It was a hot Summer day. The sun was at its peak as the cul de sac maintained the peaceful ambiance of dragonflies chirping and sprinklers rotating. Johnny 2x4, sitting on the curb, asks Plank, "What's that Plank? You have a woody?" He reels back and retorts, "Too much information!" It was just like any other day.
Then, a garage door started to open with a suspenseful metal creak, only to disturb the neighborhood with a sudden blare, "Are you tired of dirty money? Afraid that homeless guy's change cup is filled with aids? Step right up! Get you quarters cleaned for only 25 cents a pop!" Eddy was standing on top of a crate advertising his quarter cleaning service in front of a shoddily crafted excuse for a lemonade stand boasting a sign that read, "Kleen Yo Chanj Faggit" in poorly imitated, painted on Comic Sans. On the table of said stand were three jars, each with a label. On the first label, "Tard Tears" on the second, "Ur Mom," and on the third, "I don't fucking know lol." Behind the counter were Edd and Ed. "Ed, what the hell is in the third jar?" Edd asks, concerned. "It's pee, gravy, and dirt." Ed says with a grin only seen before on those dribbling potatoes with the most chromosomes.
"Shut the fuck up, Ed, some poor sap is falling for it!" Eddy snaps. It's Rolf walking his goat, which is dragging its severely prolapsed asshole along the ground. "The son of a shepherd awaits the mud of riches from his goat Victor," Rolf explains, "could the Ed Boys cleanse the riches once they disperse?"
"Sure thing, pal, that'll be 25 cents per quarter." Eddy replies with a sleazy, shit-eating grin. The goat begins to heave as his shit crawls through the prolapse tube like a snake that just ate a fat rodent, except if it were puking it up. The shit plops down, disgusting and smelling as vile as it gets. "Good lord! Are we really going to pick quarters out of goat shit?!" Edd whines while wincing at the sight and stench of the poopie. "Quit your bitching, Sockhead, lets get to work!" Eddy snaps as he scoops up the crap with a shovel and flings it at Ed. "JAWBREAKER!" Ed yells with dopey excitement as he catches it in his mouth. "UGH I THINK IM GONNA BE FUCKING SICK" Edd starts as he reaches over and pukes into a bucket. "This chocolate jawbreaker doesn't taste like chocolate." Ed says as he spits out a whole $19.75 worth of quarters into the third jar.
Edd, after pulling thick rubber gloves onto his germophobic hands, winces and gags as he reaches in and grabs gross quarters from the jar. "Eww eww eww, fuck fuck fuck, gross gross gross!" he yells as he puts them into a bag. "Hey, where the hell did Rolf go?" Eddy asks as he scratches his nuts. Edd sighs and gives him the bag of change. "Don't know, don't care. I need a drink. " "Well in that case, sucks to suck! We're filthy fucking rich now!" Eddy exclaims, "Jawbreakers, come to papa!" The Eds then begin their walk of shame to waste all their hard-earned money on just candy.
"That's what I call a shitty salary!" Ed says with a dopey, shit-eating grin.
THE END