WHAT HURTS THE MOST
She came home in an ordinary day, wanting to get some rest for the next day. All she wanted was happiness, rest, compassion, affection and love. However, that day was certainly not a good day for her.
She was mostly a loner, without many friends. Sometimes, she would indulge in self-pity, something which led her into sadness and inconsolable sobbing. Her family was rather supportive of her, due to the fact that she was hardworking and determined. However, she did not know if her family was really supportive of her.
There were times when she pondered upon the same question about whether her family really cared for her. There were some times when her family did things which hurt her.
It was that day whereby things went wrong. She went home and rest was the only thing in her mind.
She came home and she wondered why nobody was at home. She went to her room and when she went to check her schedule, she realised that she had forgotten to go to her cousin's house for her birthday celebration. The worse thing was that she even forgot to take the birthday cake which she ordered last week. Her family trusted her that she could be able to do all these well, including the plans.
However, due to her busy schedule, she forgot. She blamed herself for what had happened, thinking that it was all her fault. She took the receipt on her table and she rushed to the cake shop immediately. She then carried the cake, thanked the cashier and went to take a bus to her cousin's house.
It was not long before the bus arrived at the destination. She walked as fast as possible to her cousin's house, making sure that the cake was still in good condition. After stepping out of the lift, she rang the doorbell. Her cousin's mom opened the door with a smile on her face. She invited her in even though she almost screwed up the birthday party and she turned up late.
She looked around in the house and saw that everyone was there. She felt embarrassed and a little guilty. Her family (her dad, mom and sisters) looked at her with faces of dissatisfaction. Of course, she felt unhappy throughout the birthday celebration.
However, her cousin's mom comforted her, giving her a chance.
She spoke softly to her "Human beings are not perfect. It is just a small matter. The thing is, as long as you have done your best, it is good enough. We have forgiven you. So, do not dwell in the past, and just enjoy yourself during the birthday party."
So, she enjoyed herself throughout the party, and she did not think about the way her family looked at her when she went into the house. She chatted with her relatives. There was food provided during the birthday party. After chatting, she went to take some food to eat for dinner. While she was eating, she looked around. It was as though everyone had forgotten about what she had done for a split second. Everyone was happy, care-free and they were eating or chatting with one another as though nothing bad happened.
When it was time for everyone to sing the birthday song, everyone sang the song with a joyful tune. The candles on the cake were brightly lit. Her cousin was happy and did not mind that she almost screwed up the whole birthday party. The birthday girl made a wish, and then she blew out the candles. The dancing fires on the candles were blown out all at once.
When it was time for her family and her to come home, everyone waved goodbye at them with smiles on their faces. This time, she rode on a car on the way home, as her family had a car.
After a while, she came home and just when she forgot about what had happened, her family raised the issue of her imperfections. So, she got scoldings from her dad and mom. Her parents warned that she could not be forgetful.
Her dad shouted "What if it was an important event, and you missed it? Or what if it were an important document, and you forgot to take it with you?"
She defended "I am sorry, I really did not think about it that time. I have a busy schedule and that event was not in my mind."
Her mom said "No excuses, but next time, you have to be more careful and not be so forgetful. You have to take note of all the important deadlines and dates. You can put it on the post-it notes, store it in your handphone or write it in your notebook."
Her dad then spilled out vulgarities about her.
"If it were an important event, and you missed it, we were not going to help you. STUPID, IDIOT, STUPID…"
There were times like this when her did not feel she had her self-worth. There were many times whereby her family had hurt her, including her sisters. They were constantly demoralizing her, saying that she was stupid, dumb or retard.
Where are the comfort and encouragement from her family? Where are the compassion and understanding after all these years?
She did not know if her family really cared for her. She did not know if her family would help her in the worst situations or problems. She did not know if her family was really supportive of her…