Hey readers. I'm back with another story, and this basically leaves off of one of my one shots from Man Down. At first I was a little hesitant of posting this because I was thinking, Some readers haven't read my latest update on Man Down, so then they'll be confused. But like Sparks Fly, I wanted to write and post this one before it haunted me forever. Apologies if it's crap.

"I'm fine," I always say. It's been something I've been telling my teammates to keep them out of my personal thoughts. But now staring out into the empty, starred sky, I feel absolutely broken. I've kept these feelings bottled up for three whole damn years. The anxiety. The depression. It's consumed every part of me, and now all I can do is stand here and cry like a helpless little bitch. How do these men kill with no emotion? How do they sleep through their nightmares? How do they deal with the job they have?

Everyday I sometimes think why I enlisted in the first place. I think back to when a soldier came to my high school and talked us into joining the military. It was enough encouragement to make me go at least. Oh right... You idiot, Gary. I wiped away the tears that slowly kept oozing from my eyes. I let my thoughts flow for only a minute before one in particular had me relaxed, yet a bit scared.

I walked back into the barracks, quietly entering the room a shared with Meat and Royce. I smiled a bit as I opened my drawer. They've always had my back. It was mostly Royce though. He'd always been awake to help me recover from my night terrors. He's done enough. I pulled out my .44 caliber with one bullet. It's all I'll need anyway. I exited the room, hesitant at first. Then I slowly strolled down the corridor, staring down at the floor as I went. Am I really gonna do this? Can this really take the pain away?

"Roach?" I was suddenly startled by a familiar voice from behind me. I swiveled around to see the captain, putting his hands on his hips as I hid my gun behind my leg. "C-Captain," I stammered, "You uh... You scared me for a minute."

"Heard someone wandering around here," he said, "Was it you?"

"Uh-huh." I really wanted him to go. He didn't need to see what I was going to do.

"What are you doing?"

"W-What am I doing? Oh! I couldn't sleep so... Y-You know I was just going to go on a jog..."

"With your gun?"

I bit my lip, "Yeah. I was going to jog to... The shooting range..."

"It's the other way, mate."

The exit was on Mactavish's side, and I was really making my way towards the showers. "O-Oh, well then," I laughed it off, "If you don't mind-"

He put a hand on my chest before I could go anywhere. With that glare in his eyes, he knew what I was up to. "Drop it, Roach."

"Sir-"

"I said drop it."

My shooting arm was quivering. I could end it here. A swift move to the head and it'll be over. But I was standing right in front of the captain, and for the record he's a badass. Which means if I try anything that could mean I would want to make it tougher for myself. I finally let the gun slip from my fingers. As it clattered to the ground, I felt really dizzy for a minute, and a run of emotions mentally came back to me. I took a step back, nearly losing my balance as I did so. What am I doing? Why the fuck am I still here?

My breathing was shaky as Mactavish pulled me in, supporting me as he guided me to the floor, "Easy mate. I've got you."

I was shaking, and I finally let the tears escape my eyes, murmuring, "Oh God... Oh my God..."

"Roach-"

"What the hell... Am I doing here still?"

"Breathe, lad. Just breathe."

I tried. I honestly tried. The anxiety was coming back to me, and it prevented me from getting any air into my lungs. "Captain... I think... I think... I've finally lost it..."

"No mate-"

I turned to face Mactavish, voice raised a bit, "Look at me. Don't tell me that I don't look like a wreck right now!"

All the captain could do was sigh and shake his head, "You haven't lost it, Roach," and he used his thumb to clear away the next incoming tear from the corner of my eye, "You just need help." He placed both hands on my cheeks, making me look directly at him, "I know the pains you're going through, but they'll get worse if you don't heal them."

I closed my eyes, and Mactavish raised my chin up just little, forcing me to open them again, but I stared at my knees, "I'm a coward..." Suicide is the coward's way out, someone said.

"No, mate," he said, "You're not because you haven't done it. You're still here. You're still alive, and I think it's best that we keep it that way."

I nodded, letting my eyes pour out more salty tears as I gazed them up, and he spoke again, "Don't give in now, lad. You've still got a lot ahead of you... And I'll be checking in with you often from now on. Alright?"

I was stuck on my words for a moment, and I finally cleared my throat, "Alright..."

He gently hulled me up to my feet, "Sleep in as long as you want. You'll need it."

I forced myself to smile, feeling that the stream of emotions finally ended. He gave me a pat on the shoulder, "I'll see you in the morning, mate." Then he left to turn in for the night.

But he wasn't far enough as I said, "Captain, thank you... You really saved my ass this time."

I'm not gonna lie. But I actually enjoyed writing this. And with the music I was listening to, it just just... AAAHHH! IT WAS PERFECT! Black Veil Brides', acoustic Knives and Pens and Three Days Grace's, Never too Late just blended in so perfectly with the story.

But anyway, I said this before but I'll say it again. If you or someone you know is dealing with depression or having the thought of suicide, seek immediate help! People will listen to you and will help you get through it!