Seafood

AN: A character study of autistic!Shin-Ah

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Thanks to a long history of scolding and starving, Shin-Ah has successfully blunted some of the increased sensitivity he has towards certain types of foods. As a child, still under the care of Ao, he had been a lot more resistant as certain textures and flavours enflamed difficult reactions for him for reasons neither he nor Ao understood but nowadays, Shin-Ah could appreciate the softness or hardness of a variety of foods so long as he remained positive. Or at least try to have such a positive outlook.

And, in the face of a strange bowl of seafood and broth, that's exactly what he did. He remained positive even though his stomach wretched and he could faintly taste grotesque bile in the back of his throat. He smiled weakly – for Yona, he told himself.

Her eyes glittered and she spoke animatedly about Yoon's cooking. Shin-Ah listened. He enjoyed her voice and her compassion but that did little to ease the growing distaste for the food he had been presented with.

'Enjoy.' Yona concluded herself with and then handed the bowl over to Shin-Ah.

It warmed his fingertips and his face returned neutral. He hazarded a whiff of the food. It somewhat smelt familiar and in the horrid face of change, that was something that incited much relief in Shin-Ah. Familiarity was his comfort on this journey and adventure full of dire changes. He'd take whatever scraps of it he could find and if the fact this bowl of seafood and broth vaguely smelt like the poultry soups he would cook for himself back in his village, back when Ao was still alive, then so be it. He would enjoy it.

He stared down the squid and fish chunks. He hesitantly put his spoon in the bowl. His hand holding it continued to burn with its warmth but he didn't mind. A small part of him even liked it. He licked his lips. His stomach gurgled. Nothing scared him more than starvation but that being said, the discomfort at the way his food was arranged in this bowl was almost equal. At least that was a solvable problem.

Shin-Ah scooped it around. It looked like he was about to chow down but in actuality, what he was doing was far more precise. Because it was all soggy and in liquid, it was difficult but he managed. Shin-Ah arranged his food so that the larger and more slimy looking pieces of seafood were on the top and the smaller, easier to ignore pieces were on the bottom as some sort of reward for battling through the larger pieces he was uncertain about.

Again, he stared down his bowl. The discomfort over arrangement of foods eased and with that, he was content to be a little more daring now. He licked his lips and he drank a small spoonful of the broth first. It was nice and warm. Easy to swallow which was amazing. Not to mention, Shin-Ah could taste a poultry based - like chicken - flavoured stock in it and that was a great comfort. The smell of it began to overwhelm Shin-Ah but in a good way as it gave him courage to keep eating. Yoon was a fantastic cook as everything he made was so easy on the nose and tongue.

Shin-Ah greedily scooped up a piece of squid. It was… a lot harder to swallow.

He'd never had squid before. Fish was a rarity, on the occasion. It was easier to rear chickens so Shin-Ah prefered chickens. And honestly?

Squid was bad. Not good at all. Horrid, even but Shin-Ah knew it to be close to as a sin to waste food so even though it was horrible, he choked it down.

He ate around the squid. Fish was slightly easier to go down, Shin-Ah soon discovered. The pieces of it were smaller and didn't have to be mashed or prodded with to be made smaller either. Shin-Ah had hoped it would be like chicken. It was not like chicken. Though, its flavour wasn't bad. Almost tasteless in the broth which he could appreciate.

A stray pair of eyes from the pirates were cast towards Shin-Ah and a great discomfort seeped through his bones like a wintry chill. He didn't even need to use the effects of his Dragon Eyes to know. He just knows. He can always tell when someone so much as glances at him without any divine intervention and that's something he'll never get used to as it's so unsettling. It's bad enough when he gets looked at when he does something odd - stays still too long, fidgets too much, and so on and so forth - but it's also horrendous when he's eating. He can't stand it when someone watches him eat. That's why he prefers to eat alone or at least somewhat segregated from the group. Ajar from the rest of Yona and her Dragons, for example.

Shin-Ah's hands twitch and he clamps his eyes shut. No one can tell. The eyes pass; look beyond him and someone calls for their friend to sit over there. It wasn't him, he tells himself, it wasn't him. Shin-Ah can't stand attracting attention but the effect of it – the jolt of accidental terror – doesn't leave. It won't leave for a good long while; at least a few hours, at most until tomorrow. Shin-Ah is actually uncertain on that. It's difficult telling the time from instinct for him. He doesn't have a knack for it like many others he knows or knows of.

There's a pause and Shin-Ah wrongly assumes the worst of it was over. He hears Yona's voice through the din; she points him out. He does her best to tune her out. Ignore her. Even though he'd really rather not but he would also really rather not be looked at eating either.

Fortunately, she removes her hand and she resumes conversation with the rest. Though he doesn't sigh, relief courses through his veins but it does little to combat the increased discomfort. So, to remedy this newfound spark of discomfort, Shin-Ah speeds up how fast he's eating… Even though he knows he was likely to get a stomach ache later but right now, short term comfort was preferred.

Somehow, he gets through the whole bowl because he didn't want to waste food or insult Yoon. He can't stand the idea of accidentally insulting his friends and he generally feels within a whisker of doing it. He can't… communicate with them as clearly as he would like. He wishes he could and they're getting better at reading some of his smaller moods and body languages so he knows they'll get there eventually. Hopes.

He uncrosses his legs and gets up. There's a twinge behind his right knee, pins and needles, but he ignores it. He takes a breath and reconfigures himself in conjunction to his surroundings. He goes to return his bowl to Yoon; perhaps clean up but he honestly doesn't like the look or touch of half-eaten food so he hopes to escape that. He also hopes he can properly convey his enjoyment over the food.

Though Shin-Ah still has mixed feelings over the seafood he had eaten, he can't say that he didn't enjoy it. It was different. Different was usually bad but sometimes, if he gave it a chance, it could be good. Now was one of those times when the distinction was murky. Shin-Ah couldn't decide if he liked the fish and squid. It was too slimy but it was soft. Sometimes it was hard to swallow; other times not so much. But, Ao had taught him many things and one of those things was every experience has the potential to be invaluable. Even the ones he doesn't like.

Would this be one of those times?

Either way, he definitely wanted something to cleanse his palate with. Something… familiar and safe.

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AN: Please notify me if I have portrayed autism insensitively so I may ammend or take down this fic as necessary.