'Til Death Do Us Part
I know I've already written a death scene for Marilla, but I didn't know her so well back then, also she didn't have a husband by her side. Warning it does get a bit graphic.
Marilla wasn't feeling quite right. Her stomach felt heavy and she had lost her appetite. Over dinner one night John commented that she hadn't eaten much. "Are you well Mar?" He asked concernedly, "You seem to be losing weight. I've noticed that you haven't eaten much for a while now."
"I don't know John, I don't feel particularly hungry these days."
"Maybe we should take you to the doctor."
"Oh I'm sure that's not necessary, look I'm enjoying this mouthful here", she made a show of eating the last of her dinner, but if she were being honest she did not feel well. She didn't want to worry anyone, hating the idea of anyone fussing over her.
"I think a check up would be a good idea Mar, I'll take you to the doctor in the morning."
The doctor welcomed them in and asked what the matter was. "She's not eating much Doc, I'm worried" said John.
"Mrs Blythe, would you like your husband here in the room with you, or would you like to see me on your own?"
"I think I'd like to be on my own." John looked shocked. "Sorry John, I just need to speak to the doctor by myself."
"If you're sure?"
"Yes please."
"So Mrs Blythe, tell me how you feel?"
"I'm not feeling right doctor, I've no appetite, I feel lethargic, my stomach feels sort of heavy, and there's a persistent dull ache."
"Please take your dress and corset off, and I'll help you get up onto the examination table here." She lay down. "I'm just going to feel around your stomach. Tell me if anything hurts." The doctor prodded and poked, he seemed interested in one section of her lower stomach and went back to feel it a few times. "Has there been any blood in your stool?"
"A bit, I suppose."
"Mrs Blythe, you should have come earlier. Blood is never a healthy sign."
She shrugged.
"All right, you can get dressed now."
"What is it?"
"I'm not sure, but I think you might have a cancer of the stomach."
Marilla started, "are you sure?"
"No I'm not sure, the only way to be sure is to operate on you, but I'm not keen to put your body through that strain, there's no much we can do about it in any event."
"Will it kill me?"
"Mrs Blythe, I am very sorry to say that it probably will."
"Oh how am I going to tell John and Anne? How long do I have?" Marilla's eyes filled with tears and she searched for her handkerchief.
"Mrs Blythe you probably only have a few months at best, shall we invite your husband back in? I can break the news to him."
"Yes please." The doctor went to the door and asked John to join them. John walked in warily. He saw Marilla in tears in a chair opposite the doctors desk.
"What is it darling, what's the matter?"
"Oh John", Marilla sobbed. "Hold me." Mystified John sat next to Marilla and hugged her. She nestled into his chest and wept.
The doctor sat down, took off his glasses and said "Mr Blythe I think your wife has cancer of the stomach."
"Oh!" John felt the floor drop away. Tears came to his eyes. "Will, will it kill her?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it will." The doctor admitted gently.
"Can't you do anything?"
"All we could do is operate, but it's unlikely she would survive the surgery and it's also unlikely that we would be able to remove the whole cancer without having to remove most of her stomach too. Even if she did survive the surgery, her quality of life would be much diminished and it might not buy her much time. I suggest you talk it over with your son Mr Blythe. But I'm sure he will agree with my diagnosis."
"What is the treatment?"
"When it's too painful to bear, we can administer pain relief, that's really all that can be done."
"So what do we do now?" John asked. Marilla was still too upset to talk.
"For now, I would go home and enjoy yourselves as much as you can. Mrs Blythe I predict that you will start feeling quite ill in a few weeks. I think you should make the most of the time before then, while you still feel relatively well."
They stumbled out of the doctor's office in shock and drove home.
Over a cup of tea, which neither of them drank, they looked at each other. Marilla held out her hand and John clutched it.
"John I hate to do this to you, after Caroline."
John picked up her hand and kissed it, "Darling Marilla you have filled these last few years with an unlooked for joy. I have no regrets, none at all."
"We had better let Anne and Gilbert know. Do you want me to do it Mar?"
"No, I want to, I'll give Anne a call, stay by me though."
He smiled, "Always."
Marilla walked over to the phone and asked the operator to put her through to Ingleside, Glen St Mary. Susan answered the phone.
"Good afternoon Mrs Blythe, I hope you are well?"
Marilla found she was speechless.
"I'll just fetch Mrs Doctor Dear for you." There was a pause and Marilla heard Anne's beloved voice asking if everything was all right? Marilla couldn't answer and seeing her distress John took the phone from her and broke the news to Anne.
Over at Ingleside, Anne felt her knees give way and she sat down. "Oh John, how is she?"
"Well right now she's very upset, she's just trying to come to terms with it."
"What does the doctor say, how long does she have?"
"A few months he thinks, and she will start feeling quite unwell soon."
"Do you want to come and visit us?"
John looked over to Marilla, "Anne is asking us to visit, do you want to?"
"Maybe in a week or so."
"Anne, we might come in a little while, Marilla just has to get her head around the situation."
"Do you want me to come and visit on my own?"
Marilla nodded.
"Yes, please do, she needs her girl."
The next day John met Anne at the railway station.
"How is she John?"
"She's shaken to the core; this was unexpected. There have been a great many tears in the last twenty four hours."
"And more to come, I'm sure."
John placed his hand over Anne's "We'll have to look after each other and her."
As soon as the buggy arrived at Green Gables, Anne was out and and running towards the front door, she ran straight into Marilla's arms and sobbed.
"Well it's God's will, Anne. There's nothing that can be done about it."
"Marilla just you saying that tells me how distressed you are. You always fall back on God when you're most upset."
"Do I?"
"How are you feeling physically right now?"
"I'm just a bit uncomfortable in my stomach, barely an ache, but it's been there for a few weeks."
"Oh darling, why didn't you say anything?"
"I hoped it would go away."
"Is there anything you want me to do?"
"Come with me to Rachel's, I don't know how to break the news to her."
"Shall we drive?"
"No I'd like to walk."
"Do you want John to come too?"
At the mention of John, Marilla's eyes filled with tears. "Oh Anne I hate to put him through this. He's lost one wife already. It's not fair."
Anne clutched her hand. There was nothing she could say to that. It wasn't.
As they walked down the lane Marilla was drinking in the sights, smells and sounds of her little home, wondering how long she'd be able to enjoy it all. She used to chide Anne for her romantic notions, but they made sense now. They arrived at Rachel's and Marilla paused on the doorstep.
"Do you want me to break the news Marilla?"
"I know I should, but it's so hard, we've been friends since the first day of school."
"Don't worry, leave it to me."
Anne knocked. Rachel answered and was surprised to see both women standing at the door. "Why good morning Anne, I didn't know you were here. Good morning Marilla, to what do I owe the honour of your visit?"
"May we sit down Rachel?"
"Yes, of course." Rachel noticed that Marilla hadn't spoken yet.
"Well, it's just that." When it came down to it, Anne found it hard to know how to put it herself; she glanced at Marilla who nodded.
"Is something the matter?" Rachel enquired. Their behaviour was very odd.
"Marilla is ill, Rachel."
"Oh dear, I do hope it's nothing serious."
Marilla's eyes filled with tears. "It's cancer, Rachel. I'm dying."
"Surely the doctor can treat it, can't he cut it out?"
"No, he doesn't think so, he thinks I'm too old for an operation and he doesn't think he could get it all anyway, it's in my stomach."
Rachel, for once in her life, was speechless. The two old friends just looked at each other with tears in their eyes. Anne left them to it and went to the kitchen to fetch some tea.
When she returned Rachel was planning the next month or so. "We'll do all those things we've been putting off all these years, I think dinner at White Sands is in order and a trip to Charlottetown. I've been meaning to explore the shops up there."
"That sounds lovely, Rachel, but what I most want to do is spend time here in my precious Avonlea and Green Gables and of course I must see the grandchildren … again." Marilla's voice caught at the end. It would be her darling children and grandchildren that she would miss the most, and John and Rachel of course. She hated to leave them so soon.
Once Rachel had been told, the word went out across Avonlea. The local cooks came to their rescue; eager to help in any way they could. Every day a cake or a plate of biscuits, a pie or a casserole or a pot of soup was delivered to Green Gables, The town must have set up a roster, because it came gradually, rather than all at once. It was their way of saying that they loved Marilla and John. Certainly it was very much appreciated, neither Anne nor John had any heart for cooking.
A couple of weeks later Marilla and John travelled to Ingleside to see the family. Susan wracked her brains and consulted cookery books to find the most delectable meals in an attempt to entice Marilla to eat, but she had lost her appetite and couldn't manage more than a few bites.
One afternoon shortly after they arrived Anne said "You look tired Marilla, why don't you go for a rest?"
"I think I will, if you don't mind."
Marilla loosened her stays and lay down in the bed and closed her eyes. She was exhausted. The door opened a crack and Nan crept in. "Aunt Marilla, may I keep you company?"
"Oh darling, that would be lovely."
Nan climbed up onto the bed and sat beside her grandmother. "I'll just tell you a story."
"Mm mm I might fall asleep while you're talking darling, but that's not because I'm bored, it's because I'm content."
Nan nodded happily and began weaving a story of princesses and castles. As she drifted off, Marilla wasn't sure who was speaking Anne or Nan?
About an hour later Anne found the two asleep in bed together, Nan's chubby arm resting on Marilla's chest. Afterwards she told Nan to let Marilla rest alone, but Marilla said that Nan had been a great comfort and that she was welcome to join her for a nap anytime.
Marilla, Anne and John went on short walks most afternoons, but Marilla tired quickly, so they would wander home to let Marilla rest in the garden. She was deteriorating quickly.
"John" she confided one day, "I think we should leave before I'm too frail to travel. I want to die at home."
They placed a mattress in the back of the buggy and took her to the train station. The family was due to come in a couple of weeks so they left long goodbyes 'til then, the children kissed their beloved grandmother farewell for now. Anne and John were escorting her home. She watched Ingleside disappear from view as the carriage took her away, knowing full well that she'd never see it again. Life seemed to be a succession of farewells these days.
Davy picked them up from the station. They'd asked him for a mattress in the back of his carriage too. Marilla was exhausted from the train and slept on the ride home. She had wanted to see the view for one last time, but her eyes closed as soon as she made it into the carriage and she did not stir as John carried her up the stairs and into bed.
Rachel arrived shortly after and enquired as to her state.
"She's going downhill Rachel", John said grimly.
"Is she in pain?"
"She hasn't complained about it, but I think she must be."
"Is she eating at all?"
"Barely. The journey exhausted her; I expect she'll sleep til morning Rachel. You're welcome to come by then."
Rachel did return the next day. She was shocked to see how quickly Marilla had deteriorated, but she hid it well.
"Good morning Marilla, I've missed you (and will miss you terribly, she thought). I thought I'd just sit a spell." They walked into the parlour and Marilla reclined on the chaise-longue. Anne bought them both a cup of coffee.
"I'll leave you two to visit. I'll do some washing."
Rachel and Marilla looked at each other. To Marilla's eyes Rachel looked the picture of health, but weeks of little food had caused Marilla to lose weight. She had always been thin, but now she was positively skeletal, there was a grey pallor to her skin as it stretched over her cheekbones.
Rachel picked up her coffee cup and sipped it appreciatively. "Are you having some?"
Marilla eyed the cup. "My hands are a bit shaky these days. I might lose the lot."
"Oh let me help you then." Rachel sat next to her and helped her have a few sips. As she did she could feel Marilla's hip bones jutting through her dress.
"Any more?"
"No that's fine." Rachel dabbed at Marilla's lips with a napkin.
"I'm struggling Rachel. I haven't told John or Anne, but I'm in constant pain now."
"You must tell them dear. They need to know."
"I'm afraid I'll be drugged up to the eyeballs Rachel. I don't want to waste my last days sleeping."
"Well you must let them know when it's unbearable."
"I promise you I will."
The old friends spent the morning reminiscing about old times, laughing when they recalled the exploits of Anne and Davy.
Anne declared that it was time for lunch and asked if Rachel wished to stay. "Will you be eating with us Marilla?"
"I'll try a couple of bites."
"I'll bring the tray in here then."
Anne helped Marilla with her lunch. There was a warm bowl of vegetable soup, she only managed a few spoonfuls.
John appeared. He'd been into town on a quick errand. They sat around the coffee table telling stories until Anne noticed that Marilla was drifting off. She nudged John mid-story, he picked her up and carried her up to bed.
"Anne how are you faring dear?" Rachel enquired kindly.
"It's hard to watch her disappear before my eyes Rachel. She rescued me, I wish I could do the same for her."
"You did already Anne."
"Whatever do you mean?"
'I mean you saved Marilla when you arrived here all those years ago."
"I think you're muddled Rachel, they saved me."
"Anne dear, they merely existed before you arrived. You brought them both back. Marilla always said her life began when you turned up. As small and skinny as you were you breathed life into Green Gables and all who dwelt in her."
Anne was shocked. "I never thought of it like that. I was just appreciative that they rescued me; I never thought I did anything in return."
"Well you did. She freely admits it. You should ask her about it."
Anne had much to ponder after Rachel left. Had she saved Matthew and Marilla? In her own crazy way, she supposed she must have.
The minister visited every couple of days and they would pray together. Marilla had always had a great faith in God and found his visits very comforting.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
He leadeth me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.*
They fell into a routine. Marilla would sleep late and when she woke up, John would carry her down stairs. She liked to lie on a couch they brought out to the veranda so she could see what was going on outside. While the warm weather lasted she wanted to spend as much time out there as she could. The fall colours were so bright, and cheerful. She told Anne that this was her favourite time of the year. She was pleased she got to see one more autumn.
Anne and John took turns doing chores and sitting with her. They had a nice time telling Anne all about their exploits over the past few years; their trips to New York, meeting Madame Melba and the time John ended up as part of a vaudeville act; the time they nearly lost Jem and Walter to the rip; the big blizzard of a year past; how she had cared for John when he broke his leg, Davy found them lying in the mud singing Ta Ra Ra Boom De Ay; what fun it had been going sledding with the children that Christmas when Santa had visited.
They told her about the weekend away at White Sands for their first anniversary and how they met the Smithers, how cold they found it on the beach, while John and Marilla were enjoying the warmth of the sand; John declared the spitched eel the most delicious thing he'd ever eaten. Anne squirmed when John teased Marilla about the places they found sand that night; Marilla noticed and told her she had to get used to the idea that they had enjoyed a full and physical marriage.
There was the time the children thought Marilla might be pregnant; they all mused about the Lizzie Borden case and who might have done it; how Marilla had taught John how to cook; just how unbearable Mary Maria had been, Anne laughed when she reminded Marilla just how short a time she had put up with her.
One afternoon Anne mentioned what Rachel had said a few weeks prior. That Anne herself had brought Marilla back to life.
"Oh yes, she's completely correct Anne. I was living a half-life before you arrived. I thought we needed a boy to help Matthew with the farm work, when what I needed was a girl to rescue me from utter boredom. We should really have thanked Mrs Spencer's niece for the error."
Marilla was lying on the chaise-longue and Anne was feeding her some beef stew. "Just one more spoonful now." Marilla was pretty full despite only having slowly eaten three spoonfuls. It was delicious, Mrs Andrews had provided it, but Marilla's appetite had dwindled to almost nothing now. She eyed the next mouthful with something bordering on disgust, although objectively she knew it was tasty. Obediently she opened her mouth for just a little bit more, just to please Anne. It felt foreign in her mouth and she swallowed it as best she could. The next thing she knew her stomach was objecting to the food in a violent manner, and she was vomiting her entire lunch and breakfast up and out in a massive spray.
Anne looked on in shock, and there was a pause while she collected her wits. She rushed off to find some towels, leaving Marilla sitting on the chaise-longue with vomit in her lap and dripping off her skirts. Anne rushed back in and put a towel on the floor, she helped Marilla upright and unbuttoned her dress.
"I'm s-s-so s-s-sorry" Marilla's teeth chattered. She was chilly all of a sudden, and not just because she was partially undressed.
"It's fine", Anne replied "doesn't matter a whit. Next time you say you're full, I'll believe you."
Anne helped Marilla take off the soiled dress. John appeared. "Everythi... oh it's not all right is it." He said taking in the scene before him. A half dressed Marilla was standing before a vomit bespattered Anne. He sprang over to help.
"What happened?"
"I cajoled Marilla to eat one ..." Marilla went another shade of green at Anne's words.
"I'll tell you later, let's just sort this out."
"Shall I take you up to bed Marilla, leave Anne to get cleaned up?"
He picked her up and said over his shoulder "We need to hire a nurse Anne." He laid Marilla down on the bed and swung her legs around.
"John I think I soiled myself too." Marilla admitted shyly. John peeked under her petticoat, it was streaked with reddish brown faeces.
"Oh dear, yes you did." He rushed downstairs to fetch some water and more towels.
Anne was wiping the couch. "Oh, what now?"
"It came out both ends."
She visibly blanched.
"Don't worry I'll look after this. We'll need a bath afterwards." John dashed back upstairs with a bowl of warm water, soap and a handful of towels. "Let's get these petticoats off darling." It was a messy business, the diarrhoea had gone everywhere. Anne had to come up to assist. Marilla was exhausted and fell asleep before they were finished. John and Anne silently worked, cleaning her and changing the bedsheets.
"So what did happen Anne?"
"When she says she's had enough, don't cajole her into more. That's all I'll say."
"Right. Got it."
They left her in the bed and crept downstairs. John pulled out the bathtub. Anne was shocked at the size of it, "You could fit two people in there." He filled every receptacle he could lay his hands on and put them on the stove.
As they waited for the water to heat, he bought up the topic from before, "I know we've delayed getting a nurse Anne, but I think we need one now. An extra pair hands would have been very useful today, plus she's embarrassed when we see her this way."
"Yes. I know. I just hoped we could manage ourselves, but you're right."
"I didn't like the look of her faeces, there was a lot of blood in it. I'm going to call the doctor.
The doctor arrived shortly after. "Had a bad day?" He asked.
"Yes." They described the scene of devastation.
"It happens. Do you think you need a trained nurse to assist with her care?"
"Yes we do."
"I'll organise one for you. She should arrive tomorrow."
They were such an intimate household of three that it was strange to welcome another person in. But they knew Nurse Weekly, she had looked after John when he broke his leg. She was sorry to meet her patient and to see her in this state.
"Good morning Mrs Blythe. I'm here to give Mr Blythe, Mrs Blythe and you a hand."
"Nurse, I think you'll have to call us all by our first names, or it will get too confusing. It's Marilla, John and Anne."
"Very well, first names it is, I'm Grace." Grace bustled around, taking Marilla's temperature, fixing her pillows, checking the water jug was full. "Do you need anything else Marilla? A drink of water perhaps?"
"Yes, just a sip please." Grace bent over and gave Marilla a drink. "I've heard it's a case of a little at a time."
"Oh you heard about that did you? Yes, it was rather messy here yesterday, I felt like such a fool."
"You mustn't think that way Marilla. You're ill, it's not your fault. It's not like you did it on purpose."
One day Marilla commented "You know, Anne, I think perhaps you ought to summon Gilbert and the children. I don't think I'm going to last too much longer. I want to say farewell to them all, they're all so gorgeous. I'm going to miss them. I wish I could watch them all grow up and have children of their own, but at least I can imagine Jem and Di's red-headed children and all the rest."
A couple of days later Gilbert arrived with all the children in tow. He had warned them that their grandmother was very ill, would look thinner than before and may not be awake for long. All they had to remember was that she loved them very much and dearly wanted to see them.
"Is she going to die, Dad?" Jem asked tremulously.
"Yes son she is."
"Isn't there anything you can do, Dad, you're a doctor?" Di asked.
"No sweetie, even us doctors have our limits. Aunt Marilla is very ill. We just have to show her we love her and support Mum and Grandpa too."
The children all crowded around her on the veranda when they arrived. They were shocked at how she looked. Gilbert had warned them not to mention it, but it wasn't easy. Their beloved grandmother was wasting away. "Aunt Maywilla, are you weally going to die?" Rilla asked.
Anne gasped and went to hush her, but Marilla waved her concerns away. "I'm afraid I am, darling."
"Are you scared?"
"No, I know I'll be reunited with my beloved Matthew and I'll meet your big sister Joy who I only knew for such a little time. I'll be looking down on you all, watching you grow up."
"Will you be in heaven then?" Nan wanted to know.
"I sincerely hope so, darling. Even if I'm not here to talk to in person, don't think that means you can't talk to me, I'll still be listening, even if I can't answer." Anne led the children away after that. Marilla didn't have the stamina for long conversations.
Gilbert sat down next to her. "How are you Marilla? Are you in much pain?"
"A bit, it's bearable though."
"I'm pretty sure it isn't. Can't I give you something for it?"
"I don't want to miss out on anything yet, Gilbert."
Gilbert and the children stayed for a couple of days, but they could tell that the children were exhausting her. Anne and Gilbert discussed it after dinner one day, Marilla asleep in her bed. "I think you better take them home tomorrow, Gil. It's too much for her." Gilbert broke the news to the children in the morning. It was hard, he knew they would never see her again. They all kissed her farewell. Nan and Di gave her a bunch of flowers they had gathered. They were all openly crying and waving as Davy drove the carriage out the gate.
John went to pick her up one morning to take her down stairs as usual and she groaned as sweat broke out on her brow.
"Mar you're in pain."
She nodded at him with gritted teeth. "I'll ring the doctor."
The doctor walked in shortly after and said "Mrs Blythe you've held out longer than most. In fact I can't recall another patient who hasn't succumbed by this stage. I'm just going to give you some morphia. That will help." He slid the needle into her vein and they watched as her body, tense with acute pain, relaxed as the drug did its work. She fell asleep at once.
"How long do you think she has Doc?"
"Only a few days now; we'll have to keep her pain free. Her quality of life has been diminishing as the cancer has taken hold."
"She's barely made a complaint."
"She's a strong woman John. I'd say she's been downplaying her pain for some time. I know she was trying to put off this moment for as long as possible."
If Marilla couldn't make it outside any more, Anne made it her job to bring the world to her. She gathered late flowering roses and fall leaves to place in her room, replacing them every day. She sat down and described the scene outdoors to her and read poetry as Grace bustled around.
"Hope" is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I've heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity -
It asked a crumb - of me.**
Anne wandered up the lane one day and knocked on Rachel's door.
"Oh Anne, how are you dear?"
"I just need..." Words failed her.
"Come in dear, sit yourself down and I'll make us a cup of tea." Anne did as she bid and sat there staring out at nothing. Rachel bustled about setting out the tea things, sensing that Anne needed some space. Rachel poured the tea and Anne absent mindedly took it up and drank it. She was silent. Rachel followed her cue, she patted Anne on the hand and Anne clasped hers back. They sat in silence for a while. "I think you had better come up and say farewell soon Rachel. She hasn't got long now."
"I will Anne. I'm going to miss her." Tears ran down Anne's face. After about an hour she thanked Rachel for the tea and excused herself.
The next day Rachel knocked on the door of Green Gables and Anne admitted her. Rachel walked up the stairs and into the bedroom. Marilla was asleep, Rachel bent down and kissed her on her thin cheek and sat down next to her. Rachel didn't want to disturb her. She thought about all the times they'd spent together over the years. Oh she was going to miss her friend. They had had a wonderful relationship. After a while John came in and roused Marilla, "Mar, Rachel is here." Marilla opened her eyes, smiled at Rachel and whispered "Good afternoon Rachel." She was so quiet Rachel had to bend down to hear her.
"Good afternoon dear." There wasn't any point in asking how she was, she was dying. "I'll just sit with you a while, shall I?" Marilla imperceptibly nodded. Speaking was hard work, listening too, but she was happy to have her oldest friend there for comfort. She drifted off to sleep again and Rachel tip-toed out. She hugged John and Anne and walked home, sobbing.
John lay down in bed next to Marilla, she had stopped speaking, but she was still conscious and listening. He said "mind that time just after our wedding when Anne and Gilbert visited, we made love noisily and they ran away the next day, we laughed so hard." Marilla looked at him and smiled wanly. Laughter was beyond her, but she remembered that incident fondly.
She looked at him lovingly, hoping he knew the depth of her affection. She couldn't tell him, she was too weak to talk, but she loved having him there with her, just the two of them. She reached her hand out to him; it fell far short. Luckily he saw the gesture for what it was. He caressed her cheek, wiped her beautiful grey hair back from her forehead and reached over to clasp her hand and kissed her forehead. "I love you so much Marilla Blythe. kiss Thank you for being my wife. kiss I just wish we had had more time together, kiss but we had a wonderful time, kiss if not a long time. kiss Don't worry, I know how much kiss you love me, kiss even if you cannot tell me now, kiss I know. Rest easy, my darling." kiss kiss kiss
She had never cherished him more than in that moment. Their devotion went beyond words. Their love was pure and beautiful and unending, transcending death. She mouthed the words 'I love you' at him. No sound came out, but he understood perfectly.
Marilla fell asleep shortly afterwards. Wrapped in his warm arms, she felt safe and oh so treasured. She couldn't have been happier. She dreamt about their first dance. Twirling, dizzy, breathless. Her nut-brown hair, loosely tied with a pretty blue ribbon was sailing out over her shoulders; her pink dress was likewise whirling in circles. She felt lighter than air, her feet her tripping over themselves in an effort to go faster faster faster. His big brown hands were around her slim waist, saving her from falling. They were dancing, dancing to the lively music. She could see his laughing eyes as he twirled with her. His lips were just in reach and she leant up to him, she could feel his warm lips on hers as they kissed...
John felt her small weight in his arms, she was so thin, and he could feel every rib and her hips. Oh how he adored her, it broke his heart to lose her, but he knew how much she hurt. He would have given anything; he would have endured anything, to take her pain away. All he could do was tell her how much he adored her. He fell asleep eventually, his arms wrapped around her ravaged body.
He woke up early in the morning, somewhat stiff, her cold body still in his arms. "Oh Marilla" he sobbed. As much as he had predicted the end, he found he hadn't been prepared at all. He wept all over her nightgown which soaked up his tears. He lay there with her for some time until Grace came in to check on her. She found him lying next to Marilla's dead body.
"John ... John." He looked blearily up at her. "She's gone hasn't she."
He looked at her beautiful body and whispered "Yes, she's gone."
"Shall I leave you for a while longer?"
He nodded.
Grace knocked on Anne's door gently and walked in. Anne woke with a start. She said quietly "Marilla's gone. John is still with her, she died in her sleep."
Anne wept then too, she had tried to be brave for Marilla, for John and for Rachel, but at Grace's words a dam broke within and the tears flowed out of her. Grace hugged her. She didn't try to stop Anne from crying; it was perfectly natural.
Anne stood and looked at the body of her beloved mother. She couldn't cry just now, her tears had dried up. What she could do though was wash her. She heard the door open and turned around to see Rachel and Dora in the doorway. Wordlessly they walked over and helped Anne undress Marilla's emaciated body. Dora fetched some warm water, soap and a few cloths. Together they washed her, wiping each limb, her hands and feet and fingers and toes. They washed her breasts and stomach and turned her over to wash her back. Anne cleaned her face and brushed her hair. Then they dressed her again in her favourite blue dress and folded her hands across her stomach. Each of them bent down to kiss her on her forehead and said a silent goodbye.
John lay down next to her in bed. For one last time he wanted to fall asleep next to her. He had loved her when he was young, was estranged from her for far too long, and wondrously found her again in old age. They had shared a wonderful, if all too brief, marriage. He honestly didn't know how he could live without her and wasn't sure if he wanted to. Gilbert and Anne had offered him a place to live with them and he supposed he would. Rachel was moving in with one of her daughters.
Davy and Millie would move into Green Gables and fill it with love and laughter again.
* Psalm 23
** Hope is a Thing with Feathers, Emily Dickinson
A/N I'm publishing this as a stand-alone story because I want to leave the door open for more stories about JoRilla.