I collapsed onto the bed, covering it completely. I sighed so heavily that the room's temperature instantly became higher with the heat of my breath. The small room was already warm from body heat, and it would be enough to make any normal human break out in a sweat. That was why Dad hardly came by the door anymore. Sam had the rest of the pack running around the perimeter of the area for the last six hours. I mean there was only so much a teenage body can handle! Busting open, running around at break-neck speeds, chasing down flame-haired bloodsuckers, and then trying to calm down enough to change back into a human form did not make for an easy life.
It was only a matter of time before sleep caught up with me. With only 11 hours of sleep in the past 4 days running through your system, it gets more than tiring. My large hands instinctively tried to run through my hair but once they met the short black fuzz that now adorned my head, I didn't seem to have enough energy to even bring them back onto the bed. They just limply collapsed over the edge and hit the floor.
"Jake, what is wrong with you?"
Talking to myself had become a regular habit since I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone outside of the pack anymore. Once I tried to convince myself I needed to stop because I had heard on the television that talking to yourself was a sign of insanity. But after everything I'd already experienced, I figured that most people would consider me insane already. But not Bella.
Bella.
Just her name sent pleasant shivers down my spine. Her face, her smile, and even the way she moved lit up my entire world. Dad had said that whenever he mentioned her, my face would light up like Christmas lights. I hoped that it really didn't do that. I wasn't trying to feel anything for her, but it wouldn't go away. The feeling that whenever she would say my name was the voice of an angel singing sent pleasant shivers down my spine. The joy I got from her smiling, and laughing, but that was over now. She was only now starting to smile, and a real laugh from her was a rare gift. It was all the fault of that damn blood sucker.
How could he just leave her? If he ever attempted to get near Bella again, he wouldn't be around to see another day if I was within a 20 mile radius. The way he'd only thought of himself when he'd abandoned her and left her for the worse. Did he even consider that she would go into such a state she had in for the last six months or that she would go into a spiraling depression that worried everyone that was close to her? Her zombie existence was terrifying to even remember. But that was all behind us. She was living again. Bella would actually talk, eat, sleep, and smile like a normal eighteen-year-old girl should. But normal didn't even begin to describe her.
Thinking about Bella's sweet scent lulled me into a quiet state, where my breathing was even and slowed. My eyelids slowly started to drape over my eyes, however unwilling I was. I tried fighting it so that I could see if I might be able to formulate a plan to see Bella soon, but I never made it to the end of my unfinished and flawed plan. My mind wandered, and slowly, I surrendered to the raging sleep.
"Jake?"
Bella's voice rang clear as if I'd just heard her yesterday. My name coming out of her mouth was like music.
"Bella," I said cheerily.
Somehow, my dreams had come true. She'd forgotten about that bloodsucker. Her gorgeous milky skin looked even more radiant in the sunlight that had graced Forks then. Stepping out of the newly built Rabbit, I waved my overly large hand at her. It shocked me at how from a distance my hand could completely cover Bella's entire body.
"Jake, um, I don't know that you should be here. Charlie isn't in the best of moods today."
She sounded extremely worried and her delicate eyebrows creased with anxiety about her father. She was so caring. She was worried about her father's problems that probably had to do with work or something on the television.
"I'm sure it'll be fine. Besides, if anything, I'll just have him call my dad." My carefree attitude must have given her some sense of security, because her mood nearly instantly lightened and her deep chocolate brown eyes sparkled.
"Sure," she piped happily and waved her hand for me to come inside. It still made my stomach lurch joyously every time I realized she was actually talking to me. Her sweet scent wafted in the air. I'd never noticed its distinctness until I became, well, what I was.
Jake, you're going to have to accept it sometime. Well, here I go again, talking to myself.
It wasn't that I was afraid of being a werewolf, but the intensity and seriousness of what I had been given to do and learn in such a short amount of time was so overwhelming. It hit me like a brick wall.
I had to turn sideways a bit to fit through the doorframe; my head nearly hit the top of the door. Another smell hit my senses when I stepped into the small two-story house and entered the kitchen-dinner.
"Bells, what's for din-" Charlie's voice was obviously irritated, but slightly less when talking to Bella. He cut off his sentence when he saw me.
"Jacob, where's Billy? Did he come with you?" Charlie asked. He sounded desperate; like only having a woman the in house to talk to would kill him. I could understand that Charlie needed someone to talk to and fish with, but why would I bring him everywhere? I'm not my dad's babysitter. Oh well.
"Naw, he's just at the house. He didn't feel like coming."
"Oh." Charlie then went back into the living room and glued his eyes onto the television where a basketball game was going on. I felt slightly upset about that. Who could just watch television while Bella was in the kitchen working hard and 'slaving over a hot stove' to make dinner? The fact that Charlie hadn't even commented on Bella cooking like normal harshly reminded me that this was only a dream.
"Well, I think it smells great Bella," I commented as I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed it in a half hug. I was utterly surprised that she didn't pull away. She actually embraced it! I could have jump for joy if I wouldn't have blasted through the ceiling with one jump.
"How about you stay for dinner?"
Her melodic voice seemed to weave a web around me capturing me in it. A web that I didn't want to get out of.
"Sure, what is it?" I already knew by the smell. Spaghetti and meatballs with breadsticks.
"Spaghetti and meatballs. I added something different this time, so I'm anxious to see how it tastes."
She seemed to actually enjoy cooking. If she ever felt that same about me as I did about her, I'd make sure she had all the cooking supplies she needed to make it as easy as possible. Then, out of nowhere, an idea struck me. She hadn't pulled away from me putting my arm around her. Would she object to a kiss? Just a soft, innocent little…
"Jake, can you get something for me?"
Damn. I'll just have to try again later…if I can work up enough courage. I can fight off human sized leeches, but I couldn't work up enough stamina to kiss Bella. Love sucks.
"Definitely. Just tell me what and where." She seemed to find something I did slightly amusing, but I had no idea what.
"I've got my jacket upstairs on my bed. I don't really think it would be best to turn up the heat so I was just going to put it on. Are you sure you don't care?"
Once again, she only thought of others.
"Positive. I'll be right back."
Taking the stair's two at a time, I walked down the hall to her room as though I already knew where it was. Even in a dream, I could tell it was odd.
Her room smelled exactly like her, and I breathed it in deeply closing my eyes as I did. Taking in the entirety of her room, I looked over everything while standing in the doorway. The yellowed curtains, the rocking chair from her early childhood, and the pile of dirty laundry in the corner were all so ordinary, but I couldn't understand why it would be ordinary. Bella was so extraordinary that it seemed odd that she'd have something as normal as a quilt on her bed or a set of old curtains to cover her windows.
Her jacket was lying on end of her bed, just as she had said. It seemed so small, so petite. Another harsh reminder of how different we were. The jacket's height wouldn't even extend the length of my arm. But I wasn't ashamed of what I was, just slightly scared. I had a job to do. I had to protect her and the rest of Forks from bloodsuckers.
I picked up the jacket, but in doing so, I also smelt another scent.
Vampire.
I spun around ready to race down the stairs and get Bella and Charlie out of there, but I couldn't because standing in the doorway was Cullen.
"Get out," I threatened and almost growled. I could feel myself getting angry. He'd caused her too much pain for me to just stand there.
"No. I think I'll stay. She doesn't really need you, you know." His voice was a hissing noise that sent shivers down my spine.
"No, you've hurt her too much! If you saw how she was, you wouldn't even dare show you're hideous face again!" My entire body shook. I wanted to rip the cold organs out of his body and make sure he no longer had such a sorry excuse for an existence. I needed to protect her.
"Now, now, let's not get hasty little werewolf. It isn't like she actually wants to be with you," he hissed. He stepped closer daring me to rip him apart. "She is only making you a substitute for me."
"It doesn't matter." The growl came from deep in my throat and made the little vase of flowers on her dresser shake.
"Jake! Why in the world-"
Bella would see him. Now she would crumble underneath her own sadness despite how strong she had tried to be. If his name would reduce her to a withering girl that barely even wanted to exist then what would happen if she saw his face?
But, what if she didn't crumple onto the floor? What if she was happy and in turn, forgot about me? She'd be happy, but not with me. She didn't deserve to be hurt again by that monster.
"Bella, don't come in here!" I tried to tell her. I did, but despite what I told her, she came into the room.
The look on Bella's face would haunt me forever. I couldn't tell what it was at first, but soon, her expression turned to disbelief. She couldn't seem to understand that he was actually here.
"Edward, is it you?"
"Obviously." What happened next was the worst thing that could have happened. Her face was joyous. She was actually happy. Running toward him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips, and he kissed her back. I watched the scene play out in front of me in absolute horror.
Now it was my time to crumple. I collapsed on the floor in what seemed to be a breakdown. She was actually in love with something as horrible as that bloodsucker. I could feel myself on the verge of changing. Making my way to my feet, I ran as fast as I could down the stairs and out of the door.
I probably smashed some things in the process, but it didn't matter. The only person that I would ever love and could love me despite my werewolf responsibility chose a vampire.
I felt my body rip open, and I exploded into my werewolf form. I felt tears go from running down my cheeks to running into a mass of red-brown fur. I tried to wipe them away with my paws, but it only rubbed them in more so I quit trying.
The pack undoubtedly knew by now that I was in distress but it didn't matter. It was amazing how a dream could turn so quickly into a horrible nightmare.
Try as I might, I couldn't get myself to change back into my human form. So, I just embraced it and let the tears come.
I woke with a start and I could feel that my face was wet. The blankets and sheets under me were strewn around and in disarray. I'd been crying while I was asleep, and now I was glad that Dad wasn't home because I also was probably shouting and howling also.
I put my face in my hands and wiped away the tears with the palm of my hand. I couldn't let myself get like this. I had to be strong--strong for Bella.
Author's Note: This is my first Twilight fanfiction and I found it on my hard drive and decided to upload it here! Oh, and just so you know, Jacob sees Edward as evil and sinister, so that is how he is in his dreams. I hope you all enjoyed this and please read my other Twilight fiction, 'Pain and Preperation'.