Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story (except for the puppy) are mine. They all belong to Eoin Colfer.

Artemis Fowl and the Puppy Incident

By Tesmarana Strommer

Chapter one: Old friends, re-remembered

Artemis Fowl grimaced as he opened the box. It was Christmas, one of his least favorite times of the year. And this year was the worst. Since Artemis's father had returned, he had been acting strangely. The Fowls were known for being Criminals, and had been so for generations, but Artemis senior had taken a strange turn after being in the arctic for some time. He had returned as a friendly smiling man who took Artemis on walks to simply look at the blue sky and smile at the birds. This was not the father that Artemis knew, and he was not about to give in the way his father had. But Christmas had been dislikable before, because usually the Fowls went on some ridiculous vacation to somewhere humid and sandy. This year however, Artemis's parents had opted for staying home, and having a Christmas with lots of gifts and food, as well as (Artemis shuddered) holiday music. All in all the worst thing that had happened so far was giving his father a brand new, best of the best Laptop. His father had frowned upon opening it and had said "I suppose this is for work isn't it Arty?" When Artemis had nodded and explained how much the family fortune needed rebuilding, his father had simply given him a big hug and said "Oh Arty, we don't need money. We have everything we need right here, but thank you for the gift, I'll be sure to use it."

Artemis had thought that the laptop had been the down point of their Christmas, but now there was something worse.

"What is the meaning of this?" Asked Artemis, trying his best to not sound very annoyed. He looked up to see his parents beaming.

"It's..." Said his Father, barely able to contain his enthusiasm, "A Puppy!"

Artemis frowned. "I know WHAT it is father, I meant, why do I HAVE a puppy. Is it a show dog? Father, you know that dog breeding is one of the worst investments we could make. Perhaps we should consider a different route-" But he stopped when he saw the frown appear on his father's own face.

"I thought...I thought that you'd like a puppy Artemis. Isn't he adorable?...but I mean, you're right. Perhaps I should have consulted you first before...investing in a dog. Don't worry. I'll take it back right now." His father reached for the squirming bundle of fur but Artemis took the dog before his father could barely touch it.

"No Father, wait. Now that I've spent some time with the puppy...I do like it. Perhaps I will keep him. After all, how much trouble can he be?"

His Father's frown turned into a smile. "I knew you'd like it Artemis. I just knew it. Do you have a name for him yet? Angeline, oh, isn't this wonderful. We're just like a normal family now." His parents hugged one another and then motioned for Artemis to join in. He got up reluctantly and walked to his mother's side.

"Bring the puppy." Said his mother. Artemis picked up the fur ball using his thumbs and middle fingers only, while holding the dog at arms length so that it wouldn't get him dirty.

"Butler, take a picture." Said Artemis's Father. "Smile everyone. This is a memory that will last a lifetime."

Artemis smiled and went to collect the presents he had received. A home made set of blocks from his father (all of the blocks in odd shapes due to the fact that Artemis senior was no craftsman), a pair of hand knitted socks from his mother (which were actually quite good considering that she had never knitted before) and a brand new Armani suit along with an I Pod and cell phone from Artemis himself (who was now his closest friend.)

"Ok now, you cute lil' kid. Get to bed so Santa can come and leave you more wonderful gifts."

"Yes father. Good night." Artemis left feeling that this had been the worst Christmas ever. When he got to his room, he changed and immediately went to bed. He would get up again once his Parents had done their usual check up to make sure that he was sound asleep, and went to bed themselves. Lately he'd taken to keeping his old (and rather low tech) Laptop under his bed. His parents had recently gotten rid of nearly every computer in the house so that they could get a chance to be more connected, leaving Artemis to struggle with finding more information about the Faerie people. He had taken a keen interest to them ever since he'd awoken one day from a strange dream. The dream was not memorable, but it must have had something to do with Faeries because that had been what had gotten him inspired in the first place. He also had the strange feeling that he knew something more about it, but couldn't quite-. The door creaked open and Artemis could hear footsteps come into his bedroom. His Father no doubt. Artemis lay perfectly still waiting for the footsteps to retreat and then felt something poke him.

He jumped and whipped around. The room was almost completely dark, but he could just make out the small figure of a person standing by his bed.

"Hey, you awake yet?" Came an oddly familiar voice.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my bedroom!?!" Demanded Artemis frozen still. The light turned on, Artemis shielded his eyes which had grown accustom to the dark. When he removed his arm he saw that the little figure was doing the same thing.

"Hate light..." he mumbled "So Artemis, how are you?" Artemis did not answer. In truth, he was at this moment paging Butler. He also reached for the vase that had been sitting on a stand by his bed, a rather undignified thing for an evil criminal mastermind to do, but it seemed his only option.

"Whoa-" cried the figure. "Yeah, well I guess you don't remember me, but take this..." He said holding out a little golden disc. "I'll leave now...but this thing...trust me, you'll want to see what's on it. Bye Mud boy." He said and then disappeared. Artemis sat in silence for some time before Butler arrived.

"Artemis? What's going on? Why did you page me?"

"Butler...I think we should check this out. Could you please make sure that my parents don't barge in on us while I work? Something...odd just happened."

"Wha-? Ok, fine Artemis, what else do you want me to do?"

"Check the surveillance cameras in the yard, See if they've picked up anything unusual."

Butler left Artemis to his work and checked on his Parents who were busily arranging gifts all over the house.

"Er...Mr. and Mrs. Fowl? I just checked up on Artemis, He's fast asleep."

"Oh, good. We were just going to check on him ourselves." Said Angeline.

"Yeah, he forgot his puppy." Said Artemis senior, holding up what looked like nothing more than a pompom with a tongue.

"Actually, he said he wanted me to get him a glass of water..." Said Butler. "I'll bring him the puppy. You two can finish up down here." They nodded and Mr. Fowl reluctantly released the puppy. Then Butler quickly went to the basement to check the surveillance cameras. Nothing had shown up on there accept for a rabbit in the Fowl's garden. After thoroughly checking the rest of the grounds, he grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and headed upstairs...forgetting the puppy at the bottom.

"Artemis? It's me Butler." He opened the door to see Artemis sitting on the bed with a dazed expression. "Artemis? Are you all right?"

"Yes Butler, there is something you should see though...something you've forgotten. Oh, thank you for the water, although I doubt that will help."

"What's wrong? Just tell me Artemis."

"No, you won't believe me right now. Just have a look at those files." Artemis then started to study different corners of the room. After fixing his eye on a certain spot he said "Butler? Is it coming back now?"

"Bits and pieces of it Artemis...it still all seems so...unreal. How come we didn't remember any of it?"

"We had a mind wipe Butler, Mulch Diggums will explain. Maybe Holly will even join in."

"What?" Asked Butler, but he soon saw what he was talking about as two figures unveiled themselves. They were floating near the ceiling by Artemis's closet. One was a short elf with cropped auburn hair. She was wearing a suit that said L.E.P. on the front, The other was a dwarf who was grinning from ear to ear and was very dirty looking. Butler's jaw dropped as he saw them.

"Hello Fowl." Said Holly. She was smiling too now. Artemis was still thinking and had not yet shown even the slightest bit of emotion at having just remembered a very important part of his life. "Fowl?" Holly asked again.

Silence.

"Artemis," Butler nudge the boy and Artemis looked at Holly and cleared his throat.

"Why did you two revive my memory?"

"Sheesh," Mulch muttered, "You kind of asked me to."

"I know that I asked YOU to do it, but not Holly, how did she figure it out?"

Holly pointed at Mulch and said in a tattle tale voice "He blabbed, that's alright though, We could use an evil child mastermind right about now, apparently there's an undercover group of goblins here, we've detected them but they appear to have protected their exact location by surrounding themselves with a dense fuzzy material of some sort, we're thinking some kind of fur."

"I see," Artemis nodded, "Well, I can't say that I've noticed anything large and fuzzy around here-"

"They wouldn't be large," Holly hurried, "At most they'd weigh in at ten pounds altogether."

"Well, I haven't noticed that either." Artemis said, dismissing the idea, "Do you suppose that they could hide under a sofa or something?"

"That depends, can any of your sofas move around?"

"Probably," Artemis sighed, "But none that I've noticed...I don't suppose you know that its Christmas?"

"What-mas?" Holly asked,

"Its a holiday where I pretend I'm asleep and my parents bustle around the pine tree down stairs and pack it with gifts for me to open in the morning, any one of those gifts could hold the goblins, but we wont find out until tomorrow."

"Artemis...no hello? No how have you been? Artemis, I didn't want them to erase your memory...I tried to stop it."

Artemis looked up. "I know Holly...I wasn't under the mesmer when you suggested they stop, remember?"

"Oh right, how did you...?"

"Holly, do you really think that I want to be mind wiped again? I will not let that information out...ever."

"Oh, that's right." Said Butler who had still been looking through the files. "That's where those contacts came from, and we thought that somebody had bugged you. Hehe."

"Butler!" snapped Artemis, nudging the manservant very hard. For anybody else, this would have been a death sentence, but it was Butler's job to protect Artemis, so he resisted such urges.

"Er...yeah, Those people were our contacts...meaning we contacted them because...because..."

"You used contact lenses? How primitive." Said Holly.

"Well it worked didn't it?" said Artemis. "The same way those primitive sleeping pills worked when I first met you."

Holly pushed that aside. "Fowl, we have bigger fish to fry-"

"Yes, like why is it that there are Goblins running around my house and whether the LEP know what you are doing here." Said Artemis. He knew that Root would not have taken un-mind wiping lightly, He would have probably threatened to fire Holly had she even mentioned it as a joke. And Artemis was also sure that if Root got word of Holly being here, her badge WOULD be destroyed...for good.

"Erm...well you might not want to contact Root... or Foaly for that matter. Neither knew what we were up to when we left them a few hours ago.

"You're sure of this Holly?"

"Positive."

"Odd, I really thought that Foaly would have joined in. But then again, he's probably trying to figure out what makes me 'tick'." Said Artemis, and for a brief second, something like disappointment crossed Artemis's face.

"It wasn't a matter of joining in Artemis, he just didn't know. And trust me, he hasn't even touched those files." Holly lied. In truth, Foaly had searched and re-searched those files at least five hundred times, but he still was having some difficulties. Holly gave Artemis a smile, which was not returned.

Knock, knock, knock

They all jumped. "Artemis dear? Are you asleep?"

"No mother." said Artemis rushing to the door and motioning for the others to hide. Holly through the cam foil over her and Mulch. The door opened and there stood Artemis's parents holding what appeared to be a giant wriggling dust bunny.

"Betcha couldn't get to sleep without him." Said his father, handing him the furry object. Then his father patted Artemis on the head and said "Good night Arty, don't let the bed bugs bite."

"Yes Father, Good night." Artemis closed the door and sighed as he walked to his bed, stuffing the puppy into his pillow case.

"Artemis!' said Holly, uncovering herself. "That's no way to treat a...what is that thing?"

"Oh, that thing, is a dog. My father gave it to me as a Christmas present. I haven't a clue as to why. It's probably loaded with parasites. But he looked so sad when I told him I didn't want it that-"

"Wait, you told him that you didn't want it?" Broke in Mulch, who had been pretty much silent the whole time. He had crossed the room and was now petting the puppy who rolled around playfully trying to bite mulch's fingers.

"Yes, well, it is not for profits of any kind so no need to keep the filthy thing."

"MULCH!" shouted Holly, stopping the Dwarf who had just unhinged his jaw , and was bending down to the dog's height.

"But these things don't taste too bad Holly, and Artemis doesn't want it."

"Convict!" Said Holly using a voice that sounded very similar to Root's. The Dwarf re-hinged his jaw and backed away from the puppy. Holly smiled.

"I've been using that trick all week on him.' she explained to Artemis.

Artemis grabbed the puppy and looked at it. It's eyes bulged and his tail began to wiggle. The tongue was still trying to lick frantically. Artemis made a face (unwillingly of course) that showed just how much he thought of the puppy. Then it grabbed on to his silk pajamas and began to tug, Artemis threw it across the room where it landed and began to play with a sock instead.

"Artemis!" said Butler. "You nearly killed your father's Christmas present!"

"Nonsense Butler. Look at him, no harm done...but look at what he did to these pajamas, I shall have to buy some new ones, they don't really make this-"

"Really Fowl, don't you remember what we were just discussing?" asked Holly.

"Yes, of course." said Artemis straightening himself up, but still gazing regretfully at his torn sleeve. "Holly, the puppy..."

"We don't have time for puppies right now Fowl!" She snapped. "Come on, we have to find those Goblins." She was shielded and out of the door before Artemis could say another word. He sighed. "Holly!"

"No use," Said Mulch. "She's already down the stairs. Lets go." Mulch threw the cam foil over himself and was also out of the door. Butler shrugged and they both followed.

"Butler...I think that the Puppy-"

"Enough about the pajamas Artemis, we'll buy you some new ones tomorrow."

"But Butler, it isn't that, it's just, the puppy, when I through him across the room, I

think-"

"The puppy was fine, you saw him."

"Butler, just let me fin-"

"Enough Artemis, we should be keeping an eye out for Goblins."

"Am I your principal or not!?!" Asked Artemis.

"Oh...of course," Said Butler "I'm sorry, I almost forgot-" But he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw who was standing in the hallway.