Flashback
Author: Orrymain
Author Email: marciastudley@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)
Category: Slash, Angst, Romance, Established Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D
Rating: PG-13
Season: 7 - Fall/Winter 2003
Spoilers: Very tiny references to Children of the Gods, Scorched Earth, and Beast of Burden ... and my fic Danny
Size: 36kb, short story
Written: September 4-6, 8-10,12 2003 Revised: September 13, 2003
Archive: Area52, Comfort Zone, FanFiction.Net, Cartouche, AlphaGate, TheBoy
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. This was a whim; all in fun. I don't have anything to do with them legally!
Summary: There's trouble in paradise. Is the wedding off?
Notes: I enthusiastically need to thank the following: Suzanna for an initial read and encouragement to expand the conflict which really added to the angst of the story; drdjlover and Mama Beast for yet more suggestions that enhanced this fan fic. Thanks, too, to quingem for pointing out a little goofie in feedback that I have now corrected!
Flashback
by Orrymain
"Daniel, we tried. We stayed there two weeks. What more do you want?"
Daniel followed Jack into the house, unintentionally slamming the door shut behind him.
"I don't know, but we shouldn't just have left them there. We should have tried again, looked for more alternatives."
"Daniel, it's an internal matter. We can't go charging in everywhere like we're the galaxy's answer to what ails ya."
"Oh, please, Jack, don't trivialize this."
"If I were doing that, I would have said we needed a Prime Directive. We can't interfere all the time. As it was, we stayed, we talked, we talked some more. It was time to leave them be."
"Leave them be? Jack, half that planet are nothing more than slaves, slaves who aren't treated any better than we treat ... mosquitos."
"And that's why they are fighting back, but we can't ... Daniel, we armed Chaka, and the blood bath on that planet was nothing to what this could be."
"We weren't wrong, Jack. What happened to your compassion?"
"Compassion has nothing to do with it. You're the one who's supposed to have all the scruples and morals. What gives us the right to go some place and change the status quo after two weeks?"
"Scruples? Morals? Oh, please Jack, don't try to use that on me. The whole program uses words, big words, about ... peaceful exploration to define its purpose, and yet we see wrong, and just turn around and walk away?"
"We didn't do that, Daniel. You had two weeks. Now, we move on."
"You say two weeks like it's ... an eternity. Jack, we barely had time to touch the surface of their culture. It'll take months to fully understand even the basics of that society. Two weeks was nothing."
"It was five times as long as we normally stay on any planet during a first contact situation. We can only do so much, Daniel."
"You really don't have any compassion for those people, do you? You don't care at all what happens to them."
"Sure, I do, but I know when we've lost the war, and those people weren't listening, not to a single word. And even if they did, we're spread too thin as it is, Daniel. We don't have the financial support from the government or even the manpower to do what would be needed to bring about the kind of change you are talking about. The resources aren't there."
"Oh, so because you don't think it would be easy, we leave? Those people you are talking about are abusing and murdering half their population. They maim and murder without blinking. That's okay? Is that what you're saying?"
"Daniel, don't be ridiculous. You know me better than that. I'm hungry. Let's get a pizza."
"Do I? I thought I did, but listen to you, Jack. Worrying about your stomach when Terla and Ruk are probably both dead. Don't you care about that?"
"Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel. There's nothing else we could have done. It's over. Let it go. Let's eat."
Daniel stared in amazement at this man he loved. He couldn't be hearing what he thought he was. They had befriended Terla and her son, tried to help them, but in the end, they'd been caught and made a target because they were singled out for befriending SG-1.
Terla and Ruk had been brought before their master, who had beaten the spirited young woman to unconsciousness in front of her 10-year old son and the visitors from Earth without a moment of hesitation.
They had started on Ruk next, slapping him, but when both Jack and Daniel had interfered, the beating had been stopped "for the duration of your visit, and then punishment will continue." Daniel knew their punishment was to be beaten to death. "How could Jack be so unfeeling about this?", Daniel wondered to himself.
Daniel shook his head, and reached into his pants pocket and took out his keys to his 1999 Shelby American, the car Jack had gotten for him last year. Jack saw the move, and cringed, but was battling between anger, frustration and wanting to pick Daniel up and lock him in their room to prevent his impending exit.
"You going to run out, Daniel? We disagree, and you leave ... again?"
"What do you want me to do, sit down and have a romantic dinner knowing Terla and Ruk are lying in some unmarked grave somewhere, being spit upon by the masters who gloat over their killings?"
"Geez, Danny."
"Ruining your appetite, Jack? Do you realize what they do to the murdered slaves on that planet? They don't just bury them, they celebrate their deaths. They throw them in little graves, without covering them. They leave them open, Jack, for ... for whatever insect or beast or whatever is out there to do ... whatever they want with.
"And whenever a master walks by, they spit on it, on the remains as they rot. They leave the graves open for days before closing them off. I guess not having the same sense of smell as we do they don't notice the rancid odor of the decay. What do you want on your pizza, Jack?"
"Daniel, stop. You're being unreasonable. I don't like what happens on that planet any more than you do, but we don't have the ability to change their fate either."
"Why not, Jack? We spend billions to go looking for 'big honkin' weapons', why can't we invest some of that in trying to change their culture?"
"Listen to yourself, Daniel. It's their culture. They make the choices. We can't decide who lives and dies."
Daniel sneered, "And what about on P5S-381, Jack? Isn't that exactly what you did? You pitted one culture against another, and made a choice, a decision I might add that would have blown me to bits had it worked. What's the difference ... Colonel?"
Jack paled at the memory of what had happened a few years ago when he had to make the hardest decision of his life. He had to choose between the Enkarans and the Gadmeer, and in the process, he pressed a button that would have destroyed the Gadmeer vessel with Daniel on board, had his lover not found a solution in the nick of time.
"How could you bring that up, Daniel? We dealt with that, years ago. I thought you understood; I thought we both did."
"Well, apparently not, Jack. I'll never understand how you can disregard one life for another, especially when the ones being sacrificed are abused and innocent like Terla and Ruk."
"Then ... I guess maybe we still have ... issues that need to be handled before ..."
Jack couldn't finish his sentence. Daniel's eyes grew wide, his voice was low when he spoke next.
"I guess ... we do ... have ... issues. Maybe we should ..."
And now Daniel couldn't finish his sentence either. They both stood without saying a word. Jack ran his fingers anxiously through his hair as Daniel fidgeted with his keys.
"Let's eat, Daniel."
"I'm ... not hungry," Daniel said as he headed for the door.
"Daniel, where are you going?"
But Daniel never turned around. He walked out the door and got into his "silver fox", the car that reminded him so much of his lover. He bowed his head briefly against the steering wheel, trying not to think about Jack, but it was hard not to in this sporty car that so symbolized Jack to the younger man.
Daniel started the engine and ignored Jack's yelling from the front door as he put the car in gear and then drove swiftly to the apartment.
"Daniel? Fine, go ahead. Have a good night, Daniel. I'm not ... coming after you." Jack had shouted his words to a moving car and into the wind. Then, he said to nothing but the air, "No skin off my nose."
Two "woofs" got Jack's attention. Two beautiful beagles, Bijou and her pup Katie, sat at the patio door.
"Geez, what a heel, O'Neill," Jack said aloud, laughing at his silly rhyme as he let the dogs in and kneeled down to say a proper hello, except instead of the usual deluge of kisses, he noticed the girls gave him just a couple licks and ran to the front door and started barking.
"I am NOT going after him. Forget it. He's being overly sensitive, and I'm hungry."
Jack sat on the arm of the arm chair, and added with a sigh, "I thought he forgave me for that Gadmeer mess. I would have died if he had."
Jack stood up and ordered a pizza, ignoring the silent treatment he was receiving from the two dogs who continued to sit by the front door.
====
Daniel sat on the cold concrete of the apartment balcony, his back against the glass patio window. His knees were drawn to his chest, his hands sitting on top of his knees. He fluctuated back and forth from staring at his hands to leaning his head back against the glass and staring upwards at the stars filling the night sky.
He hadn't changed clothes and was still in the maroon short sleeve cotton tee-shirt and pepperstone blue jeans that he had worn home from the SGC. The air was chilly, and his skin was breaking out in goose bumps, but still he sat in silence, agonizing over the distant policies of a another planet, and a now-dead mother and son and his failure to affect change that would have saved their lives.
====
Jack sat on one of the white deck chairs he kept on the roof deck. The box of pizza sat on the other chair, Daniel's chair, unopened. Jack had changed into the gray sweatshirt Daniel loved so much, and the matching sweatpants.
Jack moved forward and unlensed the telescope, and tried to get interested in seeing some distant stars and uninhabited worlds, but all he could see were planets where maybe some life existed. Actually, the more he looked through the lens, the more he could see only Daniel.
Jack recapped the lens and sat back in the chair. He looked over at the box of pizza and opened it but then shut the lid quickly. The pizza had cooled long ago, and Jack's appetite had grown cold along with the food.
He reached into the single pocket of the sweatpants and pulled out his wallet. Behind pictures of Charlie and the beagles, he kept a special item he desperately wanted to wear publicly one day. He sighed, and put the gold band on his finger, needing to feel something of Daniel on him.
"Why, Danny? Why can't you see that we can't solve all the problems in the universe? ... And why didn't you forgive me?"
====
A call from nature had been the only thing that had gotten Daniel up since his arrival at the apartment. He considered lying down on the bed in the bedroom, but as he stared at the large frame, he knew he'd feel too "empty" there alone, so he returned his spot on the hard concrete balcony.
It was getting cooler and he occasionally rubbed his arms to try and warm them, and yet, he was so lost in the thoughts of Terla and Ruk, and of Jack, that he didn't go inside or even change into warmer clothes.
He reached into his wallet, and carefully pulled out the small item he kept hidden there. He held the circle in his hand for a moment, and then put the ring on his finger, his eyes never losing site of the wedding ring he treasured in his heart.
"I don't understand, Jack. Why don't you care?" he asked the night winds as they chilled his goose bumped skin.
====
Jack climbed down the ladder with the still uneaten pizza.
"You girls want this," he asked the two dogs, both of whom sat expressionless in front of their doghouse.
Normally, they'd be at Jack's feet, clamoring for attention, demanding a morsel of the pizza.
"I'm not going after him, not ... this time." Jack fooled himself into believing.
Their "kids" were staring him down, their faces with frowns and not their usual smiles.
"Oh, for crying out loud," Jack yelled as he walked over to the trash can and threw the pizza into the garbage. He strutted back into the house and plopped into his armchair. His eyes went over to the fish.
"Stop staring at me; he doesn't want to be around me," Jack barked at three of the fish that seemed to be looking at him through the large aquarium glass, unsure if he was trying to convince the fish or himself.
In their seven year history, Jack had always gone after Daniel. Sometimes, in the beginning, it was to make him deal with some disaster on a planet, and sometimes it was to help him deal with the massive amount of "crap" that the universe had unleased on him.
Daniel had learned to rely only on himself after his parents had been tragically killed in a museum accident. His grandfather had refused to allow him to be adopted while at the same time had ignored him, abandoning him to a fate possibly worse than that of an orphan. Daniel had spent years being shuffled from foster home to foster home, trying to fit in, but with his intelligence and sensitivity, he never did.
Daniel's self-hugs had become his only nurturing, and the older he got, the more the adult had shielded the orphaned and abandoned child from ever being hurt again.
When Jack had found Daniel in the halls of the SGC after the second mission to Abydos, a pattern had been set. Daniel had become the lost soul, and Jack his lighthouse, always beaming his light brightly for Daniel to use to find his way home ... to Jack.
Jack didn't mind the pattern. Somehow, he understood that little boy who was scared just as he understood the adult who needed to protect the child. Jack had his own self-defense mechanism, only his retreat was in sarcasm and attitude, and unlike Daniel, Jack had a family that had given him plenty of love as he had grown up in Chicago. He didn't to need to hug himself, he had a mother and father who had hugged him often.
In the years of their romantic relationship, Jack had learned that Daniel needed reassurance that Jack wouldn't tire of him and abandon him, just like the grandfather and the many sets of foster families he had allowed himself to get attached to had.
In the early years, Daniel had sometimes been hesitant or maybe even afraid to admit what his own needs or wants or secret fantasies had been. When they had fought early on, Daniel had always been sure it was the end of their love affair. He had packed his bags more than once, assuming they were through.
He had run "home" to the apartment a few times sure Jack didn't want him anymore. It had taken Jack years to get through to Daniel that he loved him more than life, and nothing but nothing would separate them.
Jack would not abandon Daniel, and in the last couple of years, Daniel had seemed to finally believe it. He hadn't been afraid or shy anymore about telling Jack what he had needed from him, and they had built a happy life together.
In fact, it was Daniel who had proposed marriage, and that in itself, showed just how much Daniel had learned to believe in their love.
Daniel hadn't run in a very long time, and as Jack remembered their life together, he wondered why now, after all this time, Daniel had walked out the door without even a glance over his shoulder.
Jack had been hurt that Daniel had brought up the Enkarans and Gadmeer during their argument. They had talked that through when it happened and resolved all the issues. He was sure Daniel understood. Bringing it up now made no sense.
"Why, Danny?," Jack asked aloud.
There was an answer. Jack was sure of it. The lighthouse beams began to shine as Jack's mind worked the puzzle that was his soul mate.
Jack got up ostensibly to get a beer, and saw Bijou and Katie sitting quietly in front of the door. He opened it and let them in. They ran straight for the front door, turned to face Jack, and sat down.
Jack couldn't help it. He laughed. No one would believe this, no one, that is, except for Daniel. Jack walked over to the door and picked up his keys that sat on the entrance way table.
"Woof!" "Woof!" Two tails began to wag excitedly, the smiles reappearing on the beagle's faces.
"Okay, you win. I'll ... bring him home. You two behave. Guard the house. Call me if anyone tries to break in," Jack laughed as he leaned over and petted each dog before going out the door.
====
Daniel still hadn't moved. He sat in his spot on the balcony as if he were frozen there. It was almost midnight, the winds blowing moderately, Daniel's hair being tossed with the breeze. He was cold as ice. His knees were still up to his torso, his hands clenched together, and his head bowed from defeat and loss.
He didn't understand why he was there, on the cold balcony. Why had he and Jack argued? Why was this planet's situation so important to Daniel? Why was he suddenly questioning Jack's humanity? Why had he run away from his home, from Jack?
Jack's words, "I'm not coming after you" echoed in his brain, replaying over and over again. Daniel was angry at himself for expecting Jack to come, for wanting him to come. He was angrier still that he wanted to go home and yet sat motionless on the hard concrete.
As he sat under the darkened sky, he realized he had to go home, had to find a way to understand why Terla and Ruk meant so much and how they could, at least on the surface, drive such a wedge between he and his lover.
If only he could find the courage to stand up, this second, and go home, then maybe he could find the answers he needed, together, with Jack. He and Jack were unbeatable when they were one.
Daniel twisted the wedding band on his finger, desperately needing to make sense out of the last few hours, and he hated to admit it, but he desperately needed Jack to come save him, just one more time, though he didn't know why.
"Gawd, Jack, please come," Daniel whispered, hating himself at the same time for needing it to happen.
Daniel bowed his forehead against the hands that now sat on his knees, a tear escaping from his eye. He felt so lost, and he truly didn't know why.
====
Jack used his key to walk into the dark apartment. He immediately felt the brisk air and knew where his partner was. He walked slowly towards the balcony and stopped for a moment to watch Daniel. He put his keys in his pocket, and walked to the edge of the balcony, putting his hands on the railing and looking out over the growing town.
"Nice night."
"I guess so," Daniel responded, his head still bowed, sure he had fallen asleep and was dreaming Jack's comforting voice.
"Daniel." Jack said softly as he turned to face him. Daniel's head raised, and he blinked a few times as he convinced himself he wasn't dreaming.
Jack walked to where Daniel sat, and extended his left hand. Daniel looked up and stared at Jack's hand, and slowly reached out with his left hand. Jack took hold and pulled his heart up to him, not letting go of their joined hands.
Jack smiled as Daniel stared. Brown eyes met blue at the strange coincidence that both had put on their wedding rings.
Jack released Daniel's hand, and put his arms around him, pulling him close, breathing in his scent. Daniel's arms slowly went up to Jack's back, his chin against Jack's shoulder.
"You're freezing, Danny."
"I thought you weren't coming."
"The girls gave me the cold shoulder. It was come and get you or have them haunt me."
"Oh."
"Danny, I love you. You know that. We just forgot to leave it at the office, that's all."
"I thought we ... I thought we weren't going to argue like that anymore. I didn't mean it, Jack, about the Enkaran planet. I ... just ... I"
Jack pulled back to look Daniel in the eyes, bringing his left hand to caress his lover's cheek. He could see where the tear had fallen earlier, the track still wet from the emotion. He moved gently to the moisture and kissed the tear track of Daniel's cheek and then slowly moved to Daniel's lips and placed a small tentative kiss there before pulling back to look again into his lover's eyes.
"We'll probably always argue. We're different, Danny. We both know that. We're human. We ... forgot, that's all."
Daniel leaned back into Jack and rested his head on his shoulder, sighing as he looked out at the night sky. It felt so good to be held, but he still needed the answers as to why this day had happened. He also realized that he had struck out at Jack unjustly, and the pain of that was swelling inside of him, even as Jack's love was calming him.
"Jack, the Gadmeer, I do understand. I just ... Jack, I wanted you to hurt, to feel what I was feeling for those people. I'm sorry, Jack. Gawd, I'm so sorry."
"Shhh," Jack whispered into his regretful lover's ear. "I know, Danny. I would have died if you had. You know that."
"I do, Jack. I know. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, honestly, Love, it's okay."
Jack soothed Daniel for a couple of minutes as they stood holding each other, fighting their way back to their center, divesting themselves of old wounds and ever present differences.
"Why, Jack? Why didn't you care about the slaves? Tell me you cared, Jack."
Daniel was sure that caring was the core of the issue tearing him apart. The reality of how the situation ended was tragic, and he needed to know that the man who was his soul cared about the fate of the people just as he did. His plea to Jack for an explanation had sounded almost desperate, the need to understand consuming him.
"I do care, Danny, but I ... It sounds cold, but I guess I can turn it off easier than you. We weren't getting anywhere. We could stay there for months and probably still not get anywhere with those barbarians. Someday, they'll have a civil war, and hopefully things will change, but it will be in their time and no one else's."
"But there has be something. Jack, how can we just leave them? Thela and Ruk, you know they're dead?"
"Daniel, you carry the burdens of the universe on your shoulders. You have so much passion and caring in your heart and soul. Yes, I know Thela and Ruk are dead, and so are many of the others we met in that disgusting place.
"What are we supposed to do, Danny ... arm them, teach them to fight, stop fighting the Goa'uld and concentrate on saving them while we get overrun? We only have so much manpower. We have limits, Daniel, whether we like it or not."
Daniel spoke softly.
"But they're dead, Jack, and we just ... walked away, and that's supposed to be okay? Let's come home and eat pizza and make love and forget. Is that what we're supposed to do?"
"Pizza and making love? Works for me!"
Daniel tensed at Jack's attempt at humor. Humor wasn't the way home on this night, Jack realized, so he kissed Daniel's neck, and squeezed him against his body briefly and then took a deep breath to forge on with the words that had always been so difficult for him.
"Danny, I'll ... get Hammond to set up a rotation. We'll send teams through periodically to check up, see if anything's changed. We'll ... keep trying to get the Roayians to see the light. It's ... it's the best I can do, Danny."
Daniel backed away slightly to look at Jack. He found Jack's left arm and tugged it away from his back to hold it in his hand.
"You do care, don't you, Jack?"
Jack finally realized with that question that it wasn't just the fate of the enslaved Roayians that bothered Daniel, but that Jack hadn't shown "compassion" for the deaths of Thela and Ruk.
Sometimes, Jack was a little too good at hiding his feelings, though it was rare Daniel didn't see through the facades Jack built, but Daniel had been so wrapped up in the sad fate of these people that his Jack-radar was a little off, and then, too, Jack knew there was even more to it than even Daniel was admitting to yet.
Jack pulled away from Daniel and went inside and sat on the couch, leaning forward, his hands on his knees. He twisted the wedding band with his fingers.
Daniel stood a few feet away watching Jack, his arms self-hugging.
"Yes, I care about those people, all of them, but there are limits to what we can do, and like it or not, Daniel, I'm trained to recognize those limits. If we had stayed there, the only thing we would have done was cause more people to die sooner. The leaders looked at us as if we were challenging their life and they knew it. It was ... a game, and I know that is something that is difficult for you to understand because it's so not who you are.
"Danny, the best we can do is try to keep contact, try to hope that maybe leadership will change, let them know how we feel, what we have to offer if things do change, but I wouldn't hold your breath. I've seen those types before, and they are ugly, spiteful, hateful beings who don't know anything about compassion ... on any level."
"I ... care a lot, Daniel, and by now, I hoped you knew that. But if I let myself think about what happened to Ruk because he befriended us, I'll go crazy. I ... can't think about it. I'm sorry."
Jack stood up and walked towards the kitchen. He stretched his hands out, pressing them against the counter. He closed his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath, trying to control the lump that was forming in his throat.
"So, I'll talk to Hammond. Maybe one of the negotiating teams can go back and see if we missed something, but SG-1 can't go back there, Danny. I can't go back there."
Jack turned back to face Daniel, rigidly leaning his back against the countertop, adding with a touch of trepidation in his voice, "It's the best I can offer. Is that ... good enough?"
Daniel walked back to the balcony, arms still folded and looked up at the stars. Jack followed him and was standing behind him, wanting to touch, but afraid it was too soon after his words.
As they looked up together at the sky, a falling star went shooting by. They both turned and looked at each other, small smiles of recollection of their very first night together on their faces.
Daniel looked down and then back up to the stars and said, "I'm ... cold, Jack."
Jack's smile grew. "I think I may have a way to ... fix that."
"I was hoping you would."
Before Jack could wrap his hands around Daniel, the younger man turned and practically leaped into Jack's arms, kissing him with love and desire.
"Love those falling stars," Jack said with a grin.
"Me, too." Daniel kissed Jack again; it felt so good.
"You really are cold, Danny."
"You'll warm me up, Jack."
Daniel started to lead Jack into the bedroom, but Jack stopped him.
"What's wrong?"
"Left the girls in the house. Besides, they were ... upset."
Daniel laughed as he cozied back up to Jack.
"We argued in front of them. We said we'd never do that. They're so tuned into us, Jack."
"Alot of dogs are like that, sensing it when people are upset. They saw we were acting differently, heard the tone of our voices. Our beagles are very smart, too; they know when something's not right between us. We'll make it up to them, and we won't do it again."
"I hope not. I ... don't want to argue like that anymore myself."
"I'm sorry, Danny."
"No, this one ... this one was my fault, Jack. I just ... got too close ... again. I'm not sure why I reacted the way I did, or why I've behaved so ... like some whiny child. You have the biggest heart, Jack. It was just so hard to see that level of misery in that place."
Daniel paused for a moment, laying his head on Jack's shoulder to help shield the emotion of his thoughts.
"They're dead because of us, Jack. I know you care. I couldn't love you so freakin' much if you didn't."
"I know, Love. I know."
Both men held each other, reassuring and comforting, each drying the others tears they tried so hard not to shed for a world they couldn't change, at least not yet. Then, Daniel seemed to grow more silent and inward.
"Hey, what?"
It was time to face the issue behind the issue, the one that complicated an already complicated situation.
Daniel gazed into the chocolate brown eyes that he loved so, and asked, "Why did I run, Jack? I ... ran, walked out of our house, away from you and our life together. I shouldn't have ... not after all these years, after all we've been through."
"It wasn't you, Danny," Jack said as he raised his left hand to caress his lover's cheek. "It was that little boy inside you, the one who's afraid of being abandoned again. Do you remember that time, a few years ago, we talked about your name?"
"After the Gamekeeper," Daniel quietly acknowledged.
"There's a part of you that tries to protect that child from being hurt, tries to shield you from feeling that lonely pain all over again, so I think maybe that little piece of you made a last ditch effort to keep little Danny safe, not believing that we're forever, but we are, Danny.
"I'm not leaving you, not ever, so that abandoned little boy is just going to have to learn how to be happy, and his protector is getting his walking papers because," Jack smiled, "protecting you is my job now.
"Besides, in your heart and soul, the biggest part of you knew I'd come, that I could never let you walk away from us without a fight, and that little disagreement we had today was nothing. It would take a helluva lot more than that to blast me away from you. In fact, it's friggin' impossible. I'm glued to you for eternity, Love."
"Did you know you'd come ... when I left?"
Jack laughed softly as his hands ran up Daniel's arm, to his neck, and then his cheek.
"Me? Mr. Tough-as-Nails-Colonel-Pain-in-the-Mikta Jack O'Neill? I was so tough, Danny, that I never ate a bite of that pizza, not a one; I sat up on the roof and needed to feel close to you, so I put on the ring because it felt like you were there then, and all the while, I'm ranting at the girls that I was so not going after you, even yelled at the fish. Yeah, I knew I'd come because I will never let you go, Danny ... never. So what's your excuse?"
"Excuse?"
"Ring," Jack asked, nodding at Daniel's wedding band.
"Same thing I guess. Putting it on made me feel ... bonded, closer. I wanted you to understand, Jack, to feel what I was feeling, too. Sounds stupid in retrospect. I would have gone home, Jack, because ... you are my home, and I love you. Funny though that we both did that, put on our rings."
"It's because we both know that this ... argument ... was just that, an argument, not the first one, and we know it won't be the last. We love each other and this," Jack took Daniel's hand and traced the ring with his fingers, "reminds us of that. It goes on forever, just like we do. The ... circle of our love, remember?"
"It goes on forever, just like we do," Daniel repeated with a smile that lit up Jack's heart.
Jack kissed Daniel, his strong arms scooping Daniel up as close to him as he could get. Daniel moaned from pleasure, his arms going around Jack's neck, his fingers stroking the ends of his gray hairs.
"Hmmm. We have a ... wedding to plan, don't we?"
It was a statement with just a tinge of a question to it. Daniel's heart stopped briefly waiting for Jack's affirmation, the one he needed to know they'd always be together.
"You got that right. And ... a honeymoon."
Daniel giggled.
"Never been on a honeymoon."
"No? You and Sha're didn't take off to some sand dune somewhere?"
"No, just had that big big big party."
"Well, be warned, Dr. Jackson, we're going on the honeymoon of honeymoons."
"I can't wait."
"Let's go show the girls everything is okay, and then we ... can get to that warming up business."
The two headed for the door.
"Jack, rings."
"Leave them on."
"We got away with that once. Don't you think we're pushing our luck?"
"To be honest, Danny, I don't care who sees. Let's go home."
====
"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"
"I told you I'd bring him home," Jack laughed as Bijou and Katie gave sloppy kiss after kiss to Daniel.
"Sorry, Girls. I'm back, and I promise, I won't go away like that again."
"Woof!" Bijou was staring at Jack with questioning black eyes.
"Yes, I'm glad he's back, too. C'mere, Angel. They want proof."
Jack pulled Daniel into his arms and kissed him passionately in front of their two watchful dogs, and then he looked down at the two smiling beagles and laughed.
"See, everything's okay now."
"Woof! Woof!" the two dogs responded as they went over to the patio door, a request to go outside now that their family was reunited.
"You should have seen them, Danny; they wouldn't even talk to me."
"Oh, so you came after me to ... save face with the children?"
Jack locked the door after letting the happy beagles outside for the night, and laughed, "I came after you for .. this."
"JACK!"
Jack picked Daniel up and threw him over his shoulder and started up the stairs.
"JACK, what the heck are you doing?"
"Me caveman, you conquest."
"Jack, that's bad."
Reaching the bedroom, Jack carefully tossed Daniel onto the bed and climbed on top of him.
"Yeah, I know, but I love you, Danny. How about we get an early start on that honeymoon?"
"Yeah, why don't we? I love you, Jack. Thank you, for ..."
"... coming after you?"
"Yes, but mostly for getting rid of that abandoned child. I think he's finally gone, Jack. It's taken a long time, hasn't it? I'm surprised you didn't just give up."
"Could never give up on you, or us. I have nothing but time where you are concerned."
"I ... would have come back, Jack. I promise you I would have."
"I know, Love."
"Niagara Falls?"
Jack laughed. "A little too cliche, don't ya think?" Jack asked as he kissed Daniel again.
"Mexico City?"
"Too hot!"
"Hmmm ... kiss ... then I guess the Caribbean ... moan ... is out, too?"
"I'll go anywhere you want to go, Daniel. Anywhere."
"Well, it should be somewhere we both want to ... kiss ... go, someplace exotic or romantic, or maybe ... moan ... educational ..."
"Educational? No way. Try again. We're not going anywhere where your brain is thinking more than your ...."
"Jack! Well, there are museums and historical places even in romantic places. We could even go laugh at the pyramids ... kiss ... or maybe I'll let you fish."
"Not fishing on our honeymoon."
"Europe, someplace like France ... kiss ... or Ireland, or ... laugh ... Japan. I'd love to see you try to talk with all the Japanese citizens ... kiss ... or, oh I know, we could go to Russia."
"Daniel, bite your tongue. On second thought, I'll do that."
"Jack?"
"What?"
"You're talking too much!"
"Me?"
Jack groaned loudly as Daniel laughed, and then they fused their bodies together into one as they made love, treasuring each other like never before. Daniel was no longer the lost soul, having finally found his way home to the shore in the man who had been his lighthouse for years. Now, at last, they were together, in their own safe harbor.
They'd figure out where to go on their honeymoon later!
~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~
Author: Orrymain
Author Email: marciastudley@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)
Category: Slash, Angst, Romance, Established Relationship
Pairing: Jack/Daniel .... and it's all J/D
Rating: PG-13
Season: 7 - Fall/Winter 2003
Spoilers: Very tiny references to Children of the Gods, Scorched Earth, and Beast of Burden ... and my fic Danny
Size: 36kb, short story
Written: September 4-6, 8-10,12 2003 Revised: September 13, 2003
Archive: Area52, Comfort Zone, FanFiction.Net, Cartouche, AlphaGate, TheBoy
Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers -- not mine, wish they were, especially Daniel, and Jack, too, but they aren't. This was a whim; all in fun. I don't have anything to do with them legally!
Summary: There's trouble in paradise. Is the wedding off?
Notes: I enthusiastically need to thank the following: Suzanna for an initial read and encouragement to expand the conflict which really added to the angst of the story; drdjlover and Mama Beast for yet more suggestions that enhanced this fan fic. Thanks, too, to quingem for pointing out a little goofie in feedback that I have now corrected!
Flashback
by Orrymain
"Daniel, we tried. We stayed there two weeks. What more do you want?"
Daniel followed Jack into the house, unintentionally slamming the door shut behind him.
"I don't know, but we shouldn't just have left them there. We should have tried again, looked for more alternatives."
"Daniel, it's an internal matter. We can't go charging in everywhere like we're the galaxy's answer to what ails ya."
"Oh, please, Jack, don't trivialize this."
"If I were doing that, I would have said we needed a Prime Directive. We can't interfere all the time. As it was, we stayed, we talked, we talked some more. It was time to leave them be."
"Leave them be? Jack, half that planet are nothing more than slaves, slaves who aren't treated any better than we treat ... mosquitos."
"And that's why they are fighting back, but we can't ... Daniel, we armed Chaka, and the blood bath on that planet was nothing to what this could be."
"We weren't wrong, Jack. What happened to your compassion?"
"Compassion has nothing to do with it. You're the one who's supposed to have all the scruples and morals. What gives us the right to go some place and change the status quo after two weeks?"
"Scruples? Morals? Oh, please Jack, don't try to use that on me. The whole program uses words, big words, about ... peaceful exploration to define its purpose, and yet we see wrong, and just turn around and walk away?"
"We didn't do that, Daniel. You had two weeks. Now, we move on."
"You say two weeks like it's ... an eternity. Jack, we barely had time to touch the surface of their culture. It'll take months to fully understand even the basics of that society. Two weeks was nothing."
"It was five times as long as we normally stay on any planet during a first contact situation. We can only do so much, Daniel."
"You really don't have any compassion for those people, do you? You don't care at all what happens to them."
"Sure, I do, but I know when we've lost the war, and those people weren't listening, not to a single word. And even if they did, we're spread too thin as it is, Daniel. We don't have the financial support from the government or even the manpower to do what would be needed to bring about the kind of change you are talking about. The resources aren't there."
"Oh, so because you don't think it would be easy, we leave? Those people you are talking about are abusing and murdering half their population. They maim and murder without blinking. That's okay? Is that what you're saying?"
"Daniel, don't be ridiculous. You know me better than that. I'm hungry. Let's get a pizza."
"Do I? I thought I did, but listen to you, Jack. Worrying about your stomach when Terla and Ruk are probably both dead. Don't you care about that?"
"Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel. There's nothing else we could have done. It's over. Let it go. Let's eat."
Daniel stared in amazement at this man he loved. He couldn't be hearing what he thought he was. They had befriended Terla and her son, tried to help them, but in the end, they'd been caught and made a target because they were singled out for befriending SG-1.
Terla and Ruk had been brought before their master, who had beaten the spirited young woman to unconsciousness in front of her 10-year old son and the visitors from Earth without a moment of hesitation.
They had started on Ruk next, slapping him, but when both Jack and Daniel had interfered, the beating had been stopped "for the duration of your visit, and then punishment will continue." Daniel knew their punishment was to be beaten to death. "How could Jack be so unfeeling about this?", Daniel wondered to himself.
Daniel shook his head, and reached into his pants pocket and took out his keys to his 1999 Shelby American, the car Jack had gotten for him last year. Jack saw the move, and cringed, but was battling between anger, frustration and wanting to pick Daniel up and lock him in their room to prevent his impending exit.
"You going to run out, Daniel? We disagree, and you leave ... again?"
"What do you want me to do, sit down and have a romantic dinner knowing Terla and Ruk are lying in some unmarked grave somewhere, being spit upon by the masters who gloat over their killings?"
"Geez, Danny."
"Ruining your appetite, Jack? Do you realize what they do to the murdered slaves on that planet? They don't just bury them, they celebrate their deaths. They throw them in little graves, without covering them. They leave them open, Jack, for ... for whatever insect or beast or whatever is out there to do ... whatever they want with.
"And whenever a master walks by, they spit on it, on the remains as they rot. They leave the graves open for days before closing them off. I guess not having the same sense of smell as we do they don't notice the rancid odor of the decay. What do you want on your pizza, Jack?"
"Daniel, stop. You're being unreasonable. I don't like what happens on that planet any more than you do, but we don't have the ability to change their fate either."
"Why not, Jack? We spend billions to go looking for 'big honkin' weapons', why can't we invest some of that in trying to change their culture?"
"Listen to yourself, Daniel. It's their culture. They make the choices. We can't decide who lives and dies."
Daniel sneered, "And what about on P5S-381, Jack? Isn't that exactly what you did? You pitted one culture against another, and made a choice, a decision I might add that would have blown me to bits had it worked. What's the difference ... Colonel?"
Jack paled at the memory of what had happened a few years ago when he had to make the hardest decision of his life. He had to choose between the Enkarans and the Gadmeer, and in the process, he pressed a button that would have destroyed the Gadmeer vessel with Daniel on board, had his lover not found a solution in the nick of time.
"How could you bring that up, Daniel? We dealt with that, years ago. I thought you understood; I thought we both did."
"Well, apparently not, Jack. I'll never understand how you can disregard one life for another, especially when the ones being sacrificed are abused and innocent like Terla and Ruk."
"Then ... I guess maybe we still have ... issues that need to be handled before ..."
Jack couldn't finish his sentence. Daniel's eyes grew wide, his voice was low when he spoke next.
"I guess ... we do ... have ... issues. Maybe we should ..."
And now Daniel couldn't finish his sentence either. They both stood without saying a word. Jack ran his fingers anxiously through his hair as Daniel fidgeted with his keys.
"Let's eat, Daniel."
"I'm ... not hungry," Daniel said as he headed for the door.
"Daniel, where are you going?"
But Daniel never turned around. He walked out the door and got into his "silver fox", the car that reminded him so much of his lover. He bowed his head briefly against the steering wheel, trying not to think about Jack, but it was hard not to in this sporty car that so symbolized Jack to the younger man.
Daniel started the engine and ignored Jack's yelling from the front door as he put the car in gear and then drove swiftly to the apartment.
"Daniel? Fine, go ahead. Have a good night, Daniel. I'm not ... coming after you." Jack had shouted his words to a moving car and into the wind. Then, he said to nothing but the air, "No skin off my nose."
Two "woofs" got Jack's attention. Two beautiful beagles, Bijou and her pup Katie, sat at the patio door.
"Geez, what a heel, O'Neill," Jack said aloud, laughing at his silly rhyme as he let the dogs in and kneeled down to say a proper hello, except instead of the usual deluge of kisses, he noticed the girls gave him just a couple licks and ran to the front door and started barking.
"I am NOT going after him. Forget it. He's being overly sensitive, and I'm hungry."
Jack sat on the arm of the arm chair, and added with a sigh, "I thought he forgave me for that Gadmeer mess. I would have died if he had."
Jack stood up and ordered a pizza, ignoring the silent treatment he was receiving from the two dogs who continued to sit by the front door.
====
Daniel sat on the cold concrete of the apartment balcony, his back against the glass patio window. His knees were drawn to his chest, his hands sitting on top of his knees. He fluctuated back and forth from staring at his hands to leaning his head back against the glass and staring upwards at the stars filling the night sky.
He hadn't changed clothes and was still in the maroon short sleeve cotton tee-shirt and pepperstone blue jeans that he had worn home from the SGC. The air was chilly, and his skin was breaking out in goose bumps, but still he sat in silence, agonizing over the distant policies of a another planet, and a now-dead mother and son and his failure to affect change that would have saved their lives.
====
Jack sat on one of the white deck chairs he kept on the roof deck. The box of pizza sat on the other chair, Daniel's chair, unopened. Jack had changed into the gray sweatshirt Daniel loved so much, and the matching sweatpants.
Jack moved forward and unlensed the telescope, and tried to get interested in seeing some distant stars and uninhabited worlds, but all he could see were planets where maybe some life existed. Actually, the more he looked through the lens, the more he could see only Daniel.
Jack recapped the lens and sat back in the chair. He looked over at the box of pizza and opened it but then shut the lid quickly. The pizza had cooled long ago, and Jack's appetite had grown cold along with the food.
He reached into the single pocket of the sweatpants and pulled out his wallet. Behind pictures of Charlie and the beagles, he kept a special item he desperately wanted to wear publicly one day. He sighed, and put the gold band on his finger, needing to feel something of Daniel on him.
"Why, Danny? Why can't you see that we can't solve all the problems in the universe? ... And why didn't you forgive me?"
====
A call from nature had been the only thing that had gotten Daniel up since his arrival at the apartment. He considered lying down on the bed in the bedroom, but as he stared at the large frame, he knew he'd feel too "empty" there alone, so he returned his spot on the hard concrete balcony.
It was getting cooler and he occasionally rubbed his arms to try and warm them, and yet, he was so lost in the thoughts of Terla and Ruk, and of Jack, that he didn't go inside or even change into warmer clothes.
He reached into his wallet, and carefully pulled out the small item he kept hidden there. He held the circle in his hand for a moment, and then put the ring on his finger, his eyes never losing site of the wedding ring he treasured in his heart.
"I don't understand, Jack. Why don't you care?" he asked the night winds as they chilled his goose bumped skin.
====
Jack climbed down the ladder with the still uneaten pizza.
"You girls want this," he asked the two dogs, both of whom sat expressionless in front of their doghouse.
Normally, they'd be at Jack's feet, clamoring for attention, demanding a morsel of the pizza.
"I'm not going after him, not ... this time." Jack fooled himself into believing.
Their "kids" were staring him down, their faces with frowns and not their usual smiles.
"Oh, for crying out loud," Jack yelled as he walked over to the trash can and threw the pizza into the garbage. He strutted back into the house and plopped into his armchair. His eyes went over to the fish.
"Stop staring at me; he doesn't want to be around me," Jack barked at three of the fish that seemed to be looking at him through the large aquarium glass, unsure if he was trying to convince the fish or himself.
In their seven year history, Jack had always gone after Daniel. Sometimes, in the beginning, it was to make him deal with some disaster on a planet, and sometimes it was to help him deal with the massive amount of "crap" that the universe had unleased on him.
Daniel had learned to rely only on himself after his parents had been tragically killed in a museum accident. His grandfather had refused to allow him to be adopted while at the same time had ignored him, abandoning him to a fate possibly worse than that of an orphan. Daniel had spent years being shuffled from foster home to foster home, trying to fit in, but with his intelligence and sensitivity, he never did.
Daniel's self-hugs had become his only nurturing, and the older he got, the more the adult had shielded the orphaned and abandoned child from ever being hurt again.
When Jack had found Daniel in the halls of the SGC after the second mission to Abydos, a pattern had been set. Daniel had become the lost soul, and Jack his lighthouse, always beaming his light brightly for Daniel to use to find his way home ... to Jack.
Jack didn't mind the pattern. Somehow, he understood that little boy who was scared just as he understood the adult who needed to protect the child. Jack had his own self-defense mechanism, only his retreat was in sarcasm and attitude, and unlike Daniel, Jack had a family that had given him plenty of love as he had grown up in Chicago. He didn't to need to hug himself, he had a mother and father who had hugged him often.
In the years of their romantic relationship, Jack had learned that Daniel needed reassurance that Jack wouldn't tire of him and abandon him, just like the grandfather and the many sets of foster families he had allowed himself to get attached to had.
In the early years, Daniel had sometimes been hesitant or maybe even afraid to admit what his own needs or wants or secret fantasies had been. When they had fought early on, Daniel had always been sure it was the end of their love affair. He had packed his bags more than once, assuming they were through.
He had run "home" to the apartment a few times sure Jack didn't want him anymore. It had taken Jack years to get through to Daniel that he loved him more than life, and nothing but nothing would separate them.
Jack would not abandon Daniel, and in the last couple of years, Daniel had seemed to finally believe it. He hadn't been afraid or shy anymore about telling Jack what he had needed from him, and they had built a happy life together.
In fact, it was Daniel who had proposed marriage, and that in itself, showed just how much Daniel had learned to believe in their love.
Daniel hadn't run in a very long time, and as Jack remembered their life together, he wondered why now, after all this time, Daniel had walked out the door without even a glance over his shoulder.
Jack had been hurt that Daniel had brought up the Enkarans and Gadmeer during their argument. They had talked that through when it happened and resolved all the issues. He was sure Daniel understood. Bringing it up now made no sense.
"Why, Danny?," Jack asked aloud.
There was an answer. Jack was sure of it. The lighthouse beams began to shine as Jack's mind worked the puzzle that was his soul mate.
Jack got up ostensibly to get a beer, and saw Bijou and Katie sitting quietly in front of the door. He opened it and let them in. They ran straight for the front door, turned to face Jack, and sat down.
Jack couldn't help it. He laughed. No one would believe this, no one, that is, except for Daniel. Jack walked over to the door and picked up his keys that sat on the entrance way table.
"Woof!" "Woof!" Two tails began to wag excitedly, the smiles reappearing on the beagle's faces.
"Okay, you win. I'll ... bring him home. You two behave. Guard the house. Call me if anyone tries to break in," Jack laughed as he leaned over and petted each dog before going out the door.
====
Daniel still hadn't moved. He sat in his spot on the balcony as if he were frozen there. It was almost midnight, the winds blowing moderately, Daniel's hair being tossed with the breeze. He was cold as ice. His knees were still up to his torso, his hands clenched together, and his head bowed from defeat and loss.
He didn't understand why he was there, on the cold balcony. Why had he and Jack argued? Why was this planet's situation so important to Daniel? Why was he suddenly questioning Jack's humanity? Why had he run away from his home, from Jack?
Jack's words, "I'm not coming after you" echoed in his brain, replaying over and over again. Daniel was angry at himself for expecting Jack to come, for wanting him to come. He was angrier still that he wanted to go home and yet sat motionless on the hard concrete.
As he sat under the darkened sky, he realized he had to go home, had to find a way to understand why Terla and Ruk meant so much and how they could, at least on the surface, drive such a wedge between he and his lover.
If only he could find the courage to stand up, this second, and go home, then maybe he could find the answers he needed, together, with Jack. He and Jack were unbeatable when they were one.
Daniel twisted the wedding band on his finger, desperately needing to make sense out of the last few hours, and he hated to admit it, but he desperately needed Jack to come save him, just one more time, though he didn't know why.
"Gawd, Jack, please come," Daniel whispered, hating himself at the same time for needing it to happen.
Daniel bowed his forehead against the hands that now sat on his knees, a tear escaping from his eye. He felt so lost, and he truly didn't know why.
====
Jack used his key to walk into the dark apartment. He immediately felt the brisk air and knew where his partner was. He walked slowly towards the balcony and stopped for a moment to watch Daniel. He put his keys in his pocket, and walked to the edge of the balcony, putting his hands on the railing and looking out over the growing town.
"Nice night."
"I guess so," Daniel responded, his head still bowed, sure he had fallen asleep and was dreaming Jack's comforting voice.
"Daniel." Jack said softly as he turned to face him. Daniel's head raised, and he blinked a few times as he convinced himself he wasn't dreaming.
Jack walked to where Daniel sat, and extended his left hand. Daniel looked up and stared at Jack's hand, and slowly reached out with his left hand. Jack took hold and pulled his heart up to him, not letting go of their joined hands.
Jack smiled as Daniel stared. Brown eyes met blue at the strange coincidence that both had put on their wedding rings.
Jack released Daniel's hand, and put his arms around him, pulling him close, breathing in his scent. Daniel's arms slowly went up to Jack's back, his chin against Jack's shoulder.
"You're freezing, Danny."
"I thought you weren't coming."
"The girls gave me the cold shoulder. It was come and get you or have them haunt me."
"Oh."
"Danny, I love you. You know that. We just forgot to leave it at the office, that's all."
"I thought we ... I thought we weren't going to argue like that anymore. I didn't mean it, Jack, about the Enkaran planet. I ... just ... I"
Jack pulled back to look Daniel in the eyes, bringing his left hand to caress his lover's cheek. He could see where the tear had fallen earlier, the track still wet from the emotion. He moved gently to the moisture and kissed the tear track of Daniel's cheek and then slowly moved to Daniel's lips and placed a small tentative kiss there before pulling back to look again into his lover's eyes.
"We'll probably always argue. We're different, Danny. We both know that. We're human. We ... forgot, that's all."
Daniel leaned back into Jack and rested his head on his shoulder, sighing as he looked out at the night sky. It felt so good to be held, but he still needed the answers as to why this day had happened. He also realized that he had struck out at Jack unjustly, and the pain of that was swelling inside of him, even as Jack's love was calming him.
"Jack, the Gadmeer, I do understand. I just ... Jack, I wanted you to hurt, to feel what I was feeling for those people. I'm sorry, Jack. Gawd, I'm so sorry."
"Shhh," Jack whispered into his regretful lover's ear. "I know, Danny. I would have died if you had. You know that."
"I do, Jack. I know. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, honestly, Love, it's okay."
Jack soothed Daniel for a couple of minutes as they stood holding each other, fighting their way back to their center, divesting themselves of old wounds and ever present differences.
"Why, Jack? Why didn't you care about the slaves? Tell me you cared, Jack."
Daniel was sure that caring was the core of the issue tearing him apart. The reality of how the situation ended was tragic, and he needed to know that the man who was his soul cared about the fate of the people just as he did. His plea to Jack for an explanation had sounded almost desperate, the need to understand consuming him.
"I do care, Danny, but I ... It sounds cold, but I guess I can turn it off easier than you. We weren't getting anywhere. We could stay there for months and probably still not get anywhere with those barbarians. Someday, they'll have a civil war, and hopefully things will change, but it will be in their time and no one else's."
"But there has be something. Jack, how can we just leave them? Thela and Ruk, you know they're dead?"
"Daniel, you carry the burdens of the universe on your shoulders. You have so much passion and caring in your heart and soul. Yes, I know Thela and Ruk are dead, and so are many of the others we met in that disgusting place.
"What are we supposed to do, Danny ... arm them, teach them to fight, stop fighting the Goa'uld and concentrate on saving them while we get overrun? We only have so much manpower. We have limits, Daniel, whether we like it or not."
Daniel spoke softly.
"But they're dead, Jack, and we just ... walked away, and that's supposed to be okay? Let's come home and eat pizza and make love and forget. Is that what we're supposed to do?"
"Pizza and making love? Works for me!"
Daniel tensed at Jack's attempt at humor. Humor wasn't the way home on this night, Jack realized, so he kissed Daniel's neck, and squeezed him against his body briefly and then took a deep breath to forge on with the words that had always been so difficult for him.
"Danny, I'll ... get Hammond to set up a rotation. We'll send teams through periodically to check up, see if anything's changed. We'll ... keep trying to get the Roayians to see the light. It's ... it's the best I can do, Danny."
Daniel backed away slightly to look at Jack. He found Jack's left arm and tugged it away from his back to hold it in his hand.
"You do care, don't you, Jack?"
Jack finally realized with that question that it wasn't just the fate of the enslaved Roayians that bothered Daniel, but that Jack hadn't shown "compassion" for the deaths of Thela and Ruk.
Sometimes, Jack was a little too good at hiding his feelings, though it was rare Daniel didn't see through the facades Jack built, but Daniel had been so wrapped up in the sad fate of these people that his Jack-radar was a little off, and then, too, Jack knew there was even more to it than even Daniel was admitting to yet.
Jack pulled away from Daniel and went inside and sat on the couch, leaning forward, his hands on his knees. He twisted the wedding band with his fingers.
Daniel stood a few feet away watching Jack, his arms self-hugging.
"Yes, I care about those people, all of them, but there are limits to what we can do, and like it or not, Daniel, I'm trained to recognize those limits. If we had stayed there, the only thing we would have done was cause more people to die sooner. The leaders looked at us as if we were challenging their life and they knew it. It was ... a game, and I know that is something that is difficult for you to understand because it's so not who you are.
"Danny, the best we can do is try to keep contact, try to hope that maybe leadership will change, let them know how we feel, what we have to offer if things do change, but I wouldn't hold your breath. I've seen those types before, and they are ugly, spiteful, hateful beings who don't know anything about compassion ... on any level."
"I ... care a lot, Daniel, and by now, I hoped you knew that. But if I let myself think about what happened to Ruk because he befriended us, I'll go crazy. I ... can't think about it. I'm sorry."
Jack stood up and walked towards the kitchen. He stretched his hands out, pressing them against the counter. He closed his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath, trying to control the lump that was forming in his throat.
"So, I'll talk to Hammond. Maybe one of the negotiating teams can go back and see if we missed something, but SG-1 can't go back there, Danny. I can't go back there."
Jack turned back to face Daniel, rigidly leaning his back against the countertop, adding with a touch of trepidation in his voice, "It's the best I can offer. Is that ... good enough?"
Daniel walked back to the balcony, arms still folded and looked up at the stars. Jack followed him and was standing behind him, wanting to touch, but afraid it was too soon after his words.
As they looked up together at the sky, a falling star went shooting by. They both turned and looked at each other, small smiles of recollection of their very first night together on their faces.
Daniel looked down and then back up to the stars and said, "I'm ... cold, Jack."
Jack's smile grew. "I think I may have a way to ... fix that."
"I was hoping you would."
Before Jack could wrap his hands around Daniel, the younger man turned and practically leaped into Jack's arms, kissing him with love and desire.
"Love those falling stars," Jack said with a grin.
"Me, too." Daniel kissed Jack again; it felt so good.
"You really are cold, Danny."
"You'll warm me up, Jack."
Daniel started to lead Jack into the bedroom, but Jack stopped him.
"What's wrong?"
"Left the girls in the house. Besides, they were ... upset."
Daniel laughed as he cozied back up to Jack.
"We argued in front of them. We said we'd never do that. They're so tuned into us, Jack."
"Alot of dogs are like that, sensing it when people are upset. They saw we were acting differently, heard the tone of our voices. Our beagles are very smart, too; they know when something's not right between us. We'll make it up to them, and we won't do it again."
"I hope not. I ... don't want to argue like that anymore myself."
"I'm sorry, Danny."
"No, this one ... this one was my fault, Jack. I just ... got too close ... again. I'm not sure why I reacted the way I did, or why I've behaved so ... like some whiny child. You have the biggest heart, Jack. It was just so hard to see that level of misery in that place."
Daniel paused for a moment, laying his head on Jack's shoulder to help shield the emotion of his thoughts.
"They're dead because of us, Jack. I know you care. I couldn't love you so freakin' much if you didn't."
"I know, Love. I know."
Both men held each other, reassuring and comforting, each drying the others tears they tried so hard not to shed for a world they couldn't change, at least not yet. Then, Daniel seemed to grow more silent and inward.
"Hey, what?"
It was time to face the issue behind the issue, the one that complicated an already complicated situation.
Daniel gazed into the chocolate brown eyes that he loved so, and asked, "Why did I run, Jack? I ... ran, walked out of our house, away from you and our life together. I shouldn't have ... not after all these years, after all we've been through."
"It wasn't you, Danny," Jack said as he raised his left hand to caress his lover's cheek. "It was that little boy inside you, the one who's afraid of being abandoned again. Do you remember that time, a few years ago, we talked about your name?"
"After the Gamekeeper," Daniel quietly acknowledged.
"There's a part of you that tries to protect that child from being hurt, tries to shield you from feeling that lonely pain all over again, so I think maybe that little piece of you made a last ditch effort to keep little Danny safe, not believing that we're forever, but we are, Danny.
"I'm not leaving you, not ever, so that abandoned little boy is just going to have to learn how to be happy, and his protector is getting his walking papers because," Jack smiled, "protecting you is my job now.
"Besides, in your heart and soul, the biggest part of you knew I'd come, that I could never let you walk away from us without a fight, and that little disagreement we had today was nothing. It would take a helluva lot more than that to blast me away from you. In fact, it's friggin' impossible. I'm glued to you for eternity, Love."
"Did you know you'd come ... when I left?"
Jack laughed softly as his hands ran up Daniel's arm, to his neck, and then his cheek.
"Me? Mr. Tough-as-Nails-Colonel-Pain-in-the-Mikta Jack O'Neill? I was so tough, Danny, that I never ate a bite of that pizza, not a one; I sat up on the roof and needed to feel close to you, so I put on the ring because it felt like you were there then, and all the while, I'm ranting at the girls that I was so not going after you, even yelled at the fish. Yeah, I knew I'd come because I will never let you go, Danny ... never. So what's your excuse?"
"Excuse?"
"Ring," Jack asked, nodding at Daniel's wedding band.
"Same thing I guess. Putting it on made me feel ... bonded, closer. I wanted you to understand, Jack, to feel what I was feeling, too. Sounds stupid in retrospect. I would have gone home, Jack, because ... you are my home, and I love you. Funny though that we both did that, put on our rings."
"It's because we both know that this ... argument ... was just that, an argument, not the first one, and we know it won't be the last. We love each other and this," Jack took Daniel's hand and traced the ring with his fingers, "reminds us of that. It goes on forever, just like we do. The ... circle of our love, remember?"
"It goes on forever, just like we do," Daniel repeated with a smile that lit up Jack's heart.
Jack kissed Daniel, his strong arms scooping Daniel up as close to him as he could get. Daniel moaned from pleasure, his arms going around Jack's neck, his fingers stroking the ends of his gray hairs.
"Hmmm. We have a ... wedding to plan, don't we?"
It was a statement with just a tinge of a question to it. Daniel's heart stopped briefly waiting for Jack's affirmation, the one he needed to know they'd always be together.
"You got that right. And ... a honeymoon."
Daniel giggled.
"Never been on a honeymoon."
"No? You and Sha're didn't take off to some sand dune somewhere?"
"No, just had that big big big party."
"Well, be warned, Dr. Jackson, we're going on the honeymoon of honeymoons."
"I can't wait."
"Let's go show the girls everything is okay, and then we ... can get to that warming up business."
The two headed for the door.
"Jack, rings."
"Leave them on."
"We got away with that once. Don't you think we're pushing our luck?"
"To be honest, Danny, I don't care who sees. Let's go home."
====
"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"
"I told you I'd bring him home," Jack laughed as Bijou and Katie gave sloppy kiss after kiss to Daniel.
"Sorry, Girls. I'm back, and I promise, I won't go away like that again."
"Woof!" Bijou was staring at Jack with questioning black eyes.
"Yes, I'm glad he's back, too. C'mere, Angel. They want proof."
Jack pulled Daniel into his arms and kissed him passionately in front of their two watchful dogs, and then he looked down at the two smiling beagles and laughed.
"See, everything's okay now."
"Woof! Woof!" the two dogs responded as they went over to the patio door, a request to go outside now that their family was reunited.
"You should have seen them, Danny; they wouldn't even talk to me."
"Oh, so you came after me to ... save face with the children?"
Jack locked the door after letting the happy beagles outside for the night, and laughed, "I came after you for .. this."
"JACK!"
Jack picked Daniel up and threw him over his shoulder and started up the stairs.
"JACK, what the heck are you doing?"
"Me caveman, you conquest."
"Jack, that's bad."
Reaching the bedroom, Jack carefully tossed Daniel onto the bed and climbed on top of him.
"Yeah, I know, but I love you, Danny. How about we get an early start on that honeymoon?"
"Yeah, why don't we? I love you, Jack. Thank you, for ..."
"... coming after you?"
"Yes, but mostly for getting rid of that abandoned child. I think he's finally gone, Jack. It's taken a long time, hasn't it? I'm surprised you didn't just give up."
"Could never give up on you, or us. I have nothing but time where you are concerned."
"I ... would have come back, Jack. I promise you I would have."
"I know, Love."
"Niagara Falls?"
Jack laughed. "A little too cliche, don't ya think?" Jack asked as he kissed Daniel again.
"Mexico City?"
"Too hot!"
"Hmmm ... kiss ... then I guess the Caribbean ... moan ... is out, too?"
"I'll go anywhere you want to go, Daniel. Anywhere."
"Well, it should be somewhere we both want to ... kiss ... go, someplace exotic or romantic, or maybe ... moan ... educational ..."
"Educational? No way. Try again. We're not going anywhere where your brain is thinking more than your ...."
"Jack! Well, there are museums and historical places even in romantic places. We could even go laugh at the pyramids ... kiss ... or maybe I'll let you fish."
"Not fishing on our honeymoon."
"Europe, someplace like France ... kiss ... or Ireland, or ... laugh ... Japan. I'd love to see you try to talk with all the Japanese citizens ... kiss ... or, oh I know, we could go to Russia."
"Daniel, bite your tongue. On second thought, I'll do that."
"Jack?"
"What?"
"You're talking too much!"
"Me?"
Jack groaned loudly as Daniel laughed, and then they fused their bodies together into one as they made love, treasuring each other like never before. Daniel was no longer the lost soul, having finally found his way home to the shore in the man who had been his lighthouse for years. Now, at last, they were together, in their own safe harbor.
They'd figure out where to go on their honeymoon later!
~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~