Do You Believe in Prefect Kisses?
James and Sirius were walking around the lake while Peter and Remus were still sleeping. At five-thirty in the morning, Sirius had woken James up to take him on a walk. It was obvious why his animagus form was that of a dog. He was always waking up one of the other three boys early in the morning for a walk.
"James," Sirius said after a long period of silence.
"Yes?"
"Have you heard about the superstition that involves kissing prefects?"
"Yeah, Padfoot. I think everyone has."
"It's said that kissing a prefect will be the most perfect kiss you'll ever have."
James stopped walking for a moment. "I'm aware of that. It also says that the specific prefect becomes your 'soul mate' and only death can separate you. You don't really believe all that nonsense, do you, mate?"
"I don't know," Sirius exhaled. "Sounds like a nice thing to believe in, though. It worked with your parents."
James rolled his eyes. "That's probably a coincidence."
"You never know. It could work with you and Lily," Sirius grinned. "You should try it."
"What? Force her to kiss me? No way, not happening. Plus, I don't want to be with her just yet. She's obviously still too proud to admit I'm not such a bad guy. I'm tired of cat-and-mouse games."
"So you're just giving up?" Sirius was disappointed. Marauders don't give up.
"Nope. Not giving up. Taking a break... for a while at least."
"How long?"
James thought for a moment. "Until I go back to being my old self. But right now, I figure why not enjoy all this." James outstretched his arms as if to say 'everything'. "My secret and I only have so long before things go back to normal. I'd give us six months to a year," James sighed sadly, looking to the sky. The dark blue was fading to gray.
"Secret?"
"Oh, it's nothing. Hey, did you know that Peter hates Lily?"
"Really," Sirius was surprised. Peter always acted so nice and friendly towards her.
"Yep."
"Why?"
"He says he has his reasons."
"How odd."
"Not incredibly. You don't like her, either."
"Good point. You could do better."
"Probably..."
Sirius was eyeing up and down the various Great Hall tables and scanning over the prefects with his silver eyes. "Nope. Not a single prefect looks worth snogging. All the girls are too goody-goody and all the guys are... well, guys. And we all know how that one goes." James glanced over at Remus who was staring dejectedly at his morning banana. That was definitely a low blow on Sirius's part.
Sirius realized his error a moment too late and frantically tried apologizing to Remus. "I-I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that... but you know, Moony... I'm just not into that sort of thing. Nothing against your kind-I mean... um... the gay community... but I'm a skirt chaser. And I'm really into girls. I wasn't targeting you or anything. I'm totally fine with that type of sexual preference."
"Sirius," Remus sighed, "please stop apologizing. I know you didn't mean it like that," Remus started to sound exasperated and used the voice that he rehearsed this sentence with so often that it made his nerves tingle, "and that you weren't meaning to sound offensive or trying to target me or the gay community in any type of way that suggested you don't approve of our sexual preferences." Remus let out another long sigh. "I'm feeling nauseated. I think I'm going to go to Muggle Studies a bit early and I'll catch up on some reading." Remus left the tables with an air of depression clouding around him.
Peter's face fell as he watched Remus disappear. "'S he gonna be 'kay?" Peter asked through a mouthful of toast and jam.
"I don't know." James looked worried, but then turned on Sirius. "Sirius! You know that is still a bit of a touchy subject with him. He only told us about being gay a week ago tomorrow. Can you not be a little bit more careful with what you say? I'm going to go to class early. Don't follow because when I get there I'm talking to Moony. You and Peter finish eating breakfast." James left the Great Hall filled with anger. Maybe it was only obvious to James, but it was blindingly obvious that Remus had had a huge crush on Sirius since maybe even before Remus knew himself.
James recalled a time last year when Remus was getting jealous around O.W.L. examination time. Everybody else thought it was stress, but James knew better. Sirius had gone all the way with a girl for the first time and just wouldn't shut up about it. He finally did when Remus yelled at him, saying he couldn't concentrate on his studying. Which was probably half true. It was the first and last time that Remus had yelled like that, though.
When Remus entered the classroom, it was empty except for Professor Robin Kain, a kind and elderly man of his sixties. He looked up behind his small spectacles. "Professor, I know that I am half an hour early for the class, but could I please stay here until class starts?" The professor seemed to sense the stress behind Remus's voice and simply said that it would be fine.
James walked into Muggle Studies not more than five minutes later. Once again the Professor looked up, but this time neither student nor teacher said a word.
As soon as James found his seat next to Remus, he took out some parchment and his quill. He then began writing a note to his friend.
Moony, are you okay? James handed the parchment to Remus.
Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? Remus replied.
Oh, I don't know... maybe because of something Sirius said during breakfast. Come on, don't lie. I know you better than that. Six years better than that to be exact.
It took Remus a moment to decipher the messy writing. Okay... maybe his words didn't exactly rub me the right way, but I'm fine. It was an honest mistake on his part.
Damn it, Remus. Are you ever going to think that maybe it isn't okay to hurt yourself like this? Werewolf or not, gay or straight... this is stupid. Tell Sirius how you feel. You owe it to yourself and him. Tell him that you have feelings for him. And don't try to deny that fact. Like I said, I know you six years better than that.
Remus glanced at the paper and a look of horror clouded his face. He couldn't deny it now, but he really didn't feel like confirming it either. James, this is ridiculous. I'd appreciate everyone not bringing up the fact that I'm gay more than once today or, if that's too difficult, at least this morning. We all know how other students would take the information. They'd act weird, full of hatred, or they'd try to use me for their own sexual experiments.
Okay. So let's exclude the common knowledge that you are a homosexual. Now what about Sirius?
Remus flexed his jaw in irritation after reading the first sentence. What about Sirius?
James sighed heavily. Must I rewrite that part? I really don't feel like it. Especially since I now believe you're just feigning innocence.
Remus bit his lip for a moment before giving in. Fine, James. What are you wanting me to write? That I have feelings for Sirius... is that it? Okay, you caught me. I like Padfoot. Have for a long time. Happy now?
James smirked. Only slightly. I'd be happier if you wouldn't act so cruel and full of angst. What's with you today? I realize that breakfast wasn't so great, but you've been like this since you woke up.
Remus's expression hardened. Tonight is a full moon.
Oh yeah... well, since it's a Friday you can sleep in tomorrow. You'll like that. We all will.
Remus developed a far away look after reading that. "Yeah," he said in a soft voice. He neatly folded the parchment up and placed it in his book bag as more students filed into the room. Sirius and Peter amongst them.
Peter sat down next to James and Sirius sat on the other side of Remus. "Listen, mate, I'm really sorry."
"There's no need for you to apologize to me again. I'm fine," Remus assured him.
Sirius seemed to question those words for a split second, but then decided he was telling the truth. "Good. Okay, so tonight we'll..." Sirius started to talk about their plans for the full moon before Professor Kain began his instructions.
Remus awoke naked underneath two blankets in the Shrieking Shack. It was an early Saturday morning in mid-October. Turning his head, Remus saw three other teenage boys lying on the cold, hard floor as well, but they didn't have blankets.
Turning his head again, he noticed that his clothes were on the other side of the room. He shifted on his side and wrapped one of the blankets around his waist. He bent over to pick up his clothes with his right hand when he heard a tired voice come from behind him.
"Remmie?"
Remus was so startled that he dropped the blanket around his waist without realizing. Remus turned around to face Sirius.
Sirius was wide-eyed and blood was rushing to his cheeks. His eyes shifted downward and his mouth dropped open.
"Um... Remus, I think you dropped your blanket," Sirius said awkwardly, after a long silence.
Remus looked down and gasped. He quickly picked up the blanket. "Do you think you can turn around for a minute? I need to get dressed."
"Yeah." After Sirius turned around and Remus had gotten dressed, there was a thick tension in the room until the other two boys woke up around fifteen minutes later.
Remus and Sirius didn't talk much that entire day and avoided eye contact as much as possible. Later that night in the Gryffindor common room, the four boys were seated in front of the fireplace and talking. Well, actually... I guess you could say it was only Peter and James chatting the place up.
"Okay, that's it," Peter said, "I know I like to talk a lot, but it's only fun to talk to other people." James looked rejected. "Sorry, James. I didn't mean I don't like talking to just you, but it's been like this all day. You've noticed it as well. Something is up. What's the deal?"
Remus was tired of it, too. "Sirius saw me naked this morning when you guys were sleeping. He startled me and my blanket slipped when I was getting my clothes."
"REMUS!" Sirius looked mad.
"Well I'm sorry Padfoot, but it's the truth and I'm tired of us avoiding each other. We're sixteen and we should have a little bit more of a mature view on what happened earlier. Plus, you only saw me naked. It's not like we-" before Remus could finish, Sirius stormed up to their dormitory.
James smiled. "So that's what happened! Glad that mystery is solved. Peter and I were wondering all day long."
Peter stared towards the stairs. "Yeah... James and I were worried, but if that's all that happened, then Sirius is overreacting. Overreacting or not, I think someone should go talk to him, though."
"Peter, I'll take care of this guy," James pointed to Remus, "so you can be his shrink for tonight. Got it?"
"Got it," Peter replied leaving towards the dorms.
Peter could smell firewhiskey just outside the room. Upon opening the door, he saw Sirius trying to guzzle the entire bottle down. "Sirius!" Peter knew it didn't take a lot to get Sirius drunk and this was definitely not the time. Peter grabbed the bottle before it was half gone and stashed it under James bed, where it belonged.
"Sirius? Are you still sober?"
"'Course I am," he slurred angrily. "Why'd ya take away m' bottle?"
Peter rolled his eyes. "Sure you are. That isn't yours, it's James's. Also, you don't need to be drunk right now."
"Why in hell's name not? Hm, Wormytail?"
"Because you just don't need to be. Let's sit down." Peter helped Sirius to the bed closest to the door, Remus's. "You've seen Remus naked before. We all have seen each other like that. We are close enough that we don't care about that sort of thing. Or at least we were, apparently. I want to know why this is any different."
"'Cause he likes blokes now," Sirius slurred. "You can't be showing skin randomly when you like blokes."
Peter's face was on the verge of turning red. "Why not," he demanded. "He's one of your best mates and a week ago you said you were fine with him being gay."
"It's wrong, Pete! It's wrong..."
"Says who?"
"The Bible. Society. Everyone."
"The Bible?! First of all, Sirius Orion Black, you don't even believe in that bloody book! Second of all, it says having gay sex is a sin, not being gay! And who cares if it's a sin?!" Peter's voice was getting surprisingly loud. "I'm personally disappointed that you, of all people, would be cautious about society! You've never given a damn before when it's your own damn business!" He caught his breath before continuing. "And then you say everyone. Well, Sirius... James and I don't care. James and I don't care whether Remus likes blokes or not. Do you wanna know why? It's because Remus is our friend. It's because Remus forgives us for all our shortcomings. He's even forgiven you for all or yours. And to think this is how you act in return... I think I was sorely mistaken about the person I thought you were." Peter stormed out of the room, slamming the door.
Sirius was left speechless and feeling stupid after his friend left. He pondered why all this bugged him so much before passing out on the wrong bed.
Remus saw a red-faced Peter come stomping down the stairs. "Damn it all!"
"What, Peter?" It was rare for James to see Peter so mad.
"That stupid mutt upstairs decided to steal some of your liquor, just so you know."
James and Remus were both in disbelief. Peter had never insulted Sirius before, to his face or behind his back. And he also had never used such a stern tone of voice. He was almost to the point of being scary.
Remus went pale. "What happened up there?"
"Well, Sirius is intoxicated for starters. He's going to become an alcoholic one day is he continues that." The other two boys exchanged glances. Along with Sirius, they were the only ones who knew how touchy the subject of alcohol was for him because of angry, abusive, alcoholic parents.
"James and I heard you yelling up there. We couldn't hear what was being said, but we could tell it was you. You're lucky that it's early enough that no one's asleep or else we might be in trouble for the level of noise. What were you yelling about?"
"I don't know if I should say..."
"It's bad, isn't it?" Remus closed his eyes.
"Well... it's just that Sirius is having a hard time adjusting to... some things."
Remus looked down. Warm tears were about to spill over his eyelids and he was powerless to stop them. His friend had rejected him. He tried not to cry, but he couldn't control himself. He fled towards the bathroom since the dormitory was now preoccupied.
Remus picked himself up off of the prefects' bathroom floor an hour later. It was the only place in Hogwarts that offered him complete seclusion. By now, his eyelids were swollen to twice their size and his eyes were bloodshot.
It was ten o' clock and if he didn't hurry, Filch would have a very good (and slightly biased) reason to give him detention (as if he hadn't gotten enough of those with Peter, James, and Sirius). Remus headed straight for the common room and managed to avoid any possible trouble. He made a mental note of taking the Marauder map with him next time, though, because his good luck never occurred twice in a row.
He saw that Peter and James were gone when he entered the Gryffindor common room. To Remus, that meant that Peter had either gotten hungry and convinced James to go with him to the kitchen or they were upstairs because James wanted more privacy in their conversation. Either situation was very likely.
Remus decided to go upstairs to their room. An intoxicated Sirius that was passed out didn't pose any threat to him, so his location of refuge mattered very little.
Peter and James weren't in the room and since Sirius was lying on Remus's bed, Remus decided to relax on James's and watch Sirius sleep. After five minutes, Sirius started talking in his sleep (something that wasn't unusual).
"Remus... I'm sorry... Peter was right and I'm sorry..."
"'S okay, Siri. Don't worry about it. Rest," Remus said out loud, wondering if Sirius could hear him or not. Maybe he did, though, because after that he stayed quiet and looked more at peace in his sleep than ever.
Moments later, the door to the room opened, but there seemed to be no one there. "James? Peter? Is that you guys?"
"Ooo, Remus! I am the ghost of," James's fake ghost voice paused and started whispering to Peter, "hey, Pete. Do we know any ghosts?"
Peter contemplated, "hm... maybe you could just say Halloween's past. It is coming up soon, after all."
"Okay," James whispered back. "I am the ghost of Halloween's paaaaaaaaaaast! Ooooooooooooo!"
"Ha. Very funny, James," said Remus sarcastically, walking over to the area the voices came from and grabbing the cloak.
"Aw! Remus, you ruin all the fun," James whined.
"James, why is there chocolate all over your face? You hate chocolate and when you do eat it, you don't get it all over your face." Upon further investigation, "and there's chocolate on your neck! What were you two bloody doing?"
"Nothing," Peter spoke innocently, the lower half of his face also covered in chocolate.
"Yeah. What Peter said. The chocolate was really good and it was melting a lot. That's all."
Remus was unsure. "Okay. Right. Um... Sirius is in my bed. So where do I sleep?"
"Sirius's bed," the other two responded in unison.
"Oh. Right. Okay. Then I guess I'm going to bed."
"Petey and I are gonna stay up a bit," James flashed a wide, mischievous smile at Peter, who then giggled.
Putting his head on the pillow, Remus felt confused, like he was on acid or in a muggle Twilight Zone special.
A now sober Sirius shook Remus awake just before dawn. "Moony! Wake up! Now," he said in hurried whispers.
"Whassa matt'r, Siri?"
"Sh! Don't wake the other guys up, just wake yourself! Now! It's Sunday morning and I wanna go for a walk!"
"Why can't James do it today?"
"No. I want you to," Sirius said cheerfully and full of energy.
"But you know I'm not a morning person, Siri." Remus yawned.
"That doesn't matter. C'mon. Get out of bed. Up, up!"
"Fine."
As they were walking around the lake, Remus realized Sirius was acting normal with him. Almost as if the past didn't happen. They were experiencing an actual conversation.
"Listen, Remus. I need to talk to you," Sirius spoke firmly.
Remus braced himself, thinking their friendship was ending. After all, Sirius hadn't been too keen about the gay thing. Maybe this really was the end of their friendship.
"Okay. What about?"
"I know I've been an utter bastard since you told us you liked blokes. I was completely insensitive. And then yesterday I was too sensitive. I was unable to comprehend why it bugged me so much."
There was a long silence. Remus desperately wanted Sirius to finish. "And? Have you figured it out?"
"Yeah. I kept thinking about you being with blokes. You kissing random guys, their hands roaming around your body. I was angry. I thought it was wrong in every way."
Remus felt a lump rise in his throat.
"I woke up this morning and every piece of scrambled information clicked. The reason I was so angry was because I saw you with other blokes, but I pictured us together... and was filled with happiness. The things that were wrong with them didn't feel wrong with us. I didn't give a damn about those things."
Remus couldn't speak.
"I realize that just because you're gay doesn't mean you'll like me back. And I realize that since we've been best mates for a long time we can't expect everything to be perfect-"
Remus cut Sirius off by pressing his lips against Sirius's.
"Okay, disregard everything I just said," Sirius breathed, "that was perfect."
Remus kissed Sirius again, only this time it was much more passionate.
"Siri, it's almost breakfast breakfast time," he grinned as he watched the sun come up.
"Mmhm."
Both boys went inside grinning like idiots and agreeing to wait a while before telling James and Peter.
James glanced at Sirius and then Remus. "So I take it you two are-"
"Yep," Sirius answered. "We're getting along quite well today, if I do say so myself."
"That's good," Peter chimed in.
Everyone was grinning idiotically, except Remus, who appeared confused and mildly angry.
"What's wrong, Remus?" The smile faded from Sirius's face.
Remus ignored Sirius. "James! What in the bloody hell are you doing?"
"What did I do?"
Remus growled, "your foot is moving up and down my thigh. I'd be extremely please if you would remove it and give me an explanation as to why it was there."
Sirius wore a dangerous expression. "Yes, James. Please remove your foot immediately before my foot goes flying up your-"
"Calm down, Padfoot. My foot isn't even stroking his inner thigh, it's stroking P-" James's head disappeared under the table. "Oh! I'm sorry, Moony! Really."
Peter giggled.
"Well, now that we've fixed that," Sirius bit into a piece of bacon, "James, you remember our talk about two days ago?"
"Um... which one?"
"The superstition."
"Oh, yeah. Why?"
Sirius glanced at Remus for a second. "Because I think that I do believe in it. I think I believe every word."