Kurt and Blaine lied side by side on the couch of the Hummel household. They were there alone, for Finn was with Rachel and Burt and Carol just left for a movie. Both boys were beaming with happiness, after confessing their live for each other earlier that day at the coffee shop.
Kurt snuggled in closer to Blaine chest, sniffing in his cologne. Blaine sighed happily. Blaine's mind was calm, where Kurt's was racing in multiple directions.
Blaine noticed Kurt's distress, "Kurt, hey, are you okay?"
"Have you ever had something that you've never told anyone else before?" Kurt said, sitting up.
"Of course, everybody has things like that." Kurt sat there silently for a moment, "Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Blaine said.
Kurt sighed, "No, no, no- I want to."
"How about if you tell me, I'll tell you something I've never told anything, and it won't be anything like I still sleep with my teddy bear."
"I already knew that anyway," Kurt chuckled. Blaine laughed with him and put an arm around Kurt- giving Kurt the time he needed to collect his thoughts.
They sat in silence for what seemed to be hours, when in reality, only minutes have passed by, before Kurt sighed. "Okay," he spoke with a very shaky breath, "I'm going to show you something and I want you to stay calm, as calm as you can be, okay?"
"Kurt, you're scaring me. What's going on?" Blaine pulled Kurt into his arms fully.
"Just come with me, please." Kurt silently got off the couch and headed to the stairs, with Blaine on his heal. They entered Kurt's bedroom ad Blaine took a seat on the side of the bed while Kurt paced the floor.
"You know I love you, right?" Blaine asked quietly from the bed, making Kurt stop dead in his tracks.
Kurt looked at his boyfriend with tear filled eyes and took a deep breath, "I love you, too, and this is why I wanna tell you this. I just don't know how."
Blaine looked at his distressed boyfriend, "How about from the beginning?"
"Alright," Kurt began, taking a seat in the middle of the bed, "Before I met you, I was having a really hard time, you know that, but it was worse than everyone knows. In freshman year, I was in denial to myself and everyone around me of who I was. I kept telling myself that I wasn't gay, I was just a fashionable young man. Although, I think I've always known that I've even different...in more ways than one, maybe. I've always been a little bit more mature than everyone, I guess, but I don't think it was really that- thinking back on it- I was just sad." Kurt paused for a few moments and Blaine grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, urging him to continue. "Then the bullying began later on during ninth grade. Whenever I'd get thrown into a dumpster, I'd go home and cry myself to sleep. Summer came around and the bullying was put on hold. During that summer, I was also able to admit to myself that I am gay. The bullying continued during Sophomore year, but it seemed to be getting better because I had the Glee Club. I came out to the Glee Club and my dad that year, also, and I was able to get through that year without too much going wrong. Then junior year came along with all of the Karofsky stuff." Kurt took a shaky breath; no turning back now, "On top of Karofsky, I still had the normal bullying that took place, and my dad had his heart attack. So, about a week into October, about a month before I met you...I..." Kurt paused as the tears that threatened to escape for awhile finally did.
"If it's too hard-" Blaine began, but Kurt cut him off.
"No. I want you to know this. I NEED you to know this. "
"Take as long as you need," Blaine held Kurt tightly in his arms.
They sat there for a few moments before Kurt pulled away. Blaine watched as he stood up and slowly took off his jacket, and button up shirt. He didn't question him when he took off his wife beater.
Blaine gasped at what lye beneath all the layers of clothing. "Kurt..."
There on his sides, stomach, and hips were raised pink lines. The contrast of the pink scars to Kurt's skin was absolutely terrifying and magnificent.
"Kurt, why?"
"Because I was so alone and I didn't know how to handle anything. My dad was in the hospital, and the Glee Club wasn't helpful once he was out. So one day I found a razor in the medicine cabinet and I guess this somehow helped. Things kept getting worse and worse, even when I met you, I still felt alone. No offense to you. The day Karofsky kissed me was the worse. I have a feeling that if I wouldn't forced my self awake...I don't know what would have happened if I didn't. Then after that, I stopped feeling, and I was in desperate need to feel something, anything. Anytime anything went wrong, even the simplest of things, i felt like this huge failure. like i couldn't do anything and no one seemed to really care. So I just continued to do it. When I transferred to Dalton, it got somewhat better. I didn't do it as frequently or as bad, but it was still there. It wasn't until the day that you kissed me that I realized I needed to stop. I didn't want you to ever know or see because I didn't want to hurt you. So, I found these support group chat rooms online and began talking to people on there. You were always there, which I thank you immensely for, so I was distracted a lot. Urges still came, but I would try and distract myself by texting you and it worked most of the time. The last time was maybe a little over a month ago," Kurt took in a deep breath as his tears continued to fall, "I'm so sorry."
Blaine, who was also crying, stood up and pulled Kurt into a tight hug, "Kurt...I had no idea, no idea at all. I'm so sorry I didn't notice."
Kurt looked at him, "It wasn't your job to notice."
"Once we got together, especially then, it was. I'm your boyfriend, I'm supposed to help and protect you!"
"You did help me," Kurt whispered, "More than you know."
Blaine have him a slight smile and looked straight into his eyes, "Kurt," he began, "I don't care what time of day it is or what I may be doing- the next time you get an urge, call me. I promise to pick up, no matter what. Okay? Can you promise me that?" Kurt nodded his head. "Good, cause you're the most amazing person I have ever met and I hate to see you hurting. I would hate if something were to happen to you. And I just, I just love you so much."
Kurt went back into Blaine's arms, "I love you, too, Blaine. Thank you so much."
They held each other for a few moments, in silence when Blaine began to softly sing, "Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect. Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you are perfect to me." He paused for a moment and looked at Kurt, "You really are."
Kurt pulled Blaine into a lingering kiss. Pulling away, Kurt smiled, wiping away his tears, "Thanks so much."
"So, still wanna hear my secret?" Blaine giggled lightly.
"You don't have to..."
"But I want to!" Blaine smiled, "it's about the future. It's a happy secret!"
"Alrighty then, carry on!" Kurt giggled along with Blaine.
"Alright so later in life, I'm going to live in New York. It's going to be absolutely amazing. I'll be living with the most beautiful boyfriend, fiancé maybe? Perhaps husband, if it ever becomes legal," Blaine rolled his eyes, "His name is Kurt. He is the most amazing man I know. He has these beautiful blue eyes with amazing skin. I think he has this insanely long skin routine, but he doesn't need it. He's perfect just the way he is. He's been through a lot in his life but as long as he'll let me, I'll be there to protect him and love him. He truly is perfect," Blaine looked at Kurt with a large smile plastered on his face, "Do you know him?"
"I think I might," Kurt smiled and planted a hard kiss to Blaine's lips. He sighed, "I like your secret better than mine. Do you really mean it?"
"Of course I do, Kurt. Forever." Blaine smiled.
"I love you."
"I live you, too."
Kurt giggled, "I love hearing that."
"I live saying it! And I will continue to say it as long as you'll let me. We'll get over your problem soon, Kurt. I'll do whatever I need to...just, never get up, okay? I meant every word I said about the future. I can't do that if you're not around. Do you promise?"
Kurt looked into his eyes, "For you, I'd promise anything."