What do you think you're doing?
Stop. Stop.
You squirm in his grasp, your arms draped lazily over his shoulders while he grips your waist. Your head rests peacefully on his shoulder, and your breath warms his neck. You're tired. He holds you, quietly, a satisfied smile creeping onto his face as your lips brush his skin. You curve your spine inward, pressing against him. He reaches up to comb his fingers through your hair, gently working through the tangles. You press your face into his shoulder. Your body heat stays trapped against him, with no means of escape.
Your mind floats back to a sort of consciousness. How late is it? Perhaps if you close your eyes for another minute or two, time will go slower...
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through...
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you.
No. You shouldn't be here. It's late. Call home.
You pull your arms sleepily from his grasp, freeing yourself every-so-slightly from his trap. He looms over you, trying to pull you in for another kiss, but you shake your head no. He leans back, huffing annoyedly to himself. You tug your long hair over your shoulder and wriggle into a normal sitting position. You examine a tear in your shirt, exposing your ribcage. Another item of business that will require some sort of explanation. Sollux crosses his arms, pleased with himself. You pry your cell phone out of your tight jeans pocket. Straight to speed dial.
"Are you calling your boyfriend?" He almost laughs. You press the phone to your ear, nodding embarrassedly at him. You hold a finger to your lips, and he quiets down, listening intently.
You wait for three rings before he picks up. You cross your other arm over your stomach, which aches from shame. It's past one in the morning, but he sounds wide awake.
"Fef?" Your stomach settles a bit at the sound of his voice.
"Hi, Eridan."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"I called you like an hour ago. Where are you?"
"Uh," you struggle for a lie as Sollux snickers behind you, "I was working overtime, got caught up in traffic downtown. I'll be home as soon as possible."
That sounds reasonable, you decide. And true, depending on how you look at it. You hold your breath through his silence. There have been too many of these phone calls, and too many excuses. You fear he's getting suspicious.
"...Okay," he sighs, not daring to question your unlikely story, "I'll be waiting when you get home. Love you."
"Yeah," you swallow guiltily, "I, uh, love you too." A click concludes the phone call.
Sollux laughs out loud this time. You cast your eyes to the floor. Cheating isn't something to be proud of. He slides off the couch, grabbing you playfully around the waist and tugging you into his lap. Your phone falls to the floor.
"C'mere sweetheart, he won't miss you for another hour."
Even the best fall down sometimes,
Even the stars refuse to shine.
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find...
You and I collide.
You squeal in surprise, trying to tug away from his grasp.
"I have to get home!" You push him away, but he just presses closer to you. He never takes you seriously. He just likes to play.
"Whatever," he rolls his eyes, and you stumble off the couch, snatching your phone off the floor. He nods you a goodbye, and you slip on your sandals and escape the humid fumes of his apartment as quick as you can manage.
I'm open, you're closed,
Where I follow, you'll go.
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again...
You forgot you jacket, didn't you? It doesn't matter. You're not going back in there. You love Sollux, but he's hard to manage sometimes. Hard to restrain. He doesn't take no for an answer. You stare longingly at the buttons of the elevator. How you wish you could just ride the elevator up and down forever, and be lulled to sleep by cheerful rhythm of Elton John radiating from the dusty speakers. You're sick of it, to be honest. Making secret love. Coming home angry and tired. Lying and crying yourself to sleep. You could leave it all behind if you never got off the elevator.
The ring of a bell announces your arrival at the ground floor. You make your way to the street, carefully avoiding the eye of every stranger staggering home after a late-night party. Your shoulders are covered in little goosebumps, and you try to cover up the rip in your shirt with locks of your hair. Your eyes stay glued to your feet for the block or so that you walk in the cold night air. Eridan will be there for you when you get home. You wonder if he's stayed up all night waiting for you to get home from your "long work day". Your stomach twists itself into a knot. You never made yourself out as a cheater... It just happened. And now you're stuck this way. Nice going. What's he going to think when he sees your hair and makeup? And your shirt? You look like you've been rolling around on the carpet for three hours, not working overtime in a secretarial cubicle.
After a brief trot around the block, you decide you'd better get your ass inside before you freeze to death. Your breath rises in little clouds of steam that evaporate before they can float very far above your head. You sigh. You make through the squeaky door of the split-level house, in which you and Eridan live on the top half. You try to close the door quietly behind you, but it clatters closed. You cringe, huffing up the stairs.
Eridan sits at the table, which has been almost completely swallowed by bank notes, bills, and various other articles of paperwork. His head rests on the lid of his closed laptop, eyes closed. He hears your footsteps on the hardwood floor, and shifts to a sitting position, eyes fluttering to life. You bite your bottom lip and stand awkwardly before him.
"I'm home," you whisper, almost to yourself.
He straightens his back and looks eagerly towards you. "I was wonderin' when you'd get back."
Confess. Sooner the better.
"Yeah, well..." You scratch your neck and inconspicuously toss your hair over your shoulder. You can trace his glance, from your messy makeup to your torn shirt. Putting the pieces together. His eyes grow wider and he shakes his head a little bit, looking to you for confirmation. You nod slowly. Eridan sighs and rests his head in his hands.
"So did you have a good time with him, or what?"
Your heart plummets, even though you saw it coming.
"Eridan, I-"
"I know," he runs his fingers through his hair, "I figured. I don't blame you."
He pushes his chair back from the table, and crosses his legs dejectedly. You stare awkwardly at him. His face is completely neutral. You can't catch even a glimmer of emotion. You wipe the start of a tear from beneath your eye. He smiles sadly at you, rising to a standing position. You tilt your head in confusion. He beckons you towards the balcony, which jets out of the dining room and looks down a steep hillside. The stars are awfully bright tonight.
He leans over the edge of the balcony for a moment, glancing first to the rows of houses below, and then to the stars above. He tugs an especially beautiful ring off one of his fingers. An engagement ring... you have one to match. He twirls it affectionately between his fingers before throwing it as hard as he can off the balcony. It twinkles in the sky for a moment, like a star, before falling into darkness. He shoots you a harsh glance.
"Your turn."
You look to the stars as you work the ring off of your own finger. Your hand feels freer, more powerful without the metal band keeping you down. You launch it into oblivion. You stare after it, your tears fully formed, and rolling quietly down your cheeks.
"There."
You turn to him, desperate for reconciliation. He returns your glance, quietly, calmly.
"Can I kiss you goodbye?" You whisper.
He shakes his head. "Please don't. Just leave."
"Where am I supposed to-"
"Go to Sollux's," he shrugs, "I'm sure he'd be more than happy to have you to himself."
There are so many things you could say. I still love you, it was just a mistake! Please forgive me. I'll never do it again. But none of that is true, so you just nod.
He puts an arm around your shoulder and leads you inside. You stand by the door as he fetches one of his own jackets to drape around your cold shoulders. He zips it up for you. You just stand there. He wraps a scarf around your freezing neck, his own scarf. You say nothing.
"Okay, you're good to go," he rubs your shoulder affectionately. "If you ever need anything..."
"I'll be by to pick up my stuff tomorrow, probably."
"Yeah, okay."
"I'm so sorry-" you begin.
"Don't be," his voice cracks.
You stand in the doorway, awkwardly adjusting his jacket on your chest. He looks expectantly towards with you.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to say," you admit.
"There's nothing you're supposed to say," he sighs disappointedly, "I just thought there might be something you'd want to say."
And there is something you want to say. About your feelings for him, which exist, but are difficult to decipher, and impossible to label. About your feelings for Sollux, which are hard to suppress and easier to classify. About yourself, for once.
You don't end up saying anything, just shoving your hands in your pockets and re-walking the block to the apartment building that sets you on edge every time. The door to the split-level stays open until you can't see it anymore. You look over your shoulder halfway down the block, just to check. Eridan needs you. You need him. Sollux wants you. You want him.
You can't help but feel like you've broken something precious.
Even the best fall down sometimes,
Even the stars refuse to shine.
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find...
You and I collide.