Hey guys, I hope you are all still surviving the summer hiatus. I had an idea in my head so I figured writing a little would help keep me occupied. I'm planning on a part two to this if you guys like it so please leave a review and let me know. Enjoy!
He silently flipped through the channels on his television screen, minutely aware of each new scene playing out on the monitor in front of him. It didn't really matter, though; late night television wasn't his thing, anyway.
He lay sprawled out on his tan suede couch, back flat against the bottom cushions and limbs spread every which way. He remained this way all evening, the dying circulation in the arm behind his head not nearly enough to force him to move even an inch.
His mind was so far off by now, nothing in the present could drag him back; not the dull ache of stiff muscles as they remained in one spot for far too long, nor the flashing lights on the television that offered him not nearly as much comfort as he thought it would. Even the scruffy mutt curled into a ball on the floor, letting out a small whine every so often as he looked worriedly up to his owner, couldn't tear the man away from the thoughts consuming his mind.
Marty Deeks wasn't usually the kind of guy to let something bring him down for too long. Even in the direst of situations, he could find the good in almost anything. And even though he hated himself for it right about now, he supposed he was going to have to do just that.
They weren't all terrible—these thoughts of his. At least, they didn't start off that way.
One minute it was the sweet sound of laughter, blissful and utterly carefree, a smile more brilliant than any star in a cloudless sky, the scent of chocolate on soft, rosy lips, dark brown hair softer and silkier than anything he had ever felt before in his life…and the next it was loneliness, disappointment, and nothing but pure, bitter hatred.
Not hatred towards her, necessarily, but more toward the situation. It was more about the fact that he had done all of this to himself; he had made himself completely vulnerable, opening himself up to something he hadn't allowed in years.
And he had paid the price in full.
It was getting late. Their current case dealing with drugs being smuggled across the border was going nowhere fast, when finally, mercifully, Hetty had called it a day.
Kensi was finishing up some last-minute paperwork before heading out when Deeks quietly approached her desk.
Without needing so much as a glance upward to know exactly who it was that now casted a dark shadow over her work, Kensi spoke quickly, before he could interrupt her train of thought. "Give me a minute, Deeks. I've got to finish this."
Surprisingly, Deeks obliged. Without a word, he waited patiently until Kensi stacked the small pile of papers and moved them to the side of her desk. She shuffled around a few more things just to see if it might make him squirm.
Surprised and suddenly suspicious of his calm behavior, Kensi furrowed her brow as she finally looked up at him. "So…can I help you?" she asked cautiously as he simply smiled back at her.
"As a matter of fact, you can" he replied easily, ignoring the edge of impatience in her tone, just like he always did. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight."
Kensi blinked, slightly taken aback. They hung out together often, that was for certain, especially after the more tiring days at work where they wanted nothing more than to sit back and relax on one or the other's well-worn couch. But that wasn't what had taken Kensi by surprise. It was the simple fact that he had asked her to ahead of time—it was typically much more spontaneous than that.
Truth be told, that was one (of the many) things Kensi liked about it. One minute she would be heading toward Deeks' place to drop him off and the next she would pass by the exit completely, rerouting the course for her apartment without so much as asking his permission. That was just the way they worked, and it worked well. No need for premeditation.
She continued to eye him with curiosity before responding, waiting for him to falter and admit his reasoning for the sudden change of course. When he didn't even flinch, she looked away and pursed her lips together, as if truly contemplating whether or not she might already have plans.
Deeks continued to wait patiently for her response, although internally, he was anything but. He silently cursed himself for thinking she wouldn't notice if he had requested to make plans ahead of time. The whole point was to make this seem as casual and lighthearted as possible.
She wasn't supposed to get any sort of impression that he was asking her on a real, genuine, no holds barred date.
He didn't want her to know, because that's exactly what it was.
Deeks knew it was probably one of the stupidest things he would ever do in his life, so he tried to talk it down to himself as much as he could. He tried to convince himself that maybe it wasn't actually such a big deal, that all he wanted was to go out for a nice meal with his partner—after all, he did owe her dinner after losing that shooting contest to her a few weeks back.
And this was the tiny thread of reason he held onto, the only thing keeping him from chickening out completely.
Deep down, though, in the back of his mind and buried in the very depths of his heart, he couldn't deny it for what it was, and what he so desperately wanted it to be.
Yes, he was asking her on a date.
Deeks figured it would be easier this way. Pretend like it wasn't a big deal, and then maybe he could slowly, oh so very slowly, ease her into it. Make her realize that one day, however far into the future it may be, attempting something deeper than the relationship they had now may not actually be such a bad idea.
In the thirty years plus of Marty Deeks' life that he had spent bouncing back from one heartbreak after the next, whether it be from a girlfriend or his disaster of an upbringing, it had taken only three to realize that she was the one thing in his life that remained constant. And certainly, attempting to take the next step scared him—terrified him to no end, to say the least—but he knew he couldn't continue on forever with the way things were now.
And no, he wasn't about to completely spill his guts to her, either. Not just yet, not tonight. All he wanted was to know that she truly enjoyed spending time with him, was happy to be in his company, and maybe someday would want to do something like this again.
Someday very, very soon, he hoped.
Deeks tried desperately to keep his cool as he waited, but his partner, incredible yet sometimes infuriating, left him hanging on edge until he couldn't hardly stand it.
Finally, she replied with an almost indifferent response. "Uh, sure I guess. Movie at my place?" she said as she bent down to grab her bag.
With Kensi's gaze being drawn away from Deeks for just a few short seconds, she didn't take notice of the slight shift of his body and his sudden inability to keep eye contact.
"Actually, I was, uh, thinking maybe dinner or something instead."
She looked back up at him then, and he prayed to God that the hammering of his heart threatening to rip from his chest wasn't such a dead giveaway.
He thought for sure she was about to turn him down, to laugh in his face and admonish him for having such a stupid idea while making him feel like a total idiot for thinking it was really a good one.
But she didn't.
After a moment, her lips curved upward into a genuine, truly appreciative smile, and she nodded at him in response.
"I thought you'd forgotten our bet" she said after a moment, her smile quickly turning into a smirk full of amusement and triumph.
Seeing her reaction, Deeks felt the weight of a million boulders being lifted off his back. He breathed a deep sigh of relief, and forced himself to sneer playfully back at her in return.
"Of course not, Princess. I would never."
She rolled her eyes at the old nickname as she followed him out into the parking lot.
They had taken different cars to work that morning so they agreed to head to their respective apartments. Then he would text her the address of the restaurant, they would meet up there later, and it would be as simple as that.
They said their goodbyes and were off for the time being.
"Just a nice dinner together. Totally not a big deal" Deeks repeated to himself for the hundredth time as he drove home.
He waited an hour at the restaurant until the manager finally asked him to give up his table.
Deeks simply nodded in understanding and stood to leave.
He took one last look at the unused dinner plates in front of him, the shiny silver utensils untarnished from the lack of food being ordered and then served. The basket of bread in the middle of the table went untouched as well.
He glanced at the brightly colored carnations he had purchased from the small boutique on the street corner before entering the restaurant. He had let the waiter place them in a small vase on the table, the beautiful shades of pink and orange not nearly matching the brilliance in his own eager eyes.
He waited and waited, but she had never showed.
By now, the petals were already wilting, the tiny, dying leaves reflecting his own vanishing hope, his own deteriorating strength.
It had crossed his mind, of course, that something may actually be wrong. Her car could be in a ditch somewhere on the side of the road, her broken body lying helplessly trapped beneath the twisted metal. The thought nearly made him panic, but he quickly forced it away.
No, Kensi Blye would never let something like that happen—not to herself, and especially not to her car.
Nonetheless, he tried her phone several times just to see if she might pick up. His phone battery was quickly dying, though, so he had to stop, hoping that she would call him soon with some sort of explanation as to what was going on.
But she never called, and she never showed up.
After leaving the restaurant he waited another hour on a park bench directly across the street.
"Just in case" he had told himself.
He had a nice chat with an elderly man tossing pieces of bread to the birds, and then later a young couple who he found out had just recently become engaged.
Finally, as it was nearing 11 p.m. and everything surrounding him seemed to be shutting down for the night, he took one last hopeful look at his phone before the battery died completely, then headed for home.
Deeks still remained on the couch, unmoving, hardly even flinching.
At least he could say he was more comfortable now, clad only in his boxers and a white undershirt while the navy blue blazer, dress shirt, and pants he had worn for the occasion lay discarded in a sloppy pile on the floor.
Changing channels for the last time before switching off the television, he finally forced himself to move just the slightest bit, sighing and rolling over on his stomach.
Not for the first time tonight, he wondered if this was what true heartbreak felt like.
He absolutely despised this feeling, like he was nothing more than a pathetic moron—one that never even stood a chance in the first place.
Reflecting on what his expectations for the night had been, maybe he really was hoping for too much. Maybe what he was trying to do was more obvious to Kensi than he initially thought. In return, she must have sensed it, panicked, and simply decided not to come.
But would she really blow him off without so much as a simple phone call?
Surely not, was Deeks' initial response.
They were partners and friends, and despite Kensi's near daily threats to leave him hanging in the cold if he wouldn't stop annoying her, he knew she would never actually follow through. They had proven to each other just how deep their trust ran, so there was really no reason to believe that she would hurt him on purpose.
It still did nothing to lessen the pain, though.
Deeks felt like he could blow up in a murderous rage, then scream in Kensi's face at the top of his lungs for everything she had put him through tonight. Anything to make her sorry for what she had done.
Right now, though, he wanted nothing more than to just forget.
If any of you guys were reading my other fic What's in the Box I want to apologize for putting it on hold. My laptop crashed and then I was out of the country for six weeks, so it was obviously impossible to do anything. If you enjoyed it though and want me to continue please let me know and I will try and work on it again. I hope you enjoyed this fic, and please don't be too mad at Kensi because her side of the story will come!