Rein Hellfire's Ramblings

A/N: Yo. Rein Hellfire here. This is... A new story. Or, let me be more specific. These are little snippets of what could POTENTIALLY be new stories. Basically, this is a little box of insanity where I post story snippits, one-shots that may become full-fledged, etcetera. Whether these ideas become actual fics or not is up to you, the reader, to decide.

Basically, I'm writing these things just for fun...

Enjoy, and remember. Sanity is overrated.

WARNING! The following fiction(s) contains the following:

Crack.

Emo-ness.

Bad humor.

Oc-ness.

Alternate universes.

Bashing.

Character death.

General stupidity.

Swearing, and crass language in general.

Ranting.

Illogical fights.

Idiot-balls.

Extremely long A/Ns.

And general insanity overall.

Viewer discretion is advised. Enjoy.

And one last thing: I don't own any anime or manga that is referenced or directly referred to in this story, nor do I own the characters, plot, etc. Basically, I don't own a single damn thing. Not even these ideas.

Fail One: Gil-ko in the Naruto-verse

Summary: I've read fan-fiction where Naruto is dark/evil/abandoned/god-like. I've read fan-fiction where Naruto is a girl, and I've read fan-fiction where Naruto gains Gilgamesh's powers. So, I've decided to combine the three. Because I roll like that.

"You..." A blond haired girl dressed in elaborate armor was currently clenching her fist.

"MONGRELS!"

Immediately the inhabitants of the room collapsed in nervous wrecks from the sheer rage that the golden girl was exerting.

"Na... Naruko... Sama..." A frail red-haired man dressed in a black cloak with red clouds on it and rippled grey eyes choked out. "If you continue, the room will..."

"Nagato, these mongrels... They dare march into my kingdom, and they think they can order ME around? A king! They would dare... Impose orders upon a king!"

Naruko was a beautiful woman, about fifteen years old. She had the body of a goddess, that is to say, a perfectly proportioned figure, as well as an alluring, attractive face that was clearly beyond that of human limits. Her most notable traits? Her burning, crimson eyes that were clearly inhuman in their elegance, and the three whisker marks on each of her cheeks. She possessed beautiful golden hair, that cascaded down her shoulders and to her waist in a veritable waterfall of brilliance, and had a pair of solid gold earrings studded in each earlobe. To top this image, she was wearing golden armor that was quite provocative in nature, as if she were saying, 'look upon my splendid body all you want, and know that this is the form of your king'.

This person was Naruko. No last name, for said last name has been renounced. The King of Amegakure and Water Country, and self-proclaimed King that transcends all other Kings.

The reason why she was so pissed? The two insolent mongrels that were attempting to prostrate themselves before her, a blond-haired man with blue eyes that was wearing a white coat, and a red-haired woman. Her 'parents', Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki.

"Your... Your highness! Please forgive us, but, you are still our daughter, Naruko!" Minato choked out. "Please, come home!"

Naruko laughed. "Come home, the mongrel says. Come home?" She took a sip of wine from a nearby golden cup, then crushed said cup in a gauntlet clad fist, sending a starburst of red liquid to the floor.. "This is my kingdom. This is my home, this is where my subjects and treasures lie! You would dare... You would dare ignore this fact!"

"Naruko... We're sorry! Your brother is sorry! Please... Come home! We miss you!" Kushina cried.

The other people in the room sighed.

"Well, fuck." An orange haired man murmured. "I think her highness will be shedding the blood of many fools today."

"No shit." A blue-haired woman with a piercing on her lower lip whimpered. "I've never seen her so angry."

"Mongrels. As if pathetic beings like you could order me around. I will not listen to your inane requests and demands."

"But... But... Naru-"

"You will not speak my name! Fools! I should just kill you here and now, and be done with it!" The beautiful blond-haired girl snarled out these last words, exposing overly large canines, and made as if to grab an invisible blade.

That sent the remaining three people in the room to a frenzy.

"Naruko-sama! Reconsider!" Nagato cried out comically.

"Please! Your highness, the room will..." Yahiko begged, anime style tears dripping from his eyes.

"Your majesty, it would be inconvenient for you to shed the blood of these fools..." Konan spoke timidly.

Minato and Kushina were trembling on the floor. Their daughter was absolutely terrifying!

The red-eyed blond froze for a moment before lowering her hand. "My loyal retainers... Very well then. I shall spare the lives of these miserable mongrels, but that does not mean that I will listen to their inane drivel."

The three black-cloaked figures relaxed when they heard this.

"... However, I do not have anything better to do right now. Very well. Yahiko. Prepare my things, and your team's things. I shall be traveling to that cesspool of scums and villains it seems." She sniffed, almost condescendingly.

"Yes, your highness!" Yahiko bowed and scampered out of the room.

"As for the both of you... You will leave now. You will never set foot in my kingdom again, or I will rend you limb from limb. Do you understand!?" Naruko bellowed.

"Yes... Understood..." Minato croaked.

"Then get out."

With a golden flash of light, the Yondaime Hokage and his wife left.

"Honestly, of all times for those mongrels to show up, they have to do so after I have established my kingdom?" She sighed. "Konan! Nagato!

"Yes, your majesty?"

"Prepare your genin teams. It seems as if I will not be bored for the time being, if these... chunin exams are being held in Konoha."

"At once, Naruko-sama." Konan and Nagato bowed before shunshinning away.

"Hmmph. Those arrogant bags of flesh that are my 'parents' have yet to learn who their betters are it seems. No matter. I will simply have to show the entire world, just who their king is.

A/N:

Yeah. Standard, read, review, and hit that button on the bottom of the screen. Oh, and send me your ideas. Who knows, they may become a reality!

Criticism is appreciated, so long as it's constructive.

Peace out.