It was Lily's turn to patrol that night. Not that she minded. Many Prefects complained about it, but there was something satisfying about catching students out past curfew. Their ashamed and bewildered expressions were priceless and more often than not she had to bite her own tongue to keep from laughing. Luckily she wasn't the kind of Prefect that took a lot of points, many students were grateful for that.
Tonight however the hallways were quiet and dark. It was one of those days that everyone was just too tired to break any rules. She started to hum a song that had been stuck in her head all day and made a little dance in the middle of the hallway, another few turns and she'd be done.
Lily was surprised however that in her next turn she saw dim light shining from underneath one of the classroom doors. So someone decided to sneak out after all. She knew from experience that it was hardly a teacher in a classroom at this hour. Just her luck! Maybe she'd have a good laugh again before she went to bed.
She firmly grabbed the knob and opened the door in one swift move, opening her mouth, ready to shout to whatever couple decided to pick this room to snog in.
Her eyes didn't meet a couple though, but a pair of obsidian black eyes calmly staring back at her.
It was Severus, he was furiously scribbling something down in a textbook, sitting at one of the student desks. Only a few candles around the room were lit and it took Lily a moment to realise that it was him and that he had nodded in acknowledgement when she swung the door open.
"Oh, right.", she blurted out before immediately turning around to leave, not before glaring daggers, swords and spears to him though.
"Lily."
She stopped as abruptly. Severus sighed and stood up, facing her completely, or well, her back. "Why must you always be like this?"
At that comment she turned around and lifted up her chin, as if it would make her more intimidating. It had been months since they had their last argument at the Gryffindor common room. He had kept apologising, sending at least one letter or note a week, mostly on Wednesdays. And his pathetic looks during class hadn't gone unnoticed to her either. To hear his voice say her name again after all time made her skin crawl.
"What are you doing here at this hour?", she huffed.
"It's considered rude to answer a question with another question, Lily."
"It's considered rude to call someone a Mudb-"
"Stop it.", he whispered, but it felt as if he had yelled it.
His eyes finally looked away from her for the first time since she had entered, and turned to the quill and textbooks that were on the desk. He grabbed his bag and started to pack his things, knowing that the Prefect inside Lily would kick him out soon anyways.
"When are you going to stop playing the victim?", he spoke while he grabbed the first textbook, making sure she wouldn't suddenly leave as if nothing had been said. Like she always did.
"I'm sorry? Who else is the victim then? Or did you insult that tree perhaps? Was that tree the one that defended you for all these years, was it?", Lily snapped. She had been calm, but the way Severus was acting right now, arrogant and pretending to be a know-it-all. Accusing her of playing the victim while she had every right to do so. It angered her immensely. And then there was that emotionless expression on his face, as if he suddenly didn't care anymore. There wasn't that pathetic look, the constant sorry that he muttered whenever he tried to contact her. Come to think of it, he hadn't sent her a letter for a few weeks now either.
When he looked up to her again with that cold stare she saw it as an invitation to keep on ranting, "You know I'm speaking the truth when I've every right to be angry, no, furious with you, Severus! And just so you know, you'll never be forgiven! You, out of all the people I know. Not only am I angry, but I'm disappointed, so-… so disappointed! I knew those Slytherins would get to you."
Something changed in his expression for a mere second and Lily got the confidence to continue, her eyes narrowing dangerously. Better get all the stress and pinned up anger out right now, maybe he'll back off then.
"I always expected you to be cruel. The way you treated Petunia when we were younger. But I never thought you would've unleashed your evil persona upon me. Do you know how much you hurt me, Severus? I thought we were friends, I thought you loved me no matter what! But apparently I was wrong, and guess what. James and his friends were right all along! You area greasy little bat!"
He suddenly moved and Lily bit her tongue, not daring to speak as he strode towards her with a glooming, but still so calm and composed expression on his face.
"You're being incredibly selfish, Lily. Did you even think that other people might be hurting because of your little tantrum? No, do not interrupt me. You willlisten.", he sneered, looking very much like the man he'd grow up to be.
"Have you ever thought about how hard this is for me? I can't say sorry enough. Merlin, the word subconsciously rolls off my tongue whenever I see you! And then my only friend , the person who kept me from harming myself during childhood runs off with the very boys that decided to make my life miserable here! As if I didn't have enough of that in Spinner's End?
I mean, of all the places, here in Hogwarts, I'm in a living hell. I actually felt home here.
And you are surprised I meddle in the Dark Arts. How can you expect me to stand up to Mulciber and Avery when my life hurts as much as a Cruciatus Curse itself! You honestly think I'd let them hate me, bully me, too? You have no idea what they're capable of. They'd do things Potter and his dog wouldn't even dare to think about. So pardon me that I don't want everything to fall apart, because I have no one to rely on when it does."
"So you admit you're working with the Dark Arts?"
Lily blurted out before she could stop herself. She knew that wasn't the point of his outburst and she saw the disappointment in his eyes when he noticed that was all she cared about.
His stone-faced mask, he always seemed to wear lately, cracked and a deep frown was formed on his face. They both stared to the floor for a few silent moments before Lily heard him sniff.
She looked up, it was painfully obvious he was on the verge of tears and the longer they didn't say a word, how harder he tried to glue his mask back together and compose himself.
He finally spoke again, his watery eyes nearly unnoticeable in the dim lit room.
"Yes, Lily. You can go gloat now."
Severus swiftly turned on his heels, grabbed his bag and rushed past Lily out the door. She watched how his shoulders started to shake violently when he walked down the hallway.
She almost felt guilty.