Disclaimer: I don't own anything Pirates of the Caribbean, but if I did I'd sail away with Jack and probably be hung a year later for being such a tactless pirate.

A/N: I promise this has a plot. Fics without plots are boring fics. Chapter One is my introduction but the real funny stuff starts in Chapter Two. Hotta! ^_^ Has more Jack in it than anything else. Also to get something straight, I'm not a Mary Sue writer. I'm not sickenly obsessed with Jack either. I try to portray all the characters as close to the movie as humanly possible….with some fun o' course. O_o*()

Chapter One:

Captain Jack Sparrow awoke with a monster sized yawn. He had a horrible case of cabin fever, the winds had died down and he was pretty much stuck on the Spanish Main until someone or something got the Black Pearl moving again. Fat chance. At least for a few days.

So what was this poor lonesome pirate to do?

"Have a bit 'o fun 'o course." Jack smiled as the active, yet rusty, wheels turned inside his head.

Perhaps it was the fact that Will and Elizabeth were having their honeymoon on his ship. Perhaps it was the fact that it was Wills second adventure on a ship, and he had horrible sea legs. Alas, it could have been because Will is no match for Captain Jack Sparrow. Whatever the reason, Will was an essential target for the ever-so-amusing scheme concocted in Jacks head.

"Elizabeth would be furious…" Jack eyes open wide as plates, his hand did their little shimmy. "…if she wasn't included." God apparently didn't create Jack to have a lot of sensitivity. Jack clumsily grabbed his beloved bottle of rum and retreated to the poop deck.

Will cupped Elizabeth's face into his hands, he gave her a warm smile as they commented on the beautiful sunlight…the warm…beautiful…

Jack with an animated (and quite scary lol) Sears catalog smile popped between the lovers. "Oh Will, you really know how to woo a captain." Jacks eyebrows were furrowed with sincerity. Will closed his eyes in pain. "Can I do anything for you, Jack?"

Jack pushed Elizabeth aside as she gave a muffled protest. She gave a little huff and walked away to dinner. Jack kept smiling. "Well, Will, I'm very glad you asked." He put a sweaty arm around Will as his other arm stretched across the sky dramatically. "Today starts the month of the sea elves."

Jacks eyes were glazed over into the sky. Will slowly turned his face towards Jack and gave him a look of unbelievable question. "I thought you said you threw away those funny cigarettes from Portia."

"Now now, Will. This is no laughing matter, the sea elves are easily angered." Jack checked himself and looked around to see if anyone was listening. His voice lowered into an audible whisper. "I need your help, Will. Only a man with strength and intelligence has the power to carry out this mission. You see, the sea elves have something of mine."

Will sighed. "I think it's time you let go of that rum bottle." Jack put the bottle in his coat defensively.

"You know, Will, I really thought you'd be more supportive." He gave the unsympathetic Will a disappointed look. "But you're right. You're neither strong nor intelligent enough to catch a cold, much less a sea elf."

"Just what are you getting at?" Will looked at him skeptically.

"No, Will. You don't believe me. There is nothing sadder than a friend who wont believe their best friend, you know, the buddy that saved their life." Jack explained offhandedly. Jack sniffed the air, it smelled of mildew and stink. "Ah, look dinner time." Jack walked nodded back at Will and made his way towards the table. The crew had it's usual chatter and laughter.

Two seats were reserved for the late men. Elizabeth gave Will a so-what-were-you-pulled-away-from-me-for look. Jack caught this and smiled. "I wouldn't fret, luv. I didn't damage your goods while you were gone."

"Glad to hear it Captain Sparrow. I hope you're not going to take him away from me on my honeymoon…" Elizabeth gave him quite a glare.

Jack was taken aback and made a face of horror. " I couldn't dream of such a thing, luv! However…" He pointed an index finger in the air. "…these here waters are greatly troubled." Gibbs put down his fork and stared at the captain. "Aye, Gibbsy. Greatly troubled…" Jack nudged Gibbs to play along.

"Oh yes, troubled. Distressed. Greatly distressed." Gibbs shrugged at Jack when Will and Elizabeth weren't looking. The rest of the crew went on eating.

"Jack what are you planning to do with my Will?" Elizabeth took no crap.

"Listen carefully, luv. Ever hear of sea elves? Well, judging by that look on your face, no. Now put that down, luv. Well, every couple o' years they immerge from the waters onto pirates boats that don't have…well genuine pirates on board. Savvy? They take, uh, non-pirates into the sea and drown them…unless…you complete tasks for the ship that allows you to be excused."

Gibbs whispered under his breath. "What the f- oof!" Jack kicked Gibbs as he gave his winning smile. Will and Elizabeth looked at each other.

"Really Jack, how incredibly stupid do you think we are?"

"Not very, luv. But then again you never believed in men that turn into skeletons in the moonlight either, savvy?"

Sadly, he had a point. And that's where it all began.

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First Chapter est fini. R&R