She sits and she sits and she sits and she wonders, wonders 'How far will I go?How far will I go until I break?How far until I fall?'
She doesn't know the answer to this question.
No one does.
She had asked;asked countless friends.
But they grew tired of told her to move on.
But she couldn't, besides,what did they know about being your-heart-hurts-so-much-it-will-break-into-a-million-pieces-lonely?
They went home to families,kids,wives,husbands,lovers, woke up to them as well.
People who were always there, when they needed a hug, a kiss, or kind,sweet nothings that made the harsh,cruel world disappear.
The harsh,cruel world wouldn't disappear for Trinity Hasegawa.
She had no one to give her an affectionate hug or a kiss, or words-that-made-the-world-go-away.
She used to. She had a loving family once; once-upon-a-time.
But after a while, fairy tales have to end.
Now all she had a dead father, a mother who hated her, and a missing sister.
Poor little rich girl.
She went home to an empty apartment, and woke up to a cold bed.
She didn't cry.
She was tired.
Tired of everything.
Tired of covering old wounds up with concealer.
Tired of the phony smiles, the false emotions that she forced in front of her to act as an impenetrable wall; to let no one in.
Tired of lying to her co-workers that she was fine.
Tired of looking forward to nothing but people who were willing to end another person's life.
Her job became just another victim, another case file, another gun, another bullet.
Once, she even dared to be slightly jealous of one of her co-worker's relationships.
'Why can't anyone love me, if only for a little while?'
She wondered if she was really that desperate.
Perhaps she was.
Her heart hurt,letting her know it couldn't go very far in the future if it were to stay alone any longer.
She knew what it wanted.
It wanted someone to reach out and grab it, and treat it with fragile care.
It wanted to have a hand placed on it so its beat that rhythmically declared love could be heard.
It wanted to hear another heartbeat, so it knew that it knew that the other heart beat for it as it did for the other heart.
She knew what it wanted, but yet she couldn't give it.
She looked over to the household Shinto shrine she had, and wondered if Kami-sama had forgotten her.
Without thinkng, she walked over to it.
Clasping her hands together, she prayed to Kami-sama, wondering if She would hear.
She didn't pray for someone to be there when she came home.
She didn't pray for someone to give her hugs and kisses and words.
She prayed for someone who would always be there to make the world go away.
So Kami-sama gave her Nicky.