Hey. Guess what? This is my first non-Tales of Symphonia story! Well…it's not a story, really. That's why it's called "Link's Rant." So I guess I should introduce myself to all of those people out there who don't know me. I'm Doodlebugg, and I'm crazy. No, it's more like certifiably insane. For those of you that do know me, then you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I'm happy to finally be broadening my horizons (kind of), so I guess we should start. Roll clip!
Disclaimer: If I owned Link or any part of Legend of Zelda, I would be happy. But I don't own any of that stuff. However, I'm happy. So I guess this disclaimer is just plain weird.
Link's Rant
Why?
Why am I on this journey?
Why is my life in danger every few minutes?
Why in the world is everyone depending on me, a child?
Sure, my name is Link, and I wear a green tunic and hat, and I can wield a sword, and I'm smart and good with strategy, but why does everyone just assume that I'll do it? Doesn't anyone ever consider how I feel?
No.
Just because my grandma had always told me to do the right thing and to help someone when they're in trouble doesn't mean that I have to go into some creepy cave that sprouts lava every ten seconds.
"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Why did I have to take that moral so seriously? Now, everyone thinks I'm mute, or too good to talk. No. I just don't like anyone. And why should I? They all want something from me. They all want me to go on some crazy journey so that their lives can be easier. But they're grown men and women. I'm only ten. Does anyone else see a problem with that? Because I certainly do.
It just doesn't make sense why people would put my life in danger so that they can live in comfort.
And so, because I can't say no to those idiots who can't do anything themselves, here I am, trying to kill these Wizzrobes who just will not die. Every time I throw a boomerang at them, they just come back and summon some monsters. I'm almost dead, and I only have one fairy left.
This really sucks.
You know what? I'm never doing this again. Those people in Hyrule can just keep living underwater for all I care. I'm going to take that stupid talking boat and get out of here. I'm through with this crap.
Here I am again, because my grandma won't let me have dinner until I kill the stupid Wizzrobes. And, once again, I apparently don't have the ability to say "no." Why can't I just tell them to go away and never bother me again? All I want to do is lie in bed and eat that yummy soup that Grandma makes. And maybe then I'd go harass that giant pig.
But I can't, because I have to kill these stupid monsters and save the world!
Sometimes I feel like I'm being controlled. Maybe that's why I can never seem to say "no." I'll bet you a thousand rupees that Grandma is the one controlling me. She enjoys this type of stuff: violence and such.
I'm going to have a word with her.
And I'm getting off track. But, whatever. It's not like anyone's reading this or anything. These are just my thoughts. My thoughts. Mine. And, unfortunately, no one will ever know how much I hate their guts for making me save this stupid world that I really couldn't care less about.
I'm going to leave and just find me some Chuchus. I'll make some toast.
Goodbye, and good riddance.
Think of it. Why do you think that Link never talks? He's obviously not mute, because he says all those "Hah!"s and stuff. My theory is that he took that moral thing to heart and he really just hates everyone and everything, with good reason, too. Why would anyone send a little boy out to save the world? I guess this is just food for thought.
The Moral of This Story: Think of how those poor characters feel next time you're off saving the world. You never know what they're really thinking.
Oh, and by the way, this is based off of the Wind Waker installment, because, sadly it's the only one I've managed to get my paws on thus far.