Full summary - "When I look at the world around me, all I see is grey. It's dull without him. I can barely feel anything anymore. No happiness, no inspiration, no hope. Just... Numb." After the loss of her second child, Peyton struggles with depression. Her husband and friends have begun to worry about her, even Sawyer knows something's up. But Peyton's too far down in the gloom to notice them noticing. The sadness builds to a dangerous point, until Peyton finds something that could either change everything, or make it that much worse.

Chapter One

Peyton's Pov

Peyton's hair blew back and forth in the soft wind. Her arms were wound tightly around herself, hugging her torso feverishly. She stared at the headstone with disconnected sadness. She sniffled. the very sight of his headstone sent chills up and down her spine. Not just that. But the horrifying familiarity of that terrible place.

She read the engraved text again, as if to convince herself it wasn't a nightmare.

In Loving Memory, Fletcher Nathan Scott

Beloved son and brother

Born September 3rd, 2012 - died September 20th, 2015

Aged three years

Forever remembered, Forever cherished

He died literally seventeen days after his 3rd birthday. She let herself fall to her knees as she reached out, her fingers brushing gently over his name. She could hear his laugh. It was just a ghost of a whisper in the wind, but she swore it was him.

"Fletcher?" She stood. "Fletch? Baby?" She knew she was beginning to lose it. She shook her head, running her hands through her thick curls.

A ringing broke through the silence of the graveyard so suddenly, Peyton jumped in surprise. She reached into her pocket. Looking at the screen, she sighed and clicked decline call. Luke had been repeatedly calling her for the past five minutes. She knew if she didn't go soon, he'd find her there, calling out her dead son's name like a lunatic.

So she shoved her phone into her back pocket and took off in the direction of her car.

Her knuckles had barely connected with the door when it opened. "Hey." Lucas said.

"Hey." Peyton said back.

"You okay?" He asked, leaning against the door. "You've been avoiding my calls all day."

"No I haven't." She protested.

He gave her the look. The one he'd been giving her too much lately. The one that said I know you know I know that you're lying.

"Yes I have." She allowed. "I'm just so tired Lucas. I feel like a teenaged girl again, there's so much pain. Except that now, everything I went through in high school seems like a walk in the park."

Lucas studied her for a second, his blue eyes narrowed with worry and sadness. "Come here."

Peyton stepped into their house silently, noticing the empty quiet. "Where's Sawyer?" She asked, trying not to sound too panicked.

"Don't worry, she's with Brook."

Peyton nodded.

Lucas made his way onto the couch and patted his leg. "Come sit, darlin'."

Peyton was hesitant, but she sat on his lap. His arms went around her, and she was enveloped in that familiar smell that used to be so comforting. Now it just reminded her of what they'd lost. She rested her head against Lucas' chest and let him hold her there for a while.

"You can cry, you know." He said. "You don't have to be strong for me."

She nodded against his shoulder, her chin made his shirt wrinkle up. "I know." She said. She still couldn't cry.

Crying always made her feel better. It helped her release all the bottled up emotions. But the problem was she couldn't cry. She'd balled her eyes out the night of the accident, and the day after when the doctors told her they'd done everything they could, but it wasn't enough. But as soon as she'd stopped, she couldn't start up again. At the funeral she'd been like a statue. Hard and cold. She even tried to cry once, a few days after Fletcher's death. It didn't matter, it was impossible.

Lucas' breath was warm against her face, stirring her hair. "You shouldn't have to feel this way. You deal with so much and you act like you can handle it-"

"I can handle it."

"No, you can't. I know you can't, and I don't know why you insist that you can." He tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "It's only been a month. You won't be able to cope forever."

"Maybe not." Peyton stared at the ground. "But until then, just leave me be."

"Peyton…" She couldn't see his face, but his voice was sad, pleading. "Nobody's gonna judge you for being human, for having feelings."

She stayed silent, but her hands clenched into fists against her jeans.

"I just want you to know, when you can't cope anymore, I'll be here. I want to help you."

"What if I can't be helped?"

"Well I have to try."

Peyton said nothing after that. She just sat there, and let him hold her until Brook came by to drop off Sawyer.

She sat against the porch, repeatedly running her hands through her hair. She'd had a fight with Lucas again. They didn't even fight about valid things anymore. They fought about stupid, silly things, like who was going to do the laundry, or whether or not they were going to attend Haley's Thanksgiving party. Peyton didn't even know why they fought. She was just so angry. Besides, what was the point of giving thanks when she had nothing to be thankful for. She licked her dry lips as her phone buzzed with another text from Lucas. He had no idea she was just right outside, hiding behind the porch. She glanced down at the text. Come home. Please. I need you. Sawyer needs you.

Peyton put her head in her hands. Now he was playing the guilt card. He knew how bad she felt about Fletcher's death. She'd been the one driving the car, she was responsible. she couldn't stand the thought of staying away when her child wanted or needed her. She stood slowly, shoving her phone into the pocket of her old leather jacket.

She entered the house quietly, making sure the door didn't slam behind her. Lucas was sitting at the table staring at his phone, as if willing Peyton to send him a text. He only noticed her when she walked past him, down the hallway into the kitchen.

He got up. "Peyt? Talk to me. Please."

She took off her jacket. "I've got nothing to say to you."

"Are you mad? You're mad aren't you?"

She turned. "I'm not mad."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I was only angry. We don't have to go to Haley and Nathan's Thanksgiving party."

"No, it's okay."

He looked at her, worried. "Are you sure? I feel bad about fighting. I'm really sorry."

"Okay."

"You're not mad?"

She shook her head.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm okay." She said flatly.

"You sure?"

"Lucas, I'm okay." But she wasn't. She wanted to punch something. She wanted to scream at the sky that it wasn't fair, that if there was some other-worldly force, it had ruined her life. But she didn't do any of that. She just walked out of the kitchen, towards her and Lucas' room.

Lucas' Pov

Lucas hated when he and Peyton fought. He hated when she screamed, and threw fits, and swore at him. That version of Peyton scared him. The fire, and anger. But after every fight she had to cool down, she had to run off by herself and deal with it. And what came after the cool down scared him worse than any amount of anger. The ice, the cold, the sharp words, and closed off expressions. The way she woke up every day earlier than Lucas to get to work, and came home by the time he was in bed. And they'd spend days like that, in the same terrible cycle, until one of them got confronted the other, or broke down and cried. It was the same every time. He hated it, Because he knew what came now, it was the days, possibly weeks without the spit-fiery Peyton. Now he had to wait and watch as she dodged his calls, regarded him with bland tones, and icy expressions.

This is my second fanfiction... Okay that's a lie, it's my third, but my second one didn't come out as I'd hoped so I deleted it. I hope this one proves to be better. And I hope you, the people of liked the first chapter of my second fanfiction. It's slightly dark, and some chapters with with extremely dark. Like next level dark, and don't worry I'll try to remember to give you a warning at the beginning of the really dark chapters. Also, I put some Leyton in there. I love when Lucas calls Peyton darlin'! Oh, the feels. So much fangirling going on over here. Anyway, review, follow, favorite, and whatever else. I hope you guys are looking forward to the next chapter!

-Ava