Here at the DILOFOR Center, we find lost digimon. When lost digimon are captured, they are placed into a top-of-the-line storage room, as big as a closet! Wow, that's big! There are all kinds of things in the room that make it more hospitable for the digimon.
For example, in case there is a digimon that comes from a volcano in the room, we turn the temperature up to 2,000 degrees Farenheit. However, we can never be sure when there is a volcano-originated digimon in the room, so we just maintain the temperature of the room at 2,000 degrees constantly. There have been no complaints about this, just a few weird screams and shouts of "Help help, I'm burning." There have been rumors that the Nazis got their gas and incineration chamber ideas from us. We can assure you, this is only 90% correct.
After a lost digimon is recovered, the owner usually comes to pick it up. However, most of the time we will lie and say that the digimon in question is not here. (Mike, you dumb-ass, that's bad publicity! Who wrote this script?! No, I don't know how an ass can be dumb. Shut up, just shup up!) Um, um, the reason is...(thinks quickly)...we need to keep the digimon to sell as cash, because we need it for drug money. (There's some hushed whispering in the background, and then very abruptly:) Oh, you mean we aren't supposed to tell them the truth? (No! You stupid idiot!) Oops.
So, after being removed from the storage room, the digimon are put to work in a slave labor camp...(hushed whispering)...eh, I mean a nature camp, where they will lug heavy rocks to build gigantic forts to support our never-ending war against the UMJ Corps.
Assuming they survive the grueling torture...(hushed whispering)...I mean, painful ordeal...(hushed whispering), I mean pleasant experience, they will proceed to the clothing production factory. Now, some of you so-called "enviromentalists" have complained that we kill the digimon, then take their skin to make clothes to sell on the Black Market. This is not true. We skin the digimon while they are alive, and we only take the skin off of the head, arms, legs, shoulders, chest, and tails. Every digimon that goes through our clothing production line has at least a 1 in 20 chance of surviving. Hey, that's better odds than a for a person living in Manhattan.
The remaining digimon are forced into cyberspace, into TVs for the Digimon series and into the cartridges of Bandai's new DigiWorld game for Playstation, where they will prance around all day and pretend to love the so-called "digidestined"--you think Tentomon would be with a geek like Izzy willingly? I think not!
So as you can see, it is important that you support our cause. Send donations to:
Extreme Sadist 1200 Anti-UNICEF Ave. Sucker, Fool 00000
Thank you for supporting this worthwhile cause.
(BTW, I didn't mean it when I called Izzy a geek. If anything, I'm kind of a Tai-Izzy cross, so I wouldn't diss Izzy. Heheh, just didn't want to ruffle any feathers)