A/N: Just a little practice to get myself back into the swing of things...
A soft fwoosh could be heard as the two left and right candle wicks ignited with brilliant blue flames, flickering earnestly in the chilly night air. Rin stared for a moment or two, frozen with shock whilst Shura gasped in the background.
"I…" Rin murmured before a wide grin broke out on his face. "I DID IT! I DIIIIIIIIID IT! FINALLY!"
Joyously, he shot to his feet, snatching his cat and swung Kuro around, much to the cat's chagrin judging by Kuro yelling at him and spritzing off after he put him down.
"Well, you're finally at the starting line!" Shura cheered, clapping Rin on the back.
Rin balked, almost choking on his own spit. "Starting line?!"
"Yep. You got a long way to go kiddo, and that was just the start."
All of that concentration...was only the beginning? Rin's mind whirled as he thought of all the terrible feats that Shura was sure to force him to do if this was only the start. Dread trickled into his mind and he sweatdropped before shaking his head.
"Aw, frick! Well, at least that's progress?" He meekly said in response.
"Yeah, good job there, you finally did it-" Shura was cut off by a distant rumbling and smoke filtering into the air above.
Her eyes shot up and scanned around, her eyes landing on where the smoke was coming from. Her green eyes widened only a second later as she said to herself, "Oh shit, that's the deep keep."
"The what what?"
"Rin, come with me, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need your brute strength in a second!" Shura yelled, jumping off of the roof with no hesitation and sprinting towards the crumbling building, hopping from rooftop to rooftop.
"Hey, w-wait for me!" Rin yelped, almost falling off the roof in his haste to pursue her retreating back.
The two bolted to the building, almost crashing into a crowd of people accumulating around...Suguro and his dad?
"Wow, Suguro looks pissed." Rin whispered to himself, eying his….friend's tense frame.
"Who's the bald dude?" Shura muttered to Rin, eying the argument that was sure to bubble up, considering Suguro was involved and obviously pretty angry.
"That's Suguro's dad. Hush."
"You're one to tell me that, boy!" Shura smacked Rin on the back of the head and nonetheless shut her mouth.
"The truth...is a secret!" Rin caught Tatsuma sheepishly chuckling, dooming himself with a smile as he rubbed the back of his head. "I can't even tell my own son. It'd be better if I never told you at all, actually!"
Suguro subtly began to tremble with rage. "After all of this...you still won't tell me?"
"Anyway, I must go after Mamushi. Ryuji, listen to your mother and your teachers, and be a good boy, okay?"
'Oh lord,' RIn thought to himself when he practically saw Suguro's already hot head burst into flames as he snapped (figuratively speaking).
"Enough with the caring father act!" Suguro all but yelled.
Rin hardly had a moment to think "oh shit" before the flashback hit.
"Cut the shit already and save me the pretty speeches! Face it, you're just sick of playing the father role!"
Rin froze, stiffening entirely, a flash of Shiro's possessed body hovering over him, blood dribbling from his eye sockets appearing in his mind. Shura threw him an odd look when she felt his hand tense.
"Ryuji-"
"No! If you leave without telling me why-"
'Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, please don't fucking say it…' Rin prayed in his head, because if Suguro did, Rin wouldn't be able to restrain himself. He wasn't going to watch this happen again, happen to another person without doing something.
"-I will no longer recognize you as my father!"
"Don't EVER pretend to be my father again!"
The whole world went grey as the room fell into a stunned silence. "Well, gotta go, sorry!" Tatsuma smiled brightly, obviously hurt but trying to hide it. Air rushed around Rin's ears and all of a sudden he was painfully aware of every sound. The rush of air from his lips, the inflation of his lungs, the blood pounding in his veins, his heart hammering...he could hear it all before everything faded into static.
"Don't EVER pretend to be my father again!"
Screaming….Screaming...Blood, so much blood…..
"That boy...is MY son!"
Why was there so much blood?
"Daddy…"
Why...was it always his fault? His fault, his fault, it's his fault. It's his mistake.
"I will no longer recognize you as my father!"
And suddenly, everything came rushing back. He wasn't collapsed on the monastery floor. He was here, in the Deep Keep, right in front of someone who'd just made the biggest mistake of their life.
Rin didn't know what possessed him to do it, but in an instant he rushed forward and yanked on the back of Tatsuma's robes and whirled him around to face Suguro once more, and as his eyes met with Tatsuma, he saw a flash of Shiro's lazy eyes staring back at him for just a moment.
"Don't you DARE go anywhere yet, you kooky old man! Why are you leaving?! You're his father, aren't you?!"
Tatsuma stared at him with a blank and frightened expression.
"AREN'T YOU?!"
"Y-Yes."
"And Suguro-" Rin whirled to face him, drawing back his fist and- "YOU ASSHOLE!" -punched him without holding back right in the face, barely remembering to repress his flames at the last second so no one would see a flash.
Whilst someone cried his nickname, Suguro flew backwards but almost immediately recovered. "Why, you-!"
"I don't know what the hell has gotten into you, but what you're doing now is something you'll fucking regret! Got it?! I know for a fact your father isn't an abusive shit face who beats you or anything, he's a good goddamn man! Apologize to him immediately!"
Suguro promptly retaliated, venom dripping from every word. "This is none of your business, so shut the fuck up! You have no idea what you're talking about!"
Rin was briefly stunned, the words biting into him and lighting a fire in him, his insides burning. "I DO KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! I KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE IN THIS FUCKING ROOM! YOU CAN'T DISOWN YOUR FATHER LIKE THIS, YOU JUST CAN'T!"
"AS IF! 'I WANT TO DEFEAT SATAN' MY ASS! GET LOST, AND NEVER COME BACK ALREADY!"
Rin froze, staring at Suguro with wide eyes, the words cutting deep into his mind. "I thought you were pretty cool, but you're actually a fucking douchebag, aren't you?" Rin said, his voice deadly quiet. "GO EAT A BAG OF DICKS!" RIn hurled himself towards Suguro, tackling him.
"RIN!" Shura yelled from somewhere in the background. "CALM YOUR TITS!"
Suguro threw a couple punches, several landing painfully. The two boys wrestled on the ground, Shura inches away from them as they screamed at each other.
"APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!"
"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M SO MAD, IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO APOLOGIZE!"
A rough punch landed on Rin's gut, briefly knocking the wind out of him. He nearly forgot to suppress his flames but recovered, throwing himself back at Suguro, blood dripping out of his mouth.
"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'D WANT TO DO BECAUSE YOU'RE WRONG, AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING! APOLOGIZE TO HIM BECAUSE IT'LL BE TOO GODDAMN LATE WHEN HE'S DEAD!"
"WHY SHOULD I?!"
"BECAUSE I REFUSE-" Rin screamed, roughly rolling the two over and pinning Suguro to the ground and looked him dead in the eyes as he yelled, "-TO LET YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID!"
The room suddenly fell silent, everyone frozen, and both boys staring at each other mutually in shock before a loud yell of-
"BOYS!"
-Rang through the air.
Both Suguro and Rin froze, looking up and to the side to see Torako, of all people, standing before them, face red with anger. "Ryuji, you are much more mature than this!" She yelled. "I expected better from you! And beating up your sweet friend?! How rude can you be!?"
"M-Mom, he started it!" Suguro sputtered, protesting like a six year old who got in trouble in class.
"I don't care! You should know better than to participate in fights anyway! Don't give me that look, I saw you throwing punches! I don't know what I just walked into, but I know that I raised you to behave better than this! You two, go for a walk through the woods, and settle your differences like functioning human beings!" Torako yelled, looking at both boys with disappointment and anger.
"But, mom-" Suguro immediately protested, only to be promptly cut off.
"No buts, boy! Go! I will not tolerate this nasty behavior in my home, much less from you, young man!"
RIn hung his head, embarrassed by his behavior but still fuming. Suguro had no idea what he was doing, the gravity of it all! His father could actually die from this sickness floating around! Some guy was trying to get both of the eyes of the Impure King for some nefarious purpose, one that didn't spell out anything good! For all he knew, both of the eyes had already been stolen and...and maybe the perpetrator was trying to create some freaky disease to kill everyone! These were the goddamn eyes of the Impure King, the very one that killed thousands of people by getting them sick with some plague shit! If Tatsuma were to get sick with whatever the bad guy was cooking up and died, Suguro would have to live with the knowledge that he lost his dad and the last thing he ever said to him was that he basically hated him, and that would eat him alive every fucking day! He'd have to live with the knowledge that his father died thinking Suguro fucking hated his guts! He'd…
'...end up….like me.' Rin finished in his head, sighing to himself, finally acknowledging why he was so mad, and that he was projecting his own issues onto his...not-friend. 'Fuck.'
Suguro grunted in response to his mother and pushed roughly past Rin, grumpily stomping towards the door like a toddler having a tantrum. Rin sullenly followed behind Suguro, both almost startled by his own self-revelation and briefly considering if he should trip Suguro or not. Ultimately deciding not to risk getting the shit kicked out of him (again) by the obviously stewing 16 year old, Rin snagged his and Suguro's jacket on the way out of the door, throwing Suguro's jacket on said boy's head.
Suguro only grumbled lowly and roughly yanked on his jacket, which Rin thought was rather dumb considering he was abusing his own possessions. Why not just push Rin into the bsh of hydrangea flowers in the garden over there? That would be much better than destroying his own items. The walk through the woods was silent and an air of tension thick enough to cut with a butter knife hung over the boys.
"It's drizzling." Rin suddenly blurted, attempting to start a semblance of a conversation only to be silenced by a sharp glare from his partner.
It was true though; it was starting to rain. Rin looked up at the grey, swirling sky and hoped to god that there wouldn't be thunder. He hated thunder, both because it was loud (therefore hurting his ears) and it….well, it kinda scared the hell out of him. Mostly because it was loud though; he was not a fan of loud sounds, hence his burning hatred of air horns as well. Motherfuckers were loud as shit. Suguro suddenly stopped and sighed. Rin halted as well and turned to look at his...buddy.
"What is the fucking point of this? With my luck, you're going to gut me right now and leave my body for the wolves to munch on." Suguro sighed, leaning against a nearby tree. "So, if you're going to do that, get it over with already. I'm sick of your shit."
Now, that got Rin mad. Did Suguro really think so little of Rin that he'd think Rin would just up and murder him?!
"What," Rin growled, suddenly burning with anger, "is your problem?! Okay, I'm motherfucking Satan's son! What the fuck do you want me to do about it, huh?! Please, give me a goddamn solution! I don't need this shit from you! It's enough with everyone being scared shitless of me, I don't need you yelling at me either!"
"Not only did you lie for months about who you were, but just in general I'm mad at you! How could you hide something like this from us!? Weren't we supposed to be your friends!? Was anything that ever happened real, or just another fucking lie?!"
Friends? Friends?! Oh, no no no! He was not starting this shit again!
"Friends?! We're obviously not friends!" Rin yelled incredulously, abruptly advancing on Suguro and grabbing his collar, yanking him down to Rin's level. "What, already forgotten about screaming in my face about how I could kill people just because of what I am?! Yelling at me for trying to help people!? Bitching about why I'm even at cram school!? If you think that's a friendly thing, then clearly we have a very different fucking concept of what friends are supposed to be!"
"I guess so, because I wouldn't hide the fact that I was demon spawn from people who are training to murder demons! From my friends!"
"It's not like I HAD A CHOICE!" Rin near-screamed, slamming Suguro against a nearby tree.
That shut Suguro right up. Rin's grip loosened on Suguro's collar.
"What do you mean...you didn't have a choice?"
"I was told not to tell you! I mean, what was I supposed to do?! I'm fucking Satan spawn; I'm a damn monster! Was I supposed to walk in, flaunting these freaky demon powers?! I would've been murdered on the spot! Why can't you understand that, you moron!?"
The rain began to pick up, droplets falling in Rin's hair and dripping down his face.
"Fuck this." Rin hung his head, letting go of Suguro's collar, releasing his grip on the boy and no longer pinning him to the tree. "Let's...just keep fucking walking."
Suguro led the way through the woods he obviously knew very well, silent and his face stony. The sky only grew darker and darker and Rin dreaded the sight of lightning, knowing thunder would soon follow. The rain picked up and the wind swirled, blowing leaves all over the place, landing in Rin's hair. The rain pelted the two boys through the canopy of leaves above them, soaking both to the bone.
"Ugh, fuck it, let's turn back and head home." Suguro suddenly growled, his hair breaking free from the gel due to the rain and hanging in his face, obviously to his chagrin.
"Yeah, sure." Rin agreed. "Lead the way."
The walk was going as fine as fine could be considering the circumstances….that is, until Rin's foot got caught on a stray root and he tumbled forward, harshly smacking his head against a rock.
"Smooth, dumbass." Suguro muttered. "Get up."
Rin, slightly dazed by the impact on his head from the rock, scrambled back to his feet, only to sway too far to the right and lose balance once more and nearly fell off a small ledge right into a huge puddle of mud. Thankfully, Suguro caught him in the last second but then in a freak accident, Suguro slipped on the sodden leaves and both boys plummeted face first into the mud below. The rain only fell harder, pelting Rin's back as he laid stock still in the mud. Suguro was the first to recover from the shock of actually falling into the mud and immediately began yelling. Good, he was acting like his usual self, meaning he was probably fine.
"GODDAMMIT!" He roared, sitting up and yanking Rin upwards by his collar. "WHY DO YOU INSIST ON FUCKING UP EVERYTHING YOU DO?! I AM COLD, WET, MUDDY, AND ALONE IN THE FOREST WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING SPAWN OF SATAN! AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"
Oh hoho...his fault?! What the hell?!
"My fault?! Who was the one who couldn't get his panties out of a twist and yelled at his own father like a disrespectful idiot!?" Rin immediately retaliated, pushing Suguro away from him.
"I wouldn't yell at him if he'd just tell me what the fuck he's doing! Now the right eye's been stolen and lord knows what's going to happen now!"
"Just because he's not telling you shit, that doesn't mean you fucking disown him!" Rin yelled.
He knew how hypocritical his words were but he couldn't help but tell Suguro that. It was stupid and he knew Suguro would regret it. Before he realized what he was doing, Rin snatched a handful of mud and lobbed it right in Suguro's face. The mud landed where targeted and Rin felt a sick sense of satisfaction when it did. Suguro stiffened, starting to shake from both the cold and fury.
"You DICK!" Suguro yelled, grabbing mud himself and haphazardly throwing it at Rin, the mud splattering against Rin's jacket. "This isn't just a one-time situation! It's happened before and I'm SICK OF IT!"
Rin threw mud back. "SO?! YOU'RE A GODDAMN KID, NO ONE TELLS US SHIT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE ARE!"
"I'm not a child anymore! I'm sixteen!"
"Yes, you are! Not only do you act like you're three, but you're only sixteen! Just accept that you're not going to be told everything because you're young!"
"I don't care! I deserve to be told!"
"Why!? Sometimes things are too serious to be told detail by detail! Face it already! You'll be told sometime but just get over yourself and cut the shit already! Quit being a little bitch about this! What, did daddy hurt your feelings?!"
Mud flew left and right, both boys quickly covered. Suguro launched himself at Rin and both boys rolled on the ground, blood and mud flying and the rain pelting both boys.
"You don't understand what you're talking about at all!"
"Yes, I do!" Rin yelled, throwing a punch at Suguro, tears coming to his eyes out of nowhere.
"As if! You're guilty of lying too! About who you are, what you are! You're nothing but one huge lie! You're a monster!"
It was like a switch had flipped. Rin roughly flipped Suguro over and straddled him, pinning him to the ground and hovering over him, his hands pressed into Suguro's shoulders. Unable to move, pinned roughly in the mud, Suguro could do nothing but glare back with all his might despite the cold fury in Rin's eyes freezing him in place.
The tears that had sprang to Rin's eyes burned as he screamed with all his might, "I NEVER ASKED TO BE THIS WAY!"
Suguro froze when a tear fell from Rin's eye, landing on his cheek. The two stared at each other in silence, both mutually shocked.
"I…" Rin faltered, opening and closing his mouth with no sound emerging while he looked away. "I never asked to…to be a freak."
Rin hung his head, unable to look Suguro in the eye anymore. He sat up, sitting on Suguro's waist and rubbed his face (which was still quite caked with mud and blood). Shakily standing up, he slowly stumbled over to a large nearby rock and collapsed on it, putting his head in his hands. Suguro cautiously sat up, his back sticky with mud and sat there a minute, processing what had happened. Rin had….had cried, if you could call a single tear 'crying'. It was only now, after the heat of battle, that Suguro realized that Rin was….well, he was kind of right.
"Okumura…?"
No response. Hardly a twitch. The rain continued to pummel both boys, slightly washing away the mud that was caked all over them.
"Are you...okay?"
Rin sniffled and let out an odd sound. Suguro would say it was a chuckle but it sounded far too bitter to be that. More like a scoff.
"Okay? Do I look okay to you?"
Suguro didn't dignify that with a response.
Rin took this as cue to continue and kept on speaking. "No. I haven't been in awhile. I can't keep doing this to myself." Rin muttered in an almost tearful tone.
He scrubbed at his face and said no more.
"Keep...doing what to yourself?"
"Pretending that everything isn't shit. That I'm not fucking up everything I'm doing. That I'm…" He paused, "fine with the way things are, because I'm not. I'm Satan's fucking son. What the hell am I supposed to do about it? I could hardly keep my head above water as it was before you all found out about what I am, but here you all are, drowning me for something I can't even CONTROL!" Rin suddenly yelled, picking up a nearby rock and hurling it, before huffing a breath and slumping forward. "I don't even know why I'm so upset, this is the way it's always been, right? I don't even know why I'm so...so...augh, I don't even know!" Rin threw his hands up and let them fall back down, landing harshly against the rock he was sitting on. "I just want my d-...Shiro." He sniffled, wiping at his face again.
"Who's….Who's Shiro?"
"My adoptive dad, the dude who actually raised my dumb ass."
"Why don't you just...call him or something?" Suguro cautiously replied, inching towards Rin.
The latter slapped his hands onto his lap and whipped around. "Oh yeah, I'll call him," He spat bitterly. "Because it's just so goddamn easy to call the fucking afterlife!"
Suguro drew back and Rin slumped his shoulders, turning back around almost helplessly as he tipped his head towards the sobbing sky.
"Your dad is...dead?"
"It was raining like this on the day of his funeral." Rin said out of the blue, the pouring rain falling against his face, washing away the mud and blood.
"Is that why you were so mad at me earlier?" Suguro pressed on, chancing a step towards Rin.
"That day was when I was given the choice of killing them, letting them kill me, or killing myself."
The words chilled Suguro to the core.
"Who are 'they'?"
"Exorcists."
"A-And what did you do?" Suguro asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear it for himself.
Rin paused before he said, "I joined them instead."
A chill ran down Suguro's spine.
He finally got the guts to place his hand on Rin's shoulder. "Looks, It's raining too hard to get back to the Inn without getting lost. I can barely see the ground as it is. I know a place we can take shelter."
"...Okay."
Rin slowly stood up, clearing his throat and slapping his own cheeks. Suguro silently led the way to a small little cave Shima, Konekomaru, and he had found as kids and hung out in when they were bored, mulling over what Rin had said.
"I NEVER ASKED TO BE THIS WAY!"
" No. I haven't been in awhile. I can't keep doing this to myself. Pretending that everything isn't shit. That I'm not fucking up everything I'm doing. That I'm…fine with the way things are, because I'm not. I'm Satan's fucking son. What the hell am I supposed to do about it?"
"I….I never asked to...to be a freak."
"I could hardly keep my head above water as it was before you all found out about what I am, but here you all are….
…. drowning me for something I can't even CONTROL!"
With every word he thought of, guilt viciously gnawed on Suguro's guts even harder. God, what was he doing? But Rin had hidden that from them all. 'But he didn't have a choice'. Both sides of Suguro were at war as he led Rin to the small cave in auto-pilot, knowing the path well yet still stumbling every now and then due to the darkness creeping on the boys quickly. Dusk had come and gone and both Suguro and Rin could hardly see their feet at this point.
Finally, the mouth of the small cave came into view and Suguro turned to Rin to see him...holding something?
"What are you doing?"
"Grabbing dry-ish wood to attempt to light a fire. It's cold." Rin shortly replied.
The mud had long since washed off them from the rain but that didn't change the fact that both boys were sodden (and getting wetter still) as they stood, Suguro realized with a jolt, shivering from the cold.
"Oh, thanks." Suguro dumbly replied (at least, in Rin's opinion).
Rin didn't reply and simply stiffly strode into the cave. There was a loud clatter, which was presumably Rin throwing the firewood on the stone ground. Cautiously, Suguro entered the cave, seeing Rin staring sullenly at the wood he'd dropped. Rin turned and eyed him for a moment, before turning around and sitting just barely inside the cave, leaning against the wall with his arms and legs crossed, staring into the night. Rin heard Suguro awkwardly pluck two sticks from the ground and set up the rest, probably attempting to start a fire, but he didn't bother to look back at him.
He could hardly believe himself. What was he thinking, telling Suguro all this shit? Why in the hell was he even bothering? This whole situation was ridiculous, absurd, even. He'd pretty much spilled a little of his guts to Suguro (his liver and maybe a kidney or two) and it had only made him feel worse. It was too exhausting, too painful to even think about facing his own problems and insecurities that it was easier to just hide them, but even so, once he had started talking, he'd hardly been able to stop himself. And now he was cold, soaked, miserable, and feeling awfully naked in a tiny cave with Suguro's mahogany eyes burning into his back.
"I'm sorry." Suguro suddenly said quietly.
There were lots of things Suguro could've been sorry about. Sorry for throwing mud at you. Sorry for punching you in the temple. Sorry for being disrespectful and an entitled brat. Sorry for wrestling with you. But even so, Rin knew exactly what he was referring to.
And so, he chuckled, if you could even call it that given how utterly bitter it sounded.
"...Sorry?" Rin spat. "You're sorry? What, are you going to give me a fruit basket next? Sorry doesn't fix any of this. It doesn't fix that I'm Satan's son or the fact that we're cold, soaked, stranded, and miserable in the middle of the woods because you couldn't hold your tongue around your dad just because he's not telling you everything and you just couldn't accept that adults aren't going to tell a child every little thing." Rin spat, turning to look back at Suguro, who had the decency to look a little sheepish.
"It was just frustrating that he's so secretive and what he's doing could be traitorous!" Suguro weakly tried to defend himself.
Rin dryly looked at Suguro. "I just know when someone's a creep or dangerous. That's just a thing I've got. Let me tell you, I met your dad before all of this shit, helped him cut some watermelon, and it's pretty clear that he's just a kooky alcoholic guy with a lot of secrets. I can tell he's not bad, just a weirdo. Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he spawned you."
How did Rin know that? Because Tatsuma was just like...like Shiro. And Shiro was a good guy, even if he had a lot of secrets in the end. Rin just knew Tatsuma was good, if not, a little foolish. 'I mean, who the hell walks around drunk when they're head priest of a temple?' Rin thought to himself, almost chuckling when he remembered Dad- Shiro -performing a sermon hungover when he and Yukio were around thirteen. Shiro was a fool, but a funny one.
The small smile left Rin's face as soon as it had come, flashes of Shiro's skin warped around his orifices, blood oozing out of his eye sockets, ears, nose, and mouth, eyes closed, chin hair stained red and grazing the wooden floor of his bedroom. His cold, lifeless corpse slumped on the ground, curls of blue flames dissipating, the door to Shiro's bedroom slamming open and then….and then….Rin couldn't remember what had happened next, just that someone had picked him up because he could do nothing more than tremble in his catatonic state, stroking his hair while he cried and tucked him into bed. Ripping himself out of his own memories, Rin slumped against the wall, suddenly exhausted.
"It's just….you don't know what Mamushi was saying about my dad."
"What was she saying?" Rin humored Suguro with a response, staring at the blank stone walls.
"That he was a traitor. That'd he helped Mephisto raise the child of Satan with our main object of worship. Then again, that spawn of Satan is you, but...I can't imagine you having the sword." Suguro replied.
The sword. That got Rin's attention. "What's your...main object of worship? The name?"
"The Kouma sword." Suguro replied. "A demon slaying blade by the name of Kurikara-"
The realization seemed to finally hit Suguro. He'd been so caught up in finding out that Rin was the son of Satan that he'd completely forgotten that'd recognized the sword during Rin's battle with Amaimon.
Rin froze. "I…." Rin began, mouth suddenly dry. "That's my sword."
The cave was silent until… "THAT OLD BASTARD ACTUALLY GAVE MEPHISTO THE SWORD!"
"Okay, but, it's just me. That's not traitorous at all, is it?" Rin said, turning to look at Suguro, who had realization strike him once more and let out a soft "oh".
Suguro remained sullenly silent and Rin continued. "Anyway, he didn't give it to Mephisto. He must've given it to my da- Shiro. To Shiro. He must've given it to Shiro."
"Y'know, it's okay to call Shiro your dad. He raised you, just because you don't share blood, doesn't mean you aren't family."
Rin nearly smiled at that, but everything that had transpired made it pretty hard to. Too much emotion for him to handle in one night.
The cave fell silent again, Rin stewing in his own thoughts.
'So, Suguro thought his dad was being traitorous when it was easily explainable to him considering I'm the spawn of Satan and he must have recognized the sword during my little fight with Amaimon. God, Suguro's dumber than I thought.' He mused to himself. 'How dumb. If he just stopped and thought for a moment, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so fucked up.'
"Stupid? You can't even run errands! And you fight sloppy too! You've got no knowledge or technique- You just rely on your flame! Use your head more!"
Rin frowned, staring sullenly out into the dark forest, watching a rabbit scamper into the bushes and bramble, hearing Suguro feebly trying to start a fire and muttering about how cold it was. 'I guess I'm no better than Suguro, anyway. I don't even know why I'm talking, I'm the biggest fool here. Then again, I've always been, haven't I?'
"Really how can twin brothers be so different?"
"Yukio's the younger brother, who's a top student who excels at all sports AND who'll be entering True Cross Academy, a prestigious school as a freshman. And then we have Rin, the older brother who does nothing much else rather than cause trouble. Rin, you should really try to take a cue from Yukio!"
Rin grit his teeth, remembering Izumi and Kyodo deliberately loudly talking about him like that. 'It always seems to go back to Yukio, doesn't it? Yukio this, Yukio that. Oh, Rin, you should be more like Yukio! Yukio's fucking perfect, why aren't you perfect too? Yukio's so much fucking BETTER than you are!' Rin bitterly thought, huffing and slumping over onto the wall, staring unseeingly out into the night. 'Look at you now, Rin, you're even worse. You're the spawn of Satan and even less like Yukio, given your FREAKY DEMON POWERS THAT YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER!' Rin thought to himself, audibly huffing and rubbing his face.
"You know…" Suguro suddenly said, his voice unexpectedly ringing from nearby.
Rin shifted in his still soaked clothes.
"Everyone's only scared of you because you're related to Satan, if that's what you're huffing about."
That's it.
"THAT'S THE THING THOUGH!" Rin suddenly yelled, slamming his hand on the ground and whirling to look at Suguro, who looked very surprised at the sudden outburst. "I'M NOT SATAN!"
Blue flames erupted from Rin's body, the dark blue flames angrily lapping at the walls of the cave, seeming to hiss with heat, but as they swept over Suguro, they were only warm and….dried him? The firewood burst into flame, crackling as the flames died down, Suguro shaken by the outburst but...a little relieved that there was a fire going and he was dry.
"I never said that you were-" Suguro began to defend himself, but he was cut off.
"But that's what it is, isn't it?!" Rin continued, staring Suguro dead in the eye, paying no mind to the fact that he had inadvertently started up the fire and dried the boys off.
Suguro fell quiet.
"ISN'T IT?!"
"...Yes."
"And that's what pisses me off so much, okay!? I'm not Satan! I'm not the one who murdered hundreds of people in the blue night, or the one who possesses people and fucking kills them! I'm just a fifteen year old, teenage boy who's only friend is a cat, who has no family besides his twin brother, and who has difficulty dealing with and controlling his own emotions! I might share blood with that fucking demon, but I didn't even know until, like, March, and I only found out like an hour before Shiro was fucking possessed by Satan before my very eyes and died right in front of me and it was all my fault! And y'know what, I've always just been me and now everything's changed, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, and now I have a death sentence hanging over my head! And all the while everyone's expecting me to be this scary god hell-bent on destruction when….when all I am is just scared! Scared of who I am and the world around me, because everything changed so fast that I can't keep up! Everyone wants me to just be this infallible being that magically succeeds at fucking everything, but I can't do that!" Rin heaved, staring at Suguro, who was looking more and more shocked with every word. "I...I'm not a God!"
He huffed for breath, staring at Suguro murderously before turning back around and drawing his knees up to his chest.
But, his tirade wasn't quite over yet. "But that's the way it's always been, hasn't it? Be smarter, Rin! Be more courteous! Be kinder! Think before you do things! Be more useful! Stop being so violent! Stop being so worthless! Pay attention! Be more polite! Take more care in your appearance! Wipe the frown off your face and smile more, you look nicer! Work harder! Show more gratitude! Don't be so angry, calm down! It doesn't matter if everyone's calling you a freak, it's okay! Who cares if what we say about you affects you in a negative way, we're just trying to help you! Be more generous, be more gentle! Stop being so rash and brashy! Why can't you be more heroic, helpful, optimistic, energetic?! Why can't you be more like Yu-"
Rin immediately closed his mouth, his jaw snapping with an audible click, freezing. There was no way he was going to say that in front of Suguro, there was no goddamn way. A wave of embarrassment washed over him when he'd realized what he'd been ranting about.
"Use your head more!"
'Piss off, Yukio.' Rin sniffed in his head, grunting angrily and moodily leaning against the cave wall, his knees still drawn as tight as a bowstring to his chest. God, what the hell was he doing? This was getting worse by the minute and considering Suguro's stunned eyes were obviously trained on him, Rin wished he'd never spoken at all.
"Like Yukio."
"What?" Rin quietly asked, voice tight as he hoped to god that Suguro hadn't figured out what he was going to yell.
"Why can't you be more like Yukio. That's what you were going to say, right?"
Rin remained silent.
Suguro seemed to take this as confirmation. "Okumura, who the hell told you that?"
Rin didn't respond, but he subtly began to shake as tears suddenly began dripping out of his eyes, falling silently to the ground as Rin suppressed his own sobs as he'd done so many times before.
"In fact, who told you any of that?"
Rin's voice shook as he whispered, "Just about anyone I've ever met, including you."
"Why's that dude even bothering coming? I wish he'd leave!"
"I feel sick to my stomach! I couldn't do that bad if I tried! You're too busy flirting with the girls! You disgust me!"
"...A slacker like you doesn't belong here, so beat it!"
"What's the spawn of Satan doing at a school for exorcists!?"
Suguro slumped his shoulders, remembering all the times he'd insulted Rin. He'd never known that Rin would've taken it all to heart. If he'd known, he wouldn't have said a word. Hell, he never should have said something like that in the first place! He'd never known the whole story, and he had the feeling that he still didn't. He was still having trouble processing it all. Rin was a much deeper person than he'd ever expected. Some parts of it all was nagging at him, though.
"You...never knew? About who you were?"
"No one bothered to tell me a damn thing." Rin muttered, wiping furiously as his eyes as the tears still came. "My powers were sealed in my sword, and I was raised as a human until Astaroth tried to burn my eyes out and I burst into my flames despite having not awoken yet. My da- Shiro- came out of nowhere, exorcised him, and dragged me all the way home, blabbering about how I wasn't actually his son. He threw shit at me, including the sword, telling me to 'Never draw it!', saying to run away because he could only raise me while I was still human. I...I freaked out and we got into an argument. I yelled at him to never pretend to be my father again in a fit of anger and he….he slapped me. I deserved it though. But something about that slap changed things, because next thing I knew, he slumped against his bed and Satan awoke within him. He tried to drag me down to Gehenna and nearly succeeded. If Shiro hadn't regained enough control to kill himself and my sword wasn't close enough, I would've never been able to destroy the gate and gotten out with Shiro's body."
"You...You were in the GEHENNA GATE?!"
Rin shook his head, wiping his eyes even harder and looking at the cave ceiling.
"Yeah. I was almost completely submerged, still clinging to his dead body. I was under it all but I grabbed my sword, yanked myself up, and I was forced to sacrifice my humanity and unsheath the sword to save both myself and his body. I'll never forget his dead face, blood dripping from everywhere, skin burned and mutilated, pressed against his bedroom floor, eyes closed. I was...catatonic. Leaned against my sword, staring and sobbing. All I remember after that was the priests bursting into the room, freaking out at the sight before them, and one of them quickly got me out of the room and into bed, stroking my hair until I somehow fell asleep. Pretty shit way to meet your biological father, right?"
"The….priests?"
Rin breathlessly giggled, a small sob accidentally escaping him. "Yeah. Izumi, Kyodo, Maruta, and Nagatomo. Shiro was the head priest. I was raised in a monastery, how ironic is that?" Rin hiccuped, hugging his knees and giving up on wiping his eyes.
"Fuck man...did they...are they the ones who told you all that stuff from before?"
"Only to try to get me to shape up. They didn't mean it to be as hurtful as it was. Men aren't very sensitive, though." Rin sniffed.
"What, is that implying you're a girl?" Suguro lightly joked, inching closer to Rin, avoiding the still blue burning campfire.
"No." Rin muttered, pressing his face into his knees.
To his surprise, a hand was placed on his shoulder, and Rin peeked an eye out to look at Suguro, who looked far less threatening considering the absence of his usual glare and the soft light on his face from the fire. Rin wondered what was making Suguro act like this all of a sudden.
"Just so you know, I don't think...I, uh…. you don't...you don't have to be Yukio. Just, be you, I guess."
Rin couldn't help but smile a bit, even if it was wobbly. "No one's ever...ever said anything like that to me."
"Well, that's shit. And also...I'm sorry. For everything. For treating you like garbage and...and yelling at my dad like that. You thought of Shiro, didn't you?"
Rin nodded, shifting a bit, loosening his grip on his knees.
"That wasn't your fault, you know. He just threw all the information at you, and from the way it sounds like he worded it, it's no wonder you freaked out. I would've too. And, um, if it's any reassurance, I'm sure he died knowing you still loved him."
Rin teared up all over again, his heart hurting, but in a good way. A couple tears dripped out of his eyes, and Suguro drew back at the sight.
"W-Wait, I didn't say something bad, did I?"
Rin shook his head, chuckling breathlessly, "No...I'm just happy. And hurt. Mostly hurt, actually. But happy. Thank you."
"Oh, good." Suguro sighed, crouching down next to Rin. "Sorry, I'm bad at this touchy-feely crap."
Rin half-heartedly slugged Suguro on the shoulder, suddenly very tired. The whole night had been one emotionally draining experience but Rin was glad Suguro wasn't mocking him about it.
"I'm tired." He admitted, rubbing his red eyes, sniffing a bit.
He shivered at the cold night breeze that drifted into the cave, the rain misting onto his face. A flash of lightning made him perk up. He felt himself pale, sitting up and staring at the sky, hoping to god that it wouldn't happen.'Hell no,' Rin thought, 'I've dealt with enough mortification tonight!'
"Wow, that was some crazy lightning, wasn't it?" Suguro hummed, looking out the cave and staring at the sky with an almost impressed expression.
"Y-Yeah." Rin mumbled, staring at the sky, brows creased while he waited for the thunder to crash.
The wind swirled ominously, blowing into the cave and making the fire flicker. And, it began. The sky began to rumble and Rin jumped, covering his ears. Good GOD it was loud! An inkling of fear shot down his spine and he shivered from both the wind and a watered down version of terror. He shrunk in on himself, frowning and wincing, hiding his face in his knees.
"Okumura?" Suguro distantly asked, but Rin's hands were pressed so tightly to his ears that everything sounded muffled.
Suguro said something and grabbed his arms and pulled, trying to remove Rin's hands from his ears, but to no avail. The thunder died down rather quickly, but Rin still didn't budge. A couple minutes passed by, and Rin cautiously lifted his head. Suguro was staring at him looking worried, hands on either knee. Rin looked away, blushing a bit and biting his lip.
"Okumura?"
Rin sheepishly looked at Suguro.
"W-What?"
"Are you...are you scared of thunder?"
"S-So what if I am?" Rin feebly demanded.
"It's...alright. Konekomaru was scared of it too, when we were younger. He thought it was loud. Are you the same way?"
"...Yeah." Rin mumbled in response.
"Good lord, dude. Let's go sit by the fire, it's just going to be louder if you sit up here." Suguro replied, standing up, sitting by the fire, and tapping the ground next to him.
Shakily, Rin stood up and stumbled over to Suguro, awkwardly sitting next to him as he waited for the next flash of lightning. The fire he'd previously created warmed his freezing toes and he scooted a little closer to it. He briefly considered sitting in the fire itself, but he figured that it would probably burn, even if it was his own flames. A flash of white light burst from outside and Rin furrowed his brows, criss crossing his legs tightly and resting his elbows on the opposite hand, leaning his arms against his thighs. He flinched as the thunder roared above, his shoulders tensing as he hunched his head down, but thankfully, the thunder was kind of muffled this time.
"You...gonna be okay?"
"Yeah," Rin muttered, loosely hugging his waist. "I usually just hang out with Kuro whenever there's thunder. Y'know how he can get really big? He kinda just does that and I curl into him."
"That's...kinda cute. Does Yukio join you or…?"
"Nah. He doesn't know that I'm, uh, alarmed by thunder."
"He doesn't know?"
"No," Rin seemed to realize something and swiveled to look at Suguro, "and don't you dare tell him or I will actually gut you and leave your body for the wolves to munch on!"
Suguro held his hands up in mock surrender whilst Rin shook his fist in what was supposed to be threatening, but it really wasn't after Rin jumped and cringed at the flash of lightning behind him, knowing what was to follow.
"D'ya wanna….curl into me or something? Is that comforting to you or something?"
"Are you offering to let me cuddle with you?" Rin awkwardly asked, twisting to properly face Suguro, turning his back to the fire.
"I...I guess?"
"I've never really cuddled with a person before…" Rin trailed off. "Oh, that sounded weird."
"Yeah, yeah it did."
"I can't help it if my people skills aren't the best!"
"Obviously. Just come here, you dork."
"Hey, I'm not a whale penis!"
Suguro threw his head back and laughed, shaking his head at his friend's idiocy. "That's not what I meant."
Rin froze at the sight of a smile on Suguro's face, making an odd face at him. Suguro smiling...looked nice! A weird tingly feeling attacked Rin's guts and it disappeared as quickly as it came, making Rin wonder what the hell that was. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Rin hoped that Suguro would smile more for him. Suguro sobered on his chuckling, but started laughing again at the sight of Rin's slightly befuddled expression. Rin flinching at the distant rumbling of thunder, covering his ears, and glancing outside of the cave wiped the smile off Suguro's face. Suguro frowned a bit and leaned forward, grabbing the front of Rin's jacket and yanked him to the side. Rin yelped as he fell forward and scrambled back into a sitting position. Awkwardly, Rin sat up and stiffly leaned against the stone next to Suguro.
Suguro side and aggravatedly wrapped an arm around Rin's smaller shoulders, pulling a bit to get the moron to lean against him. Rin was frozen entirely, mind screaming, unsure of what to do. Was he too heavy? Should he move his head? Where were his hands supposed to go? His legs? With Kuro, all he did was burrow into the mass of soft fur and sleep while Kuro soaked him with cat spit as if he were a kitten. In Kuro's mind, he probably was a kitten. Kuro was like, 121 years old, and Rin was 15. 'Good God,' Rin thought, 'I really am Kuro's kitten!' a disgusted look grew on his face.
Suguro seemed to notice this and got offended, thinking Rin didn't want to be held by him, and pushed him away. "If you don't want me to touch you, say something, don't just make a damn face!"
Rin, realizing was Suguro had misinterpreted, sat up and frantically waved his hands. "No no no no, not that! You're...okay, it's just...I just realized that I'm basically Kuro's kitten and I don't know how I feel about that."
Suguro stared at Rin with a bewildered expression,frozen in place for about 15 seconds before he began shaking his head back and forth as if stupefied by Rin's conclusion. Second thought, he probably was.
"How," Suguro narrowed his eyes at Rin, furrowing his brows, "on Earth did you come to that conclusion?"
"Well, whenever me and Kuro hang out like this-"
"-Kuro and I."
"Shut up. Anyway, whenever Kuro and I hang out like this, I burrow into his fur and sometimes he licks me and soaks me in his slobber like I'm a kitten, because he just likes to lick me, I guess. I dunno, maybe I taste good. Anyway, he's like, 121 years old or some shit, and I'm not even 16 yet so he's literally over a century older than me so I'm basically a baby compared to him. He probably thinks I'm his child or something." Rin explained.
Suguro continued to stare at Rin, completely and utterly baffled. A smile broke out on his face and he laughed again, beyond perplexed at the wild conclusion but acknowledging that it (somewhat) made sense.
"You're so fucking weird." Suguro shook his head, rubbing his face and almost coughing out little laughs.
Rin stared in awe at Suguro's smile again but jumped and covered his ears at another rumble of thunder. Suguro sighed, yanking Rin to his chest and wrapped an arm around Rin, muttering something unintelligible. Suguro placed his other hand in Rin's hair and the two just kind of sat there for a minute, the cave suddenly silent. Rin blushed bright red to the tip of his ears, still not knowing what he should do.
"Dude, it feels like I'm snuggled up with a person shaped rock. Chill out, I'm not gonna snap your neck or something."
"If there's one word I never thought you'd say, it'd be 'snuggled'. Considering that that just came out of your mouth, that just sounded beyond freaky. Never say it again." Rin said dryly, hiding his face in the junction of Suguro's neck.
"What the hell am I supposed to say?"
"I dunno, just not that."
"Mhm. Snuggle."
"Stop it."
"Snuggle."
"You're doing this on purpose."
"Snuggle. Snuggle, Snuggle, Snuuuuuuuggle."
"I hate you."
"Snuggle."
"I'm ignoring you."
"Snuggle."
"..."
"Sssnnnuuuggggllleee!"
"..."
"..."
"...Are you finally done?"
"Snuggle."
"...Fucker-aah!"
Suguro huffed out a laugh, wiping his face and patting Rin's back while he yelped at the sound of thunder. Rin automatically shuffled closer to Suguro and burrowed his face deeper into Suguro neck, who awkwardly stroked his hair, unsure if he should do that or not. Rin leaned to the comforting touch and sighed, nearly whimpering when the thunder crashed again.
"The time between the crashes is getting shorter, the storm's getting closer to us."
Rin just lowly whined in his throat and curled into Suguro, pretending he was Kuro. Suguro rested his cheek against Rin's head, wrapping his arm around Rin a little tighter and deciding that yeah, it was alright to stroke Rin's hair.
"Just a couple hours ago I was beating the shit out of you. How did we get to this?" Rin muttered, jumping as thunder crashed overhead.
"I dunno. Probably pity regarding your mental state on my part. You need to get some damn therapy, man."
"Fuck that."
"I don't understand how you've gotten this far without it. I'd be nutty by now, personally."
A mental image of Suguro in a straight jacket came to mind, smacking his face repetitively on the padded wall and Rin giggled.
"Why in the fuck are you giggling about that?"
"I just thought of something dumb."
"...I'm not gonna ask."
"It's best you don't."
Some time passed before Suguro spoke once more, right when Rin was beginning to doze.
"Y'know, I never took you for such a deep person, Okumura."
"No one ever does. I'm a little offended, though."
The rudeness of Suguro's words finally processed in his mind. "Oh..Oh shit, I didn't- I didn't mean it like that!"
"I know," Rin quietly laughed, sobering a little too fast. "Tell you what, though. It's real hard to keep your head above the water when the weight of the world is on your shoulders."
Suguro didn't know how to respond to that, and just kept quiet.
The thunder rumbled above throughout the night, drafts of swirling, cold night air drifting into the cave and chilled both boys, but the fire warmed them back up. While Rin shook and only seemed to press closer to Suguro, both out of fear and the need of warmth, Suguro simply gently raked his nails up and down Rin's back and stroked his hair. Hours seemed to pass, the storm finally dying down until at last, sleep overcame the both of them, the flickering of the fire accompanying them into rest.
Expect about two more chapters. Chapter two is about halfway done.