Here Without You, a harry potter fanfic

orokid: okay, I was looking at these lyrics one day and I suddenly got a need to write about the internal struggles Harry would go through if his secret love had been taken to Saint Mungo's and had been unable to see her again for so long. I felt like it NEEDED to be written, and, since I'm a sap writer (if you didn't notice), I decided to start it out as I had been thinking it would and begin it immediately. Now, here it is. Might now be so good, but please review and tell me your thoughts.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Harry Potter, the characters of the series, nor the song "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down. I wish I did, but I barely even own my room. Nor the twenty some dollars in my jacket pocket, but whatever. If I did own anything like this, I wouldn't be writing fanfics, now would I?

Here Without You

Harry looked around the castle, his heart heavy with the guilt that the felt in his heart each and every time he was inside this place where he had grown up, where he had become a man. It almost hurt him to be here, but he was needed to be inside these walls, to help those who had lost a friend or family matter after all that had happened. It was what was meant, and he knew just what he had to do, and who he had to be.

He was more than a man, having seen more than everyone in the world combined- unless you were one of his two closest friends. Them... They could combine what they saw, and it would always be the closest to what he had witnessed, what he had done to these poor, poor souls that had fallen from their spots to become servants to another.

The emerald eyed young man sighed as he leaned against a nearby wall, thinking about the ones that he had befriended in these halls all those years ago. The red haired young man who he called his best mate had come out of the final battle nearly unblemished at all, and he stood alongside the Boy-Who-Lived until the final spell had been given between the two men- although one was more human than the other. But... then there was the other...

Truthfully, Harry didn't know if she had even been released from the confines of her hospital bed since that horrible day.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

His green orbs lowered to look down to the ground, his right hand coming up from underneath his wire-framed glasses to rub the tear-ducts clean from what they were creating. He didn't want to be seen doing anything even close to what some might have believed to be crying, and that alone kept him looking strong to the public eye. This teenager who was barely eighteen, now known as the Man-That-Lived, didn't want to be known to those who had no idea who he truly was as a cry-baby, one who couldn't even survive months on end without a certain brown haired young woman by his side. He had had enough of that in fourth year with the papers that had totally confused his relationship, or what hadn't been one, with his closest, most trusted female friend.

Although, if anyone truly knew him at all, they knew that he was dying more and more each day that he didn't look at her, didn't hear her voice nagging at him to do something or another, to be careful. If anyone knew him at all, they could see the look in his eyes every time they were in the same room, and how they would look at one another and just understand what was being said without even opening their mouths. It was still rare though to find someone that knew him such as this.

And, currently, the one who knew him best was still at Saint Mungo's, probably still holding on to that tiny little thread of life that kept her heart beating.

A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

Slowly, his thoughts turned to his recent dreams, the ones that still haunted and taunted him as he lay in his bed, unable to stop the images from returning. Sometimes they were better than the last, actual dreams that he could possibly enjoy, but most of the time... He only shivered slightly at the thought, bringing his arms around his waist as if he were cold.

Most of the time, he remembered when she had fallen in the final battle, having turned at the wrong time to see the spell strike her. And then it was when she had been taken to the emergency room at Saint Mungo's, the horridly long wait he had when the medi-wizards and witches all surrounded him, trying to heal the one who just wanted to inquire about the girl who he secretly fancied. He could still remember the clean smell of the waiting room, the tears that had come to his eyes as he waited in that room alone, hoping for some word about the bushy haired teenager that had entered hours and hours before.

He wished then, in that pure white room filled with too many chairs, among all his other varied thoughts, that he had at least asked her to come to Hogsmead with him once, just the two of them. At least he wouldn't have to let her go, if indeed he had to, without feeling as if he had lost the only chance he would ever get in his entire lifetime.

After what felt like months, maybe even years, to Harry Potter, a medi-witch had come out to deliver the news that she would make it through the night, but would have to stay until all of her wounds healed completely and her body had returned to normal. To anyone that didn't know him, they did not understand just why his eyes had lit up at the very news of his friend's survival.

But no one who knew him had been there, so the jeering had stayed unsaid until he had been dragged back to Hogwarts by both McGonagal and his red-headed best mate. They had proposed that the wounded young woman would not want to see him in such a state, nor Hogwarts as well if those there remained in their mentality.

That had been about a month or so ago, yet, for him, it felt as though a decade had passed without him knowing.

But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

The emerald eyed man pulled his glasses from his face, the world becoming blurry to him- just like it always was, whether he wore the blasted things or not. The world he always lived in never made any sense, and it never did- until he was by the side of the "smartest witch of their age". Then, everything made sense and he felt more than complete in this world of half-heartedness.

He had found it interesting that, ever since the day he had left the younger Ginny to go onto his journey of destruction, where finding the pieces of Voldemort's soul was more important than some relationship, he had been dreaming of his best mate's crush, as well as their best female friend. It seemed more than strange that those dreams were more about her getting hurt, ones which he assumed was a incentive to send her away with his bad attitude and horrible treatment of her, and he had immediately began to try to protect her since she knew just what he had been trying to do.

But, what hurt him the most was the fact that Harry James Potter, the 'savior' of the world, hadn't even been able to protect the one he had fancied the most, the one that he felt needed protection at the time of her greatest need. He felt like such a failure, and deserved to be in her place, while she in his- minus the dreams part, though, since he assumed that this was his punishment for allowing her to be hurt at all.

Truthfully, he had no idea what he would do if she wouldn't survive this at all.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

"Harry!" He looked up, hoping to see what he had seen in their second year- the girl he cared for so much running towards him at full speed, the largest grin upon her face, grateful that he had solved whatever clue she had given him the answer for. But, of course, that was not what happened, for it would've been all too great if it had. He knew that the hole in his heart would once again disappear as soon as she reacquainted with his life once more, and then almost everything would feel alright.

But it was still a young woman. One that he had thought he had ended all sorts of relationship with when he had shared with her all those strange and uncomfortable feelings he had when he was around the girl he called his closest best mate, since the two of them had only fallen out of their friendship at the most one time in the past seven to eight years while he had his other friend had done so at least once a year. She had refused to speak to him afterwards, which had left him feeling like a prick for being so unintelligent to a woman's feelings- although that's what the bushy haired girl said he should feel after he had told her the (fixed) story, one that didn't even mention her name and said he was talking to her about some other girl, one which he wouldn't give the name of.

The red haired girl, now a sixth year- younger than him by one year still, as usual- stopped about a yard away from the raven haired young man, his eyes as void as ever. She smiled sweetly at him, although he could see that there was pity mixed in between the blue cracks that made up her eyes. "Mum and dad said that... that I should say goodbye to you now 'cause... well, I suppose I've been an outright animal ever since..." She stopped, although both knew exactly why they had stopped talking before the battle had occurred, and they had both felt bad for not apologizing to one another earlier on.

"Its alright, Ginny," he told her, giving a small albeit barely noticeable smile upon his lips as he watched her. "I should have been a lot more... I don't know... thoughtful to your feelings. We were both pricks." He pushed himself off the wall and moved closer to her, reaching out his hand for a handshake when he was an arms length away. "If you accept my apology, then I'll accept yours."

His smile only slightly grew, although they both understood that if she had been there, then he most likely would've been grinning his widest grin ever in existence. It was always like that, and she doubted that it would ever change.

Slowly, she reached out and shook his hand, only to turn around and leave the halls as well, tears in her sky blue eyes. She wouldn't ever be the girl that he would call his own. Not when there was someone he loved so much in the hospital, fighting for life- whether he understood the feeling or not.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello

Harry only watched her, but, instead of returning to his spot on the wall, he had decided to move elsewhere, to try and keep out of the sights of everyone that was probably wondering just where the great young hero had gone to. He didn't want to do any interviews, since his first ever had been a slap in the face- and he hadn't even responded in any such way where that... that she-devil could have gotten those words back then.

He knew that there was most likely at least one journalist that was an okay, truthful writer, but he hadn't met one yet, so he didn't want to break the article-less trend he had started since that whole entire fiasco.

The emeralds in his eyes lightened only slightly as he walked past rooms, classes, certain places that only reminded him of what he had lost (in a way) since the war had ended. He missed her, and wished more than anyone could ever understand that she'd be there to wrap her arms about his body and hug him like no other hug before. That was what a few of his dreams pertained, and he was more than glad to have at least experienced that joy, even if it was for a couple hours until reality would set in-

Until he'd once again wake up in a bushy haired teenager-less world.

I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

Once more, he heard his name, although it was in that ever beloved tone that he missed more than anyone in the universe could understand. But he knew that his imagination was only playing tricks on him, like it had always had done in the past mouth or so since he had left Saint Mungo's.

Even his dreams liked to play with him, and he'd awake and believe that they had truly happened, that the girl he secretly fancied was once again under the Hogwarts roof. But his freckled faced friend would only tell him that he must have been going mental or something, and that their mutual friend was no where near the school. Some days, he just spend his day, laying in his dormitory, once in a while wishing that Voldemort had killed him instead of harming his female friend, which would keep him from her side for a mentality's worth of years, as well as so many unseen tears that would streak down his face in the middle of the night, unknown to everyone but him.

He turned his head when he had once again heard his name called, but he was only greeted with the mirage of the girl he had dreamed endlessly of since the end of their last year. She was running towards him like she had back in the past, the smile he dreamed about on her face- but this was a mirage that he saw often, so he felt as though he should give it absolutely no notice.

Why should he? It would only lead to the torture of not being with her.

Still, he stood still, his legs unmoving. It was as if his subconscious was trying to tell his consciousness something, although he knew what he was. She wasn't real, and those footsteps that were echoing off the wall were only what his memory dragged out in the loss of the one he missed so much.

He urged his feet to move, to keep going, to leave this mirage and go on with his desperate walk through the castle. Harry wanted to stop the hurt, and to believe that what he was seeing wasn't as fake as he just knew it was. The emerald eyed man hated how his subconscious had such control upon his body, and he fought to control himself while the dream continued to run towards him, but it seemed hopeless. It seemed as though all his internal self wanted was to see the ghost of a memory run straight through his body, disappearing into the day as they always did.

But he only opened his arms as the figure drew closer, and a smile, neither small nor large, but rather... hopeful, had unconsciously formed upon his lips. He couldn't help but wish that this one, unlike the many others that he had stopped and tried to hug in welcome, was the real one, and that this figment wasn't a figment at all.

He felt something fly into his arms, and he had felt something inside him seem to mend, to melt the icy surroundings that had grown on the outside of his heart, and he only felt his arms wrap tightly around the bushy haired girl that had fallen into his grasp.

Never before had he felt this happy, and he doubted that he would ever again. This was the real deal, the one that haunted and blessed his dreams and the one he saw within his mind as he gazed into space. She was the one that made his heart both mend and break with every moment they were together, and there just wasn't anyone that couldn't ever make him feel so complete with just her mere existence.

Merlin, he loved this woman so, so, so much...

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

Harry kissed the top of her head, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He couldn't remember when he had felt such… wholeness… in his entire being. He felt so complete with this woman in his arms, and he never wanted to remove her from them ever again. The emerald eyed wizard whose name was on everyone's lips refused to ever let go of her, and he doubted that he would until she herself would push away.

Thankfully, to him at least, she hadn't yet taken interest in releasing herself from his grasp. She was holding onto his body just as tightly, tears of joy (he hoped) leaking from her eyes as she held on tightly to his body.

He was thankful for the second chance to hold her, to maybe even get to tell her that he was in love with her, but, for right now, all he wanted to do was hold her and feel her there. Harry needed that, and he wasn't going to refuse himself of the privilege until later.

Much, much later.

"Hermione…" He kissed the top of her head again, reveling in the mere feeling of the touch his lips got when he did so.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams

"I missed you so much, Harry…" She whispered into his shirt, still tattered and unwashed from the battle that had occurred so long ago from now. She only smiled, laughing slightly. "You need to take a bath."

"I know I do, but for right now…" He watched as she looked up to him, a smirk upon her lovely face, and he felt his inside melt immediately at the look she was giving him. He felt his breath catch in his throat at the eyes he had missed so much, and the words he had yet to say suddenly missing for his mind. So, he did what he only felt like doing ever since the end of their sixth year.

He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, not even caring anymore just what might occur between them now. She needed to know just how much she had been missed, how he felt like he could just die when he had left Saint Mungo's a month ago so to satisfy those who said they needed him more. This chocolate eyed beauty needed to understand that he had dreamed endlessly about her, about moments in time that he missed and wished to recreate, and how he had felt for so long without telling her just how she made him burn with excitement each and every time he was in her presence.

And that was when she had pressed back, and he felt about just the same amount of passion exploding from her lips to his, the thoughts that needed to be heard returned but inside her kiss.

And tonight girl it's only you and me

And, once again, the light that hadn't been there for her entire absence was in his eyes.

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orokid: Please Review! I'll love you forever.