Disclaimer¶Emily and Richard, and all other recognizable Gilmore Girls characters belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, and the WB. I use these characters without permission, but am not making any profit from the copyrighted characters. No infringement is intended.

Pursuit of Happiness

It was late afternoon when she pulled into the drive way of her house, utterly exhausted.

A road trip. Why on earth did she agree to that in the first place?
Of course she knew. Rolling her eyes, she slammed the car door closed and pressed the remote for the central locking. After the bleeping sound told her that the car was locked, she walked to the front door without taking her luggage out of the trunk.

Stepping into the foyer she shrugged off her coat. At least that dreadful nurse wasn't around any longer. Walking over to the kitchen in search of the maid, she found her putting away the silver ware, humming to herself. What an annoying habit. "Gloria?"

The stout woman turned towards her boss, her shoulders slightly raised, her eyes momentarily widened in shock. "Mrs. Gilmore...?"

Biting her tongue to keep herself from snapping at the woman, Emily held out the car keys to the dark-haired maid. Did she actually hear a question mark behind her name? This woman irritated her. She had been here for not more than four days and Emily already had a list of reasons to fire her that was longer than her arm. "My luggage is still in the trunk. Go and get it, please."

Gloria took the keys and gave her a strange look for a second.

Emily could almost see the penny drop, so slow were her trail of thoughts.

Curtseying, the maid left the room to do as she was told.

Emily shook her head and took a deep breath. She needed a drink. Stepping out of the kitchen, she revised the thought; she needed a shower and a drink. And where the hell was her husband?

The question answered itself a few seconds later when she walked into the bedroom. There he was, in his track suit, watching yet another silly, recorded golf tournament.

Richard didn't look up when he heard the door opening but watched his wife out of the corner of his eye as she walked over to the dressing room without greeting him.

Finally turning his head, he saw her crossing towards the bathroom and heard as she closed the door behind her. He furrowed his brow.

They had had a fight before she left and it had been his fault. It hadn't been so much of a fight, though. He had tried to get her to fight with him, feeling that she needed to get her anger over the situation out of her system but she hadn't let her temper get the better of her.

He remembered the fire in her eyes, the way her jaw muscles clenched, and how her body shook slightly while she tried to keep her emotions under control. How he wished things would get back to normal. He didn't want to be treated like this. Not by her.
A lot of tension had built up between them since his heart attack. Not only because she didn't want to fight with him, but because their whole relationship seemed to have changed. She didn't touch him anymore. She tried to stay away from him, physically and emotionally. It irritated him. Not only that. It was frustrating.

When she had told him she would go on a road trip with the girls, he had gotten mad at her, accusing her of talking their daughter into letting her come along and asking her how on earth she could leave him alone. And she had stayed quiet. It was one of the very few times they had actually gone to bed angry with each other and stayed that way.

The next morning she was already gone when he woke up. She had laid out what she had called 'decent clothes' for him and just left without saying goodbye.

That had been the moment he had realized how deeply his heart attack had hit her; the first time he had sat down and tried to see her side of it. Before that, he had looked at the changes in her behavior as insults. He had felt as if she would look at him differently. And in a way she had. What had happened had changed her.
He had cursed himself for not seeing how much it had.

Of course he was the one who had faced death, but she had faced something almost as frightening – the loss of a loved one. The loss of him. Her husband, her friend, one of the last people she could be herself with, and with whom she could let her guard completely down. Looking at it from that angle, it suddenly had made perfect sense: Becoming obsessed with healthy food, biting her tongue instead of lashing out, keeping her distance, trying to appear emotionally unattached. Richard had remembered the last time she had behaved this way towards him; towards everybody. It had been when her only child had broken her heart.

And it had taken him a lot of time and patience to get her, at least partially, out of it. Taking a deep breath, he had prayed that history wouldn't repeat itself this time.

Looking towards the open dressing room door, he smiled. She had called him late last night, telling him about her day and the wedding, making snide remarks about the house and the ceremony and all the things she had not liked. In all her bragging, she had not made any negative comments about this Mia woman though. Of course he hadn't dared to ask her, but it hadn't passed unnoticed.

She hadn't said she was sorry and neither had he, but he knew that something must have calmed her enough to get her to call him the way she usually did when he was away on business. It had been wonderful to hear her voice. It wasn't so much about the gist of their talk but about the gesture, the meaning behind it.

The only thing he regretted was that he hadn't held himself back from telling her he loved her on the phone. She hadn't responded to it and it had gotten him angry enough again to make sure he'd be wearing his leisure suit when she got back home, just to annoy her. Now he wished he hadn't.

She had looked so tired when she walked to the bathroom. Of course she had displayed the perfect composure she always did. Her head held high, her face unreadable, every movement as graceful as a queen's; but he had seen the slight slump of her shoulders, the rigidness in her back. She was tired and worn out.

If he had been able to get a better look at her face, he would have been able to figure out whether or not she'd be okay with him following her. But since he hadn't, he had decided to just stay in bed and watch the tournament until she came back to the room.

Part of him hoped that she would be too tired to keep her distance. It was the times when she didn't have the strength to keep the walls around her heart up that they made progress.

~*~

Emily folded her skirt and blouse neatly, placing both on the toilet lid. She rolled down her nylons, folded them as well and placed them on top of her blouse before she took off her watch and carefully put it aside, trying to concentrate on this simple task as much as she could to keep her thoughts off other things.

Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly while she unhooked her bra, letting it fall on top of the pile of clothes. She stepped out of her panties, threw them in the direction of the other clothes, and closed the door to the shower stall behind her.

The warm water ran down her back, soothing her sore muscles. Driving a Jag had its benefits. She was sure that she would have felt even worse if it hadn't been for the high quality seat of her car. Still, she was definitely too old to keep on driving for so many hours without a break.

Lorelai had told her several times that she would gladly take over but Emily hadn't let her, fearing her daughter would break the speed limit or something worse. She had stayed quiet for the better part of the journey home. All three of them had. It had been a rather emotional three days and in a way she was glad that she was back home.

Seeing her girls interact with this woman had hurt her more than she would ever admit. Strangely enough, she had felt gratefulness as well. Lorelai and Rory had been taken care of and she couldn't help but be thankful for that fact, even though it tore her heart in two to know that they had found a replacement for her.

Tears burned behind her eyes and she bit her lip, turning to let the water hit her forehead and run down her face. She hadn't been replaced. She couldn't think of it that way. Mia had shown her that she had never intended to take her place.

Turning, she grabbed the shower gel and began washing the grime of the road off her body, shoving the past aside again and locking it away in the dark corner of her mind the way she was used to by now.

She let her head fall backwards and closed her eyes as the water sprayed against her forehead. Blindly reaching for the shampoo, she followed the routine of washing her hair automatically; her thoughts returning to the pleasant evening she had spent yesterday.

They had remained sitting on the edge of the bed for a while until Rory turned around and crawled up on the bed, sitting against the headboard. …

~*~*~*~

… Lorelai looked after her, then towards Emily, and back at her daughter again before she slipped out of her shoes and joined her child.

Rory locked gazes with her mother, nodding her head in her grandma's direction, silently telling Lorelai to do something. Rolling her eyes, Lorelai looked at her mother's back, trying to think of a way to begin. "Hey, Mom," she finally said, waiting for her mother to turn her head.

Looking over her shoulder, Emily raised her eyebrows, "Yes?"

Her daughter shot her a lop-sided grin, "You're blocking my view."

She turned her head towards the screen again, feeling offended by what her daughter had said. Suddenly standing up, she grabbed her purse and turned towards the two women on the bed. "Well, I didn't want to disturb you." She raised her eyebrows and motioned towards the door, "I'd better be going. It's late and we have an exhausting day ahead of us."

Rory quickly moved off the bed to stand in front of her grandma. "Oh, please don't leave." She looked back at her mother, hoping she would say something. When she kept quiet, Rory dropped her gaze to the candy strewn on the bed, "You haven't eaten your Little Debbie yet." Putting a hand on her grandmother's back, she maneuvered her towards the bed. "You can't possibly leave us alone with this much food. We'd never be able to eat it all."

It was grabbing at straws, but Rory knew that her grandma didn't really want to leave, so she hoped it would work.

Sitting down on the side of the bed, Emily looked at her granddaughter as she sat down beside her.

"And besides, we're in the middle of the movie," she heard her daughter say from the other side of the bed, and turned to look at her.

"So, if you two could please be quiet now, I don't want to miss the best parts because of you." Lorelai glanced at her daughter, who smiled gratefully at her, then concentrated on the action on screen again. Seeing her mother shrugging her slim shoulders out of the corner of her eye, she moved a bit to the side so all three of them could sit next to each other.

Emily smiled, "Oh well, if you insist." But she didn't move.

"Great," Rory chirped. "Could you please move a little so I can sit next to you again?"

Emily looked towards where her daughter was sitting, her upper body propped up by the pillow behind her, her head leaning against the headboard. Looking back at her granddaughter, she caught her pleading gaze and gave in. Without another word she slipped out of her shoes and gracefully slid up the bed to take the place next to her daughter.

It felt a bit strange to sit between them like this. She tried hard not to let her body touch Lorelai's; a little uncertain about how she might react.

Rory sat down next to her grandma, happy that she had agreed to stay with them. She didn't want her to leave, especially not now that her mother and she seemed to get along so well. Kneeling on the bed, she collected the candy off the comforter, and then lay back, stretching her legs out in front of her.

She looked at the two pairs of legs next to hers, grinning when she saw that all three women were sitting in a similar position. Their ankles were crossed, one on top of the other and their hands folded in their laps. Offering a Twinkie to her Grandma, she suppressed a giggle when she saw her take it and absently pass it on to her daughter without taking her eyes off the screen. It was nice sitting here like this.

Emily kept staring at the screen. The movie was nice and she was even glad when the girls kept teasing her about liking Will Smith, making snide remarks whenever he was in the picture. She enjoyed watching a movie with them. It might not have been her favorite location for this to happen, but it felt nice to just be with them. Without fighting, without awkward silence, just watching a movie and enjoying each other's company.

She glanced at her daughter from time to time, trying to find out if she was okay with being in this situation. Emily began to relax more and more while they kept on making comments about the storyline and the acting, letting herself enjoy the story.

About half way through the film, she saw Rory stifling the first yawn, smiling at her granddaughter as she gave her an apologetic look. Not fifteen minutes later, she suddenly felt the girl's head hit her shoulder. Taken aback by the sudden physical contact, her back went rigid and she looked down at her granddaughter's face, trying to see if she still had her eyes open. Feeling her daughter's eyes on her, she looked in her direction.

"Let her sleep, Mom." Lorelai smiled mildly. "She had a hard day."

Nodding lightly, Emily brought her attention back to the movie, trying to suppress the urge to rest her cheek against the girl's hair.

Lorelai had a hard time keeping her eyes open; she wouldn't dare fall asleep with her mother sitting right next to her. Watching her from the corner of her eye, she kept wondering for how long this peace between them would last this time. Part of her mind desperately cried for this woman's attention while another part of her constantly reminded her of all the things that stood between them. Glancing towards where her daughter was snuggled up against her Grandma's side, she felt a bolt of envy, quickly shaking it off.

Looking at the screen without really seeing the movie, she created what-if scenarios in her head.

What if she'd just do what Rory had done? Would her mother shrink back if she dared to put her head on her shoulder? But why should she? If she put her head on her shoulder ... was that admitting that she needed her? She had never wanted to need her. Never let her mind wander down that lane far enough to actually follow through on it. In a way she was sure it would feel nice to be close to this woman. It wasn't that she hated her; she loved her more than she wanted to admit, even to herself. The things Mia had said returned to her little by little. Why would she have asked for pictures? Her mother was a very proud woman and going to Mia sounded so unlike her.

Looking over at her daughter once more, Lorelai felt a pang of sadness. This might be one of the last times in a very long while that she could spend some quality time with Rory. Focusing her gaze on her mother's profile, the sadness turned to anger. Why did she have to butt in?

Lorelai's breath caught in her throat. Were there tears in her mother's eyes? She looked back at the screen, remembering the last time she had watched the movie. It was a particularly sad moment. Gazing back at her mother she wondered if she'd really see her cry. It felt strange to see her like this; emotional. Her mother was never emotional. And to cry for a fictional character? In a movie? No, she would never let herself go this much.

Nevertheless, Lorelai sat up, reaching for her purse.

"What are you doing?" Emily watched as her daughter stretched out her arm, blinking a few times to get rid of the tears that had started forming.

"Just getting something." She fetched her purse and roamed through it, smiling in triumph after a few seconds she held out a box of tissues to her mother.

"Now why would I need those?"

Rolling her eyes, Lorelai mentally scolded herself for even thinking that her mother would let her see her tears. She clenched her teeth for a second, resuming her position on the bed. She didn't want to fight. Not right now.

Swallowing the swelling anger, she faked a smile, "Well, I think you have something in your eye."

Emily furrowed her brow, angry with herself. Her daughter must have seen the glossiness in her eyes. Seeing that the smile she gave her didn't reach her eyes, Emily suddenly felt a little afraid. They had gotten along so well in the past few hours. She didn't want it to end in a fight again. Deciding to hold her tongue this time, she prayed that her temper wouldn't get the better of her. Holding out her hand, she was glad when her daughter gave her the tissue box without another snide remark.

They watched the rest of the movie in silence, Rory's head still laying against Emily's shoulder, the two older women sitting next to each other, trying hard to keep themselves from doing or saying anything that could offend the other. It was hard at the beginning but while they let their minds be kept busy by the movie, the nagging voices inside their heads became quieter. The tension in the air left and after a while, they were both lost in the movie once again.

Hearing a small sniffing sound, Emily turned her head towards her daughter, smiling when she saw her holding back some tears. To her own surprise, she felt a single tear slide down her own cheek and quickly moved her hand up to brush it away.

The movement made Lorelai look into the direction of her mother and she suddenly had to giggle, her smile causing some tears to spill over. She had almost had forgotten that she was sitting next to her mother.

Feeling herself blushing, Emily looked down at where she was still holding the tissues and opened the box, holding it out to her daughter without a word.

~*~*~*~

She had left soon after the movie ended and drove back to the Spa to get a good night's sleep.

Somewhere along the way she had started wondering what her husband would be doing in this moment and found herself dialing his number before she even looked at the clock.

He had sounded tired but happy to hear from her and she had told him about the day, the wedding, the movie and everything else that came to mind, just happy to hear his voice. It had been her way of showing him that she was sorry about leaving the way she had. The only thing she regretted after hanging up was that she hadn't told him she loved him too when he said 'I love you.' The thought had stayed with her all night, not letting her find the rest she would have needed to get through the drive back home without starting an argument with her daughter.

The wonderful moment they had shared just a day before was gone from her mind as she got more and more annoyed by her constant muttering about anything and everything.

Thinking about it now, she cursed herself for not just acting on impulse and calling Richard again to tell him that night. She had laid in the queen size bed, starring up at the ceiling, wondering if it would have an effect on anything.

Turning off the water, she toweled herself off and combed her hair. When her eyes drifted across her mirror image, she shook her head. It was clearly visible that she hadn't gotten enough sleep. For a moment she was tempted to put on some make-up to cover the dark circles under her eyes, but decided against it. Gazing at the watch that lay on top of her discarded clothes, she sighed. It was nowhere near her usual bed-time but she was tired. What would Richard think if she'd just crawl into bed and sleep? She couldn't do that. It would look awkward to him and she wouldn't hear the end of it. Or would he understand?

While she put on some lotion, Emily thought back to their phone call. He must know that she was tired. The time she had called him, the events of the days she had described, and of course he knew her well enough to figure out that she had been in a bad mood when she came into the room.

Massaging her neck, she closed her eyes. Her husband was capable of putting two and two together. He might have had a heart attack but his brain was fine. Of course he knew that she was tired, how couldn't he? But would he tease her about it? He was a wonderful man, but his sense of humor was annoying to her at times. This could easily be turned into one of those times and she didn't really want to deal with any of this now. All she wanted was to sleep. She was sure that she would be asleep the second her head hit the pillow; if he let her sleep.

Taking a deep breath, she put on her robe, noticing that she had forgotten to take any new clothes to change into with her. Shrugging her shoulders to herself, she tightened the belt. Why bother? If he was walking around in a leisure suit all day, why shouldn't she wear nothing but a robe? That way they made a lovely couple.

Smiling at her own thoughts, she had to giggle, making a mental note to use this as an answer if he'd ask. She didn't want to fight.

Emily brushed her teeth, wondering what her husband was doing at the moment. Maybe she was lucky and he had fallen asleep by the time she got back to the bedroom. She shook her head and gazed into her own eyes. That wouldn't happen. Or would it? He hadn't been the same ever since he had been in hospital. Rinsing her mouth, she put the toothbrush away. She would find out in a moment. The only thing she knew was that she was glad that she was back home with him and she would show him that.

He heard her opening the bathroom door and emerging from the dressing room seconds later, switching off the light. Meeting her gaze, he smiled, hoping she would not go downstairs for dinner. Richard looked at the clock on his night stand. It wasn't dinner time yet. Looking back at her, he smiled, a bit amused by her appearance. Wearing a robe in the afternoon? Now that didn't look like her at all. She would probably walk back into the dressing room and get new clothes. That was the only thing he could imagine. Still, it was odd for her to forget taking something new to wear with her to the bathroom in the first place.

He watched as she walked towards the bed and cocked his head to the side, furrowing his brow. What on earth was she up to? Getting a closer, look he felt sorry for wanting to annoy her. She really looked tired. To his further surprise, she crawled onto the bed and laid down next to him.

Snuggling against her husband, she looked at the screen, "What are we watching?"

It was strange for her to behave like this. He wondered what got her into this mood but didn't say anything about it. Instead, he just answered, "The Labatt's International Golf Classic 1980." Richard put his arm around her, a bit confused that she was so calm. He was glad to have her back, even if he still wasn't sure why she was behaving this way. He made a mental note to ask her about it later. For now, he just wanted to enjoy her closeness.

She tried to stifle a yawn. "Who's winning?"

"Arnold Palmer." He looked at her when she turned her head to give him a questioning look. "The guy in the blue shirt." He grinned, watching a smile spread across her lovely face before she laid her head back down against his shoulder.

"Thank you," she mumbled, closing her eyes.

Brushing his cheek over her forehead, he pressed a tender kiss to her hairline. "Did you have a good time?"

She hugged him closer, "I missed you."

Richard chuckled lowly, rubbing her arm. Extracting himself from her, he stood up and walked over to the video system.

She furrowed her brow, "What are you doing?"

Not answering her, he exchanged tapes and walked back to the bed, lying down again. He waited for her to resume her position in his arms, and then kissed her brow again. "I taped something for you yesterday."

Emily lifted her head, giving him a questioning look, "Oh?"

Smiling at her, he nodded and took the remote control from where it had been lying on his night stand.

Watching him search for the 'play' button, she nestled back against him, looking at the screen. A few moments later the tape started and she smiled. "The Pursuit of Happyness?"

He heard the smile in her voice and grinned. "Well, I know you have a thing for Will Smith."

Lifting herself up, she playfully slapped his chest. "Oh, you."

Richard pushed himself up into a sitting position and put his arm around her, glad when she settled back against him without another word. He didn't know what had happened on the road trip, but she seemed more relaxed now.

Emily placed her hand over his heart, slowly rubbing his chest before tucking it under her cheek to get a better viewing angle. "Are you sure you want to watch this with me?"

He raised his eyebrows, "Why?"

Moving her head, she looked up at him from under her lashes, "I might start crying."

Richard smiled down at her, "I will comfort you."

She brushed her hand across his chest, burying her face in the nape of his neck as she hugged him close. This wasn't just about the movie, it was about them. She didn't know what had caused the change in his behavior but she was glad about it. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed hard, trying to get the lump out of her throat. She felt him turning a little, sneaking both arms around her, holding her close. It was going to get better. In this moment, she just knew.

"I love you, Richard," Emily whispered, feeling him tightening his embrace even more before he kissed the side of her head.

"Shall we watch the movie now?"

She looked up at him and smiled, a wave of happiness washing over her as their eyes met. Nodding, she placed her head on his shoulder again, looking at the screen.

"Want me to rewind it?" He felt her shaking her head.

"Let's just see what will happen next."

Richard smiled. Furrowing his brow, he placed his cheek against her head. "Do you know why they misspelled "happiness"?"

Smiling against his chest, she remembered the night before and what her daughter had told her when they had shared one of their rare moments of peace, "Well, we'll find out."

Author's note: Thanks for betaing, sweet Sweetie - so sad that you're too busy to chat these days. Well, I guess I don't really have to ask you for reviews ... people tend to read, smile and close the window, but there's actually this little button right there that says something like 'leave review' or something like that and if you'd do that I'd really appreciate it. Back to my own busy life now. Oh, and thanks to the VTs for actually reading these. I'm glad to have you girls!