Disclaimer: Twilight doesn't belong to me!
What I think Edward could've been thinking while on his way to the Volturi.
Tortured Minds
I can honestly say that I truly detest myself for the way I treated her, for the harsh way I had to say goodbye, and now I've killed her. I've killed the one person in my life that I wanted to keep and honour and protect.
It's hard to believe she's gone, but this was just 'so Bella'; so immature and dangerous. She needed me and I let her fall, I sent her crashing into those rocks. Everything is my fault.
Even if she was still alive, how would she ever forgive me for leaving her in such a cruel way, why would she? I can't even forgive myself...But she's so loving, so good. I destroyed her and now I need to destroy myself.
I never really understood the bond between Carlisle and Esme, Jasper and Alice or Rosalie and Emmet, just that I quietly envied them for having something I would never have. I got it though, I finally had her in my arms and I let her go. I'm so stupid! All I ever wanted to do was to protect her, to save her, and I've forced her to take her own life.
There's nothing I can do but go to the Volturi. I cannot live without knowing she's alive somewhere, if she is someplace I am not then I shall have to send myself there too. If I can not be close or with her in life then I will be with her in death.
But what if she's still seeking vengeance? Will she ever forgive me for what I did? Will she blame me? Urgh! How long must I live with this crushing torment of not knowing. I wish planes travelled faster I can't bear to be alone with these thoughts anymore.
I would've ripped myself to tiny shreds if I could and set myself on fire, the burning of my damned flesh would be the only release from this devastating pain I feel. Pain I never thought I would feel. Transformation was one thing but this? This is my mind's torture; this is a mental pain, a scar that will always be oozing. It will not fade until I get her forgiveness in death.
If you could hear me, right now, you'd know how sorry I was and how much I hate myself for what I've done. This is my entire fault and I need you to know that. I never wanted to leave you, I thought I had no other choice but I did it all for you, I did it so I could protect you. Now I understand why I was warned about falling in love with a human, you're so fragile, so perfect and beautiful, and now you're once soft, warm touch is as cold as my own. That sweet smell is fading from your body and your eyes have lost that subtle hint of curiosity. I wish I could turn back the clock and bring you back to me, hold you in my arms, just once more. I wish I could feel you breath into my neck, feel you shiver, listen to your dream speak and watch you as you smile.
You were my happiness and from now all I will ever feel is despair...