Like We Never Loved At All, a csi fanfic

Like We Never Loved At All

You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath those city lights
There walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me

Sara sat in her car just outside the reception hall gathering the strength to go in. It would be the first thing out side of work where she would have to see Greg.

As she started to unbuckle her seat belt something caught her eye. It was Greg…and he had brought a date.

He looked fantastic dressed in his all black suit. A black fedora perched on his messy hair. The only hint of colour was a blue tie over his black shirt.

Tears flooded here eyes as she looked the other woman up and down.

Short red hair pulled back into a twist that reminded Sara of a 40's pin-up. There was even a flower in it.

Sara laughed remembering how much Greg loved the 40's era since working on the Lois O'Neill case last year.

This woman with him must know that too cause her tight fitting halter dress and shawl paired with her red lips pulled the 40's look together perfectly. A grace to dressing Sara had never quite mastered.

Sara's heart stopped as the couple slowed, the woman leaned into Greg's ear to whisper something. Greg placed a hand on his fedora as he threw his head back to laugh. They continued into the hall without ever noticing Sara in the car, tears streaming down her face.

But I'm still living with your goodbye

The day Greg broke off their relationship was one of the worst of Sara's life.

Sara walked into the lab carrying her field kit in one hand and her samples in the other. She gave a cordial smile to Greg as she walked past expecting one back but when she didn't get one she backpedaled her steps to stop him.

"Is anything wrong Greg?"

"Yah Sara something is wrong. I sat in the restaurant for an hour last night looking like an idiot."
Sara smacked her forehead, she had forgotten another date.

"Third one this month." Greg said, his angry voice heavily lined with pain.

"I'm sorry Greg. It's just…"

"Grissom called you in…same as last time and the time before. I asked him."

Sara looked down at her shoes.

"Sara," Greg continued with a shaking voice "I am not Grissom and I am never going to be Grissom. I am also not going to play second fiddle to him."

Sara looked up with tears in her eyes "Greg no."

"I'm sorry Sara. I perused you for so long and I finally thought I had you but I don't. I can't keep chasing you, I just can't." Tears streamed down Greg's face. His sensitivity and readiness to show his emotions were one of the things Sara loved about him. His convictions in his decisions were another. She knew there was no changing his mind on this.

Silent sobs took over as she watched him walk away.

And you're just going on with your life

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

Sara checked her coat and headed straight to the bathroom to do damage control from her crying jag in the car. She was glad she invested in waterproof mascara, the only tell seemed to be her red eyes. Having anticipated a rough evening she had packed Visene. Being a CSI had its advantages sometimes. She sniffed once before hearing the toilet flush, she cursed under her breath. She could have sworn she was alone.

The stall door opened and Greg's pin-up girl came out. She spotted Sara and gave a wide smile.

"You here for the LVPD Christmas party?" the girl asked, making idle conversation as she washed her hands.

"Yah I am. I'm with CSI actually." Sara said knowing this would spark interest.

"Oh?" the girl said taking the bait "I came with Greg Sanders."

"Did you?" Sara said feigning interest

"I'm Emily" The girl said extending a french manicured hand. "Emily Carpenter"

Mentally noting how those nails would go through a pair of gloves in a second Sara took the girls hand "Sara, Sara Sidle."

A knowing look flashed across Emily's green eyes before she spoke "Nice to meet you Sara." With that Emily took her leave of the washroom.

Sara waited a few more minutes before leaving the washroom.

She stepped into the reception hall and eyed the room. Warrick was dancing with his wife, Catherine was in a discussion with Jim, Grissom was sitting at a table with Emily and Nick was nowhere to be seen. Sara weighed her options. She didn't want to join Emily because she knew Greg would be there any second so she headed over to Catherine. As soon as the blonde had Sara in her sites she excused herself from Brass.

"How are you holding up?" She asked not skirting the issue.

"She's pretty." Sara said.

"That she is." Catherine had never hidden the fact that she though Sara screwed up but she was still there for Sara any time she needed it "Drink?"

Sara looked at Catherine with grateful eyes "Please"

The line up to the bar was a few people deep. Sara took a deep breath and exhaled loudly before she heard him at the front of the line "Two glasses of white please."

Seconds later Greg walked by her carrying two flutes of white wine. His eyes met hers. For a moment it looked like he was going to say something but instead he tipped his head in acknowledgement. Sara's heart stopped as she returned the gesture.

Sara watched Greg cheerfully bring his date the drinks. He sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, immersing himself in the conversation Emily & Grissom were having. 'Do I have no effect on him anymore?' Sara wondered with a lump in her throat before ordering a glass of red wine.

You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind

Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
To letting go like you did, like you did

"Sara it's been six months now, you have to move on. You really should have brought a date." Catherine said gently.

"You didn't." Sara replied coldly

"Touché." the blonde said knowing Sara was just hurting.

The DJ changed the song and a heavy brass section erupted through the hall. Sara could instantly recognize the music as swing. She looked to Greg whose eyes got big. He looked at his date who looked equally excited. They quickly got up and rushed to the dance floor. A lump grew in Sara's throat as Greg offered his hand to Emily and they started to swing together with a precision that caused people to stop and take notice.

"I didn't know Greg could dance like that" Catherine said laughing.

"Neither did I" Sara whispered not at all feeling her collogues jovial mood.

Beaming widely and chests heaving slightly Greg and Emily finished the song with Emily lifted up on Greg's hips, her feet straight out, in a dip of sorts. The room erupted in applause and Greg pulled Emily in for a kiss.

Tears welled up in Sara's eyes again.

Greg and Emily made their way back to their table slowly, being stopped every few feet to be congratulated on their dancing.

Behind her she could hear Greg laughing "Well we met at a swing dance class."

"The teacher paired us up together 'cause we were both pretty much beginners." Emily continued "about three months ago"

Sara choked up again. Three months… She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.

Did you forget the magic
Did you forget the passion

Juggling some groceries on her hip Sara opened the door to her apartment. Greg had insisted she book her birthday off so he could take her somewhere nice. She didn't have much time to get ready and she didn't know just how nice to dress. Despite knowing how much she despised surprises Greg still didn't tell her anything.

She almost dropped her groceries as soon as she saw her apartment. Candles burned everywhere while the scent of three cheese manicotti filled the air. Her dining room table had a beautiful soft blue cloth on it and it was set with places for two. Behind her she heard soft jazz playing. As if by magic her groceries were lifted out of her arms. She turned with a huge smile to face Greg.

"Greg I'm not dressed for this" was all she could think to say.

A crooked smile wiped across his face. "You look beautiful" he said quietly before taking her groceries into the kitchen. "Go on and sit" he called from the kitchen.

She sat down at the place with the single rose across the plate.

Greg came out carrying two glasses of white wine. It was only then that she noticed his attire. He was dressed in a charcoal grey suit with a maroon tie. He had even combed his hair.

"Greg come here." She said smiling. She kissed him softly before running her fingers through his hair and mussing it up slightly. "Much better." She said looking at him lovingly.

"I'll remember that next time you tell me I should comb my hair." He said going back into the kitchen.

"I only tell you that before going to court." She said laughing.

He came out carrying two bowls of salad. After placing them down they ate and made idle chatter. Sara noted that Greg never once grumbled about eating rabbit food. After the salad Greg brought out the main course.

Sara took one bite and closed her eyes "Greg it's delicious" she said savoring her favorite meal "I didn't know you could cook."

"Don't let it get out, Catherine will stop bringing me her mothers leftovers"

Sara almost choked as she laughed.

"Any guesses as to what is for dessert?" Greg said as he cleared away Sara's plate.

"My favorite wine, my favorite meal I'm going to guess white chocolate cheesecake with raspberry sauce."

"Ooooohhhhh, you're good. You should work in law enforcement."

"I've thought about it." She chuckled

Greg brought out Sara's desert plate with a card on it.

"I told you no gifts Greg" she said chastising him lightly as she opened the card

"And I told you no way" he said "Besides it's nothing much"

Sara opened it and tears came to her eyes. Never had she ever felt more appreciated. She stared at the gift certificate, good for one professional massage every week for a year with the words 'for Las Vegas most dedicated work-a-holic' scrawled across it in Greg's handwriting.

She stood up and kissed Greg to thank him, softly at first then harder, with more passion. When they finally broke apart he asked "What about dessert" he asked.

"This is desert" she said.

Taking his cue he swept her up and carried her to the bedroom here again her eyes filled with tears. Her bedroom was lit up with dozens of candles and fresh rose petals covered her bed. Never had anybody taken so much effort to make her feel so loved. Now it was her turn to show him how much she loved him.

"I love you Gregory Sanders." She whispered.

"I love you too Sara Sidle, happy birthday" he responded before bringing his mouth down onto hers.

Did you ever miss me
Ever long to kiss me

Watching the other table out of the corner of her eye Sara could see that Greg and Emily were totally wrapped up in each other. It was as though there was nobody else in the room, least of all her. A lump formed in her throat as she watched Greg reach up and place his hand on Emily's cheek. Like another choreographed dance Emily's face leaned into his hand slightly. Knowing Greg like she did Sara knew what was coming. Her hand instinctively moved to her lips as Greg leaned in and softly kissed the other woman. Sara could almost feel his lips back on hers, like a ghost kiss but she knew it was just in her imagination.

Sara stared at her plate of uneaten food and took a huge sigh. She had enough torture for one night, one month, one lifetime. She realized that she had spent years chasing a man she wasn't going to get and in return chased off one she could. She sighed again as she grabbed her purse. She had some serious thinking to do and she couldn't do it here. She wasn't going to chase another ghost. A single tear fell down her cheek as she looked back at Greg once more before walking out of the room.

You, you never looked so good

As Emily went back to talking to Brass Greg looked up at the door. He caught a glimpse of Sara leaving. Her red satin dress hugging her curves softly. A small lump formed in his throat as he watched her walk away. He was lost in his thoughts till Emily's voice broke him from his reverie. Out the door was his past and in front of him was his future. Smiling he swallowed the lump and joined in the conversation with Emily and Brass.