A/N: So, here it is. My own post-ep fanfic about '47 Seconds'. Yes, I know. You've probably read like a hundred fics about this by now, but I wanted to contribute to the madness too :P Just as most of my fellow writers who have posted post-episode fics about '47 Seconds', I'm going to obviate the 'The Limey' promo and I'm going to go with my own particular fantasy. I hope you find it entertaining. Enjoy! :)
My apologies if there's any kind of mistake, grammar error or misspell. I'd appreciate corrections if needed :)
The 48th Second.
She had been walking for three hours straight by the time she arrived at his building's door. Her mind couldn't stop thinking about the last few hours. The time when everything had changed between them, leaving her without a clue of what could have triggered that kind of behavior from him towards her.
He had been cold, harsh, distant, and that was so not him. She knew something was going on, but she couldn't spot what. That was the reason she was standing at his door at 11:30 pm, trying to find an excuse to knock on his door and talk to him.
Nothing came to her, so she just turned around to leave when she was faced with the image of Rick Castle getting out of a cab, reeling and having trouble putting on his coat. He was drunk.
"Castle?" She asked confused.
He turned around with difficulty, taking a second too long to focus his gaze on her. "Beckett? What are you doing here?"
Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before she could find her voice. "I… I was…" She let out an angry sigh. "I guess you changed your mind about that drink..."
Castle let out a short drunken laugh. "Yeah! I… I need to go to bed, so, if you don't mind…" He said walking towards the door and planning on leaving her there, not giving her the chance to say another word.
"Wait! I need to talk to you, Castle." She called when he was almost inside the building.
"Do you think I can talk about anything right now? Save it for any other time, will you?" He shot coldly, walking inside and letting the door close behind him.
She was shocked. Startled. Angry. She walked to the door and banged on it until he turned around looking very disgusted. He was not going to walk away from this.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Beckett? Have you seen the hour? You can't go beating people's doors at midnight just because you suddenly want to talk." He said angrily after opening the door again.
She granted him with a glare and stepped inside closing the door behind her. "Yeah, fine. Let me say what I need to say and you can keep lecturing me later, ok?"
Castle frowned and started his zigzagging walk to the elevator, his pain covered with the buzzed anger he was feeling that moment. He could feel her standing right beside him, her face showing her annoyance and something more he could not decipher. She was tense and antsy, he could tell by the way she played with her fingers.
When the lift stopped they got out of it and he opened his loft's door and walked inside giving her a mocking look. "I guess you'll want to come in?" He said, waving his hand on an exaggerated flourish.
Kate moved inside and didn't stop until she reached his study's door, opening it and walking inside without even asking for his permission; he could only follow.
When they were locked in the privacy of his study he poured himself another drink and sat on his chair waiting for her to start talking.
Minutes went by but she didn't say a word, which was both annoying and worrying him.
"Are you going to stand there all night giving me that reproving look? I thought you had something to say." He shot, taking another sip of his scotch.
Kate looked at him letting the hurt show. She couldn't understand what was going on with him. "I… You've been acting weird since you showed up this afternoon. I just wanted to know if everything was ok, but I can see it's not. So, can you tell me what's going on?"
The laugh he released caught her by surprise startling her. "Of course I can tell you! But, do you really want to know, Kate?
He was scaring her now. She could tell he was hurt and, by the way he was talking to her, she was the one to blame. But how could she had hurt him without even realizing it?
Kate took a deep breath and took two steps closer to his desk. "Yes. I want to know. I wouldn't ask if I didn't."
Castle stood up, placing the glass in his desk and walking around the room nervously. "I was there this morning."
Kate nodded. "Yes, I know. I got your coffee." She was confused.
Rick shook his head and snorted. "I was there when you were interrogating Bobby." His eyes moved from her feet to her eyes slowly, just in time to see realization hitting her.
All oxygen left her body, she felt numb and heavy. Her legs were failing her and she had to reach for the closest piece of furniture to lean herself into. He knew. Her secret was out and she hadn't had the chance to tell him herself. She hadn't had the chance to explain.
When she was able to breath again she looked back at him. His eyes didn't speak to her like they always did. He was like dead inside, and right now, given the situation, she could relate to that feeling.
"You heard. Oh, God. I'm so sorry!" She said covering her face with her hands in embarrassment. "I… I just… I didn't know how to tell you."
He looked at her in disbelieve. "You could have tried." He said turning around to look out the window. "I can take it, you know. I can deal with the fact that you… that you don't feel the same way." His voice quivered at the last words. "You tell me, I cope with it and I move on. That's how it works."
Kate couldn't believe what he was saying. How could he think like that? Has she been that subtle? Hadn't he noticed how much she had changed in the last few months? This was crazy.
"But I do..." she almost whispered, looking at her feet.
He looked at her startled, not wanting to believe what he thought he had heard. "What?"
She raised her eyes from the floor and looked at his. "I do feel the same, Castle". Her confession came out softly, as if she was trying to muffle the effect it could cause.
He stood there in front of her not being able to say anything. She was mute too, both trying to assimilate what was going on.
After a couple of minutes he recovered his voice. "Then why? Why would you do that? Why would you hide it from me?"
"I... I don't know... I was scared at first. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't believe it, and when I finally did, I wasn't worthy of those words, of those feelings. I'm still not worthy, Rick, but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard." She said, as two treacherous tears rolled down her cheeks.
He looked at her in surprise. She could not think that. She deserved everything. She was worth everything. Even he, in his love-wounded condition could see that. "What the hell are you talking about, Kate?"
"I lied to you and pushed you away and then, when you forgave me and decided to come back to me I kept lying to you." She was sobbing violently at this point, her hands trembling at her sides. "I just didn't know how to stop, how to make it right, how to tell you without making you hate me..." She couldn't go on.
Castle's heart broke for the second time that day. He couldn't see her like that. He couldn't stand Kate Beckett crying in front of him, so he walked the few steps that were keeping them apart and wrapped her in his arms, pressing her hard against him.
"Shhh. Please, don't cry. It's ok. It's going to be ok." He said, not knowing how to calm her down.
She was clinging onto his shirt, both her hands fisting the soft blue fabric at his sides. "I'm so sorry…" She said between sobs. "So sorry… Please don't hate me…"
After a while he put a hand to her chin and tilted her head so he could look at her in the eyes. "Look, Kate, I'm mad at you right now. I think that's legitimate given the circumstances, but I don't hate you. I could never hate you, ok?"
She nodded while he softly wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs "You think you'll be able to forgive me?" She asked still shaking from her crying.
Castle smiled moved by her question. She looked so weak, so helpless. "Yeah. It'll take time. But I will." He said, kissing the top of her head and pulling her closer. "And Kate, I love you. I really do. And that's what makes you worthy. You don't have to work for it. You don't have to win my love. You just have it." He made a pause to look at her. "Now it's in your hands if you want to take it or if you want to keep hiding from it."
Kate shook her head hard. "I don't want to hide anymore, Rick. I just want to be with you."
He met her eyes again and smiled broadly. "Good. Cause I want you here." He said, leaning down to press his lips to hers in a searing kiss.
They let their mouths dance together for a long while, both of them enjoying their new intimacy; tongues, teeth and lips meeting and colliding in the most sensual ways, reassuring them.
They separated with a loud 'pop', both smiling like idiots and not being able to look anywhere else but into each other's eyes.
"I love you." Kate said after a minute. "I just hope you believe that."
Castle smiled and kissed the tip of her nose playfully. "I believe you, Kate." He said, hugging her hard. "I love you too."
THE END
What do you think? Too cheesy? Some feedback would be great. Thanks for reading! :)