Well hello there! After watching all 99 episodes of OUAT in less than 3 weeks it was only a matter of time before I gave in to the need to write fanfiction about it. After all I am desperately in love with Killian Jones…! So here is my take on things that could've taken place after Neal's death in season 3.

This happens after Killian has been cursed by Zelena just if anyone wonders. Hope you like it!

Sighing, Emma looked to the bottom of her glass. Her eyes were reflected in amber liquid that was swaying there, just like if everything was the same as always, just like it didn't know that this week of all weeks was one of the worse ever. But then of course it didn't know. Maybe that's why it was her fourth glass tonight, maybe she just wanted to forget everything that happened, forget that her heart felt like it had been ripped in two.

She had grieved for her relationship with Neal a long time ago, grieved for the father Henry would never have, grieved for the husband that she knew he would never be. She never thought he would come back, never thought she would see him again, but then life had that way to knock the wind out of you when you least expect it. Emma still remembered how she felt when she came face to face with him in New York, her heart skipping a beat.

After all this time though she knew that they weren't going to go back to how they used to be. Knew well before she told him in the Echo Caves. He broke her heart in tiny little pieces, and she knew that even with all the good will in the world he wouldn't be able to put it back together. No one ever forgot their first love, but she couldn't be with him even if she knew that it would've been the best thing for Henry, for her family.

She raised her glass, taking a sip of the rum before she put it back down on the bar, her eyes lost. Even if she didn't see a future for them as a couple, it still hurt so bad that he was taken from her, taken from his son. At least he died doing the right thing, she kept trying to tell herself, but that was only a small consolation. She still remembered holding him in her arms as his took his last breath, just like she had done with Graham when he did. Everyone that ever got close to her ended up dying.

The small bell on the door rang twice as someone entered the bar, but she didn't bother to look up to see who it was. She didn't want to talk to anyone tonight, didn't want to see anyone, she just wanted to be alone with her pain as she drank herself into oblivion.

When Killian pushed the door of the little bar, he saw her immediately. She was hard to miss, her blond hair standing out in the dark ambiance of the Rabbit hole. He didn't think she would be here, she usually wanted to drink alone, but then again with everyone around at her place it was hard to be alone.

Making his way to the counter, he sat on the seat to her right, but didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He was there for exactly the same reason as she was; he needed to forget everything that happened in the last few days. Killian still couldn't believe that his friend, the guy he had known since he was a kid, was dead.

When the barmaid put his glass of rum in front of him, Hook raised it, clinking hers as she still didn't bothered to look at him.

"To Neal." He simply said, not raising his eyes to meet hers.

He heard her scoff as she raised her glass from the bar, downing half of it, the alcohol burning her throat and warming her insides as she still kept her eyes on her hands.

"You know this thing isn't good for you, love." She heard him say, his tone low and hoarse. Emma could almost feel his eyes burning a hole in her neck. She didn't bothered to look at them, knowing just how his eyes would be and she couldn't handle it right now.

"From the pirate who probably spent a whole century drunk." She replied harshly, finishing the rest of her drink before she motioned the barmaid to pour her another one.

"Because I made the mistake of drinking my life away to forget about losing my first love isn't a reason to do the same, Swan…" He gently told her, his voice dropping to a whisper when he said her last name, wishing she would look at him.

"What are you doing here Hook?" She asked, not bothering to reply to his comment.

He twisted the glass in his hand, the liquid swishing over the sides as he kept his eyes on her. When he didn't reply she finally raised her head, her eyes falling on his. They were cold, so different from what he had been used to expect from her and a shiver ran through him.

"Same as you Swan. Baelfire was my friend, the son of the woman I loved for almost three centuries, his death affects me too." He told her, dropping his eyes to the counter, not able to bear the deep cold in Emma's eyes.

"I thought drinking wasn't a solution." She said on a mocked tone, trying not to think about what his use of the past tense meant when he mentioned Milah.

"Aye. But I've never been good at figuring out the solutions to my problems now have I." He said, his tone almost desperate as he fought a losing battle in his head.

He knew what the solution to this problem was and how he could make it better. More than that, he wanted to soothe her pain more than anything he'd ever wanted to do in his life. Killian would've done anything if it meant that it could make the woman next to him smile again. Because there was no way for him to feel better when he knew how much she hurt.

Oh how he just wanted to take her hand away from the glass, to pull her close to him, wrap her into his arms and hold her tight. He would never let her go, never let anything bad happen to her again. He knew it wouldn't happen though, he was who he was, and he knew a little too well that Emma would never feel the same way for him. He was Captain Hook, he was the villain in this story, and Emma was the hero, and the hero never ended up with the villain. Everyone knew that, hell even he knew it, as much as it broke his heart.

"Well at least with Neal gone you have one less problem to worry about." She said roughly, her tone almost like an accusation.

"What are you talking about?" Killian asked her, not knowing what she was referring too, as his friend's death was definitely not a good thing to happen to him.

"With him gone you have the way clear right? Isn't that what you wanted? Hell I'll be damned if it's not why you're here tonight now isn't it?" She said, her voice so angry that it made him hurt deep inside as he looked at her clueless.

"Don't give me that look Hook." She continued, her eyes rough. "You're glad that Neal's gone because you think you'll get his girl now aren't you?"

It was like a bucket of ice water fell over his head as he finally understood everything that she meant. Seconds flew away as he looked in her eyes, wondering if she really thought what she was saying was true.

"I think you probably had enough of that Swan." He said trying to stay calm as he took away the glass of rum that was still sitting in front of her, half full.

"You can't tell me what to do." She said defiantly, taking the glass from him before emptying it rapidly. "Did you know everything that would happen? Or maybe you're working with her like you were working with Cora now are you?"

This was what did it for him as he got up, his face only a few centimeters from him now as he drew in a shaky breath. He knew she was probably drunker that he first thought, but it still killed him to hear her say those words.

"Are you bloody serious Swan? You can't honestly believe that I would do that?" He all but screamed at her, the bartender turning around just a bit to look at them, wondering if he should do anything.

She didn't reply, holding his defying gaze as silence set down upon them. He was still breathing hard, his eyes just as cold as hers now as she could see the pirate inside of him.

"Neal was my friend. He was the son I never had, and I loved him with all my heart. If you can only think like that just for a second means you're not who I thought you were." He told her, now so close to her that she could smell the alcohol on his breath, knowing that she was way more drunk than he was.

His eyes sank deep into hers and she felt them look right into her soul as he tried to see if she really thought that.

"I didn't come here to court you. Although I did wish I could help you, make the pain a little less hard to bear. I know you feel like you are all alone in this world, but you're not, love." He said, his voice only slightly less harsh.

"And how could you possibly know how I feel?" Emma whispered, her voice almost breaking even if she did everything she could not to let it.

"Because like you said Swan, we understand each other. Or at least I thought we did." He finished roughly, throwing a bill on the counter before he quickly made his way across the bar, not giving her another look.

Killian had only taken a few steps outside when he heard the bell ring behind him, someone walking through the door. He didn't turn to see who it was, but was stopped not a second later as she grabbed his hook in her hand, forcing him to turn to face her.

"You don't get to walk away, we're not done here." She told him, her eyes so full of hurt that the anger in his heart seamed to fade away instantly, leaving only the longing for her and the want to make things right.

"On the contrary, I think we're just as done as it gets." He still said, knowing that he couldn't do anything else.

Emma dropped his hook, looking at him almost desperately and he wondered if she could feel it too. The thickness in the air whenever they were close to one another. This unstoppable force that seemed to pull him to her every time she would look at him with this look, almost ripping his heart in two with the need to feel her close to him. He couldn't do this anymore.

"I told him I would stay out of his way." He whispered, his eyes tearing away from hers to stare at his hook that was glowing in the moonlight.

"What?" She asked him, confused at turn the conversation had taken.

"Baelfire. Neal. I told him I wouldn't get in his way; that I wouldn't fight for you. Emma the only thing I've ever wanted more than to win your heart was for it to be full of love. No matter who it was for." He said no louder than a whisper, and she wondered if she had heard him correctly.

The way he pronounced her name made her shiver as she took in the extent of what he was telling her, the drunken haze in her head confusing her even more.

"This all doesn't matter anymore. I should've stayed in the enchanted forest, kept my Jolly and just forget about all of this. This is what I get for wanting to be a bloody hero." He said angrily before he turned around, setting a fast pace as he walked towards the water hoping that he could just get away from this horrible week.

He could hear Emma following him but he didn't turn to look at her. All of this was just too much for him to take. His heart had already been shattered in tiny pieces when Milah's heart had, he couldn't take Emma stepping on it like she did since they met. Somewhere deep inside though he knew that if he felt like his heart was breaking it was a good sign; it meant he still could feel something. He never thought that it would happen again even if he lived a thousand years.

The second he rested his eyes on the water he could immediately feel himself getting calmer. The sea had always done that to him, for as long as he could remember. He went closer to the edge, breathing in the salty breeze as he closed his eyes.

"I didn't mean that…" He heard her say. She had spoken so softly that he thought it was his imagination. Turning around to look at her, he saw the hurt in her eyes and he knew she was telling the truth.

"I know. Just go away Swan." Killian groaned, turning back to the sea.

"You shouldn't have taken the decision for me. Back then." She began, clearly talking about when he had decided that she would be better off with Neal and that he would stay clear of the way. "I can decide what I want to do with my heart." She continued as he scoffed.

"Yeah, well you wouldn't have chosen me anyway. After all I'm the villain in this story." He said coldly. His eyes were lost at sea, and he didn't see her flinch as he said that she wouldn't choose him.

"Killian…" She breathed, her voice hitching as she said his name. He turned to her instantly, the sound of this name on her lips made his whole being cry out in need for her. How he wish he was good enough to deserve her…

She took a step closer to him, and then another one as he didn't move. He just kept staring at her, his eyes so full of hurt, anger and something else she couldn't put her finger on.

"You're not the villain. I'm sorry, as much as I'm hurting right now I had no right to say those things." She apologized, her eyes were so sincere that he couldn't help but feel his anger fade away.

"It's okay, love. I'm Captain Hook after all." He said, spitting out the name just like if it had been poison.

"You're so much more than that…" She breathed, and he turned away from her, not able to stand it anymore.

His head hanged low as she took another step, coming to stand just beside him. She felt a strange pull towards him, wishing she could somehow undo what she had done tonight.

"Without you I wouldn't be here, Henry wouldn't be here. I can't begin to thank you enough for that, and acting the way I do sometimes isn't right." She told him, so close now that her arm brushed against his, making him turn his head.

They were so close now, their breaths intertwining as none of them spoke, just stared into each other's eyes, feeling this inexplicable attraction again. Killian raised his good hand, stopping just short of her cheek before letting it fall to his side again.

Emma was the one to reach out for him as his hand dropped. She softly brushed against his cheek, hearing his breath hitch in his throat as he closed his eyes. She tilted forward, moving imperceptibly closer to him as he rested his hand over hers. He opened his eyes a few seconds later, looking into hers.

"I'm sorry Emma, I can't." He softly said as he dropped his hand and turned away from her, walking towards the docks at almost a running pace, leaving her breathless by the sea, her fingers still tingling from where he had touched them…

This story will probably have 3 or 4 chapters, but bare with me as I have midterms coming up… I don't know when I'll be able to post the next chapter, but I definitely will!

Also, as you might've realized while reading it, I don't have any beta reader for this since all my usual ones aren't into OUAT! I hope my french self doesn't show too much, and so if there's anyone who wants to help with this piece I'd be forever grateful! Thanks!