This is for my compassionate, amazing and beautiful friend Carol. I wrote this little one shot just for you. It's my present since I can't physically be with you. You have no idea how happy I am we met and started talking. You have no clue how excited I was when I was you first review on my story. I literally screamed when I saw your account name because I adore everything you write and the stories you tell so I kind of fangirled when I saw your review and couldn't type fast enough to reply. I was so excited to speak to you because I had been a fan for years but never thought I'd get the chance to even have you respond to my review. Besides, I think I barely did when I first logged onto ff so if you happen to find any of my reviews, you're lucky, lol. I think I reviewed on "My Favorite Wife" and some of the other works around that time but I'm not to for sure. The point is though, from the day we started talking, I loved what we had and begged some higher force to not rip this early stages of a friendship away from me. I'm so happy that we stayed in touch and regularly talk, even if it's about the smallest of things.
You've helped me in so many countless ways whether I'd just be talking or letting out my frustrations (even crying a few times) or to even discuss the simplest of things like asking how my day was going. You have no idea how much I needed that at times. I can't wait until the day we finally meet because even though we've only talked through screens, I have never felt closer to a person so far away in my life (and Fira too, lol) I love our little Twitter spats like yesterday ;) but really, you gave me depression all over again :) I'm still mad at you for that, lol.
But, getting back to what I was talking about. I am so happy we met through the Delena fandom because I wouldn't have met you :) and I always look forward to when we speak, even if it's not about something pleasant. You are one of the few people I actually feel a connection with and can relate too on many different levels. And, I will cherish that forever.
I love you my dear friend and I hope you enjoy your birthday and this little one shot I made for you. BTW, this is that little thing I was telling you about when I said, "What a coincidence you would pm me at this exact moment." a few months ago. I was writing this the moment you pm'd me. I feel like I didn't write enough because I have so much to say about you but I'm exhausted and I'll just talk to you when I get up about every detail I love about our friendship and you if you want it :) I'm sorry if it feels like it's not enough :( You are a wonderful friend, a gorgeous wife and caring mother. You give me advice, suggestions and a sense of comfort. Your family (and even your brother *argh*) are lucky to have a person like you and I hope they cherish that until the day they die because people and women like you don't come often. I know you probably wont see this until you wake up because I know your tired but I dont care. If it makes you happy or smile, I dont care when you see it. I love you. Merry Christmas Carol and to everyone reading!
"Look Damon, I'll be honest. I don't care if you come to the party. I want you there, yes, but I can't get inside your crazy, demented mind and make you agree to come. Besides, even if you don't come you and Elena will cross paths again at some point. Mystic Falls isn't a huge city like you two seem to believe. You nor her can run and hide, expecting to close one another out when we have all the same friends and family-"
"Don't you think I know that, Captain-fucking-obvious? I know we will see each other but the whole point about breaking is not too." Damon snapped, clenching his hand around the now empty glass at his brother's stupidity.
Stefan sighed, resisting the urge to rip out his hair at the same discussion him and Damon were having for the fith time this week. It was always the same too. He would suggest a word of advice or attempt to knock some sense into the elder Salvatore and each time Damon bit his head off. Either Damon was just too hardheaded to comprehend or he just didn't want too.
"Our friends wouldn't mind you coming either. you know that."
Damon growled under his breath, mumbling something about how he was definitely not friends with anyone ex-girlfriend was. They were all just too annoying and nosey for his liking.
He felt his tension in his body building the linger he spent listening to Stefan ramble on. Instead of going out and killing an innocent like he wanted, he decided it would be best if he be a good little boy and drink his alcohol like the whip lashed bastard he was. He knew it couldn't do anything more but drown him with guilt later on, anyways. And he had to thank his precious Elena for all that. Before she arrived, he was able to kill any and every one he wanted without remorse and later try to convince himself he didn't give a damn.
One of the many perks about loving Elena Gilbert.
"It's not your approval or anyone else's I'm looking for, Stefan. Nor do I want it." Damon mumbled, rolling his eyes. He gripped the neck of the Bourbon bottle placed on the counter in front of him, ready to chug it down, pass out and call it a night.
"Well, you should still come Damon. Even for a few hours. You shouldn't spend another Christmas drinking yourself into a stupor. I know you don't want that either. You may not want to admit, but you've grown to like the people in Mystic Falls, especially since they are so close to Elena."
Damon sighed and resisted the urge to get up and walk out on the bull Stefan was trying to feed him. "Speaking of Elena, what is she going to say about it?"
"Nothing. You two will try to ignore each other, fail miserably and make things awkward between each other while the rest of us get drunk and party." Stefan replied, the answer rolling right off his tongue as if he already had the answer ready long ago.
"Precisely why I shouldn't be there."
"Damon, how many times am I going to have to say it before it finally sinks into your brain? If I say it anymore, I will get sick from repeating myself. You can't avoid each other forever. You will have to speak at some point. Why not get it over with and just see her?"
"The plan was never to avoid her forever, Stefan. It's only until I'm able to look at her without my heart ripping in two because we're not together." Damon explained, his nerves finally calming for the moment.
"Whose fault is that?" Stefan retaliated, raising an eyebrow. "You're the one that broke up with her, Damon. Does she even know why? Because you haven't said a word about it other than when you actually broke up with her. I didn't push the subject because it is between you and her but when Elena is constantly crying at the Boarding House in Caroline's arms, it's a problem now. I know you hear her downstairs. Don't act like you don't."
The elder Salvatore's inside turned uncomfortably and slowly died off the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze with guilt. It was unbelievable to him how he sat up in his room - their room - listening to the cries of pain from the woman he loved because of him. He had the power to take away her agony and dry every tear that fell from her beautiful eyes if he had the balls to walk to the first floor and do it.
"Yeah, I hear. I always hear." Damon confessed, lightly slamming his fist down on the wood of the counter, angry at himself.
"Then, why don't you do something about it? Why are you letting her hurt and suffer? She doesn't even have a reason as to why you left her. All she knows is that you broke up with her. She's left to torture herself with her own thoughts and heartache." Stefan said, anger slowly seeping into his voice the longer he continued to replay all the nights Elena cried to Caroline's arms as he had to watch from the sidelines, unable to do anything more but offer a comforting hand.
"I know, Stefan. Don't you think I know that? But, we can't be together anymore. I'm no good for her." Damon stated, shaking his head at himself.
"Not this again Damon. You are good for her."
Though, Damon ignored his brother. He didn't want to hear lies. He is the absolute worst thing for Elena Gilbert. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself otherwise.
"You really want to know what happened? Why I broke up with her?" Damon asked, clenching his jaw and narrowing his eyes angrily at Stefan.
The younger Salvatore merely nodded in return, ignoring his brothers hateful gaze. He knew it wasn't meant for him.
"She killed some random human a few days before I ended it. Of course, this wouldn't be a big deal to a normal vampire because that's what we do. But, this is Elena we're talking about. She doesn't wake up ready to dig into warm bodies until the blood eventually stops like we do. She never liked killing. The thought of it killed and drowned her in miles of guilt."
Damon paused and turned his head down at his hands, licking his lips in frustration. "When she turned, the first words that came from her mouth was 'I don't want to kill anyone' she said she refused it. I knew the day would come where her instincts would kick in and she wouldn't be able to help herself... but I wasn't there to help her. To help with that guilt she inevitably feel afterwards or to even pull her off that person she drained dry. I wasn't there. She did it while I was out getting more blood bags for the Boarding House. I knew she was hungry but I still decided to leave her alone. I shouldn't have left her. I knew it was a possibility but I hoped it wouldn't happen... ever."
He looked up from the bar and poured more Bourbon in his empty glass before he could continue. "I came home to find her curled in a ball on our bed, crying her eyes out, blood covering her clothes and going on about killing someone. Then when I was finally able to get her to speak, she told me, 'I'm sorry' though I knew it wasn't for me. It was for the family of that person she killed and what took from an innocent person... she spent the rest of the night crying and wouldn't talk to me anymore. I was changing her. She would never have killed if it wasn't for me. I warned her. I knew this would happen if she turned but she still wanted it and begged me to turn her. She was becoming too much like me. I was slowly taking away her innocence and light. I don't want my evil to rub off on her any longer. I had to end it before it got worse. I don't deserve her."
When the raven-haired vampire looked up, he noticed Stefan's eyes were as wide as saucers. Stefan tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowing, contemplating on whether this was a real answer Damon just gave him.
"Please tell me you're joking." Stefan stated with his mouth hanging open. "Please tell me that is not the reason you broke her heart." He demanded in disbelief slowly leaning forward the seat. "Do you realize how bad that sounds, Damon? If she heard this, she would think you're punishing her for making a mistake. Not only that, but it's just plain stupid. Your reasoning for breaking up with her makes entirely no sense. You think you don't deserve Elena and that she becoming too much like you because she killed someone? Please tell that I was hearing things and it was just a figment of my imagination. This honestly can't be your reason."
Damon's silence and shameful head shake confirmed Stefan's suspicions and his fists pulled up, resisting the urge to punch his brother.
"You always used to tell me that I shouldn't be ashamed of my vampirism, that I should embrace it because that's who I am and I can't change it. And, overtime, I've started to accept that I'm a ripper. Of course, I don't like it but it's not like I can do anything about it. But, you broke not only hers but your heart because she killed someone and had a slip up. Damon, you don't understand how this is coming off or how it sounds. Yes, I get what you're saying. I get the jest of it. But to a person that doesn't know you would think you're shaming her for being something she can't change. She made a mistake. You know how sensitive she is about drinking blood even though she wanted to be a vampire..." Stefan could only shake his head and let out a deflating sigh.
"You need to fix this and unfuck yourself Damon. You're only making this harder for everyone around, especially for the both of you." He stood from the bar, throwing a few bills on it. "Dinner's tomorrow at eight." Stefan finished before walking away and out of The Grill, leaving Damon shocked with his mouth wide open and eyebrows raised.
Unfuck his self. Yeah, he would do just that.
"Is it weird that I still have a gift for Damon? I mean, I had it ready for him before we broke up but is it bizarre if I still gave it to him tonight?" Elena asked, holding up the box it was in.
Caroline shook her head and casually shrugged. "No, I wouldn't find it weird. It was before you all broke up. But, even if you did get it after you broke up, it still wouldn't be weird. Not in my book at least. Besides, you could always give it him as a friend."
A sigh escaped Elena's lips before she put away the present for later that day. "I don't want to give it to him as a friend, Care. I don't want to be just his friend. Me and Damon have been inseparable since we met. We've been in love for years..." She paused, licking her lips and taking a deep breath.
It wasn't the time to get emotional about this. She could later when everyone went home and she was alone again. She just had to last a few more hours.
"I'm not ready to see him yet anyways. The wound is too fresh and still painfully open. I still don't know the reason why we broke up. I was lying in bed when he came in the room and said we needed to talk. Before I knew it, he said we were done and left."
Elena shook her head sadly, biting down harshly on her bottom lip. He turned every moment they spent together into painful memories, even the best of them. They are sharp, and cut right through her every time she thinks about all them. Though, it was bittersweet. Even the sweet, perfect moments they had were now turned into a knife that twists inside her already broken heart. Even her favorites when they laid in bed after making love just talking and cuddling until they feel asleep. All of it hurt to think about now.
"I don't know, Elena..." Caroline sighed, applying lip gloss on her lips in the mirror. She turned to the brunette who was looking down at her feet that was no doubt torching herself about her break up. Caroline ran her fingers through her blonde curls before walking over to her best friend, rubbing her hand on Elena's arm trying to give a sense of comfort she could hold onto. "Maybe you should go and get ready. Have fun tonight. It might take your mind off of everything."
Elena silently nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears.
She couldn't tell what was worse. Sometimes her hollowness is a cover, holding in a thousand oceans of tears before they burst out. Sometimes, it holds a thousand pieces of glass that are wedged in between her soul and body. That's the pain. Sometimes though, like when she had her first kiss, kissing that beautiful dark-haired man she tasted something like rotten fruit.
She was a shell of the person she was. And it was all thanks to Damon Salvatore.
"I just want us back, Care. I want my Damon back." Elena cried, her eyes filling with tears as the blonde circled her in a tight bear hug.
"It's okay, 'Lena. Everything will work out. You two will be back together in no time."
Elena didn't speak and accepted the hug with open arms.
She highly doubted it.
The doorbell rings again. It is tinny and grating. It demands that she stop everything she's doing and go to the door. It cares not a bit that in doing so she let out the heat she's been building for an hour. She glanced over at the fire Alaric and Jeremy made, no longer a timid nascent flame, but roaring as it eats at the logs she poached from the forest in the dead of night. She fidgeted with the ends of her red, knee high dress, biting down on her lip. Then whoever it is puts their thumb on the button without releasing it at all and in her fury, she just lollops to the door and fling it wide ready to shout. Her breath hitched in her throat when her eyes landed on crystal blue orbs.
"Damon." She breathed, her mouth slightly agape.
He was dressed in his typical Damon fashion. His leather jacket was hugged tightly around bulging arms and upper chest, the zipper un done. His favorite green, expensive t-shirt was visibly past his cherished jacket. Black jeans covering his legs, hanging dangerously low on his hips.
In his left hand, a few gifts were pressed against his stomach like he would hold a baby.
"What are you doing here?" Elena asked, trying to keep her voice steady as her hand fidgeted nervously at her side.
"Stefan invited me." Damon replied, looking around behind her as if his brother would magically appear at the mention of his name.
"But, I can leave if you want." He offered with a slight shrug.
She immediately shook her head and waved her hand for him to come in. "No, it's fine. Stay." She stepped aside, opening the door further to let him in.
When he stepped inside, his hand brushed hers and sent sparks of electricity through the both of them.
This would be hard.
Before either of them could continue thinking of regret filled actions and stealing glances, Stefan appeared at the top of the steps and made his way downstairs. He grinned when he spotted Damon and walked over to him, playfully slapping him on the shoulder.
"Damon, you made it." Stefan said, happily, staring at his brother proudly. Though he really meant to say; Damon, you actually came? I thought you would have stayed home and drunk until you passed out because of your stupid decision to not only break your heart but Elena's too. But, he kept it to himself when he spotted the brunette by the door that would be able to hear every word they spoke. "You can put the gifts under the tree until later when we open them."
Damon bit back the urge to roll his eyes at everyone's obvious insanity. What vampires or adults in general still have Christmas parties and open presents to act like they are a big happy family or even normal? He plastered a smile on his face before silently walking into the den.
Elena walked passed Stefan and into the kitchen as her cheeks turned hot, flushing red from seeing Damon against after weeks. He had all but disappeared on her when he ended their relationship. She knew he was still around though. Stefan and Alaric had told her so when she cried about Damon leaving Mystic Falls and possibly never returning. The thought didn't just appear out of nowhere, though. She had a good reason for thinking so. It was either Damon was trying his damndest to avoid her or that he had left without telling anyone. The Camaro had been nowhere in sight and she heard no sound coming from the floor upstairs.
Even if they weren't together anymore, she was still ecstatic he hadn't officially left Mystic Falls. Because if he did, she knew without a doubt it would break her.
"Why did no one tell me Damon would be here?" Elena whispered into the kitchen, drawing Bonnie and Enzo's attention to her. She sighed and asked herself why she even attempted to whisper. The vampire would still be able to hear.
"I mean, I don't mind if he's here but why did no one give me a head's up?"
"Sorry, 'Lena." Bonnie said with a sheepish look on her face. "We know this is tearing both of you up inside and frankly, I don't think any of us could stand to hear you or him whining about each other anymore."
Elena tried to ignore the flutter of her heart when Bonnie confessed Damon whined about her and instead pursed her lips in thought.
"So, what was the point of inviting him then?"
"Because it was either bring you two back together by being forced in the same house all night where you would have no other choice but to talk or at least make you two stand one another by always being by each other and communicating." Enzo answered, leaning against the counter with hi arms crossed.
The brunette took a deep breath and slightly rolled her eyes at her friends attempts to repair her and Damon's relationship. She appreciated their concern but she would rather deal with her own problems with her relationship than have them make it more complicated.
Damon came into the kitchen minutes later as she was helping Bonnie and Enzo cook. She looked up from the chopping board where she was cutting cabbage that Jeremy loved to snack on, though she felt it had no flavor. His face was expressionless, not a single emotion on it to which annoyed her because she couldn't read him like she always could.
Maybe she just didn't know him anymore.
He leaned against the island, across from her both forgetting the couple hugged up in front of the stove with their back turned. The air crackled with sexual tension, flashes of steamy nights playing back in their memories. She wanted him to run his hands up her bare arms, slowly and send the electricity she needed to jump start her heart again. Let his hands cover her skin with soft lips following. To be in his arms is love, safety, and passion too. It is how he can bring her back to life, revive what was lost and restore what was shattered. They both craved to be loved, to be cherished for who they are, unconditionally. So, though his words are precious with every sentence he speaks, his laughter a remedy she missed, it is the feel of his body that heals. Or perhaps it is all of them combined, perhaps they are more than their sum. Either way, she just needed him to come close.
She licked her lips and continued cutting the cabbage without paying attention to what she was doing.
Damon suddenly appeared next to her and snatched the sharp knife from Elena's hands. She whipped her head around at the action and gasped, glancing up when she realized how close they were.
Her eyes traveled down his face, landing on his lips. Though they are pretty, it is the feel of them that sends her mind into a sensual state of intoxication. That's why she reached toward his face and touch them lightly with her thumb before the urge to kiss him takes over. She could feel the heat growing in her cheeks. By now they must be beyond an attractive rosiness. She felt as if all her insecurities were writ large across her face and there was nowhere to hide. As her anxieties mounted they became a circle, like a song stuck on repeat.
"You almost cut yourself. You need to be a little more careful." He softly mumbled, finally snapping out of their heated gaze.
Elena licked her lips again and looked down at the knife in his hand. She swallowed at the sight of the knife before turning back to him.
"Thank you... even though it's not like it wouldn't heal after a few seconds." She teased with a wink.
"Fine. Next time I'll let you cut off your own finger." He smirked, the same glint in his crystal blue orbs.
She giggled and a bright smile crept onto her lips for a moment before it disappeared and was replaced with a look of question. "Why did you even bother coming tonight, Damon? You barely like anyone besides me." Or, did. "Not that I didn't want you to come... it just seems weird that you did because you always told me you couldn't stand anyone and that you barely liked Stefan."
"Stefan said I shouldn't be spending Christmas drinking at a bar or at home until I passed out. I figured I had nothing better to do so why not come?" He shrugged, never taking a step away from his ex lover.
She had hoped he would say he at least came to see her. But, what could she expect? He broke up with her and avoided her for weeks without a word. She shouldn't be surprised he didn't come for her.
"That's the only reason?" She asked after realizing she wasn't being entirely transparent.
"Yeah." He answered, turning away from her only now seeing that the couple from earlier had disappeared from the kitchen.
She tucked her dark tresses behind her ears and let out a deflating sigh. Her life had been a sweet gingerbread man but now there's a cookie cutter hole right in the center. He walked out and the gap he left behind just can't be filled by another, or distractions. In his uniqueness he carved himself a role right into her DNA and no matter how hard she tried to remove it, it remains unchanged; not bigger, not smaller, not louder and never quieter.
"Oh." she replied, wiping her hands on a paper towel to take off the remains of the cabbage she had cut. She wordlessly took the knife from Damon's hand and went to the sink, washing it off before putting it in the dish drainer. She internally groaned and her shoulders sagged at the thought of the man behind her.
She can't do this.
"We should probably go out there in a minute. They're all probably waiting for us. I know Jeremy, Matt and Bonnie are hungry." Elena muttered after a moment of silence.
Damon nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He looked over to the doorway of the kitchen and started to walk. He paused half way out the door and turned around to look at the brunette wiping off her hands with a dishtowel.
"Elena?" He asked, clenching his fists nervously.
She looked over her shoulder at the sound of his voice and licked her lips, waiting for him to speak.
"Yeah?"
If he'd rehearsed this conversation once, he'd rehearsed it a thousand times and now he had to say it. Now that he'd got to the door and it was finally time to say it, his mouth had gone dry and his slow thumping heart was beating more forcefully than it usually did. Could he do this? Right now?
Ever?
"Nothing." He shook his head, the second thoughts getting the better of him. "Never mind."
After dinner, the residents of the house moved to the living room to watch 'A Christmas Story' as Elena stayed back to pick up the glasses and plates from the den. Caroline and Bonnie both said she didn't need to do the dishes and to come watch the movie but she denied the offer, ignoring them. It would take her mind off of her broken heart for a moment and be the distraction she wanted. That was really all she needed.
Half way through the movie, Damon got up from one of the chairs annoyed with the movie and that Elena still hadn't come into the room with them to watch it. She was the only reason he had even come and now she went ghost in the middle of the night? What was she doing that took so long? He walked out of the room and when he heard dishes scratching together, he went into the kitchen.
"What are you doing in here?" He asked, walking into the room and sitting on a stool pulled up to the island.
With a sharp intake of breath, Elena spun around and placed her hand over her heart in fear when she noticed the vampire.
"I was washing the dishes." Elena stated, crossing her arms defensively. "But, I'm done now."
"Why?" He asked with furrowed brows. "You could always do it later when the night is over and everyone has left. Why do it now instead of being with your friends and having fun?"
She shrugged, biting on her bottom lip. "Because I like it and it takes my mind off of things for a while."
He knew exactly what those things were. Him.
His mouth went dry at the answer but not the one he was hoping would come from her lips. Just when he thought he couldn't harbor anymore guilt. Life was a barrel of rainbows and sunshine.
But, he caused this. Not her or life.
"Can we talk?" He asked, resisting the urge to grab a bottle of Bourbon and avoid this conversation all together like he had been doing. But she deserved to know why he ended them.
"Sure."
Her voice was low, nervous as if she was scared of what he would say.
He didn't blame her. To her, this came out of nowhere. He couldn't have been a bigger dick about it if he tried.
Elena moved away from the sink and sat on a stool across from Damon, chomping at the bit to hear what he had to say.
"I never really gave you a reason as to why we broke up. I realize that I've been a huge asshole about it and I just wanted to tell you why."
he nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears. "You waited all this time to tell me why you broke my heart? You're choosing now to have a confessional?"
He visibly winced at her response and pursed his lips at himself.
"I know, I know. My timing is horrible. But, I just need to tell you."
He stood from the stool and walked around the island, holding out his hand. She looked at it and back up to his face, confused before understanding what he meant and placed her hand in his.
He pulled her to the front door and stepped outside, shutting it behind them. He realized they were with a house full of vampires and even going outside might not work to have a heart-to-heart with the woman he loves so he continued pulling her hand until they reached the Camaro.
He opened the passenger side door and nodded his head at it when she slipped her hand from his.
"Damon, what are we doing?"
"We're going for a drive while we talk so no one can listen in on what we're saying." Damon explained as she nodded and got in the car. He closed the door, going to the driver's side and sat, starting the car and closing his door.
He started driving away from the mansion Bonnie and Enzo recently moved into as her body stiffened from the tension.
"Our breakup had nothing to do with my feelings for you or lack of. I just couldn't stop feeling guilty that I was changing you and turning you into me."
Elena didn't attempt to hide her eye roll, already agitated with the conversation. "Damon, that's bullshit. I'll tell you the real reason why we broke up. You said you loved me, but that was all a lie, wasn't it? All I wanted from you was your love and attention, but once you got me in bed and get tired of me after a while you threw me out like I was yesterday's newspaper. You said you loved me, but you didn't. You said that you still cared about me when we broke up. I don't believe you. I loved you; no... I love you and you broke me into a million broken shards. I hope you're happy."
Damon immediately shook his head guiltily, staring at the road. "No, Elena, no. That's not why. I didn't break up with you because I was sick of you or that I was tired of us. It wasn't any of that." He paused and his hand gripped the steering wheel, the words caught in his throat. He didn't know how to say it without it coming off as punishing her for making a mistake like Stefan said.
But he had to try. For her.
"In my heart and memory, I retract all the things I ever said to you that night, they were never a reflection on you, only on my inner demons. In my misplaced entitlement I gave you only passive aggressive rage, I accidently took my emotions out on you and was too guilty to talk. Instead I took the easy way out..."
He looked over at her for a moment and noticed her face resolutely unimpressed. Her gaze was cast down at her feet, leaning her head against the window.
"Do you remember three days before we broke up? When I went to get blood bags for the Boarding House and you stayed at home?"
"What about it?" She pressed, raising an eyebrow and turning to him. She knew it was the night she had brutally murdered someone because of her hunger but she had no thought as to why that night correlated to Damon ending their relationship.
"That night... when you killed that man, I realized how much I was changing you. And, I couldn't bare to watch it or alter you any longer. You were already picking up the things I did like smirking and being defensive or sarcastic and then that happened. I couldn't do it anymore. You weren't... you anymore."
She went silent. She just stared out her window, her face now turned away from him.
He had to tell her it wasn't what she thought it was before she started blaming herself even more.
"And, this isn't punishing you for killing someone or anything like that. It's just I saw you changing too much even before then and I saw what I was doing to you so I needed to let you go. I couldn't destroy you anymore."
Still not a word.
Then, in a small whisper, her voice came. "You're so stupid at times, Damon."
Well, it wasn't exactly what he expected. If anything, it was a lot tamer than he thought it would be. He had guessed they would have ended up crashing when she jumped on him and started beating the hell out of him. But, at least it was something.
She finally looked at him, raising her eyes away from the window. Her hazel brown eyes were tear filled, brimming at her eyelids. It made his heart tighten painfully in his chest. He knew there would be tears and maybe even his blood spilled from her newbie vamp strength and anger but he had never thought it would hurt this bad.
"You are so stupid." Elena cried as hot tears streamed down her cheeks. "I can't believe you just said that. Your reason for breaking my heart is because you felt guilty that I killed someone? And, just because I started acting like you doesn't mean you were changing me! Damon, do you not realize that you pick up things, even if it's small, that your partner does after you've been together so long! Yes, I started smirking like you and being sarcastic-"
"Exactly, Elena! I like to kill and I try not to for you but I do slip up sometimes. I knew this would happen if your turned. I want you to be with me forever, but I knew this would happen and what it would take from you. If you hadn't met me or if you never turned, you wouldn't have killed someone and forever carry this guilt around. I know you went to that man's house after we broke up... See? It's too much for you. I did this to you." Damon finished, self-loathing clear as day in his voice.
"No, you didn't! I killed someone because I was hungry! Not because of you or your presence in my life. Or even the fact that you like to kill people. Your reason for breaking up with me is completely stupid and makes no sense! Sometimes I think you like wallowing in your own pity." She huffed, crossing her arms like a petulant child.
Was Damon serious? Were these actually words that just came out of his mouth? He really believed that he was the direct cause of her murder. She didn't know what was wrong with him. She thought they had been making some progress when she was human about his presence in her life but it was obvious that anything that had worked together on before was now shattered behind repair. They were back to step one.
"You turned into me, Elena. And, I couldn't stand seeing me drain the light from you any longer. Besides, we were fighting too much before that and I saw what my actions were doing to you. I couldn't stop killing innocent people and you didn't like it. I think this was only the straw that broke the camel's back." Damon sighed, running a free hand through his hair.
Elena shook her head and turned to him, her jaw clenched. "Sometimes, I think you're blind. From day one, you always thought you weren't good enough for me and that you didn't love me the way you thought I should have been loved. But, Damon, you don't understand. You have everything I've always wanted in a relationship and in love. You exceed what I thought I deserved and what I thought I would have. You are the first man I've ever loved, hell, you're the first person I have ever loved. You have no idea how much you've changed my life... for the better. When I met you, my parents had just died and I was completely numb on the inside. You helped me learn how to live again and you taught me how to be okay with going on even though my world seemed so dark from depression! You saved my life... literally. You pulled me from the car when it went over the bridge. I wouldn't even be alive without you. And, the fact you think your bad for me of that your changing me baffles my mind. I don't understand."
She paused and sighed but continued after a moment.
"When I see you, it's as if space and time become useless and irrelevant, as if time collapses into one tiny speck and explodes at light speed. It's as if my universe begins and ends with you. I could run forever, search forever, but in the end, every path leads right back to your heart and soul. You're not a bad person Damon. You just make stupid and impulsive decisions that you later regret but I can see a change in you. You're better than when we first met. Even then you only wanted sex and blood but even though we were sleeping together, you decided to take a chance will us. And, I haven't looked back since. I'm happy and I always have been since the moment you walked into my life. I am in love with you. But maybe you don't get that or may not for a long time. We can work on us and get better together. We're not perfect, we never have been but we love each other. That's what matters and you may have lost sight of that during our fights and arguments. I just need you to know that before anything else happens in the future."
He didn't respond and instead let silence fill the air between them, until the brunette let out a huff of oxygen before turning to the elder Salvatore.
"Just take me back to Bonnie and Enzo's. I'm exhausted and not up for game of... whatever this is." Elena stated, waving back and forth between them.
Damon nodded solemnly and gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles grew white. He didn't have anyone to blame but himself. If he hadn't let his insecurities win over his sense of reality and comfort, neither of them would be sitting in his car with aching hearts.
He pulled up in front of the mansion silently, not able to come to a complete stop before Elena had already opened her door and jumped out.
She paused after closing the door and stood for a moment, seemingly thinking something over inside her head. But, she never turned back or took another glance at him and let out a deflating sigh.
"Goodbye, Damon." She whispered, biting down on her bottom lip and started to walk away from the Camaro.
Damon clenched his jaw and balled his fists up angrily.
He couldn't let her walk away, he refused too. He knew he screwed up and she should walk away and lock him out of her life but the thought of it know hurt more than he wanted to admit. He knew if he let her walk inside that house, she would be closing the door on them.
He had to fight for her like she deserved. She was the light of his world and he would not let her slip through his fingers that easily.
He opened his drivers side door and jumped out of the car, practically running up the sidewalk leading to the house.
Elena had already reached the concrete steps of the mansion with her back turned and still didn't notice the raven-haired man walking up behind her.
"Elena."
Before she had any time to react, Damon had slammed his lips to hers and nearly knocked all wind from her lungs. She urged herself to push away, but couldn't. The world around her blurred as her arms reached up and tangled around his neck, hungrily kissing him back. His lips were warm and tasted of Bourbon; obviously getting drunk earlier before arriving at the party.
For the first time in forever, Damon felt like his mind was finally locked into the present. The regret and worries of the day evaporated like a summer shower onto a hot car. His usual mode of drinking until he passed out was suspended once again and he had no desire for the kiss to end. Completely intoxicated on endorphin's his only want was to touch her and to move his hands under her smooth summer layers, feeling her perfect softness once more. His fingers moved under her jawline, lightly caressing her olive tanned skin, his thumb pressing against her cheek. His lips were firm on hers, but the kiss remained soft, gentle and slow. They paused for a moment before their lips began to move in perfect sync. Her entire body had been taken over by the overwhelming feeling of relief, combined with eccentric panic and lust. Her body tingled, reminiscing about all those steamy nights spent blissfully spent in his king sized bed.
There was something unique in all the world their kiss and she knew it is that they love one another down to each others lost souls - a sacred bridge between two minds and bodies. The kiss like this was a beginning, a promise of much more to come.
His hands moved again from her jaw to the back of her throat, his fingers tangling in her long, dark chocolate hair, lightly pulling her into him, adding more pressure to their lips, deepening the kiss for a moment before slowly pulling away.
A bright smile made its way onto her lips and she rested her forehead against Damon's, still in a daze from the moments before. Her hazel orbs looked up and met his crystal blue eyes, revealing more than his words could ever express.
"I love you. Merry Christmas Elena." Damon whispered, his arms sneaking down to wrap themselves around her waist, slowly pulling her into his embrace.
"I love you too. Merry Christmas, Damon.." Elena giggled as a blush crept onto her face, biting down on her bottom lip.
His smirk told her everything and her smile widened.
She sunk further into his hold, her heart fluttering as he drew her lips back to his, the sky opening up and pouring down on them.
I know the title is overused and typical for Christmas anything but I came up with it at the last minute. I was more worried about perfecting it for Carol than spending all of my time thinking of a title. I hope everyone enjoyed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE AGAIN CAROL. MAKE IT MAGICAL. I LOVE YOU!