It had been almost two weeks since they received the tragic news, and Alex had been in a depressed, zombie-like state ever since. She spent most of her time under the covers with the lights turned off, staring blankly up at the bedroom ceiling, getting out of bed only when nature called. She hadn't showered, she wasn't sleeping well, she refused to eat, and the only reason she drank anything was because Olivia had threatened to haul her ass to Mercy Hospital and make them give her fluids through an IV. Olivia wasn't going to force-feed Alex, but she wasn't going to stand by and watch Alex become dehydrated either. At the very least Alex needed to drink. Olivia was faithfully keeping a full glass of Alex's favorite iced tea on the bedside table within Alex's reach at all times.
Olivia was very worried about Alex and felt powerless to help her. George Huang told Olivia that grief was a complicated process, to just be patient with Alex and shower her with love and support. Olivia spent most of her time lounging next to Alex stroking her hair and cooing sweet nothings in her ear. Alex made no indication that she felt the affectionate touch or heard the loving words.
"Baby, 'Law and Order' is on. Do you want to watch it with me?" Olivia asked when she poked her head into the bedroom to check on Alex.
"No." Alex's soft voice was void of emotion.
"Do you need more tea?"
"No."
"Do you want me to get you anything? Something to eat? Something to read?"
"No."
"Do you want me to call Casey and ask her to come hang out with you?"
"No."
"Would you like me to draw you a bath?"
"No."
Olivia was running out of questions when suddenly an idea popped into her head. She walked into the room and sat down beside Alex, taking Alex's hand in one of her own, using her other hand to stroke Alex's face. Alex hadn't cried yet, not even at the cemetery, and it occurred to Olivia that Alex might need a little help releasing her emotions. It wasn't healthy for Alex to keep her emotions bottled up inside. When she spoke, Olivia's tone was very tender and loving.
"Hey, princess. I'm pretty worried about you. I know this week has been a rough one for my sweet little Alex. I know you're sad, but you can't stop living life. There are a lot of people who care about you and love you, but you're shutting them all out, including me. You aren't eating or sleeping properly…. I think I need to give you a spanking, baby girl. I think a good, long, hard spanking on your bare bottom will help shake you out of this stupor and bring you back to me. Will you let me try to help you, sweetie? Can you squeeze my hand if you think a sound spanking might help you feel yourself again?"
After a few seconds, Olivia felt a tiny squeeze and her heart leapt with joy at this little bit of nonverbal communication. Her sweet little Alex was still in there somewhere! Olivia kissed Alex's forehead.
"Good girl. Let's get you over Livy's knee where you belong."
Olivia guided Alex into the proper position and pulled down Alex's pajama pants and panties to her knees in one motion. She gently rubbed Alex's pale bottom for a moment and then brought down the first sharp spank, not surprised when Alex didn't even jump. Olivia spanked in an unpredictable pattern, ensuring that Alex wouldn't be able to anticipate where the next spank would land or how hard. She spanked until there was a pins-and-needles sensation in her own palm. Still, Alex lay over Olivia's lap as quiet as a mouse, not moving a muscle. She was aware that Olivia was spanking her; she could hear the sound of Olivia's strong right hand as it landed sharply on her bare bottom, but her emotions were simply too shut down to allow her to be vocal about it.
"I don't think this is getting through, little one. I'm going to have to kick it up a notch."
Olivia pulled the wooden hairbrush out of the bedside table drawer, resuming the spanking exactly as before, varying the speed an intensity of the swats in an unpredictable pattern. A tiny whimper finally escaped Alex's lips when a particularly hard spank landed on her right thigh. Something inside of her was beginning to stir.
"That's it, baby love. Good girl. That's my sweet little Alex. Come back to me. You can do it." Olivia encouraged, her deep brown eyes shining with hope.
All at once, the floodgate was opened and Alex's grief came pouring out of her from the depths of her soul in heart-wrenching sobs that shook her entire body. Olivia set the hairbrush aside and continued the spanking with her hand, blinking back the tears in her own eyes. Alex lay over Olivia's lap drinking in the loving spanking her wife was giving her. After almost a week of feeling numb inside, the sting of a sound spanking was a welcome sensation. Alex sobbed with all the abandon of a small child.
"Let it all out, princess. Good girl. You aren't alone. I am right here for you."
Olivia eventually stilled her hand. Any further spanking served no purpose. Alex's bottom and thighs were a uniform shade of deep red with a few darker marks left by the hairbrush that would likely turn into bruises. Olivia picked Alex up and held her close to her heart, slipping her hand underneath Alex's pajama top to rub her bare back lovingly as she rocked her soothingly. They stayed that way for over an hour until Alex announced that she was hungry.
Grief is indeed a complicated process and it has no timetable. Alex suffered a devastating loss and would be grieving that loss for a while, but she knew full well that she had a strong, attentive, loving wife to support her through it.