Title: Gestures
Author: MordorianNazgul
Fandom: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
Rating: PG
Category: Angst/Drama
Warnings: Maybe kinda slash? Spoilers.
Summary: It had been a long time, but he still remembered the General's gestures.
Archiving: Ask first, please.
Feedback: Reviews make me happy. And so do flames.
Disclamer: Star Wars belongs to Lucas. KotOR belongs to Bioware. I don't own anything but my concept for the Exile.
Note: To keep you guys from wondering too much what's up with the Exile, he's a Light Side fellow named Tobias Donn. He's a Jedi Consular, shite with repairing things but great with slicing into computers and with catching things other people normally miss. He is also incredibly emotional, particularly about people that he knows.
They didn't speak much of the war, and when they did they pretended that they hadn't seen each other much. But that was all a lie, and they both knew it. Maybe the General thought he could learn how to fix machines from him; General Donn was notorious for breaking everything he touched. Or maybe he was fascinated by the making of machines.
But he liked to think that the General would show up in the garage every day just because he liked the company. Either way, Tobias would come through regularly. He had talked a lot about battle plans, catching him up on the latest in the war effort. Sometimes he was pleased, and his happiness was contagious.
More often, though, the General appeared sad. About what, he wasn't sure. He'd speak in quiet tones about the bodies. Mandalorian or Republic, it didn't matter. General Donn mourned them all. His sadness had been contagious, also.
In the end, the General disappeared, and he moved on. The Jedi Civil War started and ended. He went to Telos.
Then the General came back.
Tobias's ship had crashed on the plains. He'd gotten there in time to see the General get to his feet, slowly. Almost painfully. He had others with him, an old woman and a suspicious-looking man. For their sake they made quick introductions.
He fell in step with Tobias; it wasn't hard. They fought side by side again, there on the plains. It was almost surreal.
He found another ship, just like the General had asked, and they took off again. He'd been knocked out in the crash, but Tobias had been okay with that. "Not your fault," he had said softly, helping him to his feet.
They had been traveling for maybe a few weeks at most, now. Tobias still came by the garage everyday—though this one was a bit smaller than the last—and would talk. Now it wasn't talk of war, though. It was talk of the Jedi Masters they were searching out. He'd smile when he talked about Kavar, his original master who had nearly gone to war with them. His sentences would become short and clipped when he mentioned Vrook or Vash; the General was convinced that they both hated him.
He remembered the General's usual gestures. He had just gotten back from meeting the last Jedi left in the galaxy, and he was in the cargo hold, pacing. Pacing could mean different things, but his mouth was moving in a silent dialogue. He only did that when something had upset him terribly.
He raked a hand through his dusty brown hair, betraying nervousness. "General?" Tobias stopped, gazing at him.
"She killed them. Kavar, Vrook…" He stiffened up, trying to hide a shiver. "I had to bury them. I… I never wanted them to die. Any of them." He sat down on a plasteel cylinder, head in his hands. "Not even after what they said about me. Leeching the Force off of…" He trailed off, shivering again.
"If you want me to come back later-" he started.
"No!" Tobias interrupted, fear in his voice. He was afraid? His hands were shaking as he lowered them to his knees. "No. Please stay. Sometimes I think… I think you're the only one I can talk to. You know what it's like. Maybe Mandalore does too, but… it's different. You know what it is to rage against yourself." He sighed, rocking back and forth slowly. That was the other 'very upset' position he would get into.
"General?" he asked again. Donn had always been a little cryptic, but now he was just confusing.
"You don't know? What they told me?" Tobias laughed, short and harsh. He thought the General was laughing at himself. "I didn't think Atton could keep his mouth shut about anything." He stood again. Definitely nervous; he had only ever seen the General like this before Malachor, pacing and sitting at random while he finished diagnostics on the mass shadow generator. "They said… they told me that I'm a-a wound in the Force. That I cut myself off from it after the mass shadow generator was fired—to protect myself from being killed by all the death it caused. And now… now everything I am is leeched from those around me. Other Force Sensitives." His hands were folded behind his back as he paced, with his shoulders slumped forward; he had seen that one the most during the war. It spoke of great sadness.
"I would have let them strip me of the Force," he continued. "I don't want to be like this. How did Visas describe her master? 'The place where the Force goes to die'? That's me. I can't… I don't want to do that. I don't want to hurt you. I was going to let them sever me from the Force, but Kreia came. She came and killed them." He stifled a sob.
He'd talked to Mandalore once about the General. Mandalore had mentioned something that Kavar said on Onderon. 'His most passionate student,' he'd said. 'Overly emotional,' he'd said. He wondered if Kavar would still think that if he could see the General now, to the point of weeping for a man that he knew Tobias hated.
He had heard Tobias roar from the men's quarters earlier. It hurt him to hear it, the rawness of it. Donn had done something like that on Dxun, after sending his troops into a minefield, to watch them die. He remembered that day, seeing the General fall to his knees, dig his fingers into the dirt, and scream like the mines were tearing into his flesh and not the sergeant with the pretty face.
He knew the General didn't sleep well these days. He guessed it was all that death. The General had mentioned something about strong connections through the Force once; maybe it applied to enemy as well as friend. He would see Tobias up at all hours; he didn't sleep well, either. They had something in common there.
The General didn't bother to try to stop the next sob. He reached out, carefully touched Tobias's shoulder. Tobias didn't flinch away, didn't tell him to leave. General Tobias Donn crumpled against him, shuddering, sorrow rolling off him in waves. This gesture he'd never seen, but the meaning was universal. "I can hear them screaming. I can hear them screaming in my head, Bao."
He didn't know what to say, so he did the only thing he could think of. He embraced the General.