AN: Looking for a beta... someone who has quite a bit of free time and doesn't mind how quickly I spew these stories out. And just in case you didn't know... Supernatural is not mine... because Castiel and Dean would be a thing after Sam and Dean were a thing and then it would go between the two couples with possibly some Casitel and Sam on the side for the fun of it.

Hate

Sometimes Dean really hates his little brother with his stupid ideas of a normal life and the way he fits in so easily with the kids at school even though he's constantly moving. It's just sick… the way he fantasizes about a life away from John and his older brother. It's just sick and it's not right or okay.

Because that mess of brown hair and those cool eyes that see so much more than you want them to see… they scare the shit out of Dean and he just wants to hold his brother close and cover those eyes. He wants to continue to protect him. But maybe it's not his little brother that he hates so much. It might just be those eyes… the very ones that watched their mother bleed and burn on the ceiling.

It's sick… but Dean wants his brother to remain by his side forever and whatever his little Sammy wants or needs, Dean will find a way to give it to him. Even if it means watching those eyes he hates light up with excitement.

Pain

When Sam was locked in the Panic room, all he could feel was pain. It hurt to discover that Dean really doesn't trust him or think of him as anything more than a monster. But you know what… Fuck him.

Sam did all of this for Dean and now he's going to lock him up and claim to no longer love him? Well fuck him! So all those nights together… everything that Dean promised to give up and did give up for Sam were just lies that a lover whispers to their partner to get him/her to shut up and sleep? No. It had to mean more, it had to!

Sam listened to Dean's shitty music and let him enjoy his cowboy fetish to the fullest! Sam was fine with Dean's strange ability to fit in everywhere they go whether it's on a set or in a prison. He can fit into any role and it's terrifying because Sam has become someone who can only fit in with hunters and his brother… he can't fit anywhere else. There's that constant worry and agony over whether or not the people around him will die… especially knowing that this curse has been around him since he was born.

So it hurt when the one person who stuck with him, the one person who made him more human… turned around and locked him up in the Panic Room knowing Sam could die but that doesn't matter… because at least he'll die human.

So yeah, it fucking hurts, and yeah he's pissed as all hell… but soon the anger will fade and all that will be left is the pain.

It's always pain.

Shut Up

Sam was the first one to say it which makes sense… he's the good one. Of course he'll be the one to acknowledge the wrong. But Dean was too far gone and thrust once more, his eyes seeing stars as his brother cried out, his question forgotten for the moment but not forever. Sooner or later he will have to respond to the statement and question but right now he doesn't have to. He can fall into the pattern, the routine, and forget about how wrong this is. But of course Sam mentions it.

He's smarter and much more innocent, it doesn't help that he has a conscience. But more than that, he doesn't know that saying it aloud changes things. It makes this real and makes it a sin.

"We're brothers… so why..?"

"Shut up, Sammy."

Love

The best way to describe their relationship is the unhealthiest love two brothers could have. But it's still love. They're just much more codependent than a normal human being should be. Dean gave up his soul and sentenced himself to an eternity in hell. He didn't spend that long there but that was because an angel intervened, that's something no one expected. In the meantime, Sam is losing himself, he's always losing himself because of what others have constantly done to him. He never made the right choice, he never really got to. He would try to do the right thing and he'd have the right intentions but it would never work out. He became a demon blood addict and started the fucking Apocalypse. And then one day Sam had the opportunity to save the world so he took it. But then he was brought back… and brought back soulless so every flaw and desire he kept hidden came to light.

It was wrong.

Yet again Sam screwed up, yet again he put Dean in a terrible position, and never once will they have it good. It's because they can't have a decent life. Life will never be easy for them. It's a fact and that's mostly because they won't leave each other. Sam and Dean just won't let their brother rot in hell for them. So they stay together. And even the kissing and sex don't make it better… and that's the worst part. They're even fucking because it hurts to get it off with someone who doesn't have to deal with their pain, so why not taint their slates a little more? Why not drench it in black, in blood?

Their love is unhealthy and they don't care.

Beautiful

The most beautiful thing in the world is when Sam realized he couldn't live without Dean.

It was beautiful to his brother but also so very cruel.

Angel

It didn't take an angel to make the boys realize this is wrong but it did take an angel to show just how easily they could be torn apart.

Shadow

Sam used to think that shadows were monsters waiting to claw him open and eat his insides, so Dean had to show him they were harmless. He didn't know how parents taught children that shadows are safe, so he didn't know a way to coddle his brother through it. Instead he poured holy water, threw salt, used a silver blade, and then blasted holes through the wall (with his homemade shotgun) with rock salt to show Sam that it's perfectly fine.

It was Sam that taught Dean about finger puppets in the shadows, and how much fun hide and seek can be when there are no monsters to find them. Because this experience taught Sam that he can't be afraid anymore. If he's afraid then that means that Dean will give him that horrible look again, the one where he seems to be drowning in guilt and pity… Sam hates that look. So he'll hold it in and won't complain, even when he hears strange noises or thinks someone is in the room, even when he knows something is leaning over him and his body is becoming weak as his very soul seems to be being sucked out. He won't complain, won't even open his eyes, because he has to be strong now. Strong enough to handle everything that comes their way and strong enough to be his brother's equal.

Because apparently six is a good time to grow up.

Rose

"A rose by any other name is still a rose." Sam said this as if it fit the conversation they were having which consisted of unwrapping fast food packages, and slurping soda. Dean ignored his brother and Sam didn't say anything else. He didn't have to.

Dean isn't illiterate but he doesn't read much, even so, he knows exactly what Sam's referring to. They call each other different things given the mood. If they want to tease each other and joke around then Dean calls Sam a 'bitch' while Sam calls Dean a 'jerk.' It's something they've always done and will probably continue to do. When Dean feels romantic then he calls Sam 'honey' but in a joking way rather than being serious. Sam just refers to Dean as his partner, nothing more and nothing less. So they have different names for each other and different things that they say to describe the other.

It doesn't matter though because there's one that the boys used to embrace and now avoid the one thing that will make all the difference in the world. Sure, they're both gay, but being gay for each other when they're brothers… not the most accepted path to take.

Dean glanced over at Sam's narrowed eyes then smirked bitterly as he continued to drive through the darkness.

"Incest by any other name…" Dean muttered.

Darkness

Sam has always known there was something weird inside of him. When he watched blood and gore on TV he didn't really care but he could tell that Dean wanted him to care so he did. He tricked his brain into being a kind, innocent, human being who would do anything to help his brother while being blissfully unaware of the kind of life his brother and father are leading. He tricked himself. But it doesn't matter because a part of Sam knows what the darkness feels like. A part of him has known since he was six months old. So when little Sammy learned about things that go bump in the night and the kind of monsters that his father has been fighting, he was a bit amused at the irony of the situation. John and Dean didn't want to expose their little Sammy to the darkness but he's always known to an extent. He could feel it inside of him… the very things they hunt.

But after Sam went on his first hunting trip he had a nightmare and so Dean crawled into bed with his kid brother promising to protect him from the darkness… so Sam cried. He cried long and hard and he couldn't bring himself to stop as he clung to his older brother.

A part of Sam really wanted to hear that… that Dean could protect him from the darkness.

Happy

Babysitting Castiel was nice and easy for Dean, who had years upon years of experience in the babysitting department. He knew that there would be times when he would claim he's too big to be taken care of and that he's strong enough to go it alone, but this isn't true and Dean knows how to be patient about it and back off enough to where his little brother won't know that he's still being treated like a kid. But now his kid brother is gone… he's lost it and Dean has failed his job. Watching over Castiel is a lot like starting over on the job from the beginning, there isn't as much pressure and it's a lot more laid back because they haven't experienced that feeling of loss or betrayal together just yet. It's like he's finally been allowed to ride his bike once more… the bike he never really forgot how to ride even though it's been years.

That's exactly what this job has been like for Dean and right now after escaping the 'prostitute incident' he's laughing like crazy because that was hilarious and unexpected. It was downright fun which is something that Dean hasn't had in a very long time. He laughed loudly and hoarsely as Castiel watched him in confusion. But that's when Dean stopped laughing and smiling as he realized the truth of it all. The truth that makes this so much more fucked up.

He'd rather have the unhappiness of being with his brother and sharing his bed, then be happy without him. That's just the way the brothers are.

Cute

It was cute when Sam blushed bright red when Dean leaned in for a kiss.

It was cute when Sam jumped away in shock when Dean added tongue.

It was not cute when Sam's hand snaked down to have a little more fun with Dean.