The Story
(Caution, may contain mistakes)
For once, I am not writing Fiction, or Fantasy, I am writing about life. Real life, which is not all fun or happiness. I am going to be sharing something personal because it is the reason I was not on Fanfiction writing or reviewing. This is the story of what has happened to me, and what I have done to myself.
I was always the weird kid, the odd one out. In Elementary school, the world was amazing and beautiful; there was nothing that could get me down. I loved everything about life and I loved school and learning. Everything changed in Middle School. The Middle school that was in my district was called Wilson Middle school and it was directly in the middle of a ghetto. I grew up in a good neighborhood where nothing bad had ever happened, but Wilson was the closest school.
When I first started 6th grade I was nervous and scared, middle school was difficult to adjust to just in I self, but what made it worse was the bullies. Every day I was picked on and called names, even my sister joined in on the fun. No one was nice to me, even the teachers were mean. The worst thing were the gangs, yes there were gang activities at this Middle School. It just so happened the kid whom was the one mainly bullying me was part of one of these gangs. I got sick of him bullying me so I told one of the on campus police officers. They did this bullshit "investigation" and did not have enough evidence to prosecute the kid. This kid and his gang did not like the fact that I told on him so they got together after school and beat the shit out of me. I had to go through all of 6th grade year like this. No matter what I did or who I told, I never got help.
Then came 7th grade year, the best of them all. I transferred to a performing arts school and made many good friends; I was accepted for who I was. 8th grade year was a little less great, I still had many issues that had affected me from 6th grade, I started to lose my happiness. I picked up drinking and started smoking pot. I became depressed and started cutting myself. By the summer of 8th grade year, I had stopped cutting myself and got help from friends. 9th grade year. (Also known as freshman year) was ok. However, I still had my underlying feelings of worthlessness and sadness from the constant bullying and beatings from 6th grade. I began to ponder the meaning of life and If my existence meant anything.
(Getting close to real time) Last summer. (The summer after 9th grade) My dad's partner killed himself and it made me even more depressed. I started drinking a lot; I drank anything I could get my hands on, whether I stole it, or got it from friends, or other sources. I became depressed and became suicidal. I tried to kill myself 3 times. Each time was unsuccessful. Two failed hangings and a prescription pill overdose. The time I tried killing myself with pills was horrifying. I started shaking, my vision got blurry, I started throwing up blood, and then I passed out. When I woke up the next morning, my muscles ached, my stomach burned, and my vision was blurry days after.
Once school started, things got worse. In early October, I drank a whole bottle of blackberry brandy in a state of depression. My family found me convulsing on the floor of my room in my own vomit around 1:00am. When I finally stopped and was able to sit up, I started screaming things like. "Life is stupid. I want to die! Please get me a gun so I can shoot myself in the head. Please! If you will not let me do it, then do it yourself. Shoot me in the head mom! Shoot me in the head!" It went on like that for a few hours until I passed out. When I got up the next morning, my mom was lying next to me and she told me what happened because I could not remember a thing. I started counseling and was put on anti-depressants as well as some anti-anxiety medication. Things were going great for a while, but then my depression came back, and even worse than last time. (This was only a week ago) I ended up relapse on my cutting, and right now, my arm is covered in scabbed cuts. I am not sure what to do, and life has become confusing. Luckily, I have a session at the counselors and psychiatrists tomorrow. Wish me luck! I will try to update my stories soon. Thank you for listening to my story.