ok, I know I'm posting a lot of finished huddy stories (ok, this is the 2nd one, maybe not a lot) and some readers want me to update some of the other stories I posted. I will do that later, but now I'm obsessed with House, so maybe I can't come up with more... I go where my mind takes me.
A second thing, people may have noticed I'm using songs as titles. I just can't come up with other things at the moment, and this song fits. cookies to all who can guess the artist of this song, and the one who sang the songs from Leap Of Faith, all chapters.
A third, I would like people to enter in my second contest about vampires and werewolfs.
So, enough with this author note and on with the story. It's, once again, set after she lost Joy and the kiss didn't happen. And I don't know about Cuddy's history, so I made one.

She had enough. After years of being shouted at by House and trying to get a child, she had finally had enough. She had lost once again and she couldn't take it anymore. What did she have to gain by staying alive? She saw the tub filling slowly as she thought about what she was about to do. Would it hurt? It couldn't hurt more than the things she felt every day. She sat down in the tub and felt the drugs taking effect. She quickly took a deep breath before they completely started working and lunched her head backwards. The next thing she saw was darkness.

Or... light? She was definitely inside a room, but there were no windows or lamps. There was nothing except 4 walls, a floor and a ceiling, all in red. How could there be light when it didn't come from anywhere?

"Why did you do this?"

She jumped and turned around to see there was a little girl standing there. She couldn't have been more than 5 years old. She was wearing a white sleeveless dress that reached just below her knees and it looked like it was shining. The girl looked familiar, but she could place her. She had to be the one who talked, but now she just was staring at her, so she decided to start the conversation.

"Who are you?"

"I don't have a name."

"Why?"

"No one could give me one."

"Why?"

"No one ever met me. Why? Because I died before they could."

This was insane! Sure, she had meant to kill herself, but she never thought death would be like this. Somehow she had expected whiter, like the dress the girl was wearing. But the dress was the only white thing she could see.

"This isn't death."

She came down from her thoughts and looked at the girl. She had said she was dead, but somehow she wasn't? What was this place?

"This is a place in between. Between life and death. Why it's red? Because red is the colour of roses, which stands for love, but also the colour of blood, which stands for hate. The night starts with a red sky, but the day does too. Red can be the colour of your skin when you're angry or shy, if you're hot or cold, it can be seen as fire, which destroys, but also as a heart, which builds. But most of all, it stands for a stop. This room symbolizes the place where you are now, and only you can choose if you want to go through or go back to where you came from."

She let the words sink in. She had a chance to go back?

"Yes you have. I'm here to help you with making your decision."

Somehow she believed this girl. But she needed to know for sure before going with her.

"How do I know I'm not really dead?"

The girl smiled and pointed to a mirror that just had appeared.

"Go and look at what you're wearing."

She walked over and was stunned for a moment. She was wearing a silk dress that stopped just above the ground. There was a split in the material, at the left side, which reached all the way up to her hip. The only thing that held it up was a gold necklace with a heart hanging from it. What really was amazing was the fact everything was red. And not just red, it looked like it was made to change colour a little, for it was light, then dark and then went back to light. Now she believed the girl fully.

"Good. Don't be scared."

The next moment they were flying through a colour vortex. There were screens passing by, but she couldn't see what played on them. Then one of them became bigger and the girl led her to it.

She looked around and saw they were standing in a hospital room. She didn't recognize it, so she figured it wasn't in her hospital. There were a few people standing in the room, around a woman holding a child which couldn't be more than a week old. Just then, one of the nurses spoke up.

"Do you have a name yet?"

The woman smiled at a man who smiled back.

"Yes, we have. Her name will be Lisa. Lisa Cuddy."

The other Lisa looked at her companion, shocked while the latter just shrugged her shoulders.

"I wanted to be thorough, so I started at the beginning. I think you know what happened a few days later, so I'm not going to torture you with seeing it."

She thought about it while the girl led them in another vortex. Yes, she knew, her father had told her so many times. Everything had gone well, until someone at the hospital gave her mother the wrong drugs, what killed her. Her father had sued the hospital, but the judge had said it had been a mistake and mistakes could happen. No one was to blame, and her father was left with next to nothing because he had to take care of her and pay the attorneys.

And then they were standing in another moment. One she remembered and saw back in her worst nightmares. Metal bent out of shape, flames everywhere, the iron smell of blood in the air. Sirens everywhere and, although she couldn't really feel it, she still felt the cold air of that night. It was the night her father died. The night she decided she wanted to be a doctor. Another night that was nobodies fault. No one was to blame.

"It was the day after Christmas, so there was more traffic than usual. No one saw the patch of ice that had formed in the middle of a crossroad until it was too late and someone slipped over it. Other cars couldn't brake and collided with the pile or could just steer away and collide with the buildings surrounding it. There were three survivors. John Millander, 39, survived with a broken arm and a concussion. He was rich and had enforced his limo; it took the hit for him. Samantha Nikos, 33, was smart and jumped out of her car, because she saw she couldn't stop in time. Only had a few bruises and sore ribs. The last survivor was a child. 12 years old. No one knew her name or how she survived, but soon she was called a miracle child. A week later no one had come to pick her up, so they concluded she was an orphan."

Then there were articles from newspapers flying past. There were too many to read, but she could read a few of them.

'Big pile-up in Chicago. Only 3 survivors'

'12 year old girl survives car crash in Chicago'

'Identity 12 year old girl still not known'

'Girl from accident now an orphan'

'Crash survivors now live together'

She winced at the last one. Samantha and John fell in love after the accident. After a few weeks they had decided they wanted a child, but neither of them had wanted to raise one from birth. So they decided they should adopt, and who was better than the girl who survived the crash with them? At first it had been good, they hid her from cameras and never told anyone her name, she didn't want that. But later they fought a lot. They didn't even come to her graduation.

"Wow girl, go slower! You're graduation comes later, there's something we have to look at first."

Another vortex later they were standing in a dark room which she recognized as her bedroom from college. But why were they there?

"Look behind you."

She did. There, on the bed, was a young man, sitting next to a sleeping woman she recognized as herself. He slowly lent in to kiss her forehead, whispered something in her ear and left. She heard him do something in the other room, but she was too stunned to see what.

Then there was another vortex, less blurry than the ones before. She figured it was because of the time that had passed; it was only a few days later when they stepped out. Graduation day. She had finished first of her class, but she wasn't happy. No one was there for her. She had no real friends, because she didn't wanted to be recognized as the girl from the crash and she was always busy studying, Samantha and John had been to busy fighting to hear she was graduated and she hadn't seen Greg since they slept together. She had pretended to be happy, but she hadn't been.

"He was there, you know."

She looked in the direction the girl pointed and saw she was right. There he stood. Greg House. He was smiling too, but she could see it wasn't a true smile, like hers. He looked like he wanted to cry, like she had wanted and did later that day.

"He loved you. He didn't want to admit it, but he did. He even whispered it to you, but then it all went wrong. He searched for your phone number, but he found your roommates number. Stacy's number. She played it like the both of you thought the other never wanted to see you again and started dating Greg. He didn't find out until it was too late and you were gone. Which brings us to the next moment"

When they stepped out of the vortex the next time, she immediately knew where they were. It was his apartment, and judging by the cane that stood next to his chair, it was after the surgery that crippled him. But when exactly was this?

"Look at what he's doing."

She walked over to where he was sitting and realized he was writing. She read over his shoulder, thinking it was a song.

'And Lisa, I love you. You always have been the one that holds my heart. I am sorry if this hurts you, but this is a goodbye'

She looked up, shocked. As far as she knew, he hadn't tried to kill himself. He didn't have any marks to show it either. So what was he doing?

"He never tried. See what happens next, it saved him."

She saw him finishing the letter, put it in an envelope, put it in his pocket and walking to a cabinet. He opened it and wanted to grab the noose lying there, but then someone knocked on the door. He closed the cabinet and went to let the person in.

She gasped when she saw who was at the door. It was her. She looked around to see if there was something what would tell her what day it was and the answer came quickly in the form of a calendar hanging on the wall. She had given him his job to keep him from doing stupid things, like killing himself, but she never realized she had been this close to losing him. Why didn't he tell her?

"Before this he still thought you never wanted to see him again, because he never knew Stacy was the one to say that. He thought the text message came from you. And you didn't save him by giving him his job; you saved him by coming to his place. It made him realize he had another chance. But at that point he already was miserable and he didn't want you to be stuck with a miserable, self-destructive man."

She looked at her younger self arguing with House. She couldn't tell he wanted to kill himself just a few minutes ago. How did he ever get this good at hiding his emotions?

"Like you don't know. He learned from the best, you. He saw right trough you in college and learned how to hide his own emotions by letting you show yours."

"I don't hide my emotions. I don't need to. There's nothing to be hidden."

The girl snickered.

"Yeah, right. I can tell you're lying and I can prove it too. Hold on to something, this is going to be one bumpy ride."

And then they flew through moments. It went really fast, but she could make out some of them.

The day after his surgery, sitting by his bed, waiting for him to wake up

*FLASH*

Sitting next to his bed, again waiting for him to wake up, this time from being shot

*FLASH*

Him helping her with the injections she needed for IVF

*FLASH*

Her lying in a big chair, after the bus accident and his brain stimulation, waiting for him to wake up again

*FLASH*

Too many things flew by to proper see them all and she had to steady herself when it stopped. It took her a minute to realize they were standing inside a bus, almost completely empty.

"To answer the questions you want to ask: all those moments were moments you thought you loved him. And now we're in one of his fantasies. You probably remember the many things he did to remember the bus accident. One of his tries brought him here."

She watched speechless how her fantasy self suddenly was dressed in some schoolgirl outfit and began stripping for him while diagnosing the patient. Luckily, the fantasy stopped before she had shown too much, but she didn't know if it was for the reason given or the fact that he didn't remember her like that. Somehow that made her sad.

"Good, we're making progress here. You're starting to realize you love him. Stacy didn't only make him hide his feelings; she made you hide them as well."

The girl was right. Stacy had always been the one standing between her and Greg. But now she realized it all had been a stupid coincidence. If he had found her number instead of Stacy's, they may have been together now. But it could still work out, she loved him. And she hoped he still loved her.

"Ok, I gave you a possible reason to die, which is that everyone from your family is dead, and I gave you a possible reason to live, which is your love for House. Only two more things to show you, what happened while you were travelling with me and how your funeral could look like when you choose death. I'm going to start with the latter, I'm sorry it isn't clear, but the future isn't clear either."

The next moment they were at a cemetery. The girl had been right; everything was black and white, except for all the red parts. She looked around and saw a lot of people standing there, she didn't even know who most of them were. But there were also some familiar faces. The child she had lost and her mother, some donors, even Stacy was there, but everyone seamed to avoid her, which lightened her mood a little. Then she realized someone was missing, and a quick look around the place told her she didn't just overlook him.

"I thought you would notice him missing."

"Where is he?"

The girl saddened

"You see, he was very upset by your death. He was in pain, so he thought maybe a vicodin would help. But it didn't, so he took another one. And another one. And another one. At the end the bottle was empty and his body couldn't handle it anymore. He died of an overdose, only a few hours after your body was found."

She walked over to her coffin and realized there was another one next to it, his. He was wearing his favourite band shirt and jeans, complete with cane by his side, as she was wearing a dress that came from her closet. They were different, but also alike. Because, on both of their clothing, there was a heart-shaped piece of fabric sewn over their hearts. In red.

Then Wilson walked over with two pieces of paper in his hand, the one a little darker than the other. He put one in her coffin and the other in House's. She realized he must have put their suicide notes with them, as a silent question. Why they had done this.

She walked over to her coffin and saw it was the part of his suicide note he had written he loved her, and it was longer than before. She moved so she could read it. It almost made her cry.

'I did not break up with you in college; Stacy made it look like I did. She did the same thing to me, made it look like I did not wanted to see you again. I am sorry for not realizing it sooner, so we could be together. I never stopped loving you.'

But the last line really made her cry.

'I am sorry for being too late.'

He must have written it in the short time between her body being found and his death. She kept crying while the girl brought her back to the red room, which was a little more filled now. She lied down on the bed that had appeared and cried herself to sleep.

When she woke up, the girl was staring at her from a chair she recognized. The chair she had slept in while waiting for him to wake up.

"You know, for someone who claims has no hidden emotions, you have pretty emotional dreams."

She blushed as she remembered where she had dreamt about. It had been pretty emotional, yes, but she was used to it.

The girl giggled, then became serious.

"So, have you decided what you're going to do yet?"

She had. She would try and make it work, even if he didn't want her to. She knew he would give in eventually, he loved her too.

"Good, now hold on to my arm and don't let go. This is going to be hellish."

She grabbed one of the girl's arms and off they went. The girl had been right, it felt awful. It took her a while to figure out they were standing in a hospital room. Her hospital room, complete with House at her side.

"I just transported us from something you could call the spirit world to the world of the living, which will explain why you're so tired now and what you are wearing."

She looked at herself and saw she was wearing a hospital gown, like her body in the bed. Luckily, it was one with a closed back.

"That was his doing. He found you only a few seconds after you hit your head, you didn't slip underwater. He hid the letter and the pills, took you to the hospital after making you look a little decent and told everyone you had fell and hit your head. He hasn't left your bedside once, even though you only have a concussion."

She should have been angry at him for not doing his job, but she wasn't. This showed he really cared. That he really loved her, although he probably would deny it later.

"So, before or ways part, you have three questions."

Her first question came quick. "Who are you?"

The girl smiled a sad smile.

"I said you before, I don't have a name. I was gone before someone could give it to me."

"How did you know what I thought?"

"I am a spirit that is somehow connected to you. This can be through blood, or just because you saw me for one second. These connections are random, but sometimes people can choose their connection. That seldom happens, but it is possible."

Her face lit up when she realized it. "Joy!"

The girl smiled too, this time happy.

"Thank you for giving me my name. I am sorry I went away, but something pulled me away."

Joy hugged her and continued her story.

"I couldn't go away here either, I needed my name first. But now you gave it to me and I can go to Heaven, which is actually a place in the spirit world. Just one more question before I really have to go."

"Can I keep the dress?"

Joy laughed.

"Just wait."

And after that, it all turned black.

housebringmetolifehouse

"Joy..."

He sat up when he heard her voice. He couldn't be mistaken; he hadn't heard her voice for too long. He quickly called a nurse, who made sure she was going to be allright before leaving them alone. She smiled at him and he couldn't help to smile back.

"I love you."

He froze. Did she really just say that? It couldn't be, it probably were the drugs talking. Soon she would be back to denying it, even though he had read her letter. But still he found her coming closer, as if she wanted to kiss him. Except that she wasn't moving, it was him who moved because she wasn't really able to. Not that he cared, he just kissed her, not even hearing the nurse coming in again, not hearing the gasp, not caring for the fact the whole hospital would know the next day, only caring for her.

A week later

She was getting discharged today and the only thing she was waiting for before leaving was for Greg to come and get her. The guy became overprotective and didn't want her to leave the room without him. It was her own hospital, but she liked how overprotective he was. She knew he only did it because he didn't want to lose her and it only showed he cared.

She saw him limping down the hall while shouting at some male nurse he had come to close to her room. Not that she would date someone else, no, not now they were engaged. He had asked her just yesterday, after endless talk with Wilson and trying to get the right ring. They hadn't really been dating before, but for her all those years of working together counted too.

She was finally really happy. He had believed her when she told him about her trip with Joy. She had told him all about it and when she was finished he told her his own story. After his brain stimulation he had made a similar trip, only with Elvis Presley in a white suit.

"Thinking of me?"

She smiled while his arms circled her waist.

"No, Elvis."

He pretended to be hurt, which only made her laugh. They kept making each other laugh while they walked to her office. It was like they had been together for a long time, longer than the week it actually was. The laughter ceased when they arrived and her assistant told her she had a package.

She practically ran inside and was busy opening it already while he closed the door. When he finally had reached her, she had already placed the red fabric that looked like it couldn't be from earth at her desk and had just opened the letter that had come with it and held it so he could read it with her.

Dear mommy (and mommy's fiancé)

I want to thank you again for giving me my name so I could go to Heaven. I like it here and I wish you could see it, you will someday. I am happy to see you are happy. With this letter I send you the dress, I think it would be great for the wedding. I'll be watching it from Heaven and be happy for you. Don't be sad, I will see you one day in Heaven.

Joy

p.s. Elvis says hi to Greg. And tells him he's one lucky bastard.

She laughed and cried at the same time. It was just a few words, but it was comforting her. She looked at Greg and saw he had liked it too.

"So, let's pretend we are lost and go home."

She hit him playfully.

"Seriously, is that all you-" she managed to get out before he kissed her. She didn't pull back, it felt good.

And that night, after sleeping together for the first time since college, she realized red wasn't only for stopping. It also was for a new start, a newborn baby. A miracle, created with love.

She hoped she would have one herself one day.

So, please review and tell me 1) if you want me to post the dreams Cuddy had (I actually came up with an idea to write two), 2) if you want me to write a sad ending, in which she dies too and 3) if i should write House's trip as well. A lot of ideas, I'm going to be busy for a while... lol. just review, pizza for who does! and also pizza for the people who can guess which Joy the girl is.