I can't do this, she thought to herself as she sat in the car beside Miranda, I can't stay. If I stay she's going to break me… why did I have to fall in love with her? Why did I have to give her that power over me? I didn't have a choice, that's why. She's known Nigel for so much longer than she's known me and he's her friend but she did that to him… she took away his dream job. If I stay then I allow her the power to break me. If she did anything like that to me then I just… I wouldn't survive it. The woman of my dreams, the woman I am head over heels for… the woman who will never even glance in my direction and yet she has the power to break me.
Miranda had continued speaking as they stopped outside of the large building, she had not come to realise what was flowing through her assistant's mind at that moment in time or even that the woman was in such turmoil. Even when Andrea responded she did not seem to pick up on how much pain was tightly embracing the younger woman and how much her heart was in pain.
I have to leave, Andrea decided, I have to leave before there is nothing left of me, before she breaks my heart… before she breaks me and tosses me to the side. I can't stay. The dark-haired woman looked to the side in Miranda's direction as the older woman got out of the car and made her way to the building.
Andrea stepped out of the car before closing the door behind her, I have to do this, she thought to herself, I have to… I…, the woman turned and looked at where the Editor-in-Chief was.
Miranda was stood on the steps with cameras flashing around her and she was looking directly at her instead without making any attempts to enter the building.
I can't leave her, she suddenly realised despite not being close enough to see the sadness and confusion within Miranda's eyes, I can't leave the woman I love no matter how much she could break me. Andrea sighed heavily, I can't lose her… even if I can never show her how much I love her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before quickly moving to Miranda's side as if nothing had happened.
The Editor-in-Chief nodded very briefly before placing her hand on the woman's lower back, despite it being in full view of the press, and guiding her into the building, "You will not leave my side for the remainder of the event", she whispered quietly with her mouth near Andrea's ear, "You will sit beside me and we will discuss this later when we get back to the hotel room".
"Yes, Miranda", Andrea said in a whisper as she felt the woman's breath on her cheek, knowing that Miranda was close enough that by just moving a singular inch would result in physical contact, I wish, she thought to herself as Miranda moved back into position and continued to walk into the event.
They spent the entire event within close proximity of each other. Miranda would stand closely to her assistant although nobody dared to question it, not even Andrea herself although the woman had assumed that it was because Miranda would not allow her to leave unless it was on her own terms after all she did appear to rather like firing people. Another difference was that Andrea had to sit beside Miranda at the event rather than to stand to the side and take notes from it all, Miranda had even made the person who was due to sit beside her move in order to accomodate Andrea. It was something that was slightly unusual, however, when it came to Miranda many simply expected her to do the unexpected and to simply want things her way, of which, of course, she would get.
Miranda did not address the issue of Andrea almost abandoning her, not at the event, nor on the way back to the hotel. The journey back was silent and the only differences in the journey had been that the older woman had nudged her assistant to get in the side that she would get in so that Andrea would not have to go around to the other side of the car and risk the woman fleeing. In Miranda's mind, if she allowed Andrea to walk around to the other side of the car rather than to get in on the side of the sidewalk and shuffle over, she would risk losing the woman. The other difference was that Miranda was sat slightly closer to her with her hand so close to Andrea's that they were almost touching, in fact, when the car went around the corner their little fingers did touch and neither of them pulled away from the physical contact. Neither knowing that the other also wished for more.
When they arrived at the hotel, Miranda got out of the car first but rather than going straight into the hotel and up to the room like she would usually do, she waited for Andrea to also exit the car and did not enter the hotel until the younger woman was at her side once more. The two women walked through the lobby and directly to the elevator as they went in the direction of Miranda's suite. The journey was silent but like usual, Andrea was permitted in the same elevator, unlike any other Runway employee.
Not a single word was exchanged on the way up to the suite but internally Andrea was rather concerned as she thought to herself, Miranda is going to fire me, she bit her lip in motion that revealed her worried state, I stayed because of her but she's going to be the one to send me away, she's going to be the one to say that she doesn't want me around but then again who would blame her? She watched me. She knew that I was going to leave her. She knew that I was going to abandon her during one of the most important weeks of her career. I wonder if she realises why I stayed, why I could never leave her… unless, of course, she didn't want me here anymore. They exited the elevator and made their way along the hallway to the suite that Miranda was staying in for the duration of fashion week, Why did I have to fall in love with the most amazing woman in the entire world? Why did I have to give her so much power over me? Why did I have to be so stupid? Maybe I should have left?, they entered the hotel room just as she thought, Who am I kidding? It would be like leaving my heart behind in Paris.
"Andrea", Miranda spoke softly as she turned around to face the younger woman now that the door was closed and they were alone in her suite, "I believe that you owe me an explanation".
Andrea bit her lip, "I'm sorry, Miranda", she replied as she looked at the woman briefly before looking away, trying to hide the emotions that were flowing through her eyes.
Miranda sighed heavily, "I did not ask for an apology, Andrea", she highlighted before she moved to sit on the sofa, "I would like an explanation as to why you were about to leave me".
"I…", Andrea was struggling to form a coherent explanation that did not reveal her true feelings surrounding the woman, What do I say? I can hardly tell her that I'm so deeply in love with her that I'm terrified that she's going to break me… I… I just…
Her thoughts were interrupted when Miranda spoke again, "Sit, Andrea", she commanded her assistant as she indicated to the space on the sofa beside her, "Would you like a drink? Some wine perhaps?", she questioned in an attempt to make the other woman a little more at ease.
Andrea nodded, clearly a little unsure of herself as she sat down on the sofa.
Miranda got up and poured a glass of wine for each of them, taking longer than necessary in order to give Andrea a little extra time to gather her thoughts into a coherent format that both of them could comprehend.
After a moment, Andrea accepted the glass of wine with a polite, "Thank you, Miranda" as the other woman sat down beside her on the sofa.
"So, Andrea", the Editor-in-Chief began, "I would like you to tell me why you almost left me today".
Andrea was still struggling with how to tell Miranda or even if she should.
"Maybe a slightly different question is in order, yes?", Miranda suggested and without waiting for a response from the younger woman, she asked her first, "Does it have anything to do with what I did to counteract Irv's plan?".
The assistant hesitated, not entirely, she thought to herself, only because I'm scared that you'd do something like that to me, but instead she went with, "Slightly", as her response.
"Slightly", Miranda repeated, "So it does have something to do with it but it is not the full reasoning behind the almost abandonment".
Andrea nodded in confirmation, "It.. I…", she stumbled.
"I know that at the moment Nigel is rather… upset with me that he lost out on the job with James Holt, however, I do not believe that the job would have lasted long", Miranda revealed, "The projections that I have seen for the venture do not look as good as they are being portrayed as or as positive as what James appears to think they are". "I believe that before the next year is out that James Holt International will barely exist, if it even exists at all", she continued, "This way, I continue with my job at Runway and Nigel gets to keep his because if he had left for the position with James Holt then I could not guarantee that he would still have a job waiting for him when he returned, of which he would have done".
The younger woman's jaw dropped slightly in surprise.
"I know that what I did appears to be dreadful and I am sure that looking from it from anyone else's position I would most likely agree", Miranda continued, "However, things are… a little more complicated than many realise".
"I didn't know", Andrea admitted quietly.
Miranda nodded, "I know, which leads me to wonder why it was only part of what made you consider leaving rather than the entire reason", she said in reply, "However, I'm not sure it's what I did that made you want to leave but what you think that I could do".
Andrea reluctantly nodded briefly, "I…", she paused.
"I would like you to tell me the real reason why you were going to leave", Miranda insisted, "I need to know".
"I was scared", Andrea quietly admitted, "I thought that if you could do that, or at least what you appeared to have done, to Nigel… someone who is your friend then… then what could you do to me".
"Do you not realise that I would not have done a thing to you, Andrea?", Miranda questioned before she revealed, "Put in the same position with you then I would have made time to explain it all before the reveal but… I, unfortunately, did not make the time when it came to Nigel and for that I am sorry".
Andrea shook her head, "No, Miranda", she said softly, "I just thought that if you could hurt him, a friend, then what could you do to someone who is… just your assistant?". "What you did? It hurt him but after you announced it, he wasn't mad at you or upset, he just said that you'd pay him back, somehow", she revealed to the older woman, "If it was me though… I'm not sure I could have so much hope… I wouldn't survive it Miranda". "You have so much more power over me than you do him", she admitted without thinking, "So much more…".
"What do you mean, Andrea?", the Editor-in-Chief questioned, "What do you mean that I have power?".
"I…", Andrea hesitated, realising that she had already revealed far too much so what was the point in hiding the reality of what had happened mere hours previously, "The reason I almost left was because I knew that if you were to ever do anything like that to me then you would break my heart, I love you Miranda and I just… I couldn't risk getting my heart broken beyond repair". "I was going to take the coward's way out and leave before that happened", Andrea said without taking her eyes off of the liquid in the wine glass that she continued to hold as she sat on the sofa.
"So, you were going to abandon me in Paris", Miranda said in her usual quiet voice, "In order to prevent me from breaking your heart?".
Andrea nodded as she bit her lip, the concern of being fired now was even more present in her mind.
"So, you were perfectly fine with breaking mine instead?", the white-haired woman questioned with a raised eyebrow as she kept her eyes on the woman beside her.
The assistant looked up at Miranda in shock, her jaw was slightly dropped and her eyes were slightly widened, "I…", she paused, again she was unable to find the words in order to portray what she was thinking, not that her thoughts were that much more coherent either, "You… but?".
Miranda reached up and cupped Andrea's cheek, "The moment I saw that you had not followed me, Andrea", she began, "I felt physically ill… the idea of losing you was just too much". "I was going to chase after you, you know?", she admitted, "I love you so much, Andrea that if… if you were to leave, that is what would break me".
"I didn't know", Andrea whispered as she closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against the hand that was holding it, "I didn't know".
"I know", Miranda reassured her with a small smile, "I know that if you thought for a minute how much pain you were causing me then you would not have done it to begin with".
"Why didn't you tell me?", the younger woman asked her as she opened her eyes again in order to look into the beautiful blue ones of her boss.
"I was married Andrea", she highlighted, "I technically still am but I was going to wait until we were finished with fashion week before I told you".
Andrea nodded, "And I almost screwed it all up, didn't I?".
Miranda stroked the woman's cheek as she replied, "Almost", she confirmed, "But you didn't… you stayed and I trust that you will continue to stay".
"Always", was her simple response, "Always, Miranda", before she leaned in to press a brief kiss to Miranda's lips.
The Editor-in-Chief pulled the other woman in closer in order to deepen the kiss and lengthen it before they pulled apart for air, "Don't you dare do that again", she demanded.
"I won't, Miranda", Andrea assured her, "I promise you, I will never do that again". "I love you, Miranda", she said with a smile.
Miranda wrapped her arms around her assistant, "I love you too, Andrea", she said with her usually accented pronunciation of her name before whispering, "So much".
Andrea wrapped her arms around the other woman and held her close to her, how could I have possibly thought about leaving her? To think that I almost threw this chance away, to thank that I almost lost everything that I've ever wanted without even knowing it.
"Andrea?", Miranda asked as she pulled back slightly but did not let go of the dark-haired woman, "Have you ever been up the Eiffel Tower?".
She shook her head, "No", she replied.
"Good", Miranda answered with a bright smile, a brighter smile than her usual, the smile that was reserved for her daughters and for her Andrea, "Because that is where we will be going tonight".
Andrea's eyes lit up, she had wanted to go but she didn't have very much time scheduled off other than times where it would have been closed.
"We will be going up the tower after closing time and we shall have dinner in the restaurant", Miranda revealed, "As I would like to take you on a date".
"A date?", Andrea questioned, "Up the Eiffel Tower in the most romantic city in the world?".
Miranda smirked and nodded, "Yes, Andrea", she replied with slight amusement at the other woman's amazement.
"Wow", Andrea gasped, "Hang on… that would mean that you had this planned, wouldn't it?".
The older woman nodded, "Of course, Andrea", she simply replied. "I made the preparations when we arrived in Paris", Miranda revealed, "Hope, Andrea, I live on it".
"Hope", Andrea whispered before sweeping in for a more passionate kiss.