"Come on! For the love of Andraste! Make your move!"
"Tsk, tsk. Did no one ever teach you that patience is a virtue my dear lady inquisitor?" Dorian quipped, as he continued to fondle his chess-piece. As he had been doing for the last several minutes now.
Eloise shook her head in disbelief and frustration, disguising a slight smirk. "You are indeed a special mage Dorian. Who needs bloodmagic when you do such a fine job already at driving people mad!"
"Ho! A low blow to my heritage! I shan't ever be able to forgive it! In any case, it isn't enough to just drive people mad. I'd rather bend them to my will or use them in a terrible and terrific blood ritual in which I could some how make myself even more handsome than I already am! Perhaps I'll create an even more perfect moustache or devise an even more stylish hair-do? Or accentuate my chiseled jaw or-"
"Dorian?" Eloise interrupted his tangent of self flattery.
Dorian stopped short, raising an expectant eyebrow. "Yes?"
"Either you make your move right this second, or I'm sending you back to Tevinter...in pieces." She joked, yet with a dark tinge of lunacy in her eyes.
"Oh, how you wound me with your threats!" He dramatically swung his hand to his chest. "How fickly you regard our friendship. It...hurts. So…so…sooooo deeply!" At end of his performance he fell forward and collapsed onto the chess table. Eloise rolled her eyes.
Then, after several moments went by of him laying motionless with his head crumbled between his arms she stretched her hand across the table to give him an nudge. He remained unresponsive. Eloise shook her head once more. Ah, feigning death are we now Dorian? Of a broken heart I presume? And people say Sera is childish. Maker, the misfits and miscreants I collect. Unbelievable. Perhaps I ought to just give it up now and hand Corypheus the world - if we're the last hope for it.
She went and gave him a harder nudge while calling his name "Doria-" however, she didn't even get it out before she spotted a messenger walking through the gardens. The shimmer of trepidation and fear in the boys' eyes told her that the message must have been for her. Eloise looked to the boy and their eyes met. He stopped dead in his tracks. The fear in his eyes grew and he seemed terribly nervous to even approach her. She sat back casually in her chair and gave the boy a slight gesture to come over. He bowed a little and strode rather awkwardly toward her.
After he realized that Eloise had stopped playing along with his little game Dorian rose his head off of the table and turned to see the messenger as well.
"Inqui…" The messenger faltered, then cleared his throat. He bowed again, but lower and started over. "Inquisitor. I have a message for you." He said as he extended the sealed envelope over the short stone railing. Eloise caught a look from Dorian in the corner of her eye. An intrigued glimmer lit up his face. She turned back to the messenger and took the letter. "Thank-you." She said distantly as the boy bowed (yet again) and hurried off. Eloise looked down at the letter. It bore the Trevelyan family seal. She couldn't explain why, but she had a distinctly ominous feeling about it. She stared at it a while, almost completely forgetting herself.
"Yu-who!? Inquisitor?" Dorian called out as he tapped on the chess board.
Eloise hesitated a moment before tearing her gaze away from the letter. "Hmm? What is it?" She asked, in a dazed voice.
Dorian simply pointed down to the chess board and tapped it once more. Eloise looked back at him in confusion. "I don't…" She trailed off, slowly shaking her head.
"My move. I made it. Look." He pointed down a third time, without tapping. Eloise now focused on the board and saw that he had indeed made his move and not only that but he had won. "Oh." She uttered faintly.
A look of surprise and concern came over Dorian's' face. "Oh? That's all you have to say? I just obliterated you!" He cried then smacked her King off of the table with his piece.
Eloise turned her gaze back to the letter and rose from her chair. "Good for you Dorian, we'll have to have a rematch sometime." She went to walk away but Dorian caught her by the wrist. "Where is it you're off to in such a hurry?"
She looked at him, and his gaze said it all. He wasn't about to let this go without an explanation. She sighed and moved back a bit as he release her wrist. "It's the letter."
"Yes, I rather figured that my darling. What I wonder is why exactly it seems to have you so spooked. You who tumble out of fade rifts and fight demons and horrors on a nearly daily basis."
"It's…it's from Ostwick, from my family."
"Ah, I see. From what you've told me your family sounds like nearly as much of a headache as my own. But…a letter? Why should that be so scary? You have received letters from your family before, I assume. You told me you wrote a bit with that brother of yours, could it be from him?"
She shook her head. "No, he was writing to me from where he was stationed. This bears our family seal. Likely from my Mother."
"Oh, what a joy. She sounded positively icy from your description of her." His levity left him as he saw just how worried Eloise seemed to be. "You think it's serious?" He asked, with genuine concern.
She looked down at the letter once more. "I don't know."
There was silence that fell over them, it lasted for sometime. Finally, Eloise spoke as she looked up from the letter. "I think I'm going to take this to my quarters. We'll speak later, alright?"
Dorian gave a respectful nod, nothing more. Her support had meant a great deal to him when he met with his father, he felt he at least owed her the same courtesy. Eloise found herself grateful of his response and gave him a slight smile as she walked away.
While she did not run her steps were a bit hurried, unconsciously so. As if her legs had a will of their own. Though the walk from the garden to her quarters was not a long one she still had to fend off several nobles in the banquet hall who wished to speak with her with a polite 'I'm afraid I can't right now, but another time my Lord (or lady)'.
Eloise had attended Empress Celene's Grand Ball a little over two months ago now, and as a result of her actions and skillful playing of The Game the Inquisition had become increasingly more powerful - a force to be reckoned with. Politically as well as militarily. Celene & Ambassador Briala gave their full, unweaving support to the Inquisition after Eloise publicly exposed Duchess Florien's secret plot on The Empress' life as well as her alliance with Corypheus. Many allies were gained with all the favor they had curried and more and more people were flocking to the Inquisition with each passing day.
It was perhaps the first time since it's formation that there could be time for the Inquisition to truly 'rest on its laurels' as it were. Ponder their success and actually enjoyed it. A calm before the storm, as it seemed the whispers of what had befallen Adamant Fortress were indeed true. Yet, things remained uncertain and the prospect of marching on the fortress had not yet been discussed.
Eloise made the most of her time and had even attended a few soirées in Orlais and declined several more (there is only so much one can take of Orlais society). She had also found time to get closer with her companions. Pulling pranks with Sera, drinking with Iron Bull and the Chargers, conversing whilst going to the tailors' with Dorian, seeing a softer side of Cassandra, hearing fascinating stories from Solas about the fade and distant memories, coming to understand Cole better and making others 'remember' him more, playing Wicked Grace with Varric, drinking with Varric. Drinking (and eating, a lot) with Sera. More drinking with Iron Bull.
Then of course, there was Warden Blackwall. Indeed they had become much closer. Eloise felt a pull toward him very early on. He had been against pursing things any for quite some time but his resolve eventually weakened and just a week before attending the Grant Ball the two had become intimate. Now they met nearly every night. While it was never announced out right it became something of an open secret amongst the key members of the Inquisition and to everyone else a scandalous rumor.
It was still a new relationship but it was undeniable that they cared for each other. In such trying times as these, romantic feelings can blossom and grow quickly. Yet, Eloise still found herself unsure of where exactly she stood with Blackwall. There was so much he seemed to keep to himself. All she knew was that his stern face and brooding features seemed to light up every time that he saw her.
Eloise shut the great wooden door behind her, gratefully, as she leaned her back against it to rest a moment and catch her breath. She had finally made it out of the hall and to the finish line - her quarters. Closing her eyes she thought. Sometimes I wish that I could bolt the doors shut with some sort of magical lock to keep out the nobles. I'll have to consult Dorian about that. I wonder if Lelianna could find a specialist? Eloise slowly opened her eyes and pried herself from off the door and made her way into her room. Which was far larger than her parents master-bedroom in Ostwick. A fact which she loved. Only because she knew how jealous her mother would be over it. Growing up, Eloise never much cared for such things as silk sheets and velvet drapery. She was just fine with the accommodations in Heaven, the only improvement she really noted was the warmth and the small study Josephine and set up for her. She appreciated that greatly. She always loved to read and to learn. Having a book in her hand was something that made her feel very calmed. They were her friends when she was little. After her mother saw to it that she wasn't allowed to play with the servants' children anymore.
She placed the letter gently down on her desk and started to pace the room. She did this for quite sometime. As eager as she had been to open the letter, now that she was finally alone with it and the moment was at hand she found it hard to open it. With a sigh she walked out onto the balcony and stared off at the horizon. Great, large birds flew across the sky as the sun glistened down on the snowy mountain tops and the wind made wispy snow flakes, dancing on the breeze into a fine mist. It was a beautiful sight. One she believed she would never be able to get used to.
After taking it in for a moment longer she turned around and walked back inside the room. She glanced toward the letter. Come on now. Don't be a fool. Quit stalling. All this fuss is likely for nothing! She probably just has some mundane, silly little favor to ask. Nothing more! Her face hardened and her gaze became more intense. Decisively, she walked over to the desk and sat herself down on the cushioned chair. Then took a thin, jeweled dagger from off of her belt and cut the letter free from the envelope in one hard, fast stroke. It fell on the table and after one last instant of trepidation she took it into her hands and began to read:
My dear Eloise, I hope this letter finds you well.
I am sure you must be exceedingly busy as Inquisitor, with many things requiring your attention but there is a matter which it is my sincerest regret to inform you of.
It is about your brother, Emmett. He has been killed.
Eloise's heart stopped. She was in a daze of horror and confusion. She looked back down at the letter and continued to read the rest. For, there was nothing else she could do, but read on.
There is no easy way to say it other than just to say it. The news reached me only just this morning. It seems as though your brother fled from the company of Templars he was with. Perhaps they had been approached by these vile Red Templars I hear so much about. In any case, his body was found near to the border of the Korcari Wilds along with two other Templars and the body of a Rebel Mage. The heathens must have attacked them.
I know the mages which you have allied yourself with must publicly disavow the actions of the rebel rabble still left in the hills and the wilderness, yet I have no doubt many of them can still be heard to let out a secret cheer for their delusional brethren. In their foul hushed whispers. Afterall, had you not swooped in and rescued them from their own foolish, stupidity they would still be there now - with their fellows in the hills.
In any case, your brother's body is being brought to Ostwick for cremation. Consider this a letter of invitation. Invitation to your brother's funeral. Such words, I never thought I would have to write.
I realize, that I have not been a perfect mother. Especially with regard to Emmett. You have said as much, loudly I might add. Despite what you think of me and despite what you believe I do mourn my son. In life I may not have been the mother he needed but in death I shall do my best to ensure things will be as he would have wanted them. He would have wanted you to be here.
There is nothing else left to say, we will speak, no doubt at length, once you return home. As I know you will. In fact, there is little need for you to even send a reply. I have already told the servants to prepare your old room. I know you better than you think, dear daughter. I know you would move heaven and earth -feats which it seems you have already accomplished, to be there for your brother.
Sorrowful Regards,
- Lady Esme Trevelyan
Eloise gazed down hotly at the letter. Sneering at her mother's flowing script and cold words. Of course, she would value her penmanship over the content of her words. Even…about this. Especially about this. She gritted her teeth and crumpled the letter tightly in her hand. Tears started to bleed down her face, landing with quiet thuds on the desk. She shook her head. "No!" She shouted, with rage and grief that came from some deep-rooted primal part of her. She violently threw everything off of the table. All the while screaming. "No, no, no!" Finally, she collapsed forward in a heap on the desk sobbing into the sturdy oak.
Of all the news she could have received there was nothing that could have been worse than this.
. . .
Time had now passed and Eloise had nearly cried herself dry. With all the composure she could muster she went into Josephine's office and told her what had happened. While the Ambassador was sympathetic she knew now was not the time to speak about it. She simply offered her condolences and informed Eloise that she could take all the time she needed to visit her family and attend the funeral and that she, Lelianna and Cullen would be more than able to handle the affairs of the Inquisition in her absence.
Eloise spent the rest of the day keeping herself busy with various duties around Skyhold. Employing the skills she had gained from Halamshiral while playing The Game to mask her grief. She did her best to avoid those who she thought might be able to see through the act and pressed on. Even though things may have been more relaxed at Skyhold of late their were still many things she could attend to - and she attended to whatever she could find. Tasks she would have normally found unbearably tedious or tiresome she now was greatly appreciative of. Anything that could help her hide.
The time pasted slowly but eventually the afternoon faded into evening and Josephine had come back to Eloise. Telling her she had spoken with both Lelianna and Cullen and they had made arrangements for her travel. There was to be a small company of soldiers escorting her by carriage all the way up to the city of Amaranthine and a ship in the docks to take her the rest of the way to Ostwick. The soldiers stood ready and were prepared to leave with her at first light.
Eloise packed a modest amount of possessions, just the basics. As she knew that all her old clothes would be waiting for her at home. Is that place still home though? It feels like a lifetime since I set foot in those walls. And now…without Emmett there…how could I ever call it home again?
Emmett was very special to Eloise. She would always call him her 'little' brother, when in truth he was two years older than her. The reason for this was because Emmett did happen to be a rather small and also was a very sensitive little boy, one who she would often comfort. Even when Emmett grew up he was timid and shy but always wanted to be bold and reckless like his sister. She'd was always be getting him in trouble with her antics around the Castle, but she was always the one to get him out of it as well. The rest of her family thought little of him, and would openly mock him. The kinder nicknames they had for him included 'Eloise's shadow' or 'Eloise's little dog.'. The rest of their siblings were much older than them and thus the two always felt like outsiders within their own family. Emmett being passive and kind was typically ignored, but Eloise was too headstrong to be ignored.
Eloise was heartbroken the day her parents had finally forced him to join the Templars after much debate. He was twenty-two, one of the oldest Templar recruits in history. During his training he would write to her at least once a week and Eloise would even visit him on occasion. He hated the Templars. He was far too gentle to be warrior and he was always fascinated by magic. That was five years ago, he had completed his training not long before the Circles rebelled. Recently, Emmett had written to Eloise that he wanted to join the Inquisition, the faction of Templars he was among after the conclave was a small group who had refused Samson's control and tried to remain loyal to the original Templar values. Of late however, their Commander had been acting strangely and Emmett was afraid of what might happen to him if he tried to leave. Eloise had sent men to help him escape but it appeared he could not wait.
She folded her clothes in the grey stillness of the twilight as fleeting images of memories came unbidden to her mind. She saw her brothers' smile and heard his laugh almost as though he was right there beside her. Remembered all the times she had seen him hurt, seen him cry when he was small. Recalled the quiet sadness that was always there just behind his eyes, no matter how brightly they shone. It isn't right. She thought. How could someone so good, so pure, so kind just be taken away. Never having got to live the life he wanted? It isn't…Eloise suddenly noticed that a few stray tears had trickled down onto the clothes she had packed away. She flicked away the ones that had yet to fall and shut her travel chest harshly, causing it to crash down with thud as she stormed out of her room and down the stairs leading to the walkway to the banquet hall. Stomping her feet and clutching her fists so tightly her nails began to draw blood.
She refused to cry, she was sick of it. Sick of having to think about it, having to accept it, to believe it. To grieve for the brother she should have never lost, the one she should have been there to protect. What good are my tears? They won't bring him back! She opened her fist and saw the blood, which had caused her mark to faintly glow. She scowled at the cursed thing and smacked it against the rough stone wall. And what good is it having this mark!? What point is there in saving the world when I couldn't even save the person in it who mattered the most! She found herself screaming as her hand hit the wall. She feel to her knees, shaking. Trying hold the weeping in.
She suddenly became aware of a presence in the walkway with her. She looked around but saw no one, however, she did heard a voice. A strange voice, that almost had the quality of two voices speaking at once. Both were familiar yet she found it unclear and hard to place.
"Maker, I hope I did right. I hope she can forgive herself. So she can do what she must. She is all that is left. Everything I wanted to be but could never find the strength to tell them. The way she told them. She never asked. She told. To never see her face again. Shining hazel eyes flaked with gold in the sun. I wish I could have joined you. Or at least gotten to say goodbye."
Eloise sighed and rested her forehead against the wall. She knew who it was. "You can come out now, Cole."
As if out of thin air there Cole appeared before her. "That's what he thought. What he wanted you to know. Before he-"
"Before he died. Yes…it…it sounded like him. But how did you know? I thought you couldn't read my thoughts like the others. I believe you said I was…'too bright' wasn't it?"
"Yes," He started taking a step closer to her. "But this was…different. It was loud. I still can't see it as clear. But…I want to help."
She laughed, not unkindly. "Cole…if you really want to help," She began as she pressed her side against the wall in order to prop herself up. "just leave me alone."
"But…you don't want to be alone! Not really. I can tell. If not me then please let someone else help!"
"Cole-" She made a motion to walk, but she lost her footing and stumbled forward. Cole caught her quickly in his slender arms. Looking at them reminded her of Emmett's slim build. She lifted her eyes up and looked into Cole's face and for a moment she thought she her brothers'. Blinking she realized it was only Cole. It occurred to her now just how similar their eyes were. Nearly the exact same color and clearly marked with the same sadness that were always behind Emmett's.
She pushed her hands against his chest and broke out of his arms. "I'm fine, alright! Or, I will be fine. Just…let me go. I don't want to talk! Not now. You're a spirit of compassion so try and understand, please!" She implored, practically begging him.
Cole showed no sign of protest as he let Eloise pass him. Then, just as she opened the door to the hall he whispered as if in her ear though he was several feet away from her. "Don't blame her either. She is sorry too. Under the frost, a heart still beats inside. She was hard, and cruel and mean because she didn't have the strength to be anything else."
Eloise's hair stood on end. She felt nervous sweat start to trickle down her brow as her face became at once cold and hot. She spun around to face Cole, with rage filling in her eyes. "Don't speak about my mother!" She spat venomously. "You never met her! Don't speak as if you had!"
Cole took a step back. "I'm sorry. I meant to help. Not to make you angry. You're right I don't and I didn't but…maybe you never knew her either."
The rage faded in her eyes replaced now with the look of slow, dawning realization.
"I'll be here. If you need me, just…come to me." He said simply as he walked past her and through the doorway into the banquet hall, fading almost instantly into the dinner crowd, as if he had never been there at all.
. . .
There was nothing further left for Eloise to do other than say her goodbyes to her companions. She stopped by the tavern first. Where she found Varric, Iron Bull and Dorian all taking part in a drinking contest. She smiled faintly as she passed them. "Ha! Ellie! Come, join the party!" Varric asked, with drunken enthusiasm.
"Yeah boss! I've got a theory going." Iron Bull added.
"Theory! A theory implies that you actually have some evidence to back it up!" Dorian chimed in, trying his best to sound sober.
"As if that ever stopped a vint! Now, see boss. I think, that you can't get drunk. Or at least you can't get really drunk. The booze just pours straight into the fade! Through the mark! Can you imagine? Drunk demons. Ohhh! They'd be so much easier to kill! Next time we face some demons we should just get you all liquored up and it'll be a piece of cake!"
"I'm trying to think of something worse than drunk demons and spirits and…it's really not coming." Varric commented, glibly.
Iron Bull shrugged. "I must just have a better imagination than you. Maybe you oughtta put the pen and paper away Varric." He said mockingly, as he put a huge hand on Varric's shoulder.
"Bah!" He cried as he shoved Iron Bull's hand away. "What do you know?! Why are we even listening to you? I mean you don't even know what you're talking about! Your idea is totally crazy!"
"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Only one way to find out." He poured some dark brown almost black, reeking substance into a mug (Eloise had no guess as to what it may have been) and handed it to the Inquisitor. "Here! Give it a go! Best case scenario, we discover a groundbreaking new technique to use against demons and I get the satisfaction of proving Dorian and Varric here both wrong. Worst case. I get to drink yet another bas under the table. Sounds like a win win to me!" He laughed.
Eloise smirked and gently pushed the mug away. "I'll pass. I have an early morning tomorrow. I'm going to Ostwick for a while. A family reunion of sorts. I'll tell you all about it when I return."
Iron Bull laughed again and put the mug to his own lips. "More for me then."
"Ha! You're not even upset! You know your idea is bullshit!" Varric said, pointing an accusatory finger across the table at the great giant.
"What can I say? I'm just an easy going kind of guy. I'll just have to test out the theory another time I guess."
"Another time! Another time! What makes you think the inquisitor will just go along with that! She has more sense than that you know!"
The two went back and forth for a long while, after a time Eloise started to walk away. Iron Bull and Varric were oblivious that she had left, but despite his stupor Dorian noticed. His ears had perked up when she mentioned Ostwick. He rose from his chair (nearly falling over in the process) and followed her up the stairs on her way to look for Sera.
"Inquisitor!" He shouted jubilantly. Startled, she flung her head around - causing her wavy hair to rustle like autumn leaves. "Dorian, you're piss drunk. You better just quit while you're behind and get to bed...assuming you can make it to the bed of course." She teased, trying to distract him. She knew full well what he wanted to ask.
"I may well just do that…but…not without an answer from you. This family reunion…this is about that letter you got this morning…wh-what did it say?" He asked, slurring his words as he strove to make eye contact with her.
"Dorian, it's nothing. Really, in any case you're hardly in any condition for me to get into it. We'll talk when I get back. Alright? It won't be so long. I'm sure you'll be able to amuse yourself while I'm gone."
"What!? You honestly expect me to let you leave without an explanation! That is outrageous! Inexcusable! Unbearable! Uncongenially…cruel! Utterly and totally reprehensible and so…so completellllyy…com…complet-" His dizziness suddenly caught up with him and he fell to his knees on the stairs. Had Eloise not caught him and lifted him up from underneath his arms he would have likely tumbled all the way down the stairs. "Dorian, you are a mess! Here, I'll help you to your room. Alright?"
He shook his head. "Not. Until. You tell me!" He practically heaved the words, as if it was such a struggle to get them out.
Eloise snorted her disapproval "Alright, alright! But come, let's get you off of the stairs!" Putting one of his arms over her shoulder she brought him over to some free chairs she found on the second level of the tavern and sat him down. Even then he still almost fell from the chair. He tried to seat himself dignifiedly, struggling to cross one leg over the other. "Yes, so. The letter…?" He began, uncertainly.
With a long, deep sigh, Eloise told him. Told him everything. How he died. What her mother had said. How she was going home to Ostwick for the funeral and to visit with her family. "So, that's everything." She said at length. "Are you satisfied now Dorian?"
He sat in his chair, blinking back her. Not knowing what to say. "I…really wish I were sober right now." He said finally.
Eloise gave a small laugh. "I don't. This way, I can avoid the heart to heart. I couldn't bear it now. I still can't believe that he's…really gone."
Dorian gave her what seemed to be a sympatric gaze but it was somewhat obscured by the drowsiness of his drunken features, yet he said nothing.
"Now," Eloise started, slapping her hands to her legs. "Let's get you to bed."
"Already on it boss." Iron Bull said, coming up behind her, with Varric following close behind. Both seemed remarkably steady in their stride, particularly Iron Bull. "Varric, why don't you go clean Bianca some more or something? You only did it fifty times today right? I can more than handle this alone. I'll just toss the spoiled little vint over my shoulder. Not sure what use you'd be." He jabbed as he turned his head to look down and at Varric.
He shrugged. "Consider it moral support for sparkler."
"Works for me!" Iron Bull chuckled.
"I do hate that name Varric!" Dorian cried in protest as Iron Bull came and slung him over his shoulder.
"I know you do, that's why you're sparkler." Varric said, smirking then turned to Eloise and gave her a wave. "Have a good trip, try not to let your relatives drive you too crazy!"
"Yeah boss, have a good one! Bring me back a souvenir. Never been to Ostwick before!"
"You're a Quanri and you've never been to Ostwick?!" Varric jabbed in retaliation as the two walked off together.
"That was a long time ago! I've been a lot of places but not every corner of the fucking world!"
"Hey, hey! Easy there big fella!"
Three whole weeks without them. How will I stand it? Eloise thought, smiling as she watched the three of them descend down the stairs and out of sight.
Eloise turned her head to look over at Sera's room. She knew she could never get away with leaving and not saying goodbye to Sera. Eloise and her had become good friends. Eloise loved how Sera was, how she was able to thumb her nose at everyone and get away with it. Eloise saw a bit of herself in Sera, of how she wished she could be. Eloise was a reckless youth, who was always involved in some sort of mischievous. Being that way had the consequence of becoming a black sheep - and all that went along with it. Sera, had none of that. She was just. Sera.
She walked across the way to her door. It was shut, which was rather uncommon. After a moment of hesitation Eloise rapped on the door, in the pattern of the Sera Was Never song the bard Maryden had written. Sera hated that song. Which, is why Eloise always knocked that way.
"Hold up! Door's locked. I'll get it." Sera answered. After a few strange clicks and clacks the door was open. "Come in yeah, love seeing you. I was just reading." Sera said as she sat back down on the floor and crossed her legs into a crude lotus position.
Eloise raised her eye-brow. "You were reading?"
"I can you know! Don't have to sound so surprised. Lady…ass!"
Eloise laughed as she sat down on the floor next to her. "That's not what I meant and you know it. What were you reading?" She asked while raising her knee up and resting her arm on top of it.
"Just Varric's Hard In Hightown rubbish. Best thing about it is the name cause…hard! Ahem…" Sera trailed off, noting Eloise's slight smirk and eye roll. "Oh friggit, fine not that funny I know. But you get it. You know, bet I could tell him a thing or two or…five! If he wrote a book about jennies. Or even just plain regular thieves. What I care about some hard nosed guard and a skinny little newbie cleaning up nobles' messes?"
"Then, why are you reading it?" Eloise asked, still smirking.
"Oh, you know nothing better to do. Everyone's unpuckered their butts now, ever since the ball. Cullen doesn't even get mad at my pranks anymore! That's…well that's good I guess but with Corphynuts and the wardens and everything who needs more things to be backwards?"
"Cullen? Not mad about pranks? A sure sign of the apocalypse." Eloise replied, only half sarcastically.
"Fricking right! Anyway, you come in for somethin' or just passing time?"
"I…I did actually." Eloise fidgeted uncomfortably, unable to make her mind up on what pose she wanted to be in.
"What's wrong?" Sera asked, a bit sullenly.
Eloise didn't respond. Her gaze became far away and misty.
"Hey you!" Sera said then nudged her with her toe. "You're sad. Why are you sad?"
Eloise hesitated a moment then went to speak but she had taken too long, Sera suddenly leap up and grabbed her by the arms. "Tell me!" She insisted shaking her about the arms. "Come on! Tell me!" Sera was hardly the patient type.
If it were anything else Eloise wouldn't have minded, she knew how Sera got, it never bothered her, but right now she couldn't take it.
"My brother's dead! Alright! Emmett!" She cried.
Sera instantly let go, letting her hands fall to her sides. "Your brother?" She echoed softly.
Eloise nodded, wiping at her eyes.
Sera stared back at her. With fear in her cool grey eyes. It always scared her. When she heard about good people dying. Meant anyone could die. She also hated it when she saw those she cared about hurting. She never really knew what to do about it though.
There was a long silence that fell upon the two of them. After sometime Sera broke it, yet her voice was a bit shaky. "You're…You're brother?…the one you played around with? Getting in trouble with? Pulling pranks with, like you and me do? The one you called 'little brother?'"
Eloise nodded again, wiping at more tears.
For a moment it looked like Sera herself might cry, but, she knew that wouldn't help. She was silent again as she tried to figure out what was the best thing to say. She didn't ramble, she didn't go on and on like she usually did. This was important. It deserved to be treated differently. At last Sera stretched out her arms and asked. "You want a hug?"
Eloise looked back her, a bit taken a back for a moment. She went to respond but again, she took too long. "Doesn't matter," Sera said as she scooted over to Eloise on her knees. "you're getting a hug." She pulled Eloise in, and squeezed her tightly for a long while. Eloise found it almost a little hard to breathe, but she was comforted and eventually she settled her face into the crook of Sera's shoulder and hugged her back, grabbing onto the back of her tunic. Taking a fist full of fabric in either hand. Neither one of them said a word. They just sat there on the floor, huddled together for a good long while.
Eventually it ended, as Eloise explained how she was going away to Ostwick and needed to wake up early. Reluctantly Sera released her from the firm hold she had on her and let her go. Saying with a warm smile. "I'll be here. Waiting. And I promise, I'll leave all my good pranks until for when you get back."
Eloise returned the smile, giving Sera a look of silent gratitude. There wasn't anything left to say. Despite her flighty nature Sera was a loyal and dependable friend when the going was tough. Without a word Eloise turned away and shut the door closed behind her.
Eloise then exited the tavern. She took a breathe of the night air and sighed. As she walked through courtyard she came across Cassandra who had spent practically the entire day training. She was only now just walking back to her quarters. "Oh Inquisitor!" She said, startled. "I didn't expect to see you here!"
"And why not? Where did you think I'd be?" Eloise responded, a little confused by the comment.
"I…I don't know. Perhaps that was a…foolish thing to say." She fell silent.
"What is it Cassandra?" Eloise questioned.
Cassandra fiddled uneasily with her thumbs. "It's just that I…I heard Josephine and the others talking." She let out an exasperated sigh as she admitted it.
Eloise gave her a sideways glance. "You were…eavesdropping? I find it hard to picture." She said, partly because she was legitimately surprised yet also just to needle her.
Cassandra's nose flared a little. "I was not eavesdropping! I just…" She sighed again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't...shouldn't be short with you. In any case, I know it isn't any of my business. But, for whatever it is worth I am truly sorry for your loss...I know what it's like. How hard it can be. I too lost a brother."
Eloise looked up at Cassandra. "Anthony…" She said slowly as the realization came to her. "That's why you didn't want to talk about him."
Cassandra made a slight sign of acknowledgment. "Yes, Anthony."
"Oh Cassandra, I'm the one who should be sorry! I should have never pushed you like I did. Something like that…I…can understand not wanting to speak about it."
Cassandra shook her hand. "Inquisitor," She said, instinctively reaching for Eloise's hands. "You have nothing to be sorry for, you didn't know. And…I've never liked sharing anything with anyone. You have no reason to feel bad over it. If anything I should not have been so fearful to tell you. You have done much for me. You were there when we confronted the Seekers. And afterward. And you helped me track down the rouge Templars and mages and…you even got Varric to write that disgustingly wonderful book for me." She recounted with a slight snicker. A smile danced upon Eloise's face as she remembered the moment. "You have been a true friend to me, but, I fear that I have not been the same to you…Varric is right - about one thing at least. I never had many friends. Seeker training is much harsher than that what the Templar undergo. We were made Tranquil afterall. Emotions are difficult for anyone but...a Seeker especially. I only wanted to tell you how much I respect you and that I…I understand. The hurt is fresh for you. You don't want to even admit that it's true, that he's really gone. The last thing you want is peoples' condolences. Yet, you do not truly want to be alone either. For me, when Anthony died it was hard to deny…as it happened right before my eyes."
Eloise regarded Cassandra with a sympathetic gaze. "What happened?" She asked.
"Anthony was older than I. He was a dragon hunter - just like the Pentaghasts of old. I idolized him. Perhaps, much the same way that your brother sounded to idolize you. I wanted to hunt dragons as he did, even though our uncle forbade it. Anthony promised to train me in secret. We would hunt together one day, brother and sister vanquishing the beasts of old. Then, we came upon a group of apostates. They wanted dragon blood for some kind of foul ritual I suppose, and wanted Anthony to get it for them. He refused, and they killed him for it. I was still just a child. I held a lot of hate inside me for a long time. For many years. Against mages. Against magic. I wanted to serve. To make sure this sort of thing never happen to anyone else again. I begged the chantry to let me become a Templar. For whatever reason they decided to send me to Seeker training instead."
Eloise was quiet a moment, absorbing the story. "I think I can understand that. It must be so difficult to…see such a thing, especially as a child. If I had lost Emmett like that…I probably would have killed everyone of those mages, or at least tried too. I did lose Emmett once before though in a way…when he was sent to the Templars. It was the last thing he wanted but my parents insisted. When he left I was very bitter, for many years. And if I'm being honest - a lot of the bitterness still remains."
Cassandra looked Eloise over for a moment. She saw the hot rage emerge in her eyes despite the darkness around them and she recognized it as her own. "I thank-you for that understanding. And, for sharing that. I know in our travels I may have not always been fair to mages…I did not agree with you when allied with them to close the breach but in the end I think they have proven to be a greater asset than the Templars would have. I have believe I have learned a great many things since we formed the Inquisition. I found something which I can put my passion into - something I serve yet feel no shame or dishonesty in serving. Something truly worthy and not the kind of pretentious squabbling and power grabs that the Chantry has seemed to fall into. I find peace in knowing that my passion and anger serves a greater purpose than my own vengeance."
Eloise smiled, truly touched to know Cassandra was so dedicated to what she had made out of the Inquisition. "I am glad you have found peace with serving the Inquisition. Knowing…the pain that I feel now…I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you. To lose your brother like that."
"It was. But I do not envy you, Inquisitor. Your brother sounded like a fine young man. And his death is a terrible loss but you are at least lucky to have had as much time with him as you did. I would like to be able to comfort you with pretty words but they seem to fall flat in my opinion. They say that lose is supposed to get easier with time and in one way that's true. But in another…it just makes you wish they were here all the more. To know what they would have thought over all the things that they have missed…but I fear I am not doing you much good. Speaking of my own loss."
"No, you've helped more than you know. I'm glad you shared this with me. It's good to know that I'm not alone."
Cassandra smirked a little. "That - is something for which you certainly are not. I think it's rare for a leader to be so well liked as you are. You do have a rather…unorthodox style of leadership I suppose but it's served us well so far. I scarcely believe there is a single soul in all of Skyhold who wouldn't give their life for you. Or for our cause. And that makes me…very proud. The day I choose to trust you. When I asked you to join us. Well, of all the mistakes I have made in my life I know now that that was not one of them. In fact, it was probably the best decision I ever made."
Eloise's eyes began to swell with emotion. "I…thank-you Cassandra for saying that. It means a great deal to know you feel that way."
The two shared a meaningful look. Yet Cassandra was uneasy once more. Unsure what to do or say to that. Smiling, Eloise wrapped her arms around her and took Cassandra into a friendly embrace. Cassandra was stunned. After a few moments she awkwardly began to pat Eloise's back.
Eloise pulled away, smiling back at Cassandra.
"I'm going to miss you. Cass." She said kindly.
She smiled back at her. "And we will all miss you. But, we will keep things together while you are gone. If it is alright with you I may take some soldiers and possibly Bull and a few others out into the field. To see to some of our interests. I promise not make any decisions on your behave. Only to keep busy and help as best as I can."
"Of course Cassandra. That's an excellent idea. There's no reason for you all to stay cooped up in Skyhold while the mighty Inquisitor is away. I know how stir-crazy you get. Just, try not to wander too close to any fade rifts, alright?" Eloise teased.
Cassandra laughed a little. "Yes, I will be mindful of that. Have a safe journey my friend. I will see you soon." She said as she departed into the night to her quarters.
Eloise walked up the stone staircase leading to the great hall. The dinner crowd was gone now and the hall was almost entirely empty. Save for a few lingering dignitaries and nobles and the guards by the throne. She turned a corner and walked into Solas' study to say goodbye. The room was very dark. The only light in it came from a small candled upon his desk which had been melted almost all the way down. "Solas?" She said softly as she approached.
There was no response.
She walked around the desk to find that Solas' head was lying on the table amongst various ancient books and tomes. He had read himself to sleep. Oh but Sera would love this. She thought, as a mischievous grin spread across her face. Bending down she tried to get a look at what he had been reading. Most of it was in ancient Tevinter or some other alien language and some of it was just impossible to understand - despite knowing the words. She shook her head. I enjoy a good book to but Solas is too much! A curious mage. Delving into the fade like he does…how amazing it must be. I'll let him sleep. And slip into dreams. More comfortable to him than living I believe.
She knew that he would find out eventually what happened, and when she came back he would likely have some sage wisdom to share with her.
The sun had set several hours ago now. Eloise had seen everyone - despite not sharing the truth with them all. There was only one person left to see, and that was Blackwall. She made the long walk upon the ramparts and down into the courtyard. She past the deserted shopping stalls and headed towards the stables. The smell of fresh hay and crackling fire hung heavy in the air. There he sat. By the fire. His dark shadow was all about him.
As he saw her approach he looked up and rose to his feet. "Ah, there you are. Haven't seen you all today, where exactly have you been hiding yourself?"
"Oh, I was keeping busy. That's all…" She trailed off as she uneasily fumbled with her fingers.
Blackwall looked at her doubtfully. "Keeping busy were you?"
Eloise gave a shrug as she stepped closer toward the fire.
Blackwall studied her with a long look. Her expression was hard to make out as the fire was growing dim, yet he could tell in her voice that something was wrong. "Elle?" He questioned gently. "What is it?"
She looked down, trying to conceal the tears she felt forming. "Its…" She faltered. Blackwall became concerned. He reached out and clasped her hand, then pulled her closer to him. He could see the tears in her eyes now.
His eyes went wide. He'd seen the inquisitor with misty eyes a few times but he'd never seen her truly cry before. He placed a finger under her chin and raised her face to meet his. "Why are you crying?"
Eloise meet his eyes tentatively. There was such a tenderness in his gaze, such affection and concern. No one ever looked at her that way before. She sniffled, then took his hand and brought it to her face and kissed it, for several seconds with her eyes shut tight. She then looked back up at him and forced a smile. "Sit with me?" She asked sweetly.
Blackwall gave an attentive nod and followed her by the hand as she walked over to a near bench, She sat a moment with her hands in her lap. Blackwall was silent, he didn't press. He just sat there. He values his privacy so much I suppose he must truly respect the privacy of others…unlike, certain people I can think of…
His silent support was more of a comfort to her than she had thought it would be. She took a deep, shaking breath and began. "This morning I received a letter…from Ostwick. From my mother." She paused, finding it hard to continue. "What did she have to say?" Blackwall asked slowly.
"She…she so coolly informed me of my brother's death and offered me a most cordial invitation to his funeral." She said with a bitter chuckle. Her anger towards her mother was a far easier emotion to address than her grieve over Emmett - afterall, it was nothing new.
"Maker," Blackwall sighed. "It was Emmett, wasn't it." Blackwall framed more as a statement than a question.
Eloise gave a slow nod. "He had written me recently about how he believed his Commander was starting to sympathize with the Red Templars. That before long they would join them. He wanted to join the inquisition but feared at what would happen if his Commander discovered him. I sent men to meet but the group of Templars he was with are very far away - in the southwest edges of Orlais. Something must have happened that scared him. He left early. His body was found along near to the Kocarri Wilds border in Fereldan. It seems that he and the two other Templars with him were attacked and killed by a small outfit of rebel mages…" She trailed off, losing her composure. "he…he traveled so far just to get to me just to end up like that…if he had only waited…if I had only gotten him out sooner. I shouldn't have waited for him to write to me about wanting to join. I should have sent men to fetch him right away! He never wanted to be a Templar and he was in danger and I…I didn't get to him fast enough! And now he's dead…killed by mages. If I had went to the Templars and not the mages in the first place then he would have never been in danger to begin with! He could have joined the Inquisition then. He'd be alive right now! It's…it's my fault that he's gone, it's-" Blackwall didn't let her finish that sentence. He just took her into his arms and held her. She grabbed hold of his strong shoulders and wept.
"Shhh," he soothed as he stroked her long wavy hair. "Losing someone you care about is hard enough to handle without blaming yourself, believe me. He wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself. And just because you decide to take on the blame - it won't bring him back. It'll only…stain your memories of him with guilt."
"I know…I just…I can't help it." She uttered between sobs.
"Well, try at least. For his sake. And your own. You have so many burdens already. You needn't take on anymore. He loved you. He wouldn't want you to torment yourself over his death."
"I know." She breathed.
Neither one spoke for a long while. Blackwall just continued to hold her and stroke her hair. Until the last embers of the fire had died out. Slowly, Eloise pulled herself away from him. He looked back her with sorrowful sympathy in his clear grey eyes. She had never felt so secure in all her life as she did in that moment. "Blackwall," She said at length.
"Yes?" He asked quietly.
"Would you do something for me?"
A flicker of a smile came across his face. "Of course, Elle. Anything."
"Would you…come with me to Ostwick?"
The request surprised him. "Go with you?" He echoed back.
"Yes, I've spoken with my advisors. They've made all the arrangements. A small company of soldiers will be escorting me. I know I've painted a grim image of my family so I can't really blame you for not wanting to come but…I really don't want to face them alone. I've always felt like such an outsider there and if you came with me it…it would just mean a lot to me."
His eyes darted away from her gaze almost instinctively. He appeared to be lost in thought as he looked upon the dead fire. Eloise felt very nervous. She couldn't understand why he would hesitate so. He is from Markham…perhaps he would rather not go back so close to home? He'd rather stay away so he can forget. Or. He simply is scared to meet the family. I hardly blame him. The poor man doesn't know what he'd be in for. At least they'd somewhat approve - he is a Warden afterall.. They'll like him far more than the Stableboy I fancied back in Ostwick at any rate.
Blackwall looked at her suddenly and smiled tightly. "Of course I'll go."
Eloise was confused by his sudden decision yet grateful. "Thank-you." She said, her voice full of emotion.
Blackwall looked down, seeming to be embarrassed. "Oh, you have no need to thank me. What would I do with myself without you here? Whittle? I'd go threw all the spare wood and have to start taking planks out of the stables. Besides I'm…honored that you would ask me to attend. I know how much your brother meant to you and I…" He faltered a moment and reached out to clasp her hands. "I want to be there for you."
Eloise smiled, touched by his sentiment. "Well, thank-you all the same."
The two held a tender gaze, and Blackwall reached out a hand to her face and gently wiped the tears from her cheek. "My pleasure."
. . .
Eloise found it impossible to sleep that night. At this moment she had no idea how late it was and didn't want to know. After tossing and turning for hours, haunted by thoughts and memories of her brother she finally decided she needed to get out of bed and walk a little. She turned to her side to look over at Blackwall. He was in a deep slumber, lying motionless. She smiled. The thought of facing her family alone after all this time was just too terrifying - to know she would have Blackwall by her side meant the world. She leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss upon his brow and whispered thank-you in his ear. He moved slightly and gave a sigh as if he were starting to wake up but he soon fell back into his slumber. Eloise waited a moment, then skillfully she slid herself out of the bed and slipped on the green silk robe hung on her bedpost and the green slippers close by her feet. Then, employing her stealth skills she snuck out of her quarters without making so much as a sound. Skyhold was a strange place at night. Very quiet and still. As if the very stone itself were sleeping. All the candles had went out and it was a dark, cloudy starless night so no light came from the windows to help guide her way. Eloise paced the banquet hall then as she made her way into Skyhold's study a shadow appeared out from the darkness. Eloise felt a flash of fear, her hand twitched down to her hip - where her small jeweled dagger would usually be. Then Eloise recognized the shadow to be Lelianna slowly striding toward her. A master of shadows that one. I might learn a thing or two from her.
"It seems I'm not the only one up, Inquisitor." Lelianna said with a small laugh.
"It would seem so, lady nightingale." Eloise replied with a faint smile. "I was having trouble sleeping. Thought a little walk might calm me. Might I ask why you are still awake Lelianna?"
"Oh, I rarely sleep my lady. I would be a poor spymaster if I did."
Eloise chuckled slightly. "How do you sustain yourself then?"
"Years of practice." Lelianna replied with a slight grin, then fell silent. In the absence of speech it became apparent that there was truly not a single sound to be heard. Suddenly, Lelianna filled the void. "I am glad that I came upon you. I wanted to speak with you Inquisitor."
"If it has to do with my brother…I appreciate the concern but I really don't want to talk about it."
"I understand. I only wanted to let you know…I know a great deal about loss. I know how hard it can be. I am a good listener, if and when you need someone to talk to...well, I am here. You have been kind enough to listen to me, I thought it only fair for me to return the favor."
"Thank-you Lelianna, I will keep that in mind."
"Of course," She said kindly. "Now, I have some work to do. I'll leave you to your walk. You'll have plenty of time rest during your travel. We will keep order here while you are away." With that Lelianna disappeared into the shadows and Eloise was alone in the quiet hall once more. She sighed and walked out onto the battlements and looked up at the cloudily sky. She stayed there for sometime. Her eyes were heavy and her thoughts calmer now. The first faint lights of dawn started to break through heavy cloud and Eloise started to feel raindrops. She laughed a little to herself. Of course, it would have to be raining wouldn't it?
She stayed out there a few moments longer as the rainfall began in earnest. Living so near the sea she was used to rain - more than used to it. She always loved the rain. The clean fresh scent it gave as it cleansed the world. She took a deep inhale to breathe in the damp air then went back inside and back to bed. Hoping to get at least some measure of rest before the journey