Say Something

Part One

A/N: First, let me just say to those of you reading "Submerged," I am SO SORRY for the huge time lapse. The next chapter will be up this weekend!

This story was inspired by A Great Big World's "Say Something" featuring Christina Aguilera. It's a two parter, and both are already written, so there won't be a big delay!

Enjoy!

Sam felt something rising into her throat, but she couldn't tell if it was her heart or her lunch. It was like watching him in slow motion; the rigid hold in his shoulders, the stiff set of his back, and the determined way he was walking.

The determined way he was walking away from her.

Swallowing hard, Sam turned and walked in the other direction—away from the control room, the Stargate, and him. Away from the perplexed look Teal'c had given her and away from the cold, hard eyes of her commanding officer.

"Is there anything I can do?"

His head had fallen to the side, his eyes dark. "About?"

"Well, sir, with respect, you aren't exactly acting like yourself." Sam felt herself holding her breath and forced herself to exhale. What was she afraid of? She'd known this man for years; seen him at his best and at his worst. She knew him.

"No, Carter. I haven't been acting like myself since I met you." He paused for the merest breadth and Sam braced herself. "Now I'm acting like myself."

Sam bit down hard on the inside of her cheek as the elevator doors closed and she winced, leaning against the wall with a heavy sigh. How was it that the man who claimed to be the least intellectually inclined among them was the only one who could send her reeling so completely? Though this was by far the most enigmatic thing he'd said to date. What did he mean by that?

"Now I'm acting like myself…" She let her head fall to the side as she watched the red numbers slide by. The way she saw it, there were only three feasible options. One, he was under the influence of some alien technology that had personality altering characteristics. Two, he's distancing himself—though for what reason she couldn't be sure. And three, her commanding officer—the man she respected more than anyone else—really was just a misogynistic asshole and only now were his true colors showing.

Of course, there was one more option. One that, if true, hurt her more than the last analytical reason. They weren't stupid. There had been a…thing…between them for almost as long as they'd known each other. It was beyond simple respect and admiration, beyond an infatuation…just…beyond. And while they had never acted on their feelings, Sam knew that it wasn't one sided. There were hints of it in almost everything they did.

'Is he saying that he doesn't feel anything for me anymore?' Sam slipped into her lab and closed the door, fighting the urge to turn the lock. 'I guess that wouldn't be too surprising.' Sam looked around at her lab, still strewn with the debris of the last few months. Coffee cups she'd failed to discard, useless mechanical innards, and diagrams covered in annotations and corrections littered almost every available surface. The only clean area was a square foot at the end of her work table where she'd laid her head more times than on a pillow over the last three months.

And for what?

He obviously would have been happier if she'd just let him stay trapped there. Maybe that's why he was lashing out now; he wanted to be sent back. Sam froze, her hand still on the lock, as she felt her blood run cold. That was an option she hadn't considered.

He wanted to be sent back. He didn't want to be a part of this program any longer.

With a violent jerk of her wrist she turned the lock and spun to face her lab suddenly hating every piece of evidence of her efforts to bring him back. It was useless. She had quite literally broken physics to bring him back and he hadn't even looked at her. If she was letting herself be honest, she had pictured him waiting for them—for her—everyday at the gate site. She'd believed he wanted to come home as much as they wanted him home.

And now he was telling her that whatever impossible thing had existed between them was gone because she had taken too long. Or because she had been too quick.

Sam struck out blindly, her hand connecting with a stack of textbooks and papers and sending them crashing to the floor. Clenching her jaw, she grabbed as many Styrofoam cups as she could, barely flinching when the cold, bitter liquid from one that was not quite empty splattered across her arm and onto her jacket. She threw them into her already overflowing wastebasket before turning and snatching at more of the garbage.

How dare he say that to her? Now I'm acting like myself? "Well, sorry you didn't feel comfortable enough with me to be yourself before, sir." She bit out. "Sorry we worked so hard to bring you back. Sorry you have to throw it all back in our faces now. Sorry, sorry, sorry." Kicking over the trash can as she spun to grab another handful of papers and blueprints, her spine stiffened.

She wasn't alone.

Sam turned, automatically raising her guard at the unknown presence—then kept it up when he became a known one.

"Carter." His eyes were still unreadable, his hands at his sides instead of shoved playfully into his pockets.

"Colonel O'Neill." Her back was ramrod straight, but the only thought in her mind was how incredibly grateful she was that she wasn't crying. Anger she could hide, tears…well, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

He held her eyes for a long moment before he took several slow, measured steps towards her side worktable. She opened her mouth to ask what he was doing, but something in his expression made her stop. Casually, he leaned against the table and stretched his arms backwards before crossing them over his chest. Almost at exactly the same instant, Sam felt the hairs on her arms stand on end. Narrowing her eyes, she glanced at the small machine behind and just to the right of the colonel. A machine that had been dormant a few seconds ago.

He had activated her EMI, the device she'd modified only a few months before during the foothold situation. Sam frowned, but kept her gaze leveled at her CO. "I keep everything in this office at optimum working order, sir."

He held her gaze silently for another minute before nodding slowly, but he didn't move from where he was. "Optimum for Air Force standards, major?"

"No, sir. Higher. And more unusual. No one can hear us." She knew it was a bold and potentially stupid move, but she had every confidence in her lab. If there were bugs, they would be scrambled by the electromagnetic interference. "And the cameras on this level are down for scheduled maintenance."

"Convenient." Jack murmured, but Sam remained silent and staring. He met her hard stare with one of his own and for a long moment neither one of them moved. Finally, Sam's eyes flicked to her closed door and back to the man in front of her.

"With respect, sir, how did you get in? That door was locked." Her only response was a quirk of his head and a look that said she should know better than to ask. "Right." Sam said, pursing her lips and clenching her hands into fists to keep from crossing her arms petulantly across her chest.

"You're mad." Sam looked up sharply at his words. There was an almost teasing quality to his voice.

She hesitated. "Yes, sir."

"I don't know that I've ever seen you like this."

Sam almost rolled her eyes. "I've been plenty angry before, colonel."

"Right, it's just not usually directed at me." He stood then and let his fingers trail over her cluttered worktable as he took a few steps forward. Sam frowned, but didn't say anything lest she admit to disrespecting a superior officer. "Look, Carter-,"

With a move she didn't really think about, Sam raised her hand to stave off whatever explanation was sure to be forthcoming. "You don't owe me anything, sir."

"I do." The words were spoken carefully, an emphasis placed on each one. "Now let me finish." The chiding was gentle, but Sam didn't interrupt again. "What I said earlier, about when I met you…" He glanced over his shoulder before lowering his voice further. "Sam, there's a leak in the SGC."

TBC

A/N: Part Two up tomorrow! Thanks for reading!