Holding On, a twilight fanfic

"Holding On"

As band and song suggested by .., this goes out ot her! This is JakexBella one, done in Jakes POV

How'd I let it get this far
What was going through my mind
Why'd you seem to have it all
Yet you're not mine
Started off as just good friends
Still we always step the line
Coz falling for you was so easy
Ohh..

If anyone had asked me, what I had thought at this exact moment, it would have been something along the lines of:

"How'd I let it get this far?"

You're everything I want
You're everything I need
You're everything I want my girl to be
And even though I know
You're in someone else's heart
I can't bare to be apart
See I've fallen for you
And I've gotta let you go
And I know that I have got to
Find a way to get on with my life

I stare at her, from my vantage place standing behind the lounge. She's watching something – something she brought over where every sentence ends in an '-eth'. It's down right boring.

But still. Looking at her, how can I not tell her?

That she everything.

Everything I need, I want.

But I can't tell her.

For as much as she means to me, I know.

I know that she still belongs to someone else.

To that stupid blood sucker. He still has his icy grip on his heart.

But even so, any space apart, whether distance or time, hurts.

I don't wanna let you go (let you go)
But it's killing me inside (inside)
How can I just carry on
I need some piece of mind (need some piece of mind)
How do I just move along (along)
And ignore the love so strong (so strong)
So until I see this through
I'll be holding on to you
How'd I let it get this far
What was going through my mind
Why'd you seem to have it all
Yet you're not mine
Started off as just good friends
Still we always step the line
Coz falling for you was so easy
Ohh..

I don't want to let this go – let her go – quietly.

The universe, fate, God whoever said that I belong to her.

That she belongs to me.

That we belong together.

In a perfect world, we would have been together.

But it's killing me inside, slowly, but surely.

How can I keep loving her, leech and all, knowing she's never going to love me back like I need to be loved.

I just need some piece of mind. Something to help me move along, to keep me going.

SO I don't have to ignore this anymore.

SO that I can see it through.

So that I can still hold onto her

"I've fallen for you," I whisper in her ear, though I know she's sleeping, and she can't hear me. For a vampire, she can still sleep.

"My Jacob," She whispers in reply, my wolf rumbling contentedly with this.

I know, in my heart of hearts, that this will never happen.

That this love that I have for her, no matter how deep, how true, will never really happen.

But, until then, I'll fight for her.

I'll fight her for her heart.

I'll keep holding on, for as long as I can.

To you... baby...

I'll be holding onto to her – because, for now, she's mine.

Throughout the years with her I've tried
To find the joy beyond the pain
But when the words and tears subside
Girl it's still the same
And I can't look into her eyes
Without thinking about you
See I've tried but these feelings won't leave me
No...

It's been years, since I've known that I love her, and that maybe, deep down, she might love me back.

And I've tried to find the joy in those moments years ago when we were still young – still alive - of holding hands, of almost kisses and when she looks at me like she loves me. But now there's only pain.

And I've felt the words she says to me, her denial of our relationship, and how they bring tears to my eyes, but even when they're gone, I still can't look at her without thinking, imagining, knowing what we would have been.

I've tried so hard to get rid of these feelings for her.

But they won't leave.

You're everything I want
You're everything I dream
You're everything I want my girl to be
And even though I know
You're in someone else's arms
I can't bare to be apart
See girl I fell for you
And I don't wanna say goodbye
And I know that I have got to
Find a way to get on with my life

I know that someday, I'll have to say to say goodbye. I love it when she's here, when she's around, but I'm better when she's gone.

Well, I will be better when she's gone.

It'll be the only way for me to move on.

I don't wanna let you go
But it's killing me inside
How can I just carry on (how can I)
I need some piece of mind (piece of mind)
How do I just move along
And ignore the love so strong (so strong)
So until I see this through
I'll be holding on to you

How do I move on though? How can I ignore these feelings? Ignore the love?

Until I know how, I'll still be holding onto her.

I look away when he holds you
For I'm afraid that I might find
The look in your eyes
That I see when you were mine
So tell me why I've got to be
The one to walk away
And leave you there in someone else's arms
(Won't let you go away)

When Edward is here, I can't look at them together.

Because I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I'll see exactly what we were, what we might have been in her eyes.

And I don't know why it has to be me, again, who has to walk away.

Who has to see her in someone else's arms

I don't wanna let you go
But it's killing me inside (killing me inside)
How can I just carry on (how can I)
I need some piece of mind
How do I just move along
And ignore the love so strong
So until I see this through (till I...till I)
I'll be holding on to you

I just don't want to let her go – and it's killing me inside to have to.

Throughout the years with her I've tried
To find the joy beyond the pain
But when the words and tears subside
Girl it's still the same
And I can't look into her eyes
Without

thinking about you
See I've tried but these feelings won't leave me
No...

And, even all these years later, even though she's married to him, and the chains of imprinting have me locked to their daughter, it still kills me.

Because I still love her.

Because I won't look her in the eyes.

Because I refuse to see what should have been.

Find a way to get on with my life

This is madness – a werewolf in love with a vampire, but forever stuck with a vampire/mortal half breed.

I've got to find a way to move on with my life.

But I'll just have to carry on.

To endure.

Because that's me – dependable old Jake.

And I know that it hurts her seeing me with Nessie just as much as it hurts me to see her with Edward.

But I still have to walk away from her, with her once again in Edward's arms.

But, until that time comes when I absolutely have to let go, I'll still be holding onto her.

Holding onto hope.

Holding onto Bella.

Holding onto our love.