Dean stared at the spot where the tear into the other world had been. He willed it to come back. He needed it to open again. His eyes searched and searched. Finally he prayed.

Please, don't let it end this way. Not again. I just got her back. Please.

Nothing. The tear stayed closed. Vaguely some other part of his mind registered that Sam wasn't standing beside him anymore and that Cas was dead at his feet but he couldn't quite process that yet. He was focused on his mom.

Mary Winchester.

He had never known how much he ached to have her back until he had her back again. He knew what it felt like to miss her and to love this image of her that his father had created but he had never really known her. He had been four when she had died the first time (she is not dead. SHE IS NOT DEAD) so he had happy memories of her but as years went on, he began to idealize her. The bad memories he had, he lost and he only focused on the good. Mary became the perfect mother, the loving wife and caring caregiver. Even when Dean found out she had made a deal with Azazel, the demon that would kill her, he still couldn't hate her or be angry at her. He understood her. And he began to realize something that he may have known all along; he was more like his mother than he thought.

All that was the past though because he had her back. Amara had given them a second chance. Dean closed his eyes and saw her again standing there in the nightgown she had died in asking him who he was and where she was. It was like he had been gifted a miracle. And it had been good, hell great... For all of five minutes until Mary had found out what happened with John and bailed.

It's my fault. I should have done more. I should have fought harder. Why is it my parents keep leaving me? Am I that horrible? That unlovable?

Those thoughts had echoed through his head then and they did again now. He opened his eyes and looked at where the tear had been. It was still gone. His knees finally gave out and he fell to the cold ground.

"No, no, no," he whispered at first. He saw Cas's arm but he didn't think of him. He could only focus on the pain of losing his mother. Again. "NO!" he finally screamed.

I love you.

Her last words to them (maybe her last words ever. No, she's alive. She has to be alive). Dean couldn't help but think it had been the first time Sam had heard those words. Dean had vague memories of hearing them before. He pushed himself back up to his feet and turned to look at the house. He took two steps and then turned and looked back where the tear had been.

I will get you back, Mom. I promise you. You are not going to rot there. You are not going to die there.

"You aren't going to die. Not again," he whispered to himself.

A/N: This is just something I thought about while looking thru the Supernatural tag on tumblr. I realized that most people seemed to be focused on the fact that Dean lost Cas and I saw no mention of Dean losing Mary. Or Sam losing Mary for that matter. So this little short came to my mind. Personally, I think Dean would be hurting more over Mary than Cas. I mean, Mary is his mother who he was suddenly gifted a second chance with. Cas is just... Well, the angel that broke the wall in his brother's head that could have killed him. (FYI, if you don't agree with my opinion, fine, but don't try messaging me to change my mind. You won't) So yeah... I'll see you all in the next one.