This story is dedicated to, Morgana-White, my first Snarry fic reviewer. Thank you for giving me suggestions for this story *hugs* I'm using the idea from your review ch. 19-20 for this one, instead of that one. *grins* I hope you're going to enjoy this one too. ^_^

Author Note: I'm using medical title from U.K. so to avoid confusion, please read this before reading the story below.

- House Officer (or Medical Intern in U.S.) was the only job open to medical graduates in the United Kingdom who had just passed their final examinations at medical school and had received their medical degrees.

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Chapter 1

Harry's POV

Harry Potter, the trauma surgeon of Accident and Emergency department of St. Mungo hospital, felt like he was much older than his actual age. He was now standing alone on the hospital roof – away from the house officers that he needed to supervise and he finally let the stress that had been burdening him since last night show on his face. Sighing softly, he leaned against the wall and rummaged through his pocket for a cigarette then put one between his lips and lightened it up. He inhaled on the cigarette deeply, looking bitterly at his patient's medical chart, or more accurately his dead patient's medical chart. Another life was lost and there was nothing he could do to change it.

Six hours ago, there was a traffic accident. A man was driving a mini cooper under the influence of alcohol. The car veered onto the pavement, colliding with pedestrians and crashing into a telephone pole. The drunk driver died instantly while many of the pedestrians were heavily injured. The paramedics on scene referred the injured people to St. Mungo's, because it was the nearest hospital to the accident site.

It had been a very busy night, even the junior house officers who usually only followed the senior doctors around to observe and learn had to help tend to the emergency patients. Among the injured, there was a mother and a daughter. The mother had a severe epidural hematoma and had to get immediate surgery. Because of the shortage of Neurosurgeons – too many patients at one time – he had to help the surgery as first assistant.

So he put his trust in his house officer, Colin Creevey, to tend to the daughter. Never had he expected that the younger intern would let the girl die. It would seem that there was unexpected bleeding and it was far from Creevey's experience and skill to fix that kind of wound. But the younger house officer had become too arrogant and refused to ask for any help, even though the nurse had advised him to do it. By the time any senior doctor managed to come, she had died from blood loss.

That little piece of shit ought not to be a doctor! What kind of doctor would just let their patient die because of their foolish pride and ego? He thought as he gnashed his teeth together in silent anger. Though, said a voice in his head that eerily sounded like his former mentor, it was still your own fault, Potter! If you didn't coddle Creevey that girl could have still been alive!

"Fuck!" he cursed loudly as he kicked the wall.

It was the painful truth and would always be blatant proof of his failure, his personal nightmare for the rest of his life. He knew deep inside that he wasn't cut out to be a mentor. Unlike his former mentors, he wasn't stern enough. He couldn't inspire fear or obedience. He should be banned forever from supervising anyone. After all, it was his decision that had cost a young girl's life and any future she might have had. No matter how occupied he was at that moment, he shouldn't have entrusted it all to Creevey.

The guilt was eating him up inside. Rather than being afraid of getting accused of malpractice, he was more distressed about how he should inform the girl's mother about what had occurred when she gained consciousness, without breaking her heart. He knew first-hand how hard it was to lose your loved one. His own parents died in a car crash while he had miraculously survived. His mother sacrificed her life, shielding him with her own body. Even now, his heart still clenched in pain whenever he remembered his parents.

He took in another deep breath from the cigarette as he waited impatiently for the nicotine to flow within his blood and calm his nerves.

There was no point agonizing over it. Anytime now there could be another patient being brought in and he would need all of his wits with him if he didn't wish to make more fatal mistakes.

"I thought you had stopped smoking that cancer stick, Potter," said someone with a deep velvet voice.

Harry frowned when he recognized owner of that voice. He had chosen the place specifically to avoid conversing with anyone, especially the particular man who was now standing a few feet away from him. He straightened his back stiffly, reluctantly facing the man who had once been his mentor and also his ex-lover.

"I don't think my habit is any of your business, Doctor," Harry said in a sarcastic tone.

You have lost any right to complain about it when you left me for that woman, he thought angrily as he stubbed out the remains of the cigarette in his portable ashtray. He started walking to the exit door, hoping to avoid any further conversation. He could no longer seek his peace here. I'd better leave before I completely lose it and punch him in the face, he thought.

"Potter," called his ex-lover.

"It's Doctor Potter to you," snapped Harry, no longer caring whether his employer would fire him for his cheek or not.

He felt sick pleasure as he watched the other man struggle to control his anger at his disrespectful behavior. Well, fuck it all, it wasn't like there was no other hospital which would welcome him if he was fired. London being one of the most populated cities in the world meant that the A&E department was always bustling with people. Severus Snape might not want him in his bed anymore but the older man still needed his skill for A&E department in this hospital.

Snape gave him his coldest glare. "Then make sure… you attend the meeting this afternoon, Doctor Potter," he said and then turned on his heel, striding towards the door.

Once Snape was out of sight, Harry slumped onto the nearest bench with balled fists. God, he cursed the day he met Severus Snape. Now he hated the man just as much as he had loved him before. The only thing that stopped him from quitting his job at St. Mungo's Hospital was purely foolish pride. He wanted to show the older man that he didn't mean a thing to him anymore.

Yeah, look at yourself, you're not doing a good job at it! You're still mooning over Snape like an idiot! He grumbled quietly, feeling angry and disappointed with himself. He should have listened to Sirius – his godfather's countless warnings. Snape just wanted revenge, because his mother had ditched him at the altar to run off and marry James Potter instead. He was being punished for his dead parents' mistake.

Snape has never loved me, he thought as a single, hot and angry tear ran down his cheek. He roughly wiped it away. Three months had passed since the dreaded event when he had found that woman on their bed. The pain and anger still hadn't lessened their grip on him. He should have stopped being a stubborn fool and moved on like Ron and Hermione had advised him to, but he still couldn't do it.

He tilted his head to the side and stared blankly at the morning sky, childishly wishing to melt into nothingness.

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Severus's POV

Severus strode through the corridor with a thunderous expression on his face. He was fully aware of the nurses and patients now scurrying off and leaving his path clear like when Moses parted the red sea.

"Blasted brat!" he muttered under his breath.

He might have said so, but who he resented more than anyone was himself. He knew he didn't have to find Potter to convey the message. He could have left the message with one of the nurses and spared himself the trouble but, no, he just had to be a masochist and do it himself.

Maybe he just didn't want to admit that he was worried about the younger doctor and was just using the message as a reason to check up on him. Since he heard the news about what that stupid Creevey had done, he kept on pacing around his office restlessly, because he knew very well that it would deeply hurt Potter - the younger doctor was a compassionate man with a savior tendency.

It was still fresh in his memories even though five years had passed. After all it was the beginning of everything.

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"No, one more time!" shouted Potter.

"Doc…" said the nurse softly. "She's gone."

"No! We can still save her!" Potter said desperately, wrenching the defibrillator from the nurse's hands.

"Potter, stop!" said Severus sternly, grabbing his arms tightly and then repeating, "Stop, there is nothing you can do for her now. She is dead."

Potter inhaled sharply as if trying to prevent himself from hyperventilating, with a shocked expression on his face as he began to comprehend the situation. Aware that Potter might break down anytime now, he quietly motioned the nurse to take the defibrillator from Potter's hands and then dragged Potter away from his dead patient.

"Potter… It's over…" he said softly as soon as they reached his office and the doors closed behind them.

Potter stared blankly at him for a long moment and then let out a choked sob. There was so much pain in those green eyes that compelled him to pull Potter into his arms.

"Shh… Let it out," Severus whispered, wrapping his arms around Potter's shoulder. "Just let it out."

The emotional dam finally shattered and hot tears came rushing out of Potter's eyes. The younger man sobbed out his grief, his frustration, his inability to save his patients while Severus rubbed his back soothingly.

"Oh God… I could have saved her…" Potter hiccupped brokenly. "God, I killed her and her unborn child."

He lifted Potter's face till those bright green eyes were meeting his own onyx ones.

"Potter, listen to me," he said firmly. "You've done your best. There was nothing you could do to save her."

Potter shook his head, looking at him with unconvinced gaze and choked out, "But… if I…"

"Then let me ask you, are you somehow the one who made the truck collide with the bus?" asked Severus.

"Of course not…" Potter whispered weakly. "I—I wouldn't even wish for it to happen."

"You cannot save everyone, you're only human," said Severus in a stern, but calm and soothing tone. "And as humans, there are certain limits for us. It is enough that you've done as much as you could."

Those green eyes were still blurred by tears. "It's just… I wish I could have saved her… I wish I could save… them."

"So do I," admitted Snape softly and quietly as he pulled the younger man into his embrace again. "So do I…"

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What happened in the past remained in the past. So what was he still expecting? For Potter to cry in his arms again? When it was him who had selfishly let him go?

Potter had changed and so did he. The brat wouldn't break that easily anymore. Just look at what media called him nowadays. The Chosen One, The Saviour. The Accident & Emergency Doctor with the lowest death rate in Britain.

See… He doesn't need you any longer, the thought taunted him when he was confronted by Potter's insolent attitude. While you – like a bloody fool – still yearn for his love.

But he would kill himself before he would ever say it out loud. Potter had wormed his way into his heart or more accurately, cornered him. It was like Potter was hunting him down till he was trapped and couldn't escape anymore. However, he soon learned that being captured was happiness itself. Rather than being restrained, it felt like he was cocooned by warm love.

The last two years were definitely the happiest years in his life. When Potter was around, it was easy to forget the bitterness that had always surrounded him since he was spurned by Lily Evans, a fiancée who he had come to love deeply despite the fact that the marriage was arranged by his grandfather.

There was no place for hatred. All that was left was only love for the green-eyed young man. It would only take one kiss, one smile and then he would gladly cut his heart open for him. Back then he was no cold hearted surgeon, only a fool in love.

Yes, he had loved Harry Potter and would always, as long as his heart was still beating. Yet he had ruined what they had together with his own hands.

End of Chapter 1

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First and foremost thanks to my wonderful Beta, YumeNoTsuzuki, for doing a great job! I really don't know what I should do without you! *hugs* And another thanks to all readers for reading this story. I really hope you like it enough to read the next chapter. Any review will be welcomed (very) warmly ^_^