KITES
Pairings: Gibbs/Abby, Tony/Ziva, Ducky/Penny,Jimmy/Breena, but they're all very subtle and non-disruptive.
Rating: FR-13
Genre: Humor
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Neither NCIS nor the characters belong to me. I wish it did, but it doesn't.
"I do not know how she does it. I did not think I could ever be as happy in my life as I am right now. What is her secret, McGee?"
"I have no idea. But Penny's brownies sure tasted different when I was a child"
"When I was a young man, I used to go to Jamaica on vacations…"
"And what happened there, Ducky?"
"… nothing… but it was cool…"
"You know what's cool? Fight Club. Nothing like having your primal instincts afloat, beyond the surface of clean suits and a materialistic… uh-oh, I messed up… Rule #1: You do not talk about Fight Club… I'm screwed, I'm screwed!"
"Calm down DiNozzo. Or do you want me to he… he… hehehehehehe!"
"Hehehehehehehe!"
"Hehehehehehehe!"
"Hehehehehehehe!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Bert told me to get a new tat. One with rainbows and glittery stuff… but Major Mass Spec said I should get one of a bat instead…"
"Breena, you and I have matching tats, isn't it awesome? Maybe our children will be born with tats…"
"And boots…"
"And a leather jacket"
"They'll be totally badass…"
"Are you guys sure that's how it works?"
"I don't think so…"
"What if… what if the genetic code was a language and we just needed to learn it to write with it? I could write a poem. A dark love poem, and it would come to life because it's made of DNA, and it would chase me day and night…"
"Abbs…"
"Yes?"
"You have to show me your tattoo when you get it, okay?"
"Of course, my silver-haired fox!"
"…"
"I won't even pretend I didn't say that"
"And I won't even pretend I didn't like it…"
"Why do you get to see Abby's tats, Boss?"
"Because I'm the boss and I have to approve each and every tattoo that Abby gets, right Abbs?"
"Yep"
"But you haven't seen Ziva's tat"
"She doesn't have a tat, Tony, she would've told me!"
"Yes, she does"
"Did she get a tattoo without my advice?"
"It's a dagger on her left hipbone. It looks pretty, I swear!"
"Yes, it is pretty, Abby! Thank you for defending my honor, Tony"
"You're welcome, Zivers, high five! … you don't really need to see it, do you, Boss?"
"Nah. Rule 38: Your tat, your lead"
"Sounds reasonable"
"It's not fair. Why can they see your tattoos and I can't?"
"Oh McGee, that's because… because… why is that, Ziva?"
"Well… actually… you are right. We are really mean, I am sorry McGee"
"I'm sorry too, we just forget…"
"Forget what?"
"Forgetting, McGee, is a natural process of the human mind. With all the tribulations we must go through during our lives, a non-selective memory could only be a disadvantage to our stability and peace of mind as we travel down the path of existence"
"That's really deep, Dr. Mallard"
"…yeah…"
"Uh-oh…"
"What's wrong, Mc… uh… Probie?"
"I think Abby's DNA poem monster is here, it's after us!"
"Oh my God, is that true, Jimmy?"
"Do not worry, people! I am a trained assassin and former Mossad agent, and I can take on any threat, even if it is a DNA poem monster"
"But how?"
"Oh my god…"
"With my laser rays. Show your face to us you monster! Pew pew pew!"
"Aim higher, Ziva!"
"Yes, Boss! Pew pew pew! Tony, Abby, McGee, hold it down while I shoot it!"
"I got it, Ziva! We're not letting it scape! Hit it harder, Abby!"
"I'm trying… I'm a forensic scientist, not an agent…"
"Pew pew pew pew!"
"Let it to me! Die, monster, die! Die!"
"Wow… good job Breena!"
"What's going on here?"
"Penny! Best grandma ever! We were taking down a DNA poem monster…"
"What?"
"It is true. It was camouflaging as a couch"
"Oh my god… are you all ok? Did it hurt anyone?"
"Not at all, we're fiiine"
"…yeah…"
"Penny…"
"Yes, Tim?"
"… did you change the recipe?"
"what recipe?"
"For the brownies…"
"Aren't they delicious? They have my secret ingredient!"
"Is it looove?"
"Yes! That's what it is. It is loooove"
"See Gibbs? I told you and you wouldn't believe me…"
"She did tell me, I should've listened…"
"Anything that is made by such delicate hands is bound to be delicious, milady"
"Are you hitting on my grandma, Ducky?"
"I certainly am"
"Hhmmm… Ok"
"You can't stop love, Mc…Cupid…"
"What are you talking about? What is love?"
"What is love?"
"Baby don't hurt me"
"Don't hurt me…"
"No moooore…"
"We sound cool…"
"We sound like rock-stars. We should start a band"
"We could be really famous, and travel around the world, and we could have lots of money and wake up in a different country every day and be together forever"
"That would be awesome"
"That's cool. I'm hungry. We should order pizza"
"I am hungry too, Gibbs. Very, very hungry. We need to order pizza!"
"And ice cream!"
"And pancakes!"
"What's in the fridge, grandma Penny?"
"I don't know… I think there's nothing left there… I think we already ate everything!"
"This is an emergency. Tony, call right now and order an extra large pizza… no no, let it be three!"
"I don't remember the number, Boss"
"Oh, don't worry, it's on speed-dial, here"
"What do we do while the pizza guy gets here?"
"I brought sandwiches! In my bag, Mc… Probie! Let's eat them while the pizza gets here!"
"Let's go!"
"Jimmy, this is the best bachelor/bachelorette party I've ever been to"
"I told you it was a good idea to do something relaxed, without alcohol… we're having fun, and we won't have any regrets tomorrow morning"
"Yeah… those brownies are delicious… what if we hired McGee's grandma to make our wedding cake?"
"That would be awesome!"
THE END
Author notes: Rating is for implied drug use and implied having fun with it. Also, please someone take the computer away from me.