I Am Shadi, The Great and Powerful

by Cherry Burlesque

There is a new power that has arisen. It rivals even that of the Egyptian Gods themselves. If it is unleashed, the world will—wait…Shadi? What is this? Crackfic. Oneshot. Dedicated to Pass the Bacon.

Title: I am Shadi, the Great and Powerful.

Summary: There is a new power that has arisen. It rivals even that of the Egyptian Gods themselves. If it is unleashed, the world will—wait…Shadi? What is this? Crackfic.

Warnings/Notes: Many OOC's. Rated T for language. The characters are based on a cross between canon and YGOTAS. You'll probably know who they are. Dedicated to Pass the Bacon, who gave me the idea during one of our epic PM conversations. Jagshamesh!

WCB: I wrote this to take a little bit of a stab at all the silly fan girl cliché's in the YuGiOh fandom. I don't really have anything against them (except the ship's between Yami's and Hikari's…Puzzle, Tender and Bronze. They make me angsty), I just felt like having some fun. I also consciously chose to use the Japanese dub names, when I usually go for the English dub. Keep in mind that the "Bakura" I refer to here is Ryou, not the Spirit. Also, the opinions expressed by the characters are not necessarily those of myself. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh. Hurdurr. Nor do I own YGOTAS. Super special awesome thanks goes to LK for his epic series.

X

I am Shadi. The Great and Powerful.

Chapter 1.

So it had all started like any other day. Yuugi, Jounouchi, Anzu, Honda and Bakura had gone to school together, as per usual, in anticipation of finally having a normal day at school without any egotistical sociopaths hell-bent on taking over the world. They had met up outside of Bakura's apartment block, it being on the route to Domino High, looking forward to a simple day of learning.

They should have known that nothing is ever normal in Domino.

Ever.

Yuugi and Bakura had finally disposed of the Millennium Items that had ruled their existence for the past four years of their lives. Although slightly sad at first (on Yuugi's part at least, Bakura felt a rather simple emptiness, nothing more), enough time had passed to heal the wounds, and everyone had relished in their lives returning to normal.

They should take normal out of the dictionary.

The first sign of anything out of the ordinary was when they had gone to recess and were sitting at one of the wooden bench tables in a group. Yuugi had spotted a familiar face wandering around the schoolyard, looking lost and confused.

"Hey guys," he said apprehensively, not wanting to look like an idiot if he was wrong. "Is that…is that Marik?"

Jounouchi glanced up in the direction Yuugi was pointing, halfway through devouring his sandwich. He frowned a little in recognition.

"Yeah, it is," he said, puzzled. "What's Marik doing here? I thought he went back to Egypt."

"Hey, Marik!" Honda called, catching the Egyptian teen's attention. Honda waved, and beckoned for him to join them.

Marik stared at them for a few seconds, and then slowly wandered over, as if he was in a slight daze.

"Uh, hey guys," he said absently. "Long time no see."

"What are you doing in Domino, Marik?" Yuugi asked. "We thought you'd gone back to Egypt with Ishizu?"

"This is going to sound kind of ridiculous," Marik replied, with a slight frown, and an uncomfortable shuffle of his feet, "but I don't remember how I got here."

Five pairs of perplexed eyes stared at him.

"That's a bit silly," Bakura stated in his gentle voice. "How could you not know how you got here?"

"I don't know," Marik replied. "One minute I was working in the museum with Ishizu, like I have for the past year or so, the next I was here. In the space of about ten second's I've completely relocated, and I have no idea how."

"I say," exclaimed Bakura.

Anzu turned back to Marik, a puzzled frown on her face. "Surely you would have noticed something, Malik?"

"It's Marik," he corrected absently. "And no, I didn't notice anything. I felt something pull me backwards, and then I blacked out. In an instant, I was at the front gate to Domino High."

The group fell silent, not sure what to make of this.

The bell rang, signifying the end of recess, and everyone began to move back into the school.

Anzu slowed as she realised that Marik wasn't following. He was staring at the building with a confused expression on his face.

"Are you coming, Mariku?"

"It's Marik," he corrected her again, still staring at the building. "Something keeps telling me that I should go to class, but I'm not enrolled here. I shouldn't even be here."

"I'm sure you can just sit in on the classes or something, the teachers won't mind."

He met her gaze and nodded, trailing after the rest of the troupe as they made their way back to class.

Things got weirder, however, when the gang (who for some reason had every single class together, every single year) entered their calculus class and the teacher began to take the roll. He called out each of their names, but stopped when he reached the last name on the list.

"Malik…Ishtahl?"

Marik rolled his eyes. "It's Marik Ishtar, and why am I on your list?"

The teacher raised his eyes to stare at Marik, who also had the attention of every single girl in the class.

"I don't know, my boy," the teacher said in a puzzled manner. "This is the first time I've ever laid eyes on you."

Yuugi and Jounouchi exchanged glances.

Something strange was definitely going on.

X

"So, Mariku, do you know how long you're going to be in Japan?" Anzu asked.

"For the love of crap, it's Marik," he corrected, for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. "Why do you keep calling me Mariku? Or Malik?"

"Um," Anzu replied, "I'm not sure actually. There isn't really any defined way of pronouncing your name in Japanese."

"Yes there is," he contradicted. "In Japanese it's Mar-ik. It's still spelt the same, no matter what language you're speaking."

"Yes, but the Japanese pronunciation means it sounds like Malik,"

"But it's still spelt, and pronounced, Marik. Even though in Japanese it sounds like 'Malik', it's still spelt with an 'r', because Japanese has no letter for 'L'! Christ, you of all people should know that, Anzu!"

"I didn't think you believed in Christ?"

Marik was forced to restrain himself from slapping himself very hard on the forehead.

They were walking in a group back to the Yuugi's grandfather's game shop. School had ended, and Marik had been on the class list for every lesson that day. He hadn't been the day before. He was irritated and tired, not to mention confused with what was happening to him. No one could work out why he was there all of a sudden, and he hadn't yet had any calls on his mobile from Ishizu demanding to know where he was.

Nothing could have prepared him, or any of the others for that matter, for who was waiting for them when they finally reached the Kame Game Shop.

It was Yuugi who entered the front door first, and therefore Yuugi was the one to come to an absolute halt, one foot over the threshold, the other still outside, as he stared at whoever it was on the other side.

"Oi, Yuugi, get a move on," Jounouchi piped up, and he pushed the minute teen through the door, only to have the same reaction. "Son of a…" They heard him say in an incredulous voice.

Honda didn't waste any time. Pushing Bakura and Anzu out of the way, he took a step back and shoved both Jounouchi and Yuugi through the door, allowing the rest of them entry.

Sitting at the counter, apparently engrossed in a conversation with Sugoroku, was Yami. Atemu. The soul who had shared Yuugi's miniscule body for a good three years.

Sitting there chatting away as though he had never left.

With his own body.

What the crap was going on?

"What the," Jounouchi exclaimed. "It's the other Yuugi! I thought you were long gone!"

Atemu turned and gazed at them evenly, the group of his old friends (and enemies, apparently), who were standing in he doorway like a pack of imbeciles, staring at him as though he had grown a second head.

"Hello," he said, casting his gaze over them. "Long time no see."

"What the devil are you doing here?" Bakura asked incredulously.

"I'll be damned if I know," Atem replied. "I don't even know how I got here."

"What's going on?" Sugoroku asked? "Yuugi, why is there a taller and slightly more masculine version of you sitting in my shop?"

The group exchanged glances.

"Something strange is going on," Yuugi spoke up. "We should try and—"

"Hang on," Anzu suddenly cut in, "If Atemu is back, doesn't that mean…?"

She trailed off, and the rest of the group slowly turned to look at both Bakura and Marik.

Marik remained impassive, but Bakura's eyes widened.

"Oh, bollocks!" He said, and abruptly turned on his heel and pelted away down the street, en route to his own home.

The group watched him go, before turning back to Atemu. They had to be dreaming. All of them. At once. Having the exact same dream, at the exact same time.

"Atemu," Yuugi asked, "why are you here? I thought we had finally said goodbye to you. What brought you back?"

"I couldn't hazard a guess," Atemu replied. "There I was, having a grand old time in the afterlife, when all of a sudden I hear this voice telling me I've been 'given a second chance', and that I've 'chosen to remain behind'." He frowned at the Duel Monsters cards he had been inspecting. "I don't want be back here. I've been alive for over three thousand years for Ra's sake, can't I get a break? And I didn't choose to return to the living world. If I could choose anything I'd choose to be alive again back in Egypt, because back there I was flipping worshipped. Being back here just reminds me of all the jerks I've encountered over the years. Speaking of jerks, what are you doing here, Marik?"

Marik narrowed his eyes at the arrogant man in front of him, but something more important was pressing his mind.

"Doesn't Atemu seem a bit strange?" He asked his companions. "He's more bitter than I remember."

"You'd be bitter too if you were sent back to the living world for no good reason after finally getting some rest," Atemu grumbled to himself.

"It's true," Anzu said, eyeing him apprehensively. "He seems…completely unlike the Atemu we said goodbye to."

"Maybe it had something to do with his return?" Jounouchi added.

"I don't know. Marik hasn't changed though, has he?" Anzu replied.

"Maybe he's just pissy because he's alive again," said Marik.

"He is right here, you morons," snapped Atemu.

They stared at him.

"Has anyone ever heard Atemu call anyone a moron before?" Yuugi asked in a nervous voice. This Atemu was definitely different to the spirit who had shared his body for such a long time.

No one replied to his question, their silence an unspoken assent.

No one could work out why the spirit—no—man in front of them had undertaken such a severe attitude change to the warm, regal character they had once bid farewell. That man—spirit—had been kind and gentle, yet majestic and imposing. Always fighting to the best of his ability, always trying to do what was right, no matter what happened to him. Always putting his friends and those he cared about above himself. And he most certainly would never, ever called anyone derogatory names.

That was the Atemu they remembered.

This guy was just an ass.

X

Bakura reached the front door of his apartment, and bent over, huffing to catch is breath. He had run all the way from Yuugi's place back to his own, fearing that the absolute worst had happened.

That he would be back.

Because after all, both Marik and Atemu had appeared out of nowhere. It was a logical assumption.

No, he reassured himself, Atemu was in the afterlife. He was sent to the Shadow Realm after his final RPG with the Pharaoh. He isn't here. He's not.

Steeling himself, he straightened up and slowly, apprehensively, opened the door to his apartment.

He was greeted with a vase of flowers on the coffee table and the smell of baking.

"What on earth…?" He said to himself as he stepped through the door.

A figure emerged from the kitchenette, clad in an apron and oven mitts.

The only thing that made him even remotely recognisable as the malignant spirit of the Millennium Ring was the shock of white hair that tumbled haphazardly around his face. Other than that, this person was completely foreign.

"Aiiiiibouuuuuu!" The strange person cooed, in a voice that did not belong to his old adversary.

"Aibou?" was all Bakura managed to say.

Since when was he the Spirit's Aibou? That word had always been the subject of much scorn from the Spirit, owing to the fact that that's what Atemu used to call Yuugi when they both shared Yuugi's body.

"Welcome hoooome! I baked you a cake! Aren't you proud of me?"

Bakura just stared.

This was surreal.

Definitely not good.

"Uh, S-Spirit?" Bakura said tentatively, not sure if who it was he was addressing really was the ancient Spirit of the Ring.

"Call me Akefia! Apparently that was my ancient Egyptian name, even though there is no valid proof to back it up."

The Spirit, 'Akefia', bounded—there was no other word for it—over to Bakura and made to embrace him, a wide, freakishly joyful grin on his face.

"Whoa," Bakura said, pushing him away, causing an overly exaggerated expression of hurt to appear on 'Akefia's' face. "Hold the phone for a second. What's going on? Why are you back here? I thought you'd gone forever?"

"I know, me too! But now I'm back, and we can be together forever!"

"But, how did you get back? Why are you here? Who sent you?" Bakura stopped as something 'Akefia' said sunk in. "What do you mean 'together forever'?"

"I mean we can live together and maybe one day have a family and—"

"Back up!" Bakura interrupted, beginning to become more afraid of this strange perversion of the Spirit he once knew than the character he had been when he was the Spirit. "Have a family? Live together? What is this?"

'Akefia' frowned, and stuck his bottom lip out slightly. "Don't you know Aibou?" he said in a sulky voice. "I love you!"

Bakura didn't know whether to laugh or pass out from shock. The sheer stupidity of this situation was enough to send even the most stable minded man around the twist.

He choked back a hysterical giggle and said; "Since when?"

"I always have. I was just never able to tell you! But it's okay, because now I have, and we will always be together!"

There was a very pregnant pause.

"I'm not gay!" Was all Bakura managed to utter.

"It's okay Ry, we all have trouble admitting our feelings."

"No, really," Bakura said, beginning to grow irritated. "I'm one hundred percent straight. Always have been, always will be."

'Akefia' frowned, a puzzled expression on his face.

"But…but I thought—"

"Whatever you thought, you thought wrong," Bakura snapped.

He pushed passed the strange person in front of him and went into the kitchen to get a drink. He felt like he needed one very large vodka.

A loud, audible sniff carried through the living room, and Bakura nearly dropped his glass.

No way.

He poked his head around the corner, hoping against all hope that the distorted reincarnation of the Spirit simply had a runny nose.

No such luck.

He was on the floor, still facing the front door where Bakura had left him, knees drawn up and his head buried in his arms. Crying.

Crying.

"For the love of all that's holy," Bakura said, frustrated. "This can't be happening."

'Akefia' sniffed again, and turned to look at Bakura, with wide eyes that were swimming with tears.

"Why are you here?" Bakura asked, reverting to the tone of voice he used to use when talking to the Spirit when he was a spirit.

'Akefia' blinked, and shook his head sadly.

"I don't know," he said. "I remember being in darkness, and then all of a sudden someone said that I had been given a second chance. The next thing I knew, I was here."

Bakura sighed, glad that 'Akefia' had at least dropped his overly sweet charade.

"Do you remember who it was that spoke to you?"

"No, I don't remember anything else."

Bakura stood for a second, trying to work out what to do. Someone was manipulating them, somehow. People who were dead didn't just come back to life, not matter how powerful they were. Not to mention the unexplained teleportation that Marik had experienced.

Thinking about Marik made him wonder if his own Yami had returned. Bakura wasn't sure how, because Marik's Yami had been nothing more than a separate personality and had never actually had a living body of his own, but he supposed that if Atemu and Bakura had somehow gained their own bodies, then Yami Marik probably had too.

It was all too confusing.

"Aibou?" 'Akefia' said in a tentative voice.

Bakura looked down at him, confusion and irritation etched into his face. "What?" he said, unintentionally harsh.

'Akefia' looked down at his hands for a moment, before raising his eyes to meet Bakura's.

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

Bakura stared at him for a second, becoming instantly fed up with whatever act he was pulling.

"That does it." He said. He reached out and yanked the stranger to his feet, dragging him along behind by the wrist as Bakura stormed out of his apartment.

X

Yuugi, Jounouchi, Honda, Anzu, Marik, Sugoroku and Atemu were all sitting around the dining room table, awkwardly trying to work out how to treat the latter of the seven. It was clear that Atemu didn't want to be there, and that he was incredibly unhappy with whomever it was that decided to give him another life.

In the past twenty minutes, it had become so much more apparent that Atemu was not the same person who had once inhabited the Millennium Puzzle. Or, of he was, his months in the afterlife had completely changed his attitude to his friends. Either way, he had a completely different manner, which included irrational hatred of Anzu, a strange sort of attachment to the boy who's body he once shared, and an incredibly arrogant disposition.

He reminded Jounouchi rather of Kaiba.

"Isn't anyone here going to get me something to eat?" Atemu snapped. "I'm fucking starving. I haven't eaten for a good three thousand years."

Yuugi flinched at the curse word. He was having a hard time adjusting to the stranger who had once been his closest friend. Sure, he had once hoped with all his heart that Atemu would return, but not like this.

"Get it yourself," Anzu replied. She wasn't very impressed with his attitude.

Atemu's retort was suddenly interrupted as the door of the shop was swung violently open, and a flurry of activity stormed through.

The group turned to stare at the newcomers, who would have been identical if not for the twisted expression on one's face, and the wide innocent expression on the other's.

"Bakura?" Jounouchi said, glancing at the second of the two to enter. "Why are you wearing an apron?"

The oddly twisted expression of the first of the two contorted even more.

"He's not Bakura," he hissed uncharacteristically. "I am!"

Seven pairs of incredulous eyes passed over one figure, then the other.

"Wait, hang on," said Anzu. "I'm getting confused. Which one of you was the Spirit of the Ring?"

Bakura pointed with a disgusted expression at the apron-clad individual behind him, who was staring at them all with wide eyes.

"YUUUUUGIIIIIII!" He cried, on spotting the spiky-haired boy. He threw himself at him and swept him up into a bone-crushing embrace. "I haven't seen you in ages! I'm glad you got out of that RPG alright; I was such a naughty boy back then! It's okay though, because I'm nice now."

A very loud silence rang throughout the room.

"And did I tell you?" the overly joyous stranger continued, "Bakura and I are in love, and we're going to get married! I'm sooooooooo happy!"

"Tch," Bakura made a sound of disgust and pulled the stranger off of Yuugi. "I told you to stop being such a drama queen," He snapped at him.

He turned back to the group in front of him, who were still staring, completely aghast.

"As you can see," he said, "something odd has happened to the Spirit of the Ring."

"You don't say," said Sugoroku.

"And about his declaration of love," Bakura added. "That's not true. He seems to think I'm in love with him, and he wont listen when I tell him to sod off."

They continued to stare unabatedly at the stranger who claimed to be the Spirit of the Ring, who was now standing behind Bakura with a sulky look on his face. It was as though hell had frozen over.

"What's going on?" Anzu stated aloud. "It's as though Bakura and…and that guy—"

"Akefia," said individual cut in.

"—Have completely—wait, what?"

"Apparently that's his name," explained Bakura. "I have no idea where he got it from, but that's what I've been calling him, because he clearly isn't the Spirit of the Ring."

"Oh, right. Well like I was saying, it's as though they've switched places almost. Except Bakura wasn't nearly so…uh…uke as…Akefia…is now." Anzu continued.

A smirk played around Bakura's lips. "I'm not really sure what to do with him," he said, "so I brought him here. He's harmless enough now, at least."

"Does anyone want me to bake some cookies?" 'Akefia' spoke up. "And then we can eat them with a cup of tea, and it will be like one big tea party! Wouldn't that be lovely?"

"I think the old Spirit was probably preferable," Yuugi stated nervously. These people who were once both friend and enemy were now complete strangers, and no one had any idea how or why.

"Fucking pansy," Atemu muttered.

"Marik, have you heard from Ishizu yet? Surely she'd notice that you've gone missing," Anzu spoke up.

"Did anyone invite the woman to speak? I didn't think so. So shut it you inferior, good-for-nothing—" Atemu was cut off by a smack across the back of the head from Sugoroku.

"Respect women," he said. "Without them, you wouldn't have been born."

"That's all they're good for," Atem muttered, earning a glare from most people in the room.

Marik shook his head in response to Anzu's question, not saying anything. He was too overwhelmed by such a colossal mindrape of a day that he really couldn't think straight.

"You know what the best thing is for an addled mind?" The strange perversion of the Spirit of the Ring spoke up. "A big bear hug!"

"Touch me and die," Marik snarled, causing the other to shrink a way, his face melting into a sulk.

"I only want to help," he said.

"You can help by being quiet," Bakura said.

Yugi began to say something, but cut off when the lights in the room suddenly dimmed unexpectedly.

The group fell silent as the lights flickered, and then exchanged glances when they righted themselves again.

"Spooky," said 'Akefia'.

"Must have been a power surge," said Sugoroku.

"A what?" Both Atemu and 'Akefia' asked.

"Nothing," seven tired voices replied.

They fell silent once more as the lights dimmed again, and Anzu uttered a noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a groan, and scooted closer to Yuugi, who was sitting on her right.

"I don't think it was a power surge Gramps," Jounouchi spoke up, as the lights continued to flicker and flare.

Suddenly, the group was thrown into darkness as the lights died completely, and silence ensued as they wondered what had happened, or what was happening.

"I think we should—" Yuugi was once again cut off, as all of a sudden the lights flickered back on, revealing a robed figure standing ominously in the corner of the room.

'Akefia' squealed—there was no other word for it—and hid behind Bakura, who shrugged him off impatiently.

"Shaadi!" Yuugi exclaimed.

"Jagshamesh. My name is Shaadi," said Shaadi, whose appearance hadn't changed in the slightest over the years they had known him.

"What are you doing here?" asked Yuugi, as the rest of the group just stared at him mutely.

"I am here to inform you that your little Jewish friends have returned to the world of the living. High five!"

"We know they have, Shaadi, they're standing right here," Bakura said forcefully, trying to keep 'Akefia' from clinging to him.

"Do you know why they've come back?" said Anzu.

"I have been given powers that even the protectors of the fourth wall cannot compare to."

"What powers are they?"

"The power of the fan fiction."

Another loud silence rang throughout the room as six incredulous teenagers, one oblivious old man and one Mary Sue stared at the strange—um…spirit-guardian-spectre-thing (seriously, does anyone know what Shaadi actually is?)—and tried to comprehend what he meant.

"The power of the whatnow?" said Jounouchi incredulously.

"The power of the fan fiction," Shaadi repeated.

"What's the fan fiction?"

"Fan fiction is an internet phenomenon filled with many Jewish writers who like to screw with the world as we know it. In the world of the fan fiction, strange things happen, and many silly events take place. It's nice."

"So what does this 'fan fiction' have to do with what's going on here?" Yuugi asked.

"As I said before, little Jew boy, I have been given the power of the fan fiction, which means that I have power that is stronger than even the Millennium Items."

"The Millennium Items? Bullshit," said Atemu.

"I give you an example," said Shaadi, who didn't seem fazed by Atemu's violent attitude. "In many fan fiction I have read, crazy people inside your head have their very own body, and so with the power I have, I make it happen. Very nice."

"You mean, in these fan fiction Atemu and Bakura have their own bodies?" said Honda disbelievingly.

"Like I said little Jew, in fan fiction, many crazy things happen that screw with the world as we know it. Chenquieh!"

"But…but how did you end up getting these powers?" asked Yuugi, who seemed desperate to find a way to prove Shaadi wrong.

"In the fan fiction, the strange little fan girls seem to always give me the power of a god. I can give people life with the power of my Millennium Scale. Great success."

"So why does 'Akefia' think I'm in love with him?" Bakura cut in. "And why is he such a Mary Sue?"

"Because, strange little albino man," Shaadi said. "Many fictions write that you are together. For some reason this gives fan girls tingly feeling in their bits. So I make it happen."

"This is fucked," Atemu stated, and stood to leave.

"Hold on Atemu," Jounouchi grabbed his arm and tried to stop him. "If Shaadi was the one who brought you here, then maybe he is the one who can send you back."

Atemu remained standing, but didn't make any further moves to leave.

"Okay Shaadi," said Anzu, wanting to straighten out everything once and for all. "Maybe you could answer a few more questions for us? Why are Atemu and…um...Akefia so different to the people we knew before? Why is Marik here? And what else has gone on in these strange fan fictions that we should be warned about?"

"The woman speaks when she is not spoken to," said Shaadi. "In my home country of Egypt, she would be sent to the dog pound for her impudence."

"I like this guy," said Atemu, earning another smack around the head from Sugoroku (who had to stand in order to carry this action out).

"Your Egyptian friends are just what the writers describe them to be in their stories. I do not make any changes. The non-Jewish girl-boy is always in this part of the world. He rejects his home country for a country of Jews. So I make it happen. It's not nice."

Marik frowned, and spoke up, "I'd happily oblige to have you send me back, you know."

"I do not control what the fan girl writes, I only make it happen," said Shaadi. "I also very often read that the two white haired Jews are together, and that the smaller of them is always a cranky ass-hole. This does not please me. Neither does the story about the blonde boy and his billionaire boyfriend."

"What?" Jounouchi almost shouted. "Stories about me and…and Kaiba? No way! Shaadi, if you make that happen, for the love of God I swear I will beat you to a pulp! That's disgusting!"

"I also read that the woman sleeps with many, many men."

Anzu's face turned a bright shade of violet. "I'd like to find these fan fiction writers," she said through gritted teeth, "and give them a piece of my mind."

"So you see my Jewish friends, I have power beyond anything this world has known. It is very much thanks to the fan girls who have no reason for anything they write. Very nice."

"Shaadi, for the love of crap, turn everything back to the way it was," said Marik, who was thoroughly fed up with the shenanigans of the day. He wanted to go home and sleep for a month.

"I cannot do that, non Jewish girl-boy," said Shaadi. "Once the power has happened, it will not un-happen. Hi five!"

The group stared at each other for a few moments, trying to comprehend what it was Shaadi was telling them.

"So…so you're telling me," Bakura said slowly, "that I'm going to be a bitter, twisted, pain in the ass who is stuck with this abomination that used to be the Spirit of the Millennium Ring for the rest of my life?"

"No, Albino Jew," Shaadi replied. "Just until the fan girl grows some common sense."

"So yeah, in other words you will be stuck with him forever," Honda said.

"Bollocks," was all Bakura said.

"And you're saying that I'm going to be stuck in this miserable world until my body decides to die? Again?" exclaimed Atemu, clearly upset with the prospect.

"Only until the fan girl—"

"FUCK the fan girl!" Atemu shouted at the ceiling. "I've lived for over three thousand years, saved the fucking world three fucking times, and had to live the great majority of my time stuck inside an inanimate fucking object! Don't you think that after all that I'd like to have a bit of a rest? Don't I deserve my sleep? Why can't they just leave me alone and let me stay in the afterlife? For fucks sake!"

Silence followed this outburst. Even Shaadi seemed at a loss for words.

"I'd like to go back to sleep too," said 'Akefia', who looked to be on the verge of tears. Tears. The great ex-thief, and sacker of the Palace of the Pharaoh, looked as though he were about to burst into a giant tantrum of the scale a four year old in the candy aisle is notorious for.

"This has got to stop," said Jounouchi.

"I am sorry, Jewish gay man," said Shaadi, causing Jounouchi to turn red with anger. "I can not undo what has been done. You will have to find the fan girl and tell them yourself."

"Then lets go and find the fan girls," said Bakura, "and give them a piece of our minds."

"I agree," said Yuugi.

"Me too," Anzu added.

The rest of the group also added their assent, and Yuugi began to prepare a list of all the things they would like to bring up with the so-called 'authors'.

"I bid you luck, Jewish friends," said Shaadi. "For the time being, I very much wish that you assume anything weird happening is the result of crazy Jewish fan girls."

With that, the spirit-guardian-spectre-thing faded back into the wall.

The group turned to gaze at each other, not sure whether to believe everything Shaadi had told them.

"Well," said Atemu. "Fuck."

"You got that right," said Marik. "I guess Ishizu isn't going to call me, if me being here is something that's supposed to happen."

"I guess," said Anzu. "I can't believe these authors make me out to be some kind of slut."

Jounouchi and Honda started sniggering.

"Well Anzu," Jounouchi said. "It is kinda believable."

Anzu smacked him across the chops, an indignant expression on her face.

"Shut it, Mrs Kaiba!"

Jounouchi's amused expression suddenly turned dangerous. "If that ever happens, I'm going to choke someone."

"At least you aren't stuck with this whimpering excuse for a villain," grumbled Bakura, gesturing at 'Akefia', who was still wearing his apron.

They began to discuss strategies to find and obliterate the fan girls. They were interrupted in the middle of their planning by the door of the game shop swinging open again, and a tall imposing figure stepped through the doorway.

"Oooooh Jounoooooouchiiiiii," a familiar voice rang out.

Eyes bugged out of heads left right and centre as the lithe frame of Seto Kaiba entered the dining room.

"There you are!" he said, spotting Jounouchi, whose face had drained of colour and who was hiding behind Honda in an attempt to remain unseen.

"Come to me, my little puppy!"

He proceeded to grab hold of Jounouchi, who nothing short of screamed and pelted from the dining room, out the front door of the game shop and into the Domino streets.

An awkward silence ensued.

"Well," said 'Akefia'. "Tea anyone?"

X

WCB: Dear god, Shaadi's character was challenging to write. I didn't want to recycle all the jokes from LK's series, so I tried my very best to do him justice. I think this story is a little bit more serious than it is funny, but I suppose it is a parody, more so than a humour fic. So it's kinda supposed to be. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Ugh. Please review and tell me what you thought. For some reason this crackfic was about a billion times more difficult to write than I imagined.

Cheers big-ears.