The Adventures of Bessie, Part One: A Legend is Born.
By: Paige Collins
Authors Note: I usually write Animorphs fanfics, but I'm trying my hand at comedy that isn't Animorph related, so enjoy. There may be a second part. I might leave you hanging.
" Hi Bessie, ole girl." Farmer Brown said softly.
Bessie meowed. Wait, no. That is not right. Bessie mooed.
" Ahh, now ole' girl."
Why is he calling me an ole girl? I'm thirteen
! Bessie thought sadly." Ahh, yes sir. Finest little cow there is."
" You betta believe it." Bessie said.
" You can talk?"
" No! I can sing."
" AHHHHHH!" Farmer Brown ran off screaming.
" Nut." Bessie said, shaking her head softly.
Bessie looked around.
" Hmmm." She said to herself. " Farmer isn't around, the gate is open…"
" YAHOOOO!" Bessie cried as the truck flew over a bump on the highway.
Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, came a family of ducks.
" Watch out!"
" Quack, quack?"
SCREEEECH!!!
It was later called the Duck Massacre of the Century.
Bessie felt bad about the ducks.
Then she heard a noise. A single little duck had survived.
" Pleasedonotkillme!" It screamed quickly as Bessie approached it.
" I won't."
" Okay.mynamelittlebear." It said, and put it's hands over it's face.
" Okay. My name is Bessie."
" NicetomeetyouBessie." It squeaked.
And from that moment on, Bessie and Little Bear became friends.
It was a cool June night.
Little Bear was in the pond. Bessie was in the field. Farmer Brown was in a mental hospital.
" Ahhh, this is the life."
" It sure is Little Bear."
" Yeah, nothing buts the trees, two faced squirrels…" Little Bear said.
" TWO FACED WHATS???"
" Greetings, I am Jojo, the Two Faced Squirrel King. And these are my fellow warriors."
Bessie didn't know what to say.
" I come in peace. I wish to ask for your help." He paused. " We are fighting the evil Two Faced Chipmunks. I would be pleased if you joined in our fight."
" Uh, okay." Little Bear said.
Then, there was a flash.
Bessie was in a Sailor Moon moment.
So was Little Bear.
Then, Bessie had super powers and stuff.
" I can fly!" Little Bear said.
" Little Bear, you are a duck. Duh." Bessie said, rolling her eyes.
" I know."
Meanwhile, up in space…
Nancy paced the floors. He didn't know what to think of it. Those evil little Two Faced Squirrels had a cow and a duck (and both with super powers) fighting against them. Then Nancy heard the sounds of feet. He glanced up to see a young chipmunk.
" Sir, we have received news." The young chipmunk said to Nancy.
" Yes, and what is it?"
" The cow is named Bessie, and the duck is named Little Bear." Nancy looked up.
" Like I really care." Nancy said.
" I am sorry sir."
" I have a name."
" Yes, King Nancy."
Nancy looked across into space. What to do? He didn't have any super powers. His mommy said so.
Then Nancy had a devious idea.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, duh, duh…duh, duh, duh, duh, dah, duh, dah duh.
Nancy sneaked into the room where Bessie and Little Bear lay sleeping.
He grabbed the Hamburger Ray from his pocket.
" Say night, night, stupid." He whispered softly.
A small, brown beam of light lit up the dark room.
Bessie stirred.
" Huh?" She said. Her eyes snapped open.
Nancy was in her room!
With the speed of lightning, she flashed her eyes.
The red laser beam thingy hit the Hamburger Ray, knocking it to the floor.
" Oh, no." Nancy whispered.
In a truly heroic moment, Bessie picked up Nancy, called the cops and had him arrested.
" Good job." The young police officer said, shoving Nancy into the car angrily.
" Ah yes. Nothing to disturb us."
Then Little Bear flew in.
" There's trouble!" Little Bear called.
" WHAT IS IT?" Bessie cried.
Little Bear sighed. " There's some people being held hostage in the bank!"
" We better hurry!" Bessie cried as they flew out an open window.
Inside the bank…
Nancy, who had escaped from the jail and Bessie and Little Bear didn't know it, held three people hostage.
" Move and I'll murder you!" Nancy had a gun, the Hamburger Ray!
" But…but you're just a chipmunk." A scared lady stammered quickly.
" What did you say?" Nancy said, pointing the Hamburger Ray at her.
" No! Nothing at all!"
" Good."
CRASH!
Nancy and the people looked up.
Bessie and her sidekick, Little Bear were here!
" Drop. The. Hamburger. Ray." Bessie said.
" Never!" Nancy said, shoving the gun at the same woman.
" EEEPS!" The lady said.
Then, Nancy said something.
Something that changed their lives.
" Get em' boys." Chipmunk warriors crawled out of desks, behind tables, out of toilets!
The chipmunks surrounded Bessie and Little Bear.
Bessie swatted an anxious little one gnawing happily on her leg.
Little Bear kicked at one, jumping toward him.
But there were too many!
And so, they were captured.
" You'll never get away with this." Bessie growled.
" I already have."
Bessie closed her eyes. She had to live. It wasn't long ago the squirrel king was killed, and all the armies. So it was just them. Just them.
Hanging upside down, strapped to a chair over hot lava wasn't Bessie idea of fun. It wasn't Little Bear's either.
But it was Nancy's.
Nancy pushed a button, sending the chair lowering, lowering, lowering, closer and closer to the hot lava.
Will our hero's make it? Will Nancy kill Bessie and Little Bear? What ever happened to Farmer Brown?