm, but not so much that his shirt would be sticking to his skin by the time they arrived at the store, and that too made him appreciate the city. "Mr. Edelstein gave me a few extra notes so that we could buy something for ourselves." Feliciano chimed in from beside him as they drifted into the center of the deserted street.

"I need an envelope then, we need to stop by the post office."

"Who are you sending a letter to?"

"No one." Lovino wasn't in a bad mood, the easy currents of the summer's breeze were much too relaxing for him to be annoyed or irritated by anything, and because of that, his words came out sounding more regretful than he had intended. Feliciano stared but quickly regained himself, understanding he shouldn't question further. But that didn't stop him from risking a small worried glance every few minutes, hoping Lovino wouldn't notice.

The older brother lowered his eyes, sinking into a familiar feeling, a mixture of embarrassment and insecurity. A small part of him hoped that this letter would be the trigger to opening the flood gates. That in his short casual words, Antonio would understand that a small part of Lovino was willing to allow him to slowly edge back into his life. But at the same time, Lovino knew that over the course of the last six years Antonio had not once tried to contact him. Maybe, as much as he didn't want to admit it, that meant that Antonio wasn't interested in him any longer. They might have had a lot of history together, but that's really all it was in perspective, just history.

Lovino took a deep breath and shook out his hair, he didn't need this now. Keep it simple, he reminded himself. Send the letter, if he replies, then okay. If he doesn't, then that's okay too and all it means is that Antonio was a bastard, like Lovino always had known he was. Nothing lost. "Feli?"

Feliciano pedaled a little harder, catching up to drift in towards Lovino's side. "Yeah?"

"How about a game of soccer when we get back? Loser does the laundry." Feliciano beamed, any bit of worry he had was now receding, of course Lovino was fine.

"Alright! But first person to the store gets first kick!" Feliciano pushed against his pedals, standing up against his bike he took off past Lovino.

"Hey! That's not fair, you damn cheater!" Lovino laughed and kicked off, trailing behind his brother, almost forgetting that there was even something to be bothered by.

"Do you even wear half of these?!" Lovino snapped, cradling an armful of wrinkled clothes he had picked up from the floor. He took a shirt from the top of the pile, sniffed it and then threw it as hard as he could at his brother's back. "That one's clean you idiot!"

"I wore it yesterday!" Feliciano whined back, slipping the shirt from his head. "Remember when I cleaned the floors, Mr. Edelstein made me put a shirt on!"

"That was for like twenty minutes, fold it, I'm not washing that one!" Feliciano looked down at his shirt before slowly folding it and placing it on his bed.

"I can help you know," Lovino shook his head.

"You can help me fold them, I said I'd do it." Before Feliciano could reply, Lovino was already leaving the room with all their clothes in his arms. Feliciano sighed, took his folded shirt from the bed and replaced it in the drawer. He looked around the room, it wasn't as clean as it could have been which meant that it was only a matter of time before Roderich saw and made them clean it. It was the least he could do. He started with Lovino's bed, pulling up the sheets until they were tight and straight and then moved to do his own. He wiped the dresser clean, rearranged the contents of the drawers until they were organized and then slipped over to the desk.

"Oh Lovi..," Feliciano murmured as he gingerly picked up the crushed cigarette that had been swept to the side of the desk. He threw it in the trash to his left before straightening up the books in the corner. A small corner from the edge of a paper caught his eye and he took it out from between two books. It was folded clumsily and looked like trash, but just to make sure, he opened it. Lovino's scrawl was easy to identify and Feliciano quickly scanned the words once, twice, until a frown formed on his face. There was no name on it but it didn't take long for realization to come to him. And suddenly, that wave of worry rushed over him, a deep resonating kind of concern that he hadn't felt in a long while.

He remembered when Lovino first came back home.

Roderich and himself, at the time he had only been twelve, stood in the train station. His hand was tight around Roderich's, anxious to see his brother whom he hadn't seen since they were both very young. Lovino was practically a stranger to him now and many anxious worries went through his mind. What if Lovino didn't like him? When they were smaller, Lovino was seven and Feliciano was five, they got along well enough. They played together like any other children would, but now was much different, Lovino was much older now with experiences and memories that didn't include Feliciano. "Mr. Edelstein?" Feliciano asked quietly.

"What is it?"

"Do you think brother will be happy to see me again?" The man cast his dark eyes down curiously at Feliciano, the usually bright and happy child suddenly seemed quiet and gloomy. It was unlike him.

"Why not? You are his younger brother after all."

"But what if he's not? He hasn't talked to me in a long time."

"You should not worry Feliciano," Roderich said gently. "Even if it takes some time for Lovino and yourself to reacquaint with each other, I'm sure that he will be happy to have you there for him. Just be patient. He always did have a difficult personality." Feliciano gave a weak nod but reverted his eyes to the empty track. Any minute now the train was due to arrive.

The wait seemed to take forever, Feliciano shifted nervously back and forth, squeezing and unsqueezing Roderich's hand. When the train could be seen in the distance, the young boy let go and stepped in closer for a better look. He didn't know quite what to expect, maybe after such a long ride Lovino was bound to be a little tired and sore. However, what he was greeted with was far from what he imagined.

Lovino stepped off the train baring a single bag on his shoulder. His eyes darted left and right through the crowd until they settled on the young boy that stood only a few steps ahead of him. "Brother?" Feliciano asked quietly. Of course, there had been no mistaking him. Lovino was only a bit taller than him, his hair only a few shades darker, but his face was comfortably close to what Feliciano saw in the mirror. A smile split across his face and he couldn't contain himself. "Brother, welcome home!" Feliciano darted forward, his arms wrapping tight around the older boy's waist. Judging by the gasp that fell from Lovino's mouth he had caught him off guard.

"Oh," Lovino looked down curiously at his brother, blinked and then looked up, meeting the gaze of the man he'd be living with from now on. And suddenly, things began to blur. He could hear the commotion of the crowds around him, feel the tightening grip of Feliciano around his waist, but none of it was making sense. There was only one thing that stood out in his mind, and that was miles and miles away in a different city.

"L-Lovi?" Feliciano shrank back, he looked up at Lovino and his eyes widened in fear. "W-what's wrong? Lovi, why are you crying?" Lovino brought his small fists up to his eyes and it became impossible to hold back any longer. He buckled to his knees and began sobbing so loudly people were beginning to stare. Feliciano stumbled a half-step back, worried that he had done or said something to hurt his brother. Roderich came rushing past him and Feliciano stood there helpless, watching as his brother struggled against Roderich's touch.

Lovino doesn't want to be here, Feliciano thought with a pang of grief in his chest. And in ways, that was worse than Lovino not liking him. Feliciano might not have known his brother as well as he would have liked, but that didn't stop him from wanting Lovino to be happy.

Even after a week of adjusting, it seemed like Lovino would never stop crying. He did it in his sleep, when he excused himself to the bathroom during dinner, during afternoon chores. It took Feliciano almost the whole month to figure out what had happened.

"That boy, Mr. Edelstein, aren't you being too hard on him?" Elizaveta asked while she cleaned the china, she looked up with her eyebrows pushed together.

Roderich stood by the window watching the young boy pull weeds. Lovino was slow and every now and then he would stop and it appeared he would be crying again, but he always tried to pull himself together. "He needs something to distract himself with, don't you think he'd be feeling a lot worse if he had only his own company?"

"But what about little Feli? It might do Lovino good to spend some time with his brother," she scoffed and set the china down a little harder than she should have. "I don't like seeing the children so sad, it's not right. That poor boy." Elizaveta placed a hand to her head and turned in frustration towards Roderich. "Have you tried to reach Antonio?"

The Austrian turned from the window, "we spoke when arrangements were first made, he didn't have much to say on the matter."

"But he was okay with just abandoning this boy? Look at him, he's tearing himself up over it. Lovi loved Antonio, I don't know," she sighed. "It just doesn't seem like something Antonio would do, does it?"

"I can't say. Antonio has always been difficult to understand. I'm sure he had his reasons though."

Elizaveta tightened her mouth, unimpressed, but took back to the china wordlessly.

Feliciano sat crouched outside the sitting room while he eavesdropped, his were eyes down and his mouth was set into a small, watery frown. It made sense, Lovino had been hurt by the person he had loved the most. Feliciano never felt very close to Mr. Edelstein, not like how Lovino must have felt toward Antonio if it was enough to make Lovino cry like he was, but it was something Feliciano was going to try hard to understand. For his brother's sake.

A string of half-hearted insults from the hallway took Feliciano from his thoughts. He quickly jammed the already crumpled piece of paper back in-between the books and threw himself back towards the bed. He was scrambling to get on it when the door opened. "Feli, I'm really tired," Lovino said as he strode in, not even sparing a glance at his brother who was looking so openly guilty. "You think you can finish up for me?"

"Did you already wash them?" Feliciano asked.

"I put them in the water with some soap. So, almost." Lovino crawled onto his bed and stretched out, he shut his eyes and nuzzled into his arm. "It's just so warm out and the smell of the soap is giving me a headache."

Feliciano rolled over and slowly pulled himself upright. "Oh, okay. Feel better." He spared one last long glance at his older brother before leaving the room.

As Lovino lay there listening to Feliciano's footsteps get farther and farther away, the boy sat up, slid off his bed and made towards the desk. In a small paper bag he pulled from it a small tan colored envelope and wrote the address as he remembered it. Somewhere in the drawers he knew there were some leftover stamps from last season's Christmas cards and he dug for them noisily until he pulled out two mangled ones. He put them on crooked, hardly caring for his hands were beginning to shake. "Okay bastard," he said to himself as he pulled his letter from the books. "If you know what's good for you, you'll write me back." Jamming it into the envelope, he licked the seal and forced it into his pocket.

It was almost too easy dropping it into the mailbox. He expected some kind of resistance on his own behalf, pulling away or wanting to rip up the letter, but instead he let it go and walked away. His nerves were there but it wasn't how he had expected to feel. A part of him really didn't expect Antonio to write back, but then there was another part that felt like this was going to be the moment that changed everything. He was a lot older now, capable of making adult decisions. Antonio had to realize that by now too and maybe it would remind him of how things could be. For both of them.

In the meantime, he could wait just a little while longer. A playful humming drifted from around the back patio and Lovino gravitated towards the sound as he approached the estate. Feliciano worked on his knees, looking as dreamy as ever as he worked the laundry Lovino had left him with. That idiot, Lovino thought affectionately. "It's quiet out here," he said as he approached Feliciano. The younger boy looked up from the basin, blinked in the bright sunlight and then gave a small smile.

"A bit. Want to sit with me?"

"Sure," Lovino replied as he laid down on the grass to stretch out besides his brother. He pulled his shirt up above his stomach and let his arm rest atop his closed eyes. "But I'm not helping you clean these."

"Okay," Feliciano said back cheerily. It didn't matter, he was just happy to have his brother close by anyways.