HI! This is my first Fushigi Yuugi fic, and hope everyone will like it. WARNING: Yaoi, incest. If you can't accept, then don't read. Please don't flame me on this issue.

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Sins

Chapter: Forbidden Emotions

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I sat by the pond in the Kutoukoku place. A tiny droplet of rain fell from the sky and shattered the smooth surface of the water. Soon, more and more droplets fell, forming all sorts of ripples and made the scene of the bottom of the pond too blurry to see. However, the rain that disturbed the pond somehow made my turbulent heart more peaceful. The cool liquid splashed against my face, sliding along the curve of my cheek together with the warm tears. They mixed with each other and fell to the ground.

"Aniki! Aniki! Ah! There you are!" I turned and saw a person who looked exactly the same as me, and yet so different, rushing in my direction. Many people said that we were the same person. How I wished that it could be true. Then I would not be sitting here, feeling my heart being torn to shreds.

"Hey, aniki, come inside. You are drenched to the bone out here," he said rather impatiently but his annoyed frown soon turned into a worried one. "Have you been crying?"

"No, of course not, it's just the rain sting my eyes," I said and quickly wiped away the tears stains on my face. "You can go back first. I like being out here."

"In a storm like this? Yeah right," and he yanked my up by the arm and particularly dragged me to the nearest sheltered corridor. I gently withdrew my arm from his firm grip, causing him to cast me a puzzled look.

"What's wrong? You have been acting strange lately."

"I'm fine," I was such a liar, "I'll go get changed now."

Acting strange lately? At least he had not noticed other tings besides that, like how I was feeling. Feelings I should not have, feelings I should not habour towards my twin, and which were forbidden. People say that being in love could make you happy, and you should be proud of it. Those were all lies. Up till now, all I felt were excruciating pain, anger, confusion, and lust. I started hating myself to the extent that I wanted to commit suicide. I despised my emotions, so deeply that I wanted to vomit once I thought of them, but they could never be got ridden of.

I hated my reflection, but adored every inch of Suboshi's features. I was utterly disgusted with every cell in my body, but Suboshi was as holy as an angel. He did not deserve to have a brother like me.

Imagine what the world would say about Suboshi if they found out about my feelings. I didn't matter to me, but that would ruin Suboshi's future. He would be humiliated. I must not let anyone know my secret, and be the best brother ever, to be by his side whenever he needed me, and nothing more.

But it hurt. It hurt so much.

"ANIKI! Have you been listening to what I was telling you?" Suboshi's angry face appeared in front of me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying again?" I plastered an apologetic smile on my lips.

"If you have any trouble, just tell me. I am your twin brother, and I don't want to see you acting like a zombie all day." he looked at me wearing a hurt and betrayed expression. "I want to know what you are thinking about. You can trust me, can't you?"

"If I can't even trust you, who else can I trust?"

"Anyway, as I was saying, and pay attention this time," he shot me a reproachful glare, "I heard that they have found the Seiryuu no Miko, and she's in the palace. Do you want to go and sneak a peek at her?" He flashed a mischievous smile and bared one of his fangs. One would never see this expression on my face, and that made it unique. Suboshi always tried to look like a though boy, so it was only around me that he would act like this. Even if he could never be mine, I just hoped that this expression could be only shown to me. At least let me have this.

"Shuu-chan, you know that we will meet the Miko someday. Just wait. You don't want Nakago-sama to be angry."

"Come on, you know that you are curious about her. Besides. Who is afraid of that Nakago?"

I just couldn't take that pair of puppy eyes. "Fine, but promise me to be really careful, and one glimpse we will leave."

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"Shh! Aniki, over here!" Suboshi motioned me to follow him, and I quickly scuttled from my dark hiding place to where he was in the shadows.

It was a dark and moonless night, and mystery permeated in the aril luring curious people to somewhere they should never have gone. Not even a sound was heard, the silence more suffocating that peaceful. I know I shouldn't have come, but I did it regardless. Perhaps I was leading myself to danger, walking on a plank unknowingly, and would fall any moment. Curiously killed the cat.

Just then, a weak beam of light shone out from a hexagon window. It seemed so pale and so lonely. We crept to one side of the window, and I suddenly felt Suboshi holding my hand. I could feel the slight tremor of excitement in him, just like the way I could feel my heart pound.

With a small exertion of force, he poked a hole in the cloth of the window and peeked inside. His hand frozen in mine, and soon, it became cold and clammy. Seeing that he had no intention to budge just yet, I poled a hole of myself and looked in.

My heart sank almost immediately, as I had found the reason to Suboshi's strange reaction.

A girl sat with her back facing us, combing her short blond hair. She wore a weird costume with a short dress, which I didn't think was appropriate for a girl. Looking at her face reflected in the mirror, I saw that she was indeed pretty, but her eyes contained a sense of loneliness, sadness and determination that was more alluring than her looks.

It was obvious why Suboshi was behaving so. I sank to the ground, the sudden fear of losing him completely enveloped me. I had expected this day to come, but why so soon? My hand slipped out of his, because I didn't want him to sense my distraught. Yet he took absolutely no notice of my action, wand I wasn't sure which hurt more.

"Ah, Nakago, you're here," her voice drifted out, and I heard some firm footsteps and soft clashing of metal armor.

I gave him a sharp tug, expecting him to come to his sense, but he still didn't' move. Grounding my teeth in frustration and pain, I finally managed to pull him all the way back to my room. Once there, he burst into exhilaration.

"Aniki, aniki, did you see her? Oh, she is so beautiful! And so different too! I've never seen someone like her. But she looks lonely and fragile. Do you think it's because she misses her homeland? I definitely will protect her from any harm . . ."

I just watched as he went on and one, and with each word he said, it felt as if another knife had just slashed into my heart. I should be happy for him, I had just vowed to be the best brother possible. I must be happy, I must smile . . . Yet why was I trying so hard to stop the tears from rushing to eyes? Suboshi, couldn't you see how hurt I was already?

"Shuu-chan, I'm a little tired today. Can we please talk about his tomorrow?" I managed to say in the calmest tone I could and gently ushered him out of the door.

"Sure! Isn't she just great? Oyasumi, aniki!"

"Oyasumi, Shuu-chan." And a droplet of tear fell onto the ground as I uttered the last syllable, but he was already nowhere to be seen.

That night, I didn't sleep at all. I didn't notice if I cried or not, but he the pillow was wet.

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