A/N: This is loosely inspired by the scene from the episode Coming to Homerica, where Homer goes into work drunk after drinking Aquavit at Moe's bar and gets fired on the spot. I guess this can be seen as a kind of "What-if", the scenario being "What if Homer decided to find a new job?" This is NOT an AU for the episode though, nor does it have any connection whatsoever to the storyline. This is just my own story. I do not own The Simpsons. All rights go to Fox and Matt Groening. So with that out of the way, here's the story!
Homer was at the bar with his friends, chugging down beer after beer as his friends chanted, "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"
He was already on his second beer and was trying to beat a record of three beers drank in a row - in one sitting - that was just recently set by none other than his best friend Barney Gumble, who was currently passed out from drinking them all in succession.
After Barney had finished the beer, Moe had decided to host a challenge to see if anyone could beat the record, and without even thinking about it first, Homer was the one to instantly accept it.
"Do you think he's sure he can beat it?" Carl asked, looking at Lenny, "You know, 'cause Barney is the town drunk, and Homer... I don't know."
"Yeah but he has two more beers to go before he beats Barney's record." Moe explained, "And if he does, he becomes the new record holder!"
"Are you guys talking about me behind my back?" Homer asked, his words slightly slurred from being a bit drunk.
"No Homer, we're just sayin' that if you finish all three beers, you are the next champion!" Moe said, holding his hands up in defense.
"Go Homer!!" Barney cheered as if he'd heard everything despite his hangover, his head lifting up off the counter as he spoke before hitting it again after he was finished.
"Thanks, whoever you are." Homer said with a drunken smile before finishing off the beer he was drinking and handing the empty mug to Moe so he could refill it. "My third beer please!"
After Moe refilled the beer, Homer once again began chugging it, except he gradually began to slow down once he was about halfway finished with it.
"I don't think he's gonna make it." Lenny whispered to Carl, "He's beginning to slow down."
"Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine." Carl said, taking a sip of his own beer as he continued to watch Homer.
"More beer!" Homer said, really sounding drunk now.
After sliding his beer mug back to Moe, Moe filled it again before sliding it back to Homer. Now was the moment of truth to see if Homer really could beat Barney's record.
As Homer brought the mug to his mouth to take a drink, he took a few gulps before eventually passing out and falling backwards off his barstool.
"And Homer is now the champ!" Moe announced as he came from behind the counter to see if his beer glass was still okay and not shattered, despite not hearing any shattering sound, "And thank God my beer glass is okay!" As he said that he picked up the glass and cradled the glass in his arms and snuggled it as if it were a baby.
"Huh...?" Barney asked, finally coming out of his hangover as he looked around before seeing Homer lying unconscious on the bar floor with beer spilled around him, "W-What happened?"
"I'll tell ya what happened!" Moe said, walking back around the bar to where he usually stood, "Homer here just beat your record by a few gulps."
"Aw man!" Barney complained as he looked down, "I can't believe I was beaten by Homer."
"Well believe it Barne!" Moe said, beginning to clean the glass he took from Homer, "Homer's the new champion."
"Congratulations Homer!" Barney then told his best friend with a smile, despite the fact Homer was passed out, "I didn't know you had it in ya!"
"Uh, Barney, he can't hear you." Moe told him, "He's passed out."
"Oh, right." Barney said, cracking a nervous smile, feeling a little embarrassed.
--
A whole thirty minutes had passed and Homer was now awake.
"Where am I...?" Homer asked still drunk, looking around before standing up and feeling a wet spot on the back of his head, the beer spill no longer on the floor, "And why is my head wet?"
"Heh, sorry about that." Moe said with a nervous smile, "I just had to mop right there since you passed out from trying to beat Barney's record of most beers drank."
"Did I win?" Homer asked, looking around before looking at Moe, "And who are you?"
"I'm Moe, your friend, remember?" Moe asked, smiling hopefully, "And yes, you won."
"I don't know who you are, but you're not my friend." Homer said, pointing a finger at Moe who just rolled his eyes at this, "Now if you'll excuse me I'll just take my trophy and be on my-"
"Wait, there are no trophies for beating a record set by someone." Moe said, now pointing a finger at Homer before pointing to the wall to the right (Homer's right) of the big mirror, "But you do get a place on the wall for setting a new record!"
"What record?" Homer asked, looking confused. Moe facepalmed.
"You know what? Never mind..." He said, "Just be on your way to where you're goin'." He then pulled out a camera, "But first, smile for the camera!"
"Am I famous now?" Homer asked, smiling towards Moe as Moe quickly snapped a picture.
"Yeah, sure." Moe said with a shrug, "I guess you can say that."
"Woohoo!!" Homer cheered, throwing his hands in the air before rushing out of the bar. "Look at me, Springfield! I'm famous!" He then cried out cheerfully, the alcohol's effects still present.
"Should we go tell him that he's not exactly famous in Springfield?" Carl asked, looking at both Lenny and Moe.
"Nah, he's drunk." Moe said, leaning on the counter, "Just let him have his moment."