CHAPTER ONE: A CLUB CALLED EIKEN
CHAPTER START
Kiactu couldn't believe his luck. Due to some incident, he was holding on to the chest of the school idol but at the same time, he was hoping that she wouldn't scream and that he could make it before a mob mentality formed. He didn't know whether to count this situation as lucky or just plain unlucky.
As long as she didn't scream, he could forget about the slowly creeping crowd surrounding him. Getting off the girl, Kiactu tried to act like what had happened didn't and brushed himself off. Before he could apologize to the girl she up and ran, leaving him to deal with the crowd of jealous potential boyfriends. "Where did today go wrong?"
This was his second week at Zanshono Private Academy. He was walking to class with his friends (and adoptive brother Densuke, who was still included in the whole "friends" thing) and talking about how cool it was to get into the school of 54,000. "All the clubs are trying to score new members," Todoroki explained. "I was asked to join the basketball club."
Their other friend, a short stocky boy, was asked to join the judo club. Kiactu hadn't been scouted for a club however and Densuke was in the soccer club as he had a scholarship to the school thanks to it. It was lucky that Kiactu had gotten the boy hooked onto football (AN: That's the official term for soccer in Japan for American viewers). Densuke tried to get his brother into the sport, but Kiactu didn't want to.
"Eh. I just want to get home. That game I wanted is now in stores and if I don't hurry up all the copies are going to be gone!" Not to mention he was going to spend every hour he had playing that game. "But you already preordered it! They have to keep a copy for you!" Densuke pointed out.
"Supply and demand motherfucker!" They supply it and he demands it with little to no violent protest. Don't hold him to that. While talking to Densuke, Kiactu didn't look where he was going exactly and fell, landing on something soft. "Thank god for this rather jiggly pillow," he said aloud before picking himself up. Looking down, Kiactu noticed that it wasn't a pillow, but a girl who stared up at the boy as if she was going to cry.
Chiharu Shinonome, Kiactu recollected a conversation between Densuke, Shimada, Todoroki, and himself about the A-class student. She's been scouted by all of the clubs but she refused them by saying that she was already a member of one. Her grades are topnotch and she's really athletic. Not to mention she's single.
"Your hands . . ." the girl started to say. Kiactu leaned closer to hear, pushing his hands deeper on her chest unintentionally. "Eh?" he asked. "PLEASE TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF MY CHEST!" Kiactu stood up abruptly, watching the girl run off. "So, how'd it feel to touch Shinonome-san's breast?" someone in the crowd behind him asked. Kiactu could feel the heated glares at his back and gulped.
"Please have mercy on this pitiful guy," he muttered. Unfortunately, no one did. "Don't say I didn't ask." In a half minute later the grounds were littered with people in various degrees of unconsciousness. "I have to hand it to Naruto," he said aloud. "His School of Hard Knocks thing really did come in handy. But I'm not going to tell him that when I get back."
Whistling a jaunty tune, Kiactu then stopped as he stepped down on something uneven. Looking down he noticed that it was someone's rather kiddie wallet with a picture of a cartoon bear with a wide "X" for a mouth and the word "KUMA" written underneath. "I think this may be her wallet." Somehow, he didn't doubt that. What self-respecting guy had some kiddie-looking accessory? (AN: - Looks at Kingdom Hearts games and poster, Adventure Time Jake footie pajamas, backpack, and wool cap, and Yu-Gi-Oh bedspread, beach towel, and picture in a frame – Yeah . . . Who? . . .)
It was still pretty warm, probably from sitting in her pocket all day. Kiactu shrugged. Guess it was up to him to find the girl and return her wallet. Then he just had to leave her alone and get on with the rest of his stay here before he moved on within the term he was here (which was enough time for him to go to school and disappear off the face of the Earth). And no, Kiactu is not an alien . . . in the traditional sense.
"Despite that earlier show, this boy has a lack of presence." The voice came from what seemed to be a young child wearing goggles and a large lab coat much bigger than her. The target moved around, like he was aware he was being watched. "His average brain capacity . . ." The shout of "AVERAGE!" could be heard halfway across the campus. ". . . and physique." Kiactu suddenly felt self-conscious about his body.
"I know it's not as fit as a bodybuilder's, but I like being track-athlete fit," he grumbled to himself.
"He would be great for our club." His mood improved. "What do you think, Kirika?" A taller woman with a bigger chest (and more shapely body) congratulated the little one. "Good work, Kyoko! You're putting your ex-science club skills to good use!" Kiactu still looked around, trying his hardest to find who was both boosting his ego and destroying it just as easily. Kiactu didn't know how to feel at that moment so he decided to go both ways.
People would wonder about the bipolar kid who went through two emotions on the opposite side of the spectrum immediately following the other.
Eventually Kiactu made it to the wing to find that said building was filled to the brim with high school students trying to grab underclassmen for their clubs. Kiactu would feel something for being rejected by many of them if he cared at all.
"I wonder where she is," he said, strolling past a young girl calling out to him. She was shorter than the average high-school student with long hair done up into two ponytails on the side of her head. The girl was wearing what appeared to be a waitress' uniform that did little to hide the bust. Of course it drew Kiactu's attention as they were bigger than some of his associates throughout the time he's been dimension-hopping.
"Um . . . would you like to join our club and cook?" the girl said, but Kiactu was too distracted to say anything. 'I wonder if she stuffs,' he thought to himself. 'Though for someone so young, there's no way she'd even care enough to stuff. But there's no way that's all natural!' Whatever creator of this world just wanted a big breasted loli.
When he eventually tore his eyes away from her chest, the girl seemed to get all teary and ran off. "Man that was legendary," Kiactu said to himself. "I should find her and apologize later though." Back to looking for Shinonome to give her back her wallet.
Kiactu was stopped once more by a paw giving him a balloon. He grabbed it and followed the arm to a massive bear with a bowtie. He thanked the bear and kept moving, thinking to himself that it was a mascot. That was when its mouth latched onto the back of his skull and he panicked. 'Crap! People are going to think I'm a freak if they see the back of my head missing and I'm still walking around!' he thought to himself. He tried running to pry it off before realizing that the teeth were fake.
"The nerve of some people," Kiactu muttered to himself before continuing on. The next person that tried to recruit him held out a cup of tea on a serving tray. She was a tall young woman of English descent with blonde hair done up into two buns. The girl wore a short Chinese dress displaying her long tan legs.
"Thanks." With that, Kiactu downed the tea. "Again, thanks a ton." He was feeling thirsty after that "bear" attack and this English girl was giving him a drink. No, girl was too lenient a word for this goddess before him. "Would you happen to know where the owner of this wallet is?" he asked as he reached into his jacket for said object. Kiactu was stopped by a knife nearly hitting him in the neck and severing his carotid artery.
Without missing a beat, Kiactu pulled the knife from the wall to block the small sword aiming for his Adam's apple and glared at the attacker. It was a tall man about seven feet with long blond hair in a suit (or woman; Kiactu couldn't tell which). He/she was dressed in a black trench coat over a suit, leading the impression that the person was male. However, Kiactu has dealt with people who look like guys and dressed like guys but really weren't of the male variety.
"I really don't have time for this," Kiactu muttered to himself before dropping the knife. He moved out of what he perceived the man's* range to be and moved away, keeping sure to keep his guard up should he be attacked again. You'd think after the bear he'd be on guard but no. He wasn't.
'First, a bubbly maid-type big-breasted loli,' Kiactu thought to himself. 'Then a person in a bear suit so realistic that I almost thought it was an actual bear, and finally the English Chinese girl in the qipao with the knife-wielding butler. What's next? A robot girl? A ghost? A vampire?'
While in his thoughts, Kiactu bumped into someone. Turning to apologize, Kiactu got a glimpse of her chest as her gym shirt somehow pushed up past her breasts, exposing her bloomers and stomach. He caught himself staring and apologized before attempting to help her up. "Ow . . . My foot," she groaned. Kiactu stared at the girl before looking elsewhere and thinking about what he was supposed to do.
"I guess I can help get her wallet after I help this girl," he said to himself. Though it was loud enough for the young woman to hear. He scratched the back of his head before contemplating helping the girl. "Yeah. I guess I can," he said aloud.
She was given a piggyback ride through the school as Kiactu hurried to find her destination. With each turn he seemed to hurry to get back to his original objective. Eventually Kiactu found it only to realize that it was a dead-end. "Huh. That's weird," he said as he faced the brick wall. "It's . . . This is a trap, isn't it?"
"Engage forced invitation!" the girl yelled. Kiactu began to struggle, trying his best to tear out of the girl's grasp. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kiactu growled.
"Don't worry, little guy," the girl told him. Keep in mind he was an inch or two shorter than she was. "This won't hurt a bit." One of the walls exploded, revealing the small girl from before driving a heavyset mech as thick as a tank. One of its fists stopped an inch from Kiactu's face, making him flinch in anticipation for the pain.
She raised its hand into the air before shouting "Flash!" With a push of the lever in her cockpit, the hand fell like a hammer, knocking Kiactu into a daze. "He won't wake up for a while, Kirika."
"Good Kyoko. Let's take him to the club room."
Kiactu could feel himself coming to only to find the person he had been searching for carrying a bowl of water with a towel. He pulled the one off his head before growling as he experienced a faint sense of vertigo. "Did you get the number of the truck that hit me?" he groaned as he held his head. "I have to find that girl and get her back her wallet." He got up and nearly fell over from the pain in his head. He got a good look at his surroundings. ". . . Where am I?"
"Oh, you're in the Eiken club room."
"Eiken?" he asked. "How did I get here?"
"I apologize," she said as she bowed.
"For what?"
"They told me they brought you because you were unconscious. Seems like Kirika was up to her strange invitation tactics." Kiactu recalled before everything went black that the tall girl's name was in fact Kirika. Now he had someone to blame for him feeling like shit. "Where is that Amazon," he growled as his eyes tried to focus.
"Who are you calling an Amazon?"
Kiactu glared at the culprit before clutching his head. It wouldn't do to get mad at the girl when everything was in jumbles. He noticed the crowd behind her consisting of everyone that tried scouting him. Though they all tried to deny it.
"Did I try scouting him?" the English Chinese asked. The giant bear made a sound, which was translated by the loli maid into that she didn't know him. Kiactu sighed, grateful that they didn't remember him and yet sad. "Who cares?" Kirika said aloud. "You've joined the club so they'll get to know you soon enough." She saw the questioning gaze on his face and decided to show him the evidence.
Kyoko grabbed him using her mech's hand to properly stop him should he try to escape. "This isn't right!" Chiharu said as she clasped Kirika's legs. "We should take him to the hospital before he bleeds out!" The tall and stacked girl held a club application in her hands while she tried to kick the girl off before placing it in front of Kiactu's unconscious body. "Uh-ah! Let go, sweety! Sign the membership agreement, Maheem Kiactu!"
Kiactu's limp body was held by Kyoko's mech Gustav and a shoddy impression of his voice could be heard, like you could tell that a girl was trying to deepen her voice. "Yay! I'm so happy!" the impostor's voice said in a vain attempt to copy Kiactu's deep enough to be considered a teen male's voice. "Hurray Eiken Club! Kirika you're the best! I'm totally joining the club!" Trying to make it look as convincing as normal as a near-dead body (Kiactu was obviously bleeding out, but it seemed no one tried to do anything about it) writing his name, they had his hand taped to the pen and drawing out his signature using Gustav's hand.
"First off: WHY DID NO ONE TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL?!" Kiactu roared. "YOU GUYS SAW I WAS NEAR DEAD! And secondly: Isn't this technically forging documents and tampering with evidence? Besides, how did you guys get my name anyhow?"
"To answer your first question because you healed within seconds of the video being taped. It'll be deleted and inaccessible from anyone other than Kyoko when you officially join, and you don't really need to know the details of how we learned your name."
Of course Kyoko told him anyway that she had hacked the school's server. "Do you want me to redesign the government's website?" she asked. Kiactu denied it, hoping to never get on this girl's bad side. She may be able to get past C.O.M.P.'s firewall and learn all his secrets, including his porn stash.
The video continued on with Chiharu trying to defend their new member's rights. "You sound like you don't want him in the club." The girl in question was trying to stop the video from showing. It raised questions in Kiactu's mind that he tried to come up with answers for. "Ah-hah!" The Kirika on the screen said with a smirk. "It's because he's the first guy to touch your boobs."
The girl looked shocked both on and in front of the screen. Almost as if she had gotten caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. Kiactu said nothing and just stared at the girl, who looked away. He ignored the commentary from the girls in the background. "It was a total accident," he defended much to Chiharu's agreement.
"I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it."
"How did you know?" he asked Kirika, who told him that she had her sources. As far as he could tell, he was sure she wasn't there when it came to it. Of course, it would explain a lot if her "sources" just so happened to be that she heard them while being around the other students. "By the way, how were her 88 cm breasts?" she asked, whispering in his ear that hers were 99 cm. Kiactu's ears twitched at hearing that. "Nice and firm?"
Kiactu coughed into his hand to cover his blush. "I hadn't noticed," he said, his eyes not meeting anyone else's. They were the firmest he had ever felt in a while. Mostly because he was distracted with other things. "You were hanging on to them for a while. Did you do it on purpose?"
"Even I'm not that desperate," Kiactu said with a blush on his face. "I'm pretty sure I would be able to date someone and do . . . things." Kirika smiled at his answer before holding him close to her like a stuffed animal. "A lot of guys want to join because of the girls."
'Could've fooled me,' Kiactu thought to himself. That was when his friends decided to show themselves. "Hey Kiactu," Todoroki said as he, Densuke, and Shimada appeared in the window. "We all had heard you joined a club."
"The upperclassmen told us you faked an accident to grab Chiharu's boobies," Shimada pointed out. Kiactu slid from Kirika's grasp before clutching his neck. "What kind of backwards assholes would think that?" he asked with a growl. He then felt a bit of anger at him though he was pretty sure he didn't piss anyone off within the last few seconds. Kiactu turned to face an angry Chiharu and grimaced. A smack reverberated around the room and Kiactu felt an angry mark on his face as the girl ran off, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Dammit, I'm a gentleman before anything else," Kiactu growled out loud before turning to watch where she ran off to. "I was just looking for Chiharu to give her wallet back to her. How the hell did that come to the fact that I want to touch her boobs?!" His cheek still stung before he sighed once more.
Kiactu looked at the girls with a smile before leaving the wallet on a table by the doorway. Something impacted off the back of his head, making him catch it and stare back at the culprit. "If you're a man, you shouldn't leave things unresolved like this," Kirika said with a massive grin on her face. "Are you a man, Maheem Kiactu?"
A fire started burning in Kiactu's eyes as he gritted his teeth. "I'm THE MAN!" he roared as he clenched his fist. "Who dares question if I'm man enough or not?!" At Kirika's beckoning, he ran off to find the owner of the wallet and give her a piece of his mind. "Who the hell does that Amazon think she is, asking if I'm man or not?! The women here can't handle my manliness!" It was like a fire spread around him as he ran off.
"Yeah . . . That seems about like Kiactu," Densuke said with a sweatdrop.
Chiharu kept running through the hallways of Zanshono, trying to just run from the boy who tried to harass her when she heard an "URYAAAAAH!" Turning back, she nearly gasped. Following behind was a determined Kiactu on fire in her eyes. She had to be hallucinating.
"Wait!" he yelled, trying to get her attention.
"Don't follow me!"
"Listen to me, dammit!"
"NO!"
"The fuck is with women deciding to listen to others instead of the person trying to explain himself?" They eventually stopped by the ocean. Kiactu was splayed out on the ground trying to catch his breath. ". . ." Chiharu was silent, finding nowhere else to run to. Kiactu said nothing, his visible eye on the girl before closing.
"I wasn't trying to grab your breasts on purpose," he started. "I'm not that desperate. Hell, the girls in my middle school threw themselves at me from time to time. I was trying to return your wallet to you because . . ." He could see the reason clear on her face. "I hate to see a girl cry. Especially because of something I did."
She picked up her wallet from his outstretched hand before sighing in relief. "I'm so glad," Chiharu started. "I was looking for it. I've had this wallet ever since I was little. It's my favorite." Kiactu stared up at the girl, though his mind was miles away. 'I wish I remember where my wallets were. I don't remember where half of them are most of the time.'
"Thank you, Kiactu," Chiharu smiled. Kiactu was oddly enough reminded of Zelda from her named series about how cute the girl looked. "Yeah. Sure, whatever." He grew defensive, looking away from the girl and blushing.
"I'm not really used to talking to guys, but I somehow know you're different. I've been going to an all-girl school all my life." Kiactu silently thought to himself that that would explain a lot. "I'm sorry I slapped you." She turned away. Kiactu watched her go before closing his eye. "You'd better get up."
He agreed but as he tried to pick himself up, Kiactu suddenly found himself forced back down to the ground. "Ki-kun! Stop lying on the floor looking up Chiharu's skirt!"
"I'm not looking up her skirt, dammit!" With that, the wind kicked up, giving everyone a free show of Chiharu's white ruffled panties. The girl squeaked, holding down her skirt so that it wouldn't happen again. "I'm a gentleman. I won't be held accountable for peeking!" Even though Kiactu said that with his hands held in front, no one would believe it. There were gaps big enough for his eyes to peek through, which one of them were.
Kirika chose that opportune time to kick him into Chiharu. Thankfully, he redirected himself so that he would fall on the ground and she wouldn't lay underneath. Unfortunately, the position they landed in was even sexier than their first fall. Kiactu's right hand held onto the girl's chest, his left resting on her thigh.
"Ma-Maheem-kun." A massive blush covered her cheek as she hopped off of him. A bit of pink dusted his cheek. "My bad," he apologized.
"Damned guinea pig." (Kyoko)
"How naughty 3." (Lin)
"You two are dirty." (Komoe)
Teddy just looked confused. "So . . . Eiken club," Kiactu tried to get the girls to change the subject away from that little show between him and Chiharu. "Was what you did official or can I walk out with no strings attached?" Because he was pretty sure that what they did was against school rules if not illegal. A smile spread across Kirika's face as she clung to his back.
"Does that mean you're interested?"
"No and if you keep your finger in my face I'm taking it as my early lunch." 'But I guess I'll hang around for a while. Maybe until I can find Chiharu a true male friend.'
EIKEN BIOS
Maheem Kiactu:
Freshman,
Height 171 cm,
Weight 50 KG,
Blood Type O-
Misono Kirika:
Year Unknown,
Height 182 cm,
Weight Unknown KG,
Blood Type Unknown
Bust-Waist-Hips Measurements: 99-61-89
'Hm . . . Todoroki? No. They would have little to no interaction,' Kiactu had a list of people he could try to hook up with the buxom brunette. He sat at his desk with a pen in his mouth and paper in front of him. 'Densuke . . . Already has a girlfriend. Shimada?' Mentally Kiactu chuckled, thinking about the pairing in his mind. 'Yeah, no.' The only person the girl was good with already had a girlfriend.
"Hey, did you hear?" His ears twitched. "This girl who's been here since elementary school told me about this evil club everyone is afraid of." Kiactu's attention turned to the rather plain girls that walked past his table. "The Eiken club, right?" the dark-haired girl asked.
"Oh you know about it?"
"Everyone in my club tells me to avoid it."
'How come everyone but me knew about Eiken?' Kiactu asked. 'Even though I know Eiken isn't exactly how everyone's making it seem.' He heard multiple people talking about the club, even teachers who advised their students to not join the club. "I guess you can say they're weird, but then again normal is a word boring people made to make themselves feel special," he said aloud with his eyes closed. "But what is Eiken anyway? That Amazon made me join before I could make a decision."
"Who are you calling an Amazon?" Kirika popped in front of Kiactu, making him jump almost six feet in the air. "What the hell?! Where did you come from?"
"Doesn't matter," Kirika told him. "I could tell you looked worried about the club." He sighed before scratching the back of his head. "I guess. I mean, what exactly does this club do?"
"Why don't you find out?" Kirika dragged him by the back of his collar out the classroom. "Let's head to the club room!" Kiactu sighed as he was being escorted through the school. "You would've dragged me even if I said no, so why not?" Kirika's smile grew wide enough that he thought she was part Cheshire. "That's the spirit!"
Walking through the school, Kiactu noticed more and more people talking about how Kirika stole him from someone. "Hey, you do realize that everyone's attention seems to be on us, right?" he asked. "Like, more specifically, on what you're doing to me." His arms were folded, though one held his head. "Why am I hearing so much bad stuff about the club?"
"It really doesn't matter what they say," she told him. "We can't let them get to us. We have to be ourselves!" Kiactu silently thought that the girl sounded like she knew what she was talking about. "Well, could you let me be myself and drop me? I'm halfway torn between running off with my shirt missing or just allowing you to drag me."
"We're here," she told him with a grin. Kiactu didn't return the sentiment. "You might as well get used to it. It's your new home away from home." Not a word left his mouth. "Don't be depressed. Chiharu's inside." Kiactu still said nothing but she could tell that she got through.
"That means absolutely nothing to me," he said, walking inside. "I'm just trying to find her a good boyfriend." He could remember that the girl was shy around guys and would eventually need to get over her fear of men. Of course, on an unrelated note, Kiactu could also remember the feel of the girl's perky but thick mammary glands. Obviously sensing something perverse in the air, Kirika wrapped her arms around his back, making him blush at the sensation of twin peaks pressing into his back.
"You're thinking about that time you grabbed her chest, aren't you?"
Kiactu scoffed half-heartedly, though she could tell that it was fake. "Of course not!" He turned his attention to the inside of the club room before stopping in his tracks. In front of him was a half-naked Shinonome Chiharu, clad only in her bra and panties. ". . . I should've knocked . . . but I am appreciating what view I'm getting and should really feel ashamed."
"EEK!" Chiharu grabbed her shirt to wrap herself up. Kiactu rushed out the door and slammed it before he heard a scream. "It should be illegal to have F-cups that perky," Kirika said with a thoughtful face. Though a massive smile was also plastered on top.
Kiactu said nothing as Chiharu blushed, now dressed in her gym clothes. He then sighed before apologizing, which the girl did so as well. "It's my fault," she told him, covering her chest. "I forgot to lock the door. Kirika told me to change so . . ."
"What are we supposed to do?" Kiactu asked to break the awkwardness. "I mean, I'm pretty sure no other school has an Eiken club." But then again, most schools didn't have a homemade PC club either. Or a solar car-associated club. At least, Western schools didn't. Most Western schools. Okay, some Western schools.
"I just joined too so I'm not sure."
Kiactu grumbled to himself that he wasn't an official member. Someone just knocked him out and the next thing he knew he was joining an all-female club. "This is like Ouran High School Club, except with boobs. And the occasional sexiness."
"What's that?"
"Oh, it's this manga series about this girl who has to act like a boy because of reasons and she joins some kind of club. It's mostly a shojo manga series so I don't really read it." Kiactu was more of a shonen/seinen guy. If it doesn't focus on boobs, action, guns, swords, and/or full frontal nudity of the female kind (no Barbie doll anatomy (AN: Meaning no nipples)), there's no way he's getting into it. "You know, that kind of fits my situation except I'm a boy and the rest of the club members are girls."
Chiharu just stared at Kiactu. "What's that look for? I'm a normal hot-blooded guy helping a girl come out of her own skin to put her in a dating scene." And a normal, hot-blooded guy looked at chicks in their underwear from time to time. If that was how she was going, he'd hate to see what she'd be like after he saw her in the nude. "But the more important question is where everyone else is. They don't seem to be here yet."
"They're doing club activities elsewhere." Ignoring Kiactu's question of "What club activities?" Kirika then seemed to put on a serious mood. "I'm pretty sure you've heard the rumors."
"Speaking of . . . How exactly are we an evil club? And if we are, wouldn't the school close us down?" That just didn't make any sense to him.
"It's because of those rumors that we have a bad rap with the public. That's why the members do things to promote Eiken. We want them to understand it better." Kiactu nodded before being handed a set of gym clothes. "Why are you giving me these?" he asked. "I already have a track suit."
"Who said those were for you?" Kiactu said nothing as he realized why the girl had given him clothing. ". . . Please be gentle," he cringed. Chiharu moved as soon as her senpai pulled Kiactu's clothes clean off. When he walked through the school, people could tell that he looked a little paler. White smoke exited his mouth as he walked, which was weird because it was hot outside.
"I can't believe she stripped me," he said. "Well, I take that back. I can believe she stripped me. What I can't believe is that she got this the same exact size that fits me." He wondered if she took his measurements while he was unconscious. But there was a downside. Kirika saw his junior. Now he would never be able to look the girl in her eyes ever again.
The girl in question thrusted his underwear in the air screaming out the name Adrian. "Who the hell is Adrian?" Kiactu replied. "And give me back my clothes or my dignity! Either one is just fine." Chiharu, who had run out of the door quickly though not in time to avoid seeing Kiactu's mini-me, poked her head back in. "Are you okay?" Kiactu turned towards the girl with teary eyes. "Of course I'm not okay," he sniffled. "My dignity has been shattered like Kirika's virginity . . . maybe." He was pretty sure that the girl lost it to someone or something.
Almost as randomly as they appeared, the tears disappeared. "You told us to change but why haven't you?"
"I'm doing it right now, but if you want to . . . You can play dress-up with me."
"If you and I played dress-up, it's going to lead into something else." He really was tempted to do something to the girl to repay her for stripping him and probably would've, had Chiharu not grabbed him by the nape of his shirt and pull him out. The girl blushed as he threw every curse word in his definition at the girl, including those in other languages.
Kiactu trailed behind Chiharu as she followed a map to their first destination. "According to the memo, they're all doing their own thing," she said as she walked. "We should be close to where Komoe is." Kiactu said nothing, more preoccupied with the hips of the girl before him. 'Not only does she have an amazing front view, but the back is actually pretty superb,' he thought to himself. 'Also, what is it with the atmosphere of this world? It's making me a bit more perverse just standing here.'
Kiactu didn't know if Chiharu knew he was checking her out. If she did, she said nothing about it. Eventually they found their first stop. It was the first girl who had tried to scout him yesterday, but he couldn't exactly remember her name.
"This is Harumachi Komoe," Chiharu introduced. "She's the youngest member in our group as a sixth grade student." Kiactu smiled before replying that it was nice to meet her. She then decided to get closer in order to see his face. "Hmm . . ." Putting on thicker glasses, she was able to properly see the young man before her.
"Ah!" The girl squatted away apologizing to Kiactu. "I need my thick glasses to see people's faces clearly." Kiactu then pointed out that she had seen him yesterday. "That's . . . right . . . Um . . ."
"Kiactu. The name's Maheem Kiactu. I'm pretty forgettable so telling you not to forget my name is not going to do much." The two followed the young girl back to her stand. Kiactu could see multiple ingredients laying on a counter as well as a portable stove, a massive boiler filled to the brim with water, a rolling pin, and a roll of dough. "I didn't know you were doing a cooking class," Chiharu said.
"Do we normally cook for special events?" Kiactu asked as he tilted his head. Komoe was about to answer when she really thought about it. "I . . . Don't know. I was in the cooking club until fourth grad so . . . Kirika told me I should keep cooking good food so . . ." He stopped her by telling her that it was alright.
"What sucks is that no one is coming."
"Oh, it's always like this until I start preparing the food. Everyone runs away when they hear Eiken club for some reason."
'Yeah. I wonder why,' Kiactu inwardly deadpanned.
"Can you teach me to make homemade udon noodles?" Chiharu asked. "I'm sure if I made it for my brothers and sisters they'd love it." Komoe assured her that she would while Kiactu silently thought it was nice of her. "Would you like to learn too, Kiactu?" Komoe asked with her head tilted, giving him a cute stare. It seemed she really wanted to teach. "Er – Sure," the immortal said with a smile.
". . ." After preparing the dough, Kiactu stared at the lumpy mess he created. "I'm more of a Westerner when it comes to preparing food," he admitted. "And a simple Westerner at that." Anything that was already prepared he could cook. And even then he could do spaghetti, burgers, and some cakes. But Japanese foods was a no-no for him.
And British-English foods.
"It's the love you put into the food that matters!" Komoe tried to cheer him up. "Let's knead the udon to get more texture." With that said, Komoe began to strip out of her apron and glasses, revealing a tight gym shirt stretched to its limits to accommodate the girl's assets. Kiactu turned his attention from her magnificent rack, quickly reminding himself that she was barely into sixth grade. "Kirika told me that if I make udon people will come. I wonder what she meant."
"I feel like saying gravity is a cruel mistress," Kiactu said aloud before shrugging. "Why I want to I don't know." That was when the guys started crowding around the stand, commenting on how good something looked. "Wait. She's not done cooking it yet," Kiactu voiced. "What could you mean it's good for?"
And then he saw the reason.
When Komoe moved upon the dough, she didn't realize how much of an impact it would have on her chest. Kiactu doubted she knew how big her bust really was and never saw the indention of a bra, so it was pretty easy to assume that she didn't know what one was. And seeing as she wore no bra, her breasts were jiggling around like they had minds of their own. Inside Kiactu's mind a loud tire screech could be heard and he felt he had to go before he did something that would get him kicked out of Zanshono.
"Should she really be doing that to that little girl?" Kiactu asked as he held his nose. "I mean, it's kind of hard to remember that she's only in the sixth grade with those things flying around like that." But the girl knew the male mind he had to give her that.
"You're not really convincing with your hand holding your nose like that," Kirika said as she embraced Kiactu. Thankfully his eyes weren't obscured as the girl held his head in her bust. Kiactu sighed once he pried himself away. "So?" he asked. "That's like hanging a piece of forbidden fruit in front of them. They want it, but they feel so low trying to get it."
"You should pay up for the cooking class," Kirika told him as she held out her hand. "What for?" he asked. "I didn't really learn how to cook. All I really learned is a lesson of physics."
"But you enjoyed her bust and learned how to make udon." Kiactu clicked his teeth before going through his wallet. "Oh Chiharu!" He picked up the pace in a vain attempt to pay his extortionist. Sensing danger, he dodge-rolled out of the way as a crowd of boys nearly ran him over to see the school's idol making noodles.
"Does everyone here think with their second heads?" he asked. 'Finding someone for this girl is going to be harder than I thought.' He walked behind Chiharu as she talked about how fun Komoe's class was. 'Man that gym uniform looks tight. Damn baby, you stupid fly! Let me pull up to that bumper and smack that monkey!' He should really stop going to that ebonics class.
One step had his senses tingling as a loud click echoed through the schoolyard. "Eh?" he asked before being blown sky-high by an explosion. Kiactu landed in a newly developed crater and spat up a couple of teeth. "Yeah I have a feeling this is going to be a recurring theme with me, isn't it?" he asked no one in particular.
After climbing out of the crater, Kiactu took another step and heard a click just like before. "Dodge-roll time!" he yelled, moving out of the way as another landmine went off. "Hahah! You miss-" Kiactu never got to finish his gloat as he was now again airborne due to his negligence. The next time he didn't even get to his feet before another landmine went off.
"Kiactu!" Chiharu yelled as she covered her mouth with her hands.
Cries of "WHY?!" and "NOT AGAIN!" filled the school's air until Kiactu landed on the ground charred to a crisp. He groaned as he stared at the feet of the mech pilot in front of him. "How did you manage to trip all of my mines, you guinea pig?" All Kyoko got as an answer was another groan. "That was pretty impressive."
Kiactu, after being heavily bandaged, sat near the diminutive teen picking at his wounds and periodically getting his hand slapped away from them by Chiharu. The immortal would slightly glare at the girl before resuming what he was doing before, only for it to happen again and again.
"Who surrounds a flea market with landmines?" he asked while still going through the cycle with Chiharu. "Because our items are a bit dangerous," the girl said with a smirk. Kiactu stared at Kyoko with a confused look before going over the merchandise. "Most of it looks already used. And people are buying them with tears in their eyes." It then dawned on him. "These items are stolen . . . aren't they?"
Kirika appeared when Kiactu voiced it. "Don't be silly!" Her outfit (besides the gym suit) told a different story. ". . ." Kiactu could find nothing to say. This girl was going to get him in trouble. "Finally all the decoy items are gone," Kyoko said with a smirk.
"Decoy?"
"Our first priority is to sell this." She held up a floppy disk, to which Kiactu tilted his head. "Aren't floppy disks outdated?" he asked. "Like, 'nineties' outdated?" He then noticed an odd group of people wanting to purchase the disk in really bad Japanese. Kiactu stared at the men before reverting to what he thought they really spoke. "I'm sorry but I can't sell this to strangers."
"They're spies from different countries," Kyoko explained. "That disc contains top-secret Pentagon information." Kiactu stared at the disc before grabbing the nearest magnet and rubbing it across the top. To make sure it wasn't restored back into working condition he snapped it in half before snapping the halves in half and so on.
"This is dangerous in the wrong hands," he explained. "Go home." When he got a few threats against him, Kiactu sighed and took off his glasses. Turning to face the spies (and by extension getting his face out of the girls' line of sight), Kiactu flared his killing intent. With that, the crowd dispersed.
Pressing a button on his watch, Kiactu used his own supercomputer to repair and strengthen its defense. "Okay, I'm not feeling well enough to continue on," he said hoping to weasel his way out of the next club member's section.
"Don't be like that," Chiharu tried to lift his spirits. "We can do it." He sighed as he walked by the girl. It was a silent walk before Kiactu decided to break the silence and ask her how she entered the club. So she told him that despite her teachers and friends deciding against it, Kirika asked the question "How about you?" and she joined because it was something she wanted to do. "I want to accomplish something in the Eiken Club. That's why I'm staying.
"It's not because of what Kirika said to me. I joined so I can change." Kiactu stared at the girl before a snicker escaped his lips. "That's precious," he said when he got it under control. "I would expect no less from you, Chiharu." He smiled, making the girl blush. "Let's go see the next member."
'I have to stay away from her or she's going to make me want to stay,' he thought as they hurried on. 'That's why I have to go ahead and find her a boyfriend.'
The next location was at one of the school's gymnasiums, which Kiactu noticed was filled to the brim with elementary school kids. Looking closely, Kiactu noticed both Teddy and Lin doing rather amazing acrobatics. Well, to be more precise, Teddy was holding up Lin on a stool and then onto some balls with Lin able to stay up without falling.
Kiactu was amazed, even though he had seen this trick millions of years in each reality, dimension, universe, or multiverse. It was just something that made him feel like this girl was a pro. Not to mention the fact that she was either oblivious to the free panty shots she was giving him or just was not worried about them. But as for now, she wore gym clothing, covering what panties she had on.
"Lin is British but she was born in China," Chiharu explained. "I don't know how she learned acrobatics though." It was time for the club members to introduce themselves during the intermission. "Welcome Chiharu and . . . Um . . ."
"It's only natural to forget the guy who your bodyguard almost created a new hole to breathe out of," he grumbled loud enough for them to hear. The girl tried to apologize but Kiactu waved her off. "Nothing like a threat to your life to remind you that you're alive."
"I didn't know you were an acrobat, Lin!"
"I've been doing this since I was little." Both Chiharu and Kiactu complimented the girl. "Would you two like to try?"
"I'm not sure I can do anything as athletic as you," Kiactu told her. "I mean, I'm not that agile." Was there a shine in Lin's eye, like she knew something was up? He could tell that the China-born Brit knew a lot more than she let on. "Don't worry," she said as it faded. "It's very basic." In front of the trio was a gigantic cannon meant for circus tricks.
". . . I fail to see how shooting someone out of a cannon passes for acrobatics." Kiactu stated with his head tilted. "If anything, this seems a bit too . . . dangerous?" Even though he knew that the cannon was actually more like a pistol or a cork/BB gun. Looking back, Kiactu noticed that Chiharu seemed to be a bit scared to go first so he offered to be its first victim.
"Will you be okay?" the girl asked worriedly.
"Don't worry! I'm immortal!" he said with a laugh. It was the truth, but they didn't need to know that. The laugh slowly turned into what sounded like sobbing because Kiactu getting fatal moves really hurt. Like . . . extremely hurt, which is why he tried not to get decapitated, quartered, stabbed through the chest, bleed out, or get smashed if he had the choice. "Besides . . ." Kiactu sniffled back his snot as it tried to dribble down his nose. ". . . it's just smoke and mirrors. I'll be fine."
Though he smelled TNT for some reason.
"Good luck!" Komoe yelled out as the others gave their support. Kiactu threw out his arms in a celebratory fashion, though his face was blank, as he slid down the hole. "You ready, Kyoko?" Kirika asked as she motioned for the diminutive girl to press the remote.
Before doing so, it was Chiharu's turn to give him good luck, which she did while having a cute look on her face.
The cannon exploded, making everyone there stare slack-jawed as the smoke cleared to reveal a hole in the floor. ". . . I thought it was a prop cannon . . ." Kirika said with a surprised look on her face. Out in the crowd someone cried out "Oh my god, they killed Kiactu!" and another person added on "You bastards!"
It was far from the truth. Normally a person would be dead, and Kiactu did look the part with areas of his head opened to show brain and an eyeball hanging out. Almost eerily, the areas showing brain started to heal quickly, first showing skull which then regrew muscle and skin before hair grew in its place. Kiactu's loose eyeball was grabbed by the immortal and popped back into place, the visible optic nerve readjusting itself as sight was restored. His eyelid twitched, realigning itself before the eye instead of behind it as he blinked.
". . . Why do I keep finding myself in these kinds of worlds?"
CHAPTER END
Prince: So? Thoughts? They're appreciated though some thoughts are better kept to themselves. Anyway, I've been reading a lot of reincarnation light novels: Re:Monster, Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken (My Reincarnated Life as a Slime, I believe), Gun Ota, Slave Harem, etc. And you guys know when I read things I get inspired. And then when I watch things like The Expendables, I get ideas for awesome fight scenes. Speaking of, there's one brewing in my mind for TTTHN but I can't seem to remember it by the time I get to my computer.
Kiactu: Not to mention the fact that he is now staying in a place with little to no Internet access. Did you guys know that the Pines library will not allow you to go onto ?
Prince: Yeah, so it sucks. Not only that but I have sucky connection on my mobile phone where I'm at now. And a car note and a new job. So I'm not going to be able to update on my stories as much as I want to.
Kiactu: Oh who are you kidding? You're going to blow every second you got to yourself trying to write more and more.
Prince: Yeah. So, getting back onto the real point of this ending Author's Note, I have decided to merge all of them into one story. Of course, which KoP member I use will be up to the majority of you. Whether it's a new one, an original, or just one you guys picked out for me depends. I look forward to any [positive or constructive] reviews, ideas, or anything else you guys may want to give.