Title: His Rose
Author: Gillian Taylor
Characters: Ninth Doctor, Rose, Jackie Tyler
Rating: PG
Summary: She was his Rose and no one else's.
Spoilers: PotW

Author's Notes: I seem to have this need to always write the Doctor angsting. Not sure why. Anyway, here's yet another PotW offering with a little bit of a twist. Thanks, as always, to my wonderful betas NNWest and chloeaz.

"His Rose"
by Gillian Taylor

"No!" The scream was torn from her throat, her eyes wild with shock and denial as she rushed forward. "NO!" she repeated, pounding her hands against his unresisting chest. "NO! NO! NO!" Each word was accompanied by another hit, another sob, another tear and still he did not move, calmly accepting the punishment that he knew, in his hearts, was his right.

"My Rose, my poor sweet Rose..." Jackie's anger turned to strangled sobs, her punches quieting until her tightly clenched fists rested above the double beat of his hearts.

His Rose, he wanted to reply. She was his Rose and no one else's. He had taken her to the stars, lived again in the light of her smile. Seen the possibilities of the universe stretched out before him in her deep brown eyes. He had learned to love; guided by her hand clasped within his. And now, now his Rose was gone.

"Why?" she asked. "Why her? Why Rose?" 'Why not you?' He could hear the question that she did not voice, and the Doctor accepted it for the truth. His Rose had disappeared in a blaze of golden light to protect him, and he had no idea how he could go on without her.

"I tried," he attempted to speak, surprised by the hoarse quality to his voice. "She stopped me. She managed to convince my TARDIS that she was doing the right thing...she..." The Time Lord's voice trailed off as he stared blankly beyond Jackie Tyler's tear streaked face.

"What happened?" she questioned softly.

"Daleks." He spat out the name. "Daleks happened."

It was bound to happen someday. He would finally meet his match; give one cocky grin too many, try to save the world once too often. Chalk up the final tally: Universe - 10 billion, Doctor - 0. He just never imagined that he would meet his death on Satellite Five, turning slowly above the planet that he had adopted as his new home. The last Time Lord, the last Dalek fleet. He could end it with the mere push of a lever - end the Time War once and for all. He could avenge his people, avenge Jack, avenge the countless billions of lives that had been ravaged by the Daleks or by their temporal tampering. Revenge could be his.

"Prove yourself, Doctor. What are you? Coward or killer?" The scratchy tones of the Emperor taunted him, urged him on. He could rid the galaxy of this filth. He was the Doctor. He knew what was supposed to happen, what should happen. The Daleks should not have survived. They should die. They should all die.

But at what cost?

Could he push the lever and doom humanity to death? Could he carry the weight of that many deaths all for the sake of revenge? Could he do that to Rose's homeworld? His face contorted in mental agony as he fought against his own better judgement - to kill, to be a coward. Life or death?

He pictured her face, her expression at learning of his choice after he had sent her away. His debate ended and he slowly relaxed his grip on the lever. "Coward. Anyday." He would never disappoint her. He could not.

He watched his executioners roll into the room, surrounding him. The giant pepperpots of death. So ends the Doctor - exterminated. He held out his arms, braced for the impact. He doubted even his people's ability to regenerate could save him this time. At least he had a good run. At least Rose was safe.

That was when he heard the familiar wheezing groan of his ship, his TARDIS. "No..." he whispered as he turned, tuning out the exclamations of the Daleks to watch the familiar blue police box grind its way into reality before him. She was supposed to be safe. She was supposed to be back home. Not here. Not now. "No..." he repeated as the doors swung open of their own accord, spilling out golden light.

He stumbled backwards, tripping over the device that might have saved the world. His eyes widened in disbelief as the golden light coalesced into the familiar features of Rose Tyler. "What have you done?"

Her oddly dual toned voice spoke, her eyes spilling golden light. "I looked into the TARDIS. And the TARDIS looked into me."

His hearts broke both from her bravery and from what it meant for her poor fragile human body. "You looked into the Time vortex. Rose! No one's meant to see that."

The Doctor watched her defy the Dalek Emperor, deflect the energy blast that should have killed her, and tell him that she was the Bad Wolf. He felt himself begin to fall apart as he watched her, her eyes were bright as she looked at him with both the light, pain, and tears. He could not even tell what he said, though he felt as if he could cry as he told her. "You're gonna burn!"

The glow faded and for a moment he saw Rose, just Rose, as she had always been. "I want you safe. My Doctor." The dual tone returned as she directed her burning regard at the Dalek emperor. His mind and hearts cried out in denial as she, nineteen year old Rose Tyler, ended the Time War once and for all.

No more Daleks. No more War. Just him. And her...but for how long? "Rose, you've done it! Now stop! Just let go."

"How can I let go of this? I bring life."

Absolute power. She had it all at her fingertips and it was killing her. He could see her weakening before him, in the catch of her breath, the tears pouring unheeded down her face. "This is wrong! You can't control life and death!"

"But I can. The sun and the moon. Day and night. But why do they hurt?"

The tears pricked at the edges of his eyes and he felt desperate. He couldn't lose her. Not after trying to save her. "The power's going to kill you and it's my fault!"

Rose's eyes glowed with power and understanding. "I can see everything. All that is. All that was. All that ever could be."

The Doctor's eyes widened. Impossible. For the vortex to give her that level of understanding, let alone for her to be able to understand it. It was astonishing. In the smallest part of him that did not fear for her safety, he knew once again that he had chosen well when he had asked her to join him. "That's what I see. All the time. Doesn't it drive you mad?"

"My head..." she staggered.

There was no choice. There never had been when it came down to it in the contest of life and death. His life or Rose's. She would always win. "Come 'ere."

"Is killing me..." she continued.

"I think you need a Doctor," he began, grasping her arms gently, but she pulled away.

She shook her head in denial. "All that could be, Doctor. I choose. I choose you." With those words, the light surrounding her brightened into an inferno, shielding her from his view.

"Rose!" he cried. But as the light faded, Rose Tyler was gone. "Rose..." her name was a sob on his breath and he sank slowly to the ground before where she had once stood, tears pouring freely down his face. He had killed her. She had saved the world, his world, and now she was gone. "No..."

He had no idea how much time had passed, but somehow he had managed to stumble into the TARDIS and set the coordinates for somewhere, anywhere, other than the station. He could not stay there - not on that Satellite of death. Not where his companions - Jack...and Rose, his Rose, had died. He ran, and he knew it.

The coward survives.

The console emitted a strange groan and a hologram flickered to life next to him. He staggered backwards, shaking his head in denial at the bright smile the faux Rose Tyler gave him. "Emergency Protocol...oh whatever. I hope this thing's working. Doctor? If you're hearing this then something's happened to me. My plan to save you resulted in my death. Now, I know, you're probably going to say something about stupid apes, but I need you to know something, Doctor. I mean it. I meant it. Everything that I've ever said to you, everything I've ever done with you...I wouldn't of missed it for the world. 'Cause you know what? This life you lead, it's definitely better with two. An' I'm sorry about that. Sorry that I can't be with you now, but you've got to believe me when I say that I wish I could be. But, it was my choice. I want you to know something. You gave me the greatest gift that anyone's ever given to me, Doctor. You gave me life. You taught me how to live. Now it's your turn. Live, Doctor. I think I know how you're feelin', 'cause I know how I would be if the situation was reversed. But please, live, Doctor. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Live, Doctor. Live for me. Do that, an' it was all worth it. Every second, every moment, every journey. It was worth it."

The holographic Rose blushed, glancing down at her feet before continuing. "I know it's a lot to ask, but, if you could, could you go home and tell Mum? Even show her this, if you can get the TARDIS to replay it for you. An', before I go, there's one thing that I wanted to say. I know I never got to tell you this, and I suspect it's rather stupid of me to tell you now...but...no matter what, I want you safe. My Doctor. My..." She seemed to be on the verge of saying something else, something far more important when she was distracted by something. "Time's up. Live, Doctor. That's all I ask." And once again, she was gone.

"That's it? That's all? My daughter died! She's dead, Doctor. What happened to the ten seconds? What happened to your bringing my little girl home? Where is she? If she's dead, where's her body!" Jackie's voice grew in volume as she spoke, her eyes blazing with righteous anger.

"She disappeared into the vortex," he replied softly, accepting her anger as he had accepted her beating. He deserved it. He deserved it all. "No one's supposed to look into the time vortex, Jackie, especially not Rose. But I couldn't stop her. I tried. I did, you have to believe me..." The Doctor silently cursed the way his voice broke and the tears he knew were upon his cheeks.

Jackie faltered as she looked at his expression, stepping backwards as she attempted to fathom the look she saw in his eyes. "You love her." The words were an accusation.

"I..."

"Don't bother denying it. I've seen that look before. You looked like I did after Pete..." She shook her head, banishing the thoughts. "Can you save her?"

"She's dead, Jackie."

"No. I refuse to believe that, because you travel in time. You can go back there, to where ever you were, and stop this from happening can't you?" She knew that she was asking the impossible just as she knew that he might tell her no. There had to be a way. It couldn't end like this. Children were supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around...and she did not even have that comfort. "I was supposed to watch her get married and have kids. I was supposed to watch her live a normal life. An' I know now, she wouldn't have been happy. It wasn't her. Her 'normal life' was with you. Fix it, Doctor, please."

"You don't know what you're asking me to do," he protested weakly, visions of the Reapers playing in his mind. If he changed history to save Rose, there would be consequences - there always were.

"Yes, I do. I'm asking you save Rose," Jackie said bluntly. "That's it. That's all. Just save her. Don't let it end like this."

The Doctor's expression was anguished. "Jackie."

"If you loved her," the words were venom, "you would save her."

His resistance crumpled. "I'll try."

Jackie nodded. "Good."

He left as quietly as he had arrived, disappearing through the doorway as swiftly as a thought though he passed with Jackie's blessing. She did not know what she asked, not really. She just wanted her daughter back, and in the Time Lord she felt that she had a chance.

The TARDIS groaned in protest as he set in the coordinates to Satellite Five, a few minutes before Rose had saved his life. "Quiet," he told her softly, patting the console, "I've got to do this."

The ship creaked and he sighed. "I have to do this. For Rose."

The time rotor flared to life, though even the grinding noise it made seemed reluctant. He smiled sadly and turned from the rotor as the ship shuddered to a stop. The Doctor strode towards the doors and pushed them open, stepping onto the deck of Satellite Five. Being in two places at once was never a good idea, but he was more than willing to violate the First Law of Time again and again should he need to. Especially for his Rose.

His ship had landed in the room next to central control and through the door he could hear his voice protesting, uselessly, against Rose's actions.

"My head..." he heard her say and started, realising that he was almost too late. He rushed through the doorway to see a repeat of his earlier actions.

"Come 'ere."

"Is killing me..." she continued.

"I think you need..." His other self began before his eyes widened as he noticed his doppleganger. "What have you done?"

"My choice," the Doctor said, ignoring his younger self. He gently pushed Rose towards his other self. "I choose you. Do it, you fool!"

"What have you done!"

"What needs to be done. What has to be done. Stop your prattling! She's dying!" His younger self seemed rather startled, but he turned his attention back to the girl in his arms.

"I think you need a Doctor," he completed and bent down to kiss her lips. As the vortex poured into him, he saw exactly what Rose had seen and knew precisely why he had done as he had. He would regenerate, but she would be alive. He would still have her.

She collapsed against him and he gently lowered her to the floor, suddenly realising that his other self had disappeared. Time had changed, and as he released the vortex back into the TARDIS he knew it was for the better. He, and the universe, would not need to live without her. Not now. Not yet.

He picked her up again once his task was complete and walked into his ship, setting her down again upon the floor. When she awoke, he would reassure her. He would tell her how he felt, about what could have been. Yet, even as he thought it he knew he never would. Not like this. The Doctor could feel the tiny spasms that heralded the regeneration pouring through him as cell after cell began to die and be replaced.

Rose opened her eyes and he strove to comfort her for what would come. Nothing would be the same and for that he felt a pang of sorrow. Yet, his Rose was strong. She would survive. And that was what mattered.

As he felt his body erupt in golden light, he smiled through the pain. Though he knew it would be difficult for her to accept the new him, he could rest at ease knowing that he had done everything that he could to protect her. Whatever happened. No matter what. Every second, every moment, every smile and every laugh that they shared. It was worth it. She was worth it.

His Rose.

FIN