"I hope you don't miss me too much, Clare Bear."
"You're the one who'll dread spending the summer without me."
"Seriously, guys. You two give me the runs," Adam interjects.
Eli smirks. "Hey Adam, take care of Clare for me while I'm away. Make sure she gets into trouble once in a while."
"Oh please," Clare retorts. "I'm perfectly fine without you."
"I will contest that," Eli replies. He checks his watch.
Eli, Clare, and Adam are at the Dot on the afternoon of Eli's flight to Berlin. He is spending his summer in Europe with his family, and right now, spending the remainder of his time at Degrassi with his two friends.
"Don't you have a flight to catch?" Clare asks.
Standing up, and finishing the drink he ordered, Eli says, "Yeah, I do. Well, I'll miss you guys."
"Group hug!" Adam cheerfully suggests.
Clare giggles when Eli raises an eyebrow and responds, "Yeah…I'm not into that. A simple handshake will do."
Adam complies. He looks from Eli to Clare and foresees a greater farewell about to take place. He says, "I should run now. My mom has some guests coming over or something. See y'all later! Have fun in Berlin, homeskillet."
When Adam leaves, Clare repeats, "Y'all? Homeskillet?"
"That kid is just full of verbal surprises," Eli says. He looks at Clare in a gentle way. "Have fun this summer, alright?"
"What is with you and making sure I have fun?" Clare asks. "I am capable of having a good time without you."
"I personally think you need me, Clare," Eli says. "Real bad."
"You are so full of yourself, Elijah."
"Ech. Please refrain from calling me that," Eli winces.
"Please refrain from being so cocky."
"I'll try."
"Have fun in Berlin. You'll probably spend most of your time traveling around the city I guess."
"You'll probably spend most of your time missing me."
"Oh my god." Clare shakes her head at the boy in dark colors.
"You know, Clare, I'll miss you." Eli gives her a half-smile.
"I know," Clare says with confidence.
Again, Eli smirks.
They walk out of the Dot and slowly walk towards Eli's hearse parked two blocks away. Clare feels disappointed that she won't get to spend time with Eli during the summer. She had grown used to his snark and quick wit that she doesn't know how else to have similar conversations with anyone else.
"What's on your mind?" Eli asks after noticing Clare's silence.
"Nothing, really," Clare says. "I was just thinking about what I'm gonna do this summer. Alli will be with Drew. And Adam's…well, it's just not the same without you."
"Aww," Eli replies. "You really are going to miss me."
Clare rolls her eyes. "Not half as much as you'll miss me."
"Just distract yourself. Write stories. Go to a concert. Make new friends. I'll be here in no time if you do all that," Eli assures.
They soon reach his car and Clare thanks him. She digs through her bag and pulls out headphones belonging to Eli that she still had in her possession.
"This belongs to you," Clare says.
Eli looks at the object for a moment and responds, "Keep it. Think of it as a present or something."
Clare smiles. "For what occasion?"
Eli shrugs and he seems even shy doing so, which is rare for Clare to see. "For the occasion of…being pretty?" he offers.
Clare becomes nervous and awkwardly laughs. "That's a line from a –"
"Gondry movie," Eli finishes. "I didn't think you'd know the allusion."
Clare shakes her head, "You, my friend, do not give me the credit I deserve."
"Forgive me, your highness," Eli replies, dramatically taking a bow.
Laughing, Clare pulls out a book out of her bag. She fumbles with it in her hands for a while until she says, "I actually got you a going away present. Ernest Hemingway."
"The Sun Also Rises," Eli reads. "Any reason for this particular choice?"
Clare shrugs. "Ms. Dawes did say you needed to stop being so verbose, so I thought you'd learn a thing or two from Hemingway."
"How thoughtful," Eli smiles. "Well, thanks."
"No problem," Clare replies, nearly blushing. "I'm glad you appreciate it."
"I do."
"Shouldn't you be getting home soon?"
"You're right, I should."
Eli doesn't move, so Clare remarks, "That would mean you unlock your door, get in, and drive away."
"Boy, I should take you with me to Berlin. Who knows how lost I'll be without you," Eli jokes. Then, he offers Clare the hug he refused from Adam. "I'll see you soon, Clare."
Clare breathes in Eli's scent as her chin rests on his shoulder. She will miss him more than she could handle, she realizes. She doesn't know how she'll be able to get through two months without Eli. He was practically her best friend.
"I actually am miss you, Eli," Clare says as she pulls away from their embrace. "As much as I hate admitting it."
Eli stands close to Clare. She can even feel the air breathing out of his nose. He looks at her with soft eyes and has a small smile on his face. Clare gulps but tries not to exhibit her anxiety. Eli is looking into her eyes, and Clare thinks to herself, Eli Goldsworthy is going to kiss me any second now.
Instead, he kisses Clare's forehead, slightly disappointing her, but still sends shocks through her body. When he steps back, he says, "I'm actually gonna miss you, too, Clare. Try to have fun. I've gotta go."
Eli steps into his car, and Clare beings walking home. During her walk she recalls every moment of what just happened. Eli is not the type to go around kissing people. What he just did was a significant gesture, right? If she were bold enough, Clare would have kissed Eli. It looked like a good opportunity. If Eli reciprocated, she'd spend her summer in bliss. If he didn't, she'd have the rest of summer getting over him, or at least, try to.
Instead, Clare knows she will be pining over Eli no matter how much she does not want to.
"You and Wesley are going out on a date," Alli exclaims. "My mind just doesn't wrap around it. Aren't you in like, half in love with Eli?"
Clare shrugs. "It just happened…I mean, we were talking for two hours about all these things, and I kinda had a, I don't know, light bulb moment. Like, 'Hey, why not Wesley?' And to my surprise, he asked me out when we were leaving."
Clare walks over to her closet and picks out a floral blouse and high-waist skirt to wear on her outing with Wesley.
"But what about Eli!" Alli does not ask a question, but cries out a thought. "He kissed you! That was totally his way of saying, 'Clare, baby, wait for me 'til I'm back.'"
Clare shakes her head and replies, "No, Alli, that was just him being himself. He thinks I'm just gonna sit around and wait for him. Well, no. I will not pine."
"You're using Wesley."
"I am not."
"You're using him to distract yourself from the one you truly love."
"First of all, I don't love Eli. Secondly, I actually genuinely like Wesley and am willing to see what happens."
"Sure, Clare. I'd genuinely like a guy who tried to feel my supposed-breast implants out of curiosity, too."
"I'm giving him a chance, what can I say?" Clare defends.
She looks at the clock on her bedroom wall and frantically says, "Oh my god, he's gonna be here in ten minutes! I'm not even dressed yet!"
Alli rolls her eyes. "Please, Clare. It's just Wesley. You can have a hair growing out of a triple chin and he'd still think the sun shines out of your ass."
Clare laughs. With Eli, she has to try too hard. Wesley was easier to be around without extra effort. She was content with that.
"That was really good pizza, Wesley," Clare says, smiling. "This was nice."
Wesley smiles back. Sheepishly, "Maybe we can do this again some time."
Clare looks down at her feet. She did enjoy talking to Wesley. She did laugh more than she thought she would. She did find herself thinking he was kind of cute. Maybe she was going to do this again some time.
"I think I'd like that," Clare responds.
"How about tomorrow?" Wesley quickly asks. "If you don't have plans, I mean."
Clare laughs. "Tomorrow is actually fine with me." Part of her can't believe she is going out on a second date with Wesley. She isn't even certain that she can feel a spark, but she is feeling eager to see what happens next. "What are your intentions, Wesley?"
"Intentions? I…thought we could just hang out at the beach," he answers. "I'd bring a picnic…"
"You're so shy," Clare boldly comments. She giggles. "It's cute," she adds.
Wesley blushes and runs a hand through his hair. "Like you, huh?"
"That's sweet," Clare thanks.
"Can I do something?" Wesley, nervous, asks.
Uh-oh, Clare thinks. What? She replies, "Depends."
Wesley steps closer to Clare and kisses her cheek. "That."
Clare lets out a laugh. "There is no penalty for that."
She spends her time with Wesley for the next few days and rarely thinks of Eli. He told her to distract herself, anyway, so that was exactly what she was doing. Soon enough, Wesley asks Clare to officially be his girlfriend, and she accepts.
"This is mind bending, Clare!" Alli comments. "You and Wesley?"
"That's my boyfriend you're talking about, you know," Clare replies. She smiles at the thought of a boyfriend. She thinks of this as very casual dating, only with a commitment.
"Exactly. Wesley is your boyfriend. You know who was supposed to fill that spot? Eli Goldsworthy."
"Eli Goldsworthy isn't here at the moment and I don't care! I like Wesley, so I'm gonna do this whether you like it or not."
Alli smirks. "Eli did get to you."
"What are you talking about?" Clare asks.
"You care too much about what people think. He said that to you and now you're trying to prove that claim wrong. By going out with Wesley."
"Alli," Clare groans. "Stop talking about Eli. We're just friends. He hasn't even tried contacting me, so whatever." She quietly adds, "Maybe we're not even friends."
"Things are going to get so interesting when school starts again," Alli says. "Ack, I gotta go. My mom wants me to help her out with some cooking."
"See ya, Alli."
Later, Clare checks her mailbox. She sees bills for her parents, university pamphlets for herself, and a postcard. She looks at the sender, and it turns out to be from Germany.
Clare's heart begins to pump faster. Eli sent her a postcard from Berlin. He thought of her while she tried not to think of him. She doesn't know how to feel at the moment, although she hadn't read the letter yet.
She runs up to her room and falls into her bed. She reads Eli's scribble-like handwriting.
Hey Clare,
What's new? I haven't really been able to catch you online whenever I've been on. You're probably really busy this summer. Good for you, Clare. I'm proud of you! Okay, well, you probably wanna know what Berlin's like. It's pretty cool, really European and chic, I guess. I've met some people our age who can speak English. Clare, allow me to tell you that you are one of a kind. All these girls –they're nice and all, but they're not like you. You've got something that sets you apart from them. There's something that draws a person to you, something inviting. Anyway, if you want to write back to me, this is the return address. Hope you don't miss me too much.
Yours, Eli.
P.S. I have been able to talk to Adam, actually. He tells me you're going out with some guy Wesley. Good for you, Clare. Looks like you're spending your summer the way you should be. Congratulations, I suppose. Hope you're happy.
Clare rereads the postcard nearly a dozen times. Eli Goldsworthy said she wasn't like other girls. Coming from him, this was high praise. Eli does not easily compliment without some kind of sarcastic remark following that devalues the compliment.
Clare is at a loss of words. Eli knows she has a boyfriend, and he seems nonchalant about it. Something about this makes Clare feel disappointed although she knows she shouldn't be. She tries to find solace in the words "There's something that draws a person to you, something inviting."
She lies on her back and stares at the ceiling. "Eli Goldsworthy," she says out loud. There was a ping in her heart, telling her she had missed the boy. But she wants to deny it at the same time. Clare was with Wesley now. Even though her feelings for Eli were deeper than the ones she has for Wesley, she knows she can have actual consistency and stability with Wesley. Everything with Eli seemed unpredictable, and she hated that, even if deep down, it excited her.
"I don't know what to do," Clare thinks out loud. Her skin grows hot, and she can feel a lump in her throat. She knows this is the familiar feeling of wanting to cry, but she can't quite reason why she's about to.
It's the first day of school, and all of Degrassi's students look forward to the new school year with confidence, optimism, and new goals. Wesley had wanted to arrive to school with Clare, but she told him she would go with Alli instead. However, Alli ended up spending her time with Drew instead, leaving Clare by herself, which she did not mind too much.
Clare slowly walks past the parking lot and notices the vehicle she knew all too well. She smiles at the figure leaning against the hearse, and can feel their eyes meet yards away. Clare picks up her pace and meets Eli at his car.
"You're wearing blue," Clare comments, looking at Eli's cardigan over a band t-shirt.
"Navy blue," Eli replies. "Just as cool as black, you know."
"Just as cool," Clare repeats.
"How'd your summer go?" Eli asks.
"Good. Yours? Wait, no. Stupid question. You went to Europe, it must've been amazing."
Eli shrugs. "It was okay. I missed you more than I thought, if I may."
"I…," Clare begins, not knowing how to finish her sentence. She doesn't even know what she wants to say. Her body is filled with anxiety due to this moment before her. She hasn't seen Eli in so long and being in his presence makes her emotions run high.
"Is something wrong?" Eli asks, looking genuinely concerned.
Clare steps in closer to Eli and presses her lips to his. She has an impulse to melt her body into his. She loves every second of this kiss. She loves her hands touching Eli's necks. She loves Eli's hands gently on her waist. She loves how their bodies touch and how it just seems to make perfect sense that this is happening.
Suddenly, Clare pulls back.
"I need to go," she quickly says.
"What? Why? Did I do something wrong?" Eli asks, confused.
"No, you didn't," Clare replies, her hand on her flushed cheek. "That was really nice, but…I need to fix something."
She looks over to her right and sees Wesley walking and laughing with Connor and Dave. Eli notices her glance and with an understanding smile says, "Do what you will. I'm here."
Clare smiles. "Eli, I –I really, really like you."
"I like you a lot, too, Clare," Eli says. He gently squeezes her arm and insists, "Go. I'm not going anywhere."
"Thank you, Eli."
"Thank you, Clare."
Clare walks away from Eli and heads towards Wesley. But instead of thinking about how she will break things off with him, she starts thinking about how eager she is for this school year. She is eager to experience a different side of Eli. She is eager to be surprised again and again. She is eager to let her relationship with him develop into something more. Clare looks back at Eli once more, who is still watching her, and smiles to herself. She wants to laugh at herself because of her denial of the situation. She had, after all, cared for Eli the entire time.