Because someone couldn't make proper ero stories.
"I didn't come here to watch you eat." I knew. I knew that very well. I knew it that before I called you. I said I didn't feel safe at home alone. However, I knew saying that would lead to this.
"Yeah, I know." I heard stories. Phrase that summed up their indescribable emotions. There's no other place as comfortable as when you're with the person you love. You feel like you're soaring in the sky. Your mind turns blank. All of these are true. At least for me.
It all began with a slight dip in his eyes. I didn't ask nor needed to. We both agreed that if this moment came, we would accept it. That we would be willing to drown ourselves together in what seemed to be a moment of pure bliss. Stories never fully described what I would feel, though. My heart swelled so much that I thought it would burst and yet, felt it implode on itself. My body rose in small steady waves at each touch of his fingers. They said my mind would panic, and yet, I remained stable on my feet. All my thoughts quieted to a mumble and my mind focused on the sight in front of me.
"You sure?" I nodded and touched his face. His expression remained serious and his cheeks felt a tad warm. He held my hand on his cheek, as if to imprint my touch on him. Without saying a word, I asked as well. He nodded in return.
We slowly decreased the distance between us with steady feet without breaking hand contact. I looked up to him and he lowered his arms to my waist. With little effort, he cradled me within his arms as I nervously closed the gap between our lips. My hands fell from his face and intertwined with his fingers, steadying my shivers and his. With each chaste kiss, I could slowly feel the tension fade. I could not say if he felt ready, but he reached out to me. I could only hope that he truly wished to feel this with me.
Ah. That feeling. The slow filling sensation that blurs away the surroundings. I felt it once before. With my first kiss. No words were ever said. Our silent eyes spoke louder than the noisiest of nightmares. My mind filled with colors and beautiful sounds that can never be described. The softness of his lemony lips slowly took away any sense of time around us. Like then, all the outside sounds faded. Not even the heater, which has prevented me from sleeping for many nights, came into my ears.
Suddenly, a new sensation came; his tongue touched me within my mouth, blurring more lines. I couldn't resist nor wished to. He entrusted me with his insecurity and I trusted him with mine. I responded with as much strength and before I knew it, it wasn't enough anymore. When did I want so much? When was it that I became so selfish?
Let me feel you… Our hands broke away and began cradling each other's cheeks. We couldn't bear to feel any distance between each other. I couldn't. Without breaking apart ours lips, we stroked every part of each other's bodies. It was as if we were creating an image in each other's minds. Each touch however, made it more maddening. Within each other's eyes, we saw ourselves drowning away from the cruel world. As if to hide from reality, our glazed eyes only saw one another and our ears shut away the darkening sounds of the world.
He easily picked me up into his arms and I slightly made a sound in reaction. A small chuckle left his lips as he carried me to the bed. When he set me down, I saw his eyes flowing with passion. He moved me below him and tasted my ear with his tongue. My voice crawled out from my throat and through my hands that caressed his skin under his clothes. So much bliss in a single consuming feeling. I licked his neck and left fires in both our hearts. With each movement, our breaths became more ragged. Even in the dark, heat emanated, creating a blazing red on our faces and bodies. Everywhere began to blur. His hands strayed below between my legs.
I could feel his hands steadily move towards the source of my fluids. I lost my sanity in such a simple moment. Any restraint I had melted away the moment he touched me there. My legs went limp and my arms wrapped around his neck which only brought him closer. Just like that, I cried out. He retracted his hand a little only for me to reach out mine towards his bulging member. Whether it was instinct or boldness, I gently stroked him and his voice came out, almost as if he felt pain. As if to mirror him, I pulled back, only for him to grab my hand. He moved it back to where it was. He hesitantly moved his towards my flooding opening and I nodded.
Our bodies burned each other and yet, we could not break away from it. It burned from within and before I could say anything, it consumed any reasoning within me. I felt his heart beat so loudly and passionately, like mine. I couldn't say for sure how long it was, but I searched every crack and canvased his body like a painting. A beautiful painting with multiple colors and with heat emanating from every place that could be touched.
We continued together as our hands played with the other's sensitive spot. Every move he made lead to me moving. Every stroke from his fingers lead to a stroke from mine. Sooner than later, our bodies grew wet from each other's sweat. The heat, instead of escaping to our surroundings, seeped into each other. I felt so hot and yet needed more. It almost made me black out.
Then, his fingers explored within me, in a place I never touched. It felt like a whole world bloomed within and collapsed in an instant. Again and again. Such a wondrous and consuming feeling. I never felt such feelings before. It began to dawn to me that with such bliss, how could it become even more blissful? Would the world ever feel quite as right anymore? I stopped caring. Every ounce of desire in me poured out and our movement sped up, as if our hearts made our hands move in synchronous beat.
He moved out of my grasp and sped up his attack within me. My breath coming out in droves of unsteady gasps. Moans followed and I felt myself drowning again in a sea of bliss. Any sound coming from me easily revealed a sense of impatience. With his mouth, he attacked my chest and devoured each of my peaks with greed. I held onto him with my arms and whispered in his ears his name. With every time I called out his name, I felt him lose more control. His fingers, no longer rhythmic, moved in a chaotic manner within me. His tongue lapped all over my chest, savoring its taste.
He moved his face down and licked me within. I gasped at the feeling, but couldn't find any desire for him to stop. It was just as chaotic and devilish as the feeling of his hands, but it also was slower, wetter. I could not find the words to describe how wonderful it felt. Eventually, we couldn't bear it. He lifted his face to mine with desperate eyes.
"Can I?" I knew what he asked for and I nodded.
He moved his member towards my opening and with his hand, steadily guided it in, only to slip out. After a few tries and under my hand's guidance, he move it in. All at once, a sensation of fullness that I could not describe. It was truly a painful, yet sinfully pleasurable feeling. Easily, it became clear. I felt complete. I never realized how empty I truly was until he came inside me. All of the sudden, I felt all of my body sing with joy and desire as well as it cry out in shock from pain.
"You okay?" More than I ever was. I nodded. His eyes looked over me with worry.
My hand steadily reaches up to his neck and dragged his body down on top of me. Pain can be handled, but loneliness is insatiable. To feel the weight of him on me eased any uncertainty within my heart. He took this as a gesture to continue and slowly moved, watching my every expression for any pain. With each thrust, the movement of his body caressed mine with waves of other feelings. Even my heart felt the waves sway its beat. Seeing my face show signs of pleasure, he sped up his attack.
I don't know when I came on top, but I could see with my hands just how lost he was within me. With my eyes, I saw even clearer. His eyes half open with his ears red at the end tips. His breath on my fingertips and slightly shivering of his clenched hands. Slowly moving up, I felt him shudder underneath. A sense of understanding came to me. He took the first steps; I had to show I am here with him.
Even with the pain, I bore through this torturous feeling of falling and rising. Both of us felt the fire burn more and more. He couldn't hold back, so he sat up and held me in his arms as I rode him. I couldn't help but hold him in return. It was strange to think how lonely it felt once his hands no longer touched my back. Each sensation left me feeling for more. Gasping for more. Eventually, I lost all strength left in my legs. I fell backwards and he loomed over me with passionate eyes.
"Stay with me." Such commanding yet desperate words. Ones that mirrored my own pain. After this moment, I forgot what it meant to be alone. I never knew how wonderful it would be to hold someone so close.
"I will." He looked at me with almost frantic eyes. The relief poured out of his eyes like rain. Then, I felt it within. A desperate need to continue. He did too. Almost immediately, our pace quickened to match our raging heartbeats.
It really was too much. The feelings overflowed, creating a fire that burned so much. Every single moment, we whispered each other's names and said flowery words which only brought out more desire. Til we couldn't even say that. The room filled with the sounds that we only knew. Our heavy breaths, the collisions of our bodies, the rustling of the sheets and the rain outside. After this point, neither of us opened our eyes. We focused on this growing desire between the two of us. Even if it would disappear. We kept going. Then, all came out at once in one of the most beautiful moments in time I could ever experience.
Unable to do anything, I rode out the pleasure of my feelings til all went truly blank. My body shook madly and sweat poured out of my skin. Nothing came to mind and I collapsed like shattered glass. He too couldn't help but cry out like I did, releasing the wave from within himself. We laid there in each other's arms for I don't know how long. Our ragged breaths became steady. Our heartbeats slowed to andante. The heat dissipated into the cold air around and I shivered.
He grabbed the blankets and covered the two of us. All in our own little warm world. Away from the cold reality waiting to barge in from the outside.
"You… okay?" I smiled and nodded. I felt like all the embers in my body made it impossible to move. I never thought this, but never in my life have I felt so… content. My body aches, but my soul soars. I had no desire to ever leave this warm spot by his side.
"Yeah. You?" He chuckled at my remark.
"You're asking me this?" Yeah. I really was.
"Yeah. Staying?" I clutched my hand at his chest as I asked. He lazily drags his hand to touch my forehead and rub it, gently. Even after the flames burn, the embers keep my heart warm and fluttery. I giggled a little and gleamed at his touch.
"Mmm. Go to sleep." Shutting my eyes, I let the sight fade away.
"Kaya. KAYA!" I open my eyes and gave my half felt smile to my annoyed sister.
"Morning." I slowly touched my face and felt the slight crease on my forehead. My sister lives with me and became my maid without me ever asking.
"Hey, sis? You're crying…" Hmm? Oh…. right. He no longer is here, isn't he?
"Oh, it's nothing. Just a dream." Just an old dream of a wonderful night. I looked over at the side table at the handwritten letter. I sat up and wiped away the tears. Opening the envelope, I unfolded the letter within. Rather than sadness or pain, I felt stable and yet incomplete. It has been already 2 years, hasn't it?
Really, you went ahead of me, haven't you? You asked me to stay with you, but you were the one to leave me behind here. Those wonderful days when we were young still touch my heart. Even as the years passed, we never forgot that dream. The dream we shared together asleep and awake. We never knew why we had it. We accepted it though. We both believed it to be nothing more than wanton desire until we first met in person.
I remember the look on our faces and the struggle we went through to not bring up any strange words. However, once alone, we confirmed if we shared that dream. I remember putting my hand over my mouth to cover my surprise. You chuckled and crossed your arms, giving me a faint smirk. That's when it all started, didn't it? The days passed and we began to know one another. It came to me to realize I slowly started to fall for you. Not for any passionate reason, but rather for your humor and kind heart. However, I never said a word. Somehow, I feared the dream from becoming real. Was I truly entitled to such joy? What would happen when it came to pass? Would we disappear from each other's life once that dream passed? Such thoughts eventually leaked into my mind. However, I eventually came to terms with those thoughts.
Days turned into weeks. Weeks to months and months to years. Eventually, you and I grew closer. I couldn't describe how wonderful it was, spending my days with you. Some thought ill of me for this and I apologized to no one for the wonder you brought to my life. Your warm smile and wit kept my days cheerful. You told me that I kept you feeling like you belonged somewhere. A meeting here, a lunch there. Eventually, we moved into that stage of lovers, without experiencing that drama people talk about. Sometimes, I felt it was under the influence of the dream, but we both accepted that.
One evening, you came to my place when it rained during dinner time. I was alone and I wanted someone to stay with me. It wasn't uncommon between the two of us. We often shared meals because it saved money for the both of us. I didn't even realize that I wore the same outfit as the one in my dream that day. You bore a strange expression on your face in my doorstep when I opened the door. You asked to come in and I nodded. I left for the bathroom to grab a dry towel while you waited at my table. I returned to see you dazing out over my dinner plate, playing with the food. I gestured to you to eat and you agreed. You and I ate slowly. It occurred to me that in the dream, I ate this meal while you watched.
I looked up to see you actually watching me. That was when I noticed your wet face and its unreadable emotion. I reached out to your cheek to rub away a rain drop. I then knew that the dream became a reality that moment. You replied exactly what I remember from the dream. From there, our dream consumed us.
When I woke up, I hoped from the bottom of my heart that it was not a dream. That I would not wake up again in my bed several years back with no one next to me. That feeling truly frightened me. Nothing is worse than going through so a wonderful experience and then waking up alone. Humans crave warmth and interactions by nature. To have it and then lose it would drive me insane. Because I would have fallen in love with a figment of my imagination and the amount of pain to fall out of that feeling would leave scars on my heart.
I shivered a bit due to the cold and then felt it. I felt your arm holding me close to your chest. I felt relief to no end. I sat up a bit only to see your face. You opened your sleepy eyes and glanced over me. Then you pulled me back down into your trembling arms, planting my face in your chest. I looked up to your face and saw the same relief and anxiety. Now that we reached the end of that dream, what would happen to us? I touched his hands to comfort him and to reassure myself. Even if life blinded us again, I vowed that I wouldn't leave. I asked you the question you had buried away in your throat.
"… would you marry me?" I felt you let go. I looked at your face, seeing the shock. I felt the fear eating away at the back of my mind. Did I ask too much?
That was when I saw your shivering hand touch my cheek. I knew you were trying to see if you were dreaming again, even though the dream never had anything involving my question. Then your expression turned almost frantic with joy and a myriad of other emotions. Truly, we were both afraid to ask. You hugged me so tightly that I couldn't breathe, but I didn't care. I felt just as much joy.
From that day on, we swore to stay by each other's side. We didn't really need to speak on everything because we already knew what the other thought about. You always worried if I was hurt or if I was tired. I worried that you weren't eating enough. You convinced me to continue drawing. I convinced you to continue hiking. You made me start to tolerate nuts. I convinced you to eat fish. We argued over what to cook for dinner and where we'd live. We lived wonderful years together.
We had 3 great children. All wonderful in their own way. They all live happily doing what they want. You always had the easy job of comforting them while I scolded them. We made meals together as a family. We cried together during movies. We fought together against aliens in games. Now that I am old, I see that we have lived nice full lives. Our children have children. Cute babies. I think that I shall join you soon. Even our old dog, Shin has already joined you.
I am not young anymore. I've lived life to the fullest. So, I'll come to you, Ryuu. Soon.